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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

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Update from me:

He broke up with me today, said he didn't want us to turn into an online relationship and we're going to change so much at uni, only seeing each other a few times a year.

I guess that's me leaving this soc, then.

Reply 261

fredscarecrow

butterfly_waltz

I'm sorry to hear that

Reply 262

Angelil

Me too

He could at least have given it a go first...

Reply 263

Anonymous #14

Please keep anon

Hey all. My boyfriend of 4 months has recently been away for a month on a expidition trip to Siberia. As he's been over there, and up a mountain most of the time, I've had absolutely no contact with him.

I'm not sure why but I'm actually really nervous about him coming home! Quite alot of things, not all good, have happened in the last month and he's not been there ( not his fault!), and I've got used to doing my own thing, slobbing around the house after work and not feeling guilty if I just want to be on my own and chill. Again this isn't his fault, I really do care for him alot, but I'm just a bit of a loner at heart and like to spend time by myself :smile:

Back to the actual point, it's going to be quite strange seeing him again after no contact for a month! I'm going to the airport with his parents to pick him up, and half of me wants to give him a big hug and a kiss, and another part of me doesn't want to make a big deal of it, especially infront of his parents.

And now I'm driving myself a bit mad wonderin why I feel so nervous about seeing him, as surely this can't be a good thing :s-smilie:

I'm looking forward to seeing him to, but I just don't know why I feel so uneasy about it!

Any advice? Thanks if you read all that :smile:

Reply 264

fredscarecrow

I think it's natural, and wouldn't worry too much. It's obviously been a big change, first of all getting used to him not being in your life 24/7 and then realising you've suddenyl got to make room for him again..it's enough to unnerve anyone, especially so if you're a 'loner' as you say (I'm the same, don't worry!)

Don't plan how you're going to react at the airport..just go with the flow as it were. If you feel like giving him a big hug anbd kiss, do so..but if you don't..just give him a big smile - just seeing you will be relief enough for him and the reverse will probably true.

It's possible things will have changeed, and not necessarily for the better..you've said a lot has happened, and you can't help it if these events have caused your emotions to change..that's life. But deal with that when it comes. What happens, happens.

I'm terrified about my boy coming home, how to act around him etc.. but I'm sure that once he's here, it'l feel perfectly natural agian; it's amazing how quickly people adapt to changing situations.
I imagine your boy is probably as nervous as you..remember he's been in a totally alien situation to him, with the same limited contact. He doesn't know what's gone on in your life, and I'm sure he's changed through his time out there. You'll both have a lot of re-learning to do, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It explains why you're feeling nervous though.

Just, enjoy him being home. I hope it works out well! :hugs:

Reply 265

x_Electrify

Well i'd prob feel the same way if a fairly new bf went travelling and i didn't meet him for awhile after! The nervousness will probably dissapear the second you see him and i'm sure you both have loads to catch up on. i wouldn't make a massive fuss at the airport, im sure he'll be more than happy just to see you. Advice = just relax! You chose to go out with this guy, and once he gets back, im sure you'll remember exactly why. xx

Reply 266

22KT22

Anonymous

I'm looking forward to seeing him to, but I just don't know why I feel so uneasy about it!

Any advice? Thanks if you read all that :smile:

somebody who was part of our society had a bf who went off to africa for 4 months and she felt the same as you did until she saw him again! its natural that youve got on with life presently without him because youve had to. its probably a way for you not to get hurt, to distance yourself especially since you've had no contact with him but as soon as your bf comes back everything you felt for him before, all the excitement of seeing him will take over (and im guessing the big hug and kiss will take place).

as for the getting nervous about seeing him i get that about my bf when its only been a week.... although it may seem like nerves its probably rooted in excitement. when does he come back?

Reply 267

Loulabell

I'm new to this LDR stuff, and I'm really struggling at the moment.
Just a bit of background: I'm from County Durham, he lives in Belfast and we met at university, in Scotland. So during the holidays were apart.
The first few weeks of summer were fine, yeah i missed him, but i coped, catching up with old school friends was great, and i knew that i would be seeing him a few weeks helped alot too. But know I'm back from my trip over there and now I face not seeing him until the middle of september, due to his work commitments and my lack of money.
At the moment I feel like we never talk, he works 7-5 every day for the council, so i get a 10 minutue phonecall on his lunch and thats it. Is it too much for me expect more contact with him? We had planned to meet up in Scotland, but he claims flights to expensive.
All my friends from home, have there other halfs with them all the time. I'm the only one to have found someone from university.
Will this get better over time? I feel like atm, I'm just moping around the house, wanting to talk him, but I can't, and my friends are always off with the boyf/girlf's.
Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get a few things of my chest.

