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    I'm with the others anon 71 - you're not alone! Not to mention that when I first got together with my guy it took us ages to work out that we might both actually have MSN :tongue: so we were on emails only when we first met too.
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    (Original post by Little Lamb)
    Can I join in on this thread? I'm not at university anymore (I've graduated) but I've had to move back to my dad's house down south because I ran out of money and am having less luck with the job market than I expected (stupid economic downturn).

    I met my boyfriend, Rich, at a job interview in October and we've been together ever since. Leaving London and him was so damned hard because we were still in that "I want to spend every waking minute with you" phase of our relationship and I feel like we're missing out on so much. Particularly as I haven't started my new (really good) job yet and getting the train to London is so pricey (even with YP). He's a busy guy as well and has a lot of friends so I'm finding it hard to get him to myself... it's utterly frustrating!

    But I care about him enough that hopefully we can make it work...
    Portsmouth to London isn't bad at all. I did Southampton to London for a year and managed to visit almost every weekend. It's less than £20 for an open return to London, so it would only cost you £40 a month each to see each other every weekend, which is hardly a problem if you're both working. Your situation seems very manageable
    • #89
    #89

    Hi!

    I need some advice to do with my ldr.

    I've been with my bf for 1 and half years now. We love each other...no worries there lol. However, I'm at university at literally the opposite end of the country...at least 7 hours drive minimum so as you can imagine we dont see each other that much. Last academic year it was always me who made the effort to go and see him...he has only come up twice in the time Ive been at uni (Im about half way through my second year now), and one of them he hadnt got to make an effort anyway cos I was driving up anyways.

    He keeps saying he is going to come up but Ive given up believing it cos it never happens. So I will see him at easter (because I am making the effort to go and see him) but after that who knows. I probably wont see him over the summer as I have found a job and is literally in the middle of no where so if he doesnt come up I will not see him between may and september at the earliest.

    Also, he criticises me and I can never do anything right in his eyes and I get fed up of it. It is also not a guarentee that we will end up living in the same place after uni...my future etc is quite uncertain atm as to what im going to do, but I know one thing and that is that i do not want to live where he is currently living and has a job, I really dont like it there. However, when I brought this up with him, he said that if my dislike for the place overshadows my love for him then i dont love him enough to be in a relationship with him...is this true do u guys think?

    On the other hand, I miss him so so much and sometimes the only thing I want is a hug from him...everything seems to be better if I jus hear his voice on the phone.

    I have bought all this up with him cos it is usually better to speak to the other person about it I believe, however he is now getting sick of me bringing it up (i swear i havent said that much about it lol) but it is really stressing me out and is never off my mind...i really need to get it sorted.

    He says lets stay together until i finish uni and see where our lives are going and at that point if it doesnt work out we can go our separate ways, but, and i really dont mean this in a bad way, I want to know now really....I dont want to miss opportunities at uni if im only going to end up without him at the end of the day anyway.

    Any advice really is very much appreciated! It really is stressing me so much, thanks!! x
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    I don't agree with what he says about you not liking where he lives - that seems very unfair to me.
    As far as the driving distance goes - is it not easier to get the train or fly?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi!

    I need some advice to do with my ldr.

    He keeps saying he is going to come up but Ive given up believing it cos it never happens. So I will see him at easter (because I am making the effort to go and see him) but after that who knows. I probably wont see him over the summer as I have found a job and is literally in the middle of no where so if he doesnt come up I will not see him between may and september at the earliest.
    In all honesty (and I hate to be quite so blunt), but I think there's definitely a problem there if he won't come up to see you and he's happy to wait until April. However, if he keeps saying that he's going to come up and then gets stuck with financial problems or transportation then that's another thing. Does he drive? Is there a direct coach route between you and him? If either one of those is the case then to be honest I think he has no excuses if he can't even find a couple of days to be with you.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Also, he criticises me and I can never do anything right in his eyes and I get fed up of it. It is also not a guarentee that we will end up living in the same place after uni...my future etc is quite uncertain atm as to what im going to do, but I know one thing and that is that i do not want to live where he is currently living and has a job, I really dont like it there. However, when I brought this up with him, he said that if my dislike for the place overshadows my love for him then i dont love him enough to be in a relationship with him...is this true do u guys think?
    A relationship is give and take. It seems like he's trying to make the whole situation about him with no thought about you. In my opinion, if he really loves you then he will be prepared to uproot and come up with some kind of compromise with you.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He says lets stay together until i finish uni and see where our lives are going and at that point if it doesnt work out we can go our separate ways, but, and i really dont mean this in a bad way, I want to know now really....I dont want to miss opportunities at uni if im only going to end up without him at the end of the day anyway.
    What is the benefit of you being in this relationship if you rarely get to see him in term time and he's not even sure that he's going to want to be with you afterwards?

    I'm in an LDR (even further apart than what you guys are), and we both want to spend as much time as possible together and have no doubts that after university is over that we're going to uproot to wherever we have to be to be with each other. I assumed that that was how it was meant to be?
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    Not long till i see mine and hes coming home with me when i have to fly back =]
    • #90
    #90

    Ok, So I'm in an LDR (we're about 5000 miles apart right now) and I'm having a few issues..

    Now, I know that we both do genuinely love each other and it's hell for both of us to be apart. We still manage to talk on the phone every day so it's not as bad as it could be, but I'm finding it a bit difficult at the moment..

    It's hard to not be part of her social life right now, and although I don't believe she ever would, I'm paranoid about her cheating on me. That is probably irrational thought considering that I know she talks about me to her friends and family a lot and I often get a cute voicemail on my phone telling me that she's missing me and loves me.. but still... the distance is hurting like hell.

    Is there any advice that anyone could offer up for this situation??
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    I'm in a similar situation but I trust my girlfriend not to cheat on me just like she trusts me not to cheat on her. If you don't have any trust then it won't work out. I do sometimes wonder what she's up to but that's because I want to be involved in her life as much as possible because one day (fingers crossed) I will be. The distance does make it hard and if things do happen it's really hard to put them right than if you were there in person but we work at it and it make us stronger. I'm serious about her and she feels the same way about me. Don't rush into anything or it won't work. Set yourself a realistic long-term plan and work towards it. That's what I'm doing at the moment.

    If you want to talk about it in confidence just send me a PM
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    I never understand this 'I know she wont cheat on me, but I'm still paranid about it' idea...
    Do you believe she might cheat on you? Yes, or no? Sounds like you beleive she might, but don't want to admit that to yourself.

    You need trust. From the sounds of it you're goin to be weak link in this LDR. She NEEDS you to trsut her. Beleive in the love she has for you, and it'll keep you strong. Unless she's unhappy, there is no reason she'd cheat. People son't stay in LDRs just for the fun of it, trust me.

    Do you have good communication? That's important too..I mean, I know you say you talk every day, but how do you talk? Tell her how you're feeling, and let her reassure you, if that's what you need. Tell her youre finding the LDR difficult, as I imagine she is too.

    Everyone in an LDR goes through a rough patch - a patch where it's harder, where it seems like its falling apart, where the communication fails. But they're patches and they pass, so just keep your head up and thoughts together and you just need to appreciate how much she loves you. If you're 5000 miles away, and speak once a day you can bet you're her life. She'll think about you when she wakes up, when she goes to sleep...randomly throughout the day she'll be wishing she could share an experience with you.
    Good luck =]
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    We speak a few times a day and I text her when she's at uni and the like to let her know that I'm always thinking about her. She is my life and I hope I'm the same to her. I know the feeling about wishing I could share an experience with her. I have it every time I'm not speaking to her and when I'm in bed at night. The thought of us being together is what keeps me going from day to day. When you get that feeling about someone you just know it's what you want more than anything in the world. It happens to different people at different stages. I'm glad mine happened early because it's given me something to work towards.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok, So I'm in an LDR (we're about 5000 miles apart right now) and I'm having a few issues..

    Now, I know that we both do genuinely love each other and it's hell for both of us to be apart. We still manage to talk on the phone every day so it's not as bad as it could be, but I'm finding it a bit difficult at the moment..

    It's hard to not be part of her social life right now, and although I don't believe she ever would, I'm paranoid about her cheating on me. That is probably irrational thought considering that I know she talks about me to her friends and family a lot and I often get a cute voicemail on my phone telling me that she's missing me and loves me.. but still... the distance is hurting like hell.

    Is there any advice that anyone could offer up for this situation??
    It's completely normal lad, don't worry about, just try to ride the feelings out until you are together once more.

    Oh and try to occupy your time abit.
    • #90
    #90

    (Original post by fredscarecrow)
    I never understand this 'I know she wont cheat on me, but I'm still paranid about it' idea...
    Do you believe she might cheat on you? Yes, or no? Sounds like you beleive she might, but don't want to admit that to yourself.
    I think the fundamental reason that I am paranoid about it is because I have been cheated on before and it tore me apart, and when that happened before I could see no signs that she was cheating and I trusted her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think the fundamental reason that I am paranoid about it is because I have been cheated on before and it tore me apart, and when that happened before I could see no signs that she was cheating and I trusted her.
    You just have to trust her. I was cheated on by my ex too and it was a horrible feeling that wrecked my head but I've found someone I want to be with more than anything and I trust her not to hurt me. Love, trust, commitment and honesty - that's the most important thing in any successful relationship and that's what I hope ours will remain.

    PM option still there for you mate.
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    Anonymous:

    I know how much being cheated on messes with your head and completely shatters your trust; when it happened to me I questioned every relationship I had with those close to me. But what you have to remember is that your girlfriend now isn't the one who cheated on you in the past. All relationships are based around trust, and even more so long distance relationships. It can be hard to open up so much that you could potentially get hurt one day. But being in love with someone and having them love you right back, far outweighs the potential hurt that may never happen.

    Think about what you have with your girlfriend, the memories you have and all those memories that you're going to make together in the future. Don't sit there and think about the what-if's because it'll tear you apart. Concentrate on your happiness and your girlfriend's happiness because it won't do her much good if she thinks you don't trust her.
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    (Original post by tea_cakes)
    Anonymous:

    I know how much being cheated on messes with your head and completely shatters your trust; when it happened to me I questioned every relationship I had with those close to me. But what you have to remember is that your girlfriend now isn't the one who cheated on you in the past. All relationships are based around trust, and even more so long distance relationships. It can be hard to open up so much that you could potentially get hurt one day. But being in love with someone and having them love you right back, far outweighs the potential hurt that may never happen.

    Think about what you have with your girlfriend, the memories you have and all those memories that you're going to make together in the future. Don't sit there and think about the what-if's because it'll tear you apart. Concentrate on your happiness and your girlfriend's happiness because it won't do her much good if she thinks you don't trust her.
    Repped.
    • #91
    #91

    I'm glad I found this thread cause I need a bit of advice but not one of my friends is in a ldr at the and I sort of want to know if anyone's had this issue yet, and what they did.

    Basically I'm in an ldr thats been going on for well over a year, but my boyfriend was my best friend before that so it feels like much longer. I know deep down that this is IT. We're both from the same town and same friends, but go to different universities, his being a plane ride away. The problem is that I graduate in a year,whereas he doesnt. I'll be looking to start a job, one that requires me to work in the same office for at least three years to qualify. i would have absolutley no problem to move to where he is while he finishes as I want to live somewhere else before I get too settled. The thing is that his course involves a placement which will start when I graduate, before returning for a year or two to the same university. I'm totally stuck. The work I want to do requires commitment to one place at least for 3 years. I can't move about the country to be with him. Yet the idea of doing ldr for another year or so really destroys me. I could take a year out and wait but I want to get right into working my way up. Should I move to his uni city and just wait for him to come back from placement? I'm so torn.

    Has anyone any ideas or experienced this?
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    I guess I have experience similar feelings in my relationship, but there were lots of other factors involved so I won't go into it.

    All I will say is you need to do what's right for you, if you do that, it will ultimately be best for your relationship as well.
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    (Original post by Ygraine)
    Portsmouth to London isn't bad at all. I did Southampton to London for a year and managed to visit almost every weekend. It's less than £20 for an open return to London, so it would only cost you £40 a month each to see each other every weekend, which is hardly a problem if you're both working. Your situation seems very manageable
    I pay £26.10 at the moment but I've been out of work for a bit so it's getting quite tight. I start at a new job soon though which is great and all but it means that I won't be finishing work until 6/7pm on a Friday and I want to head down straight away.


    He told me this weekend that his landlady is getting annoyed with me constantly coming to stay and I shouldn't come over for about a month. And in future I should only stay for one night. He currently refuses to come and stay down here unless my dad is away... which is never. I miss having privacy and hate feeling like I'm being chucked out of his house....
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    (Original post by Little Lamb)
    I pay £26.10 at the moment but I've been out of work for a bit so it's getting quite tight. I start at a new job soon though which is great and all but it means that I won't be finishing work until 6/7pm on a Friday and I want to head down straight away.


    He told me this weekend that his landlady is getting annoyed with me constantly coming to stay and I shouldn't come over for about a month. And in future I should only stay for one night. He currently refuses to come and stay down here unless my dad is away... which is never. I miss having privacy and hate feeling like I'm being chucked out of his house....
    I can see how it would be difficult with living arrangements. Why won't he come and stay if your father is around? Unless there's some sort of blood feud going on it seems a little unreasonable. I know living with a parent is hardly ideal for a relationship (my boyfriend and I have been together more than five years and still aren't allowed to share a room, much less a bed, when we're both back at home), but it's better than nothing.

    If you can't meet up for a whole weekend, why not have a day trip to somewhere vaguely in the middle of the two of you? That way it's cheaper for both of you and you still get to see each other. I checked train tickets again, and the cheapest available are £18.70, so perhaps try checking online in advance for the cheapest tickets if you're paying that much more.
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    No one feels comfortable around the parents of their girl :p:

    Think about it, this man constantly wants to murder you....common sense screams run away...
 
 
 
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