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    • #78
    #78

    Personally, I think you've already given him too many chances to prove himself! Beleive me, I know the kind of guy!

    You need to drop him as soon as possible and start thinking more about yourself! The constant worry obviously isn't making you happy, and anyone that professes that they want to spend the rest of thier life with you would never put you through that. He's far too shady.

    You'll find a real man soon enough who is willing to treat you with some sort of respect...until then, go out, have fun...and listen to your mates!
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    (Original post by hannahradford)
    I can't handle my LDR anymore. Even when we're home we don't see much of each other. It just doesn't feel like a relationship
    As I always say...

    If a relationship is making you more unhappy than not, you should find ways - together with your partner - to make it better, but if you have tried or there is no way that it can improve, you should leave it. In the long-run, you'll feel better about it.
    • #79
    #79

    Anyone else in an LDR met someone who they fancy a bit but can't have who just makes them feel **** about their current relationship?

    Or feel like their relationship has kind of come to its natural conclusion and they want to move on but still love their partner/can have fun with then and couldn't hurt them?
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    (Original post by Jazmine)
    As I always say...

    If a relationship is making you more unhappy than not, you should find ways - together with your partner - to make it better, but if you have tried or there is no way that it can improve, you should leave it. In the long-run, you'll feel better about it.
    We went to school together, and have been together for almost 4 years. It's just that our Universities are quite far apart and it costs and arm and a leg to see each other. I should really get another job, but already have one and a volunteering placement and my degree to think about. On top of all that - I'd quite like to keep my weekends free, otherwise I won't even be able to spend the money that I earn.

    Any money making advice? Then I may be able to afford the £30 to go and visit my loved one.
    • #67
    #67

    (Original post by hannahradford)
    We went to school together, and have been together for almost 4 years. It's just that our Universities are quite far apart and it costs and arm and a leg to see each other. I should really get another job, but already have one and a volunteering placement and my degree to think about. On top of all that - I'd quite like to keep my weekends free, otherwise I won't even be able to spend the money that I earn.

    Any money making advice? Then I may be able to afford the £30 to go and visit my loved one.
    How on earth is that an arm and a leg?!? It's pittance.

    Also, I have nothing against people wanting to 'spend the money (they) earn' (i really don't!) but it seems like saving up to see your loved one isn't a priority for you.
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    £30...holy Moses. Try £100 return flight (which is what it used to cost me, sadly, most of the time). I'm afraid I have to agree with the above.
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    Honestly 30£.... For me the cheapest return flights are usually 60 at the best, (can be up to 100£ too of course) and we see each other pretty often considering that (every 2 weeks at least, but this month we had every week end together apart from one) and if you have a job, that shouldn't be a problem. Try to save up on things like shopping , food,get the best deals. Seriously I only spend my money on food (try to cut it down as much, I spend like 60 £ a month..) and travel (obviously more expensive). If you really want it you can do it.
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    I am so bloody nervous right now. Oh my Lord I'm a wreck... It's weird, I've been with my man for years and I'm still super crazy nervous about him coming here this evening. ARGHHHHHH.
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    Oh it's already this evening that he's coming. You said you guys would have a talk about where you're at etc didn't you? It's just a talk, an maybe once he see's you he won't feel like you guys actually need a talk because everything will just fall back into place. You guys have been together pretty much the same time as my relationship, and seriously if you guys are as close as us after all this time, I doubt he would come over to finish things. Just be natural, fun, live the moment with him, and as you said show him how fun and loving you are. I think you guys will be OK. Good luck with it all.
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    I think you're right.

    Also, to HannahRadford, I'm sorry if we're ganging up on you here, but it costs me at least £70 to see Jack... if it was only £30 I'd be at Southampton every other weekend!!
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    (Original post by Rocky Raccoon)
    Honestly 30£.... For me the cheapest return flights are usually 60 at the best, (can be up to 100£ too of course) and we see each other pretty often considering that (every 2 weeks at least, but this month we had every week end together apart from one) and if you have a job, that shouldn't be a problem. Try to save up on things like shopping , food,get the best deals. Seriously I only spend my money on food (try to cut it down as much, I spend like 60 £ a month..) and travel (obviously more expensive). If you really want it you can do it.
    It's all relative though. £30 is slightly less than what I live on a week. I know if Dave didn't have a proper job we'd see each other a hell of a lot less than we do now because I simply couldn't afford it.
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    Yeah I know it's all relative. But I plan carefully, I just spent 20£ on food this week and that will last me until the end of the next week, and also yeah the fact that he is tutoring a student and gets 23£ an hour, does help, he didn't let me pay back the last train we took together.
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    (Original post by Ygraine)
    It's all relative though. £30 is slightly less than what I live on a week. I know if Dave didn't have a proper job we'd see each other a hell of a lot less than we do now because I simply couldn't afford it.
    Thanks. I know to some people that's pennies but I live on practically nothing every week. £30 is a lot to spend, especially when I'm only going to see him for a day or two.

    I came to this thread looking for support. Not to be slated because it costs me far less than anyone else to see my partner.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How on earth is that an arm and a leg?!? It's pittance.

    Also, I have nothing against people wanting to 'spend the money (they) earn' (i really don't!) but it seems like saving up to see your loved one isn't a priority for you.

    And I meant spend it on the train ticket - not splash out on new clothes or whatever. Although my textbooks are quite pricey.
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    You don't have to see each other once a week - is £30 a fortnight each really too much (meaning you'd be seeing each other once a fortnight, but with each of you only travelling once a month, which I still think is fairly frequent)?
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    (Original post by Ygraine)
    It's all relative though. £30 is slightly less than what I live on a week. I know if Dave didn't have a proper job we'd see each other a hell of a lot less than we do now because I simply couldn't afford it.
    :ditto: £30 is 2 weeks food shopping for me. When I was in a LDR I was looking at once a term just because a train ticket was so much relative to how much I was spending on living...
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    (Original post by :)x)
    he's at uni and i'm not.
    he's an unthoughtful ****, which is why i get moody and that and the distance between us has just broken us up.
    for my birthday he bought me a ******* diary.
    a diary.

    i know he's skint but WTF?!

    anyway yeah so he said he doesn't love me as much anymore, i decided to ask him a few questions, then i walked out, he didn't stop me, and since then he hasn't even contacted me...

    i'm so angry and upset!

    anyway, are you sure your boyfriend is going to end things?
    in a way i'm glad that i was strong and walked out rather than grovelling him to gve us another chance

    hope everything works out for you all x
    Maybe he is skint and couldn't afford it. PLus, you walked out, so maybe he felt like you were ending it and didn't try to get you back because he didn't want to be seen as grovelling? You could look at it both ways, have you not tried talking to him, because, maybe he's feeling how you are. And...even though he's skint, atleast he made the effort to go out and get you something?
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    (Original post by lucyhol1012)

    I've applied to Uni near where my boyfriend is. About 20 minutes away by bus, it was the best choice for me - but its an amazing thought knowing that I'll be closer to him by September and the distance will be really cut down
    Same, ours is only going to be an hours train journey! Which I can live with, as we used to live a 45 min bus ride away from each other before he went anyway! It's so exciting!
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    (Original post by Angelil)
    You don't have to see each other once a week - is £30 a fortnight each really too much (meaning you'd be seeing each other once a fortnight, but with each of you only travelling once a month, which I still think is fairly frequent)?
    He won't always come to me. He has a chronic wound which means he has to have dressings done by a nurse etc, and unless he has a special dressing which he can on a few days or he's healed over he can't visit me. It's also quite difficult to ask him to pay for the ticket.

    £30 a fortnight would ammount to £150 - which is two whole weeks rent for me. I also have to buy books, food and pay bills on top of that and tickets if I want to go and visit my family.

    So in perspective - £30 every other week is a huge chunk of my student loan, which doesn't even cover the cost of my accommodation anyway.

    I know it's not a lot of money for some people, but it's a huge amount for me. Last term I had a little money left over from working in the summer - so I went to visit him four times, and one of those times he paid for me.

    And even though I wish it was just the money stopping me going - it's not. I also have exams fourtnightly and other coursework to think about. He's also at Cambridge and often tells me he'll be working all weekend if I see him/he can't vist me because we won't get it done.

    Sorry to waffle but I'd just like to make it clear that it's and accumulation of different factors that makes £30 a lot of money for me and that there are a number of things stopping me from seeing him as often as I'd like.

    I miss out on a lot of things at Uni as it is - and as a consequence I'm having to move back into student accommodation next year because none of my housemates want to live with me again.
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    wut? No it wouldn't, it would be £60 a month in total for the two of you to see each other twice a month, if the train fare is £30. Week 1: you go to him. (£30.) Week 2: you don't see each other. (cumulative total: £30) Week 3: he comes to you. (another £30; cumulative total £60) Week 4: you don't see each other (total for one month's visits = £60 - that's £7.50 a week each). And so on and so forth. And as I said, even twice a month is pretty damn frequent for an LDR.
    I understand the other factors, but I still can't see how you're both working hard enough on it to come to an arrangement that works for both of you.
 
 
 
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