Reply 268

22KT22

Loulabell

Is there noway he could ring you in the evening? perhaps tell him that you feel there isnt enough contact, tbh if you're not seeing him until september i think you need more than a 10min chat everyday. does he have the internet? is there anyway you could get skype, its free and if you get a webcam you can 'see' each other which might help.

also feel free to join us on the LDR chat thread http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=569016&page=337 we are always willing to listen to rants and give out the :hugs:

Reply 269

butterfly_waltz

fredscarecrow

I'm sorry to hear that

Angelil

Me too

He could at least have given it a go first...

Thanks guys :smile:

He was too afraid of hurting me more to even try.

Reply 270

SmilerNuts

butterfly_waltz

Thanks guys :smile:

He was too afraid of hurting me more to even try.

Sounds like a cowards way out to me.

Reply 271

Loulabell

22KT22

he does phone me sometimes, but he's always so exhasted from work and pretty much goes to bed straight after dinner.
I'm going to talk to him about it tonight, and hopefully we can sort something out.
stupid boys!

Reply 272

22KT22

Loulabell

i think thats the best plan, afterall communication is key especially in LDRs. im sure he feels the same, perhaps even if he texted you throughout the day it would be something more than you have now. And yes boys are stupid but we wouldnt have them any other way! :p:

Reply 273

suek

Loulabell

How about chatting on the 'net when he's tired? It takes less full attention but can definitely make you feel more in touch. :yep:

Reply 274

fredscarecrow

suek

How about chatting on the 'net when he's tired? It takes less full attention but can definitely make you feel more in touch. :yep:

Agreed. If you have a webcam and msn it's easy..it doesnt take much engery. Just lie downin bed and type away..and seeing each other's face makes so much difference, trust me. Even if you can only talk (or type :p:

) for a short period in the evenings, it'll make a lot of difference to a 10minute phonecall. He can be in bed or whatever when he does it and it really doesnt take much energy. Or get Skype! :yep:

Reply 275

Loulabell

Thanks for all your advice guys!
We talked tonight, and ended up in a huge arguement. Over other little things aswell.
Hopefully we can patch things up in the morning :frown:

Reply 276

fredscarecrow

Don't go to bed angry!

Reply 277

EvilSheep

fredscarecrow

Don't go to bed angry!

IMO that's such good advice!!

Reply 278

Anonymous #15

I will be in a ldr when my boyfriend goes to bristol uni in september and i am staying in exeter (not going to uni for another year and prob wont go to bristol or uwe) and I am starting to worry! We have been going out for the last 2 years and i love him to pieces and i know he loves me too but when he goes to uni i'm worried that we will just grow apart as he isnt the best at communicating! at the moment we live 10 mins walk away but we see each other once or twice a week and he texts me once or twice a day and at uni he's going to be so busy meeting new people and general uni stuff and i'm thinking he wont bother texting/ringing me. just wondering if anyone thinks this could work and any advice for telling him to communicate more without sounding too needy!!
thank you.

Reply 279

Angelil

Gosh, don't worry. My boyfriend was at Bath Uni during my first year in Exeter, so that adds a further 20-30 mins onto the journey you're talking about. Ever since then we've been in an international LDR, so as far as I'm concerned you're on easy street :p:

Communication IS important though, otherwise you'll surely break up whether you're living down the road from one another or in different countries. You say he isn't great at communicating - well, he'll just have to learn :p:

You can easily carry on texting at the rate you're doing - he won't be *that* busy that he can't be bothered or won't have time (and if he is, he doesn't care enough and needs a serious talking to!). In fact, I think your current arrangements in terms of texting and whathaveyou are reasonable and sustainable.

If he hasn't already decided to throw in the towel when he goes off to uni (yes, I have heard of some weird couples making this decision before the event :s-smilie:

), chances are he's more committed than he's letting on anyway. Just make sure you know what the arrangements are before he goes (how often will you speak/see one another etc?) and you should be fine :smile: