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    I could also do with a hug now! My boyfriends coming home for summer a week tomorrow! yay!
    • #126
    #126

    please keep anon because my boyfriend reads this and he will recognise it as me straight away and i dont want him to think im being controlling and preventing him from persuing happyness.

    my boyfriend and i have been together 4 years - since school. He is applying for the RAF and i am going to uni. i know i cant stop him from going and i dont want to stop him from going because thats mean and i support him through everything!! Im going to university aswel.. and i dont want things to change and i just dont know. 4 years is a long time 2 be with someone and i just dont want to give it up. it will be hard because he wont be there to give me hugs when im sad and when i want to stay over i cant. im scared he will find someone so much better than me
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    If after four years he does meet someone that he thinks is better than you, you know one of three things.

    1) the relationship wasn't all that strong anyway, and was pretty much just held together by momentum and being used to it.

    2) He was secretly a jerk all along, and lied about having loved you.

    3) None of the above, but he met the *real* love of his life and can never be happy without her- and you holding on will only hurt both of you lots.

    Seriously- My LDR has worked great for nigh on two years now, because none of the above are true. If it ends, it ends for a reason. There's no point dreading it happening, because if it does it was always going to, and if it doesn't then you poison the last good times with fear and doubt.

    Just go with the flow, and let life work itself out. You're 18 for crying out loud- ending your first relationship isn't something that you should be especially worried about. Now go shag the daylights out of him, forget about the problems that you're imagining and they'll probably go away.
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    I think that the most important thing when you start an LDR is to be open-minded - don't enter into one thinking that it's going to break down. It is difficult, and I don't think that anybody would deny that, but it's doable. If you don't try, then you'll never know whether or not it will work.
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    It sounds really silly but I loveeeeeeee the first cuddle I get from him when he (usually) comes to pick me up from the station :love: I could do with one now
    First cuddle is the best!!! :yep: My bf has just been up (and is gone now) but for weeks before our meeting all we would talk about is how amazing 'first cuddle' was going to be!
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    One key thing in an LDR is trust and the will to get through it together. If you have neither then you do need to question whether or not you can do it.
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    Aww that's so cute! I was talking to one of my friends about it earlier and she thinks it's ''oh so sad'' :rolleyes: So I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes it!
    Is your friend in a LDR too though? I don't know how anyone could not love the first cuddle after months apart! Its my favourite bit *Wishes it wasn't another 5 weeks away...*
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    T.T my boyfriend went to London and studied, left for 5months+...We are both Asian and normal family like us couldn't afford the school fees as exchange rate is so high, but my bf's family could bear on it and he went over there. Due to air ticket, all sort of financial problems, he would just come back next year June. Just now we chatted for a long while on skype and i asked him does he have any good friend over there, does he feel lonely?
    he answered "always.." i teared cause i couldn't share his pain. he couldn't find any good friend over there cause the kids in his school are spoiled, talks about sports car or busy on their studies.Sometimes he can't even understand the their languages
    He used to be friendly and talkative, cant imagine how is he doing in school.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Her uni is too far away (opposite ends of UK) from me for a visit by train on weekends due to the way the timetables are especially on Sundays. But it's very doable with really cheap flights on Friday evening/Sunday night. The cost is not an issue, and I wouldn't mind at all doing it every few weeks even if she can't come the other way to see me.
    Are you sure it's as bad as you think? My bf lives up north near Darlington and I visit him from Bristol when I'm at uni and London on uni holidays, so both places down south. I always get the train to him at weekends, usually go on a Friday and travel back on a Sunday. Never really had a problem except for the price at times, especially on Sundays.
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    Hey everyone i'm back after quite a long absense :P
    well i had a great time in Denmark with my bf untill we both caught the stomach flu off his niece :P
    I've finally managed to convince him to use skype! so now its more than just text, msn and email
    I love 'First Cuddles' as well, when I come through the doors at the airport and see him standing there theres not a better feeling in the world
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello there, I'm really stuck in a rut and thought you guys could give me a bit of advice regarding my boyfriend (who lives 100 miles away and I've been with for 1 and a half years.
    I did post this on another forum, but I think seeing as most of your are in ldrs, you would give more relevant advice. So here goes: its a long post, sorry.

    Basically, all my friends say to me that my boyfriend treats me like crap...and I think I'm starting to believe them. But I'd still like an outsiders view.
    I'll give you a few examples of the things he has done to make me cry.
    2 months into the relationship he asked me to introduce him to one of my friends, so I did. I later found out from her that he flirted with her and didn't tell her he had a girlfriend (she didn't know i was with him at the time). I broke up with him, cus at the time I wasn't into him that much. He emotionally blackmailed me (fainting at school, starving himself, begging at my door etc), and we got back together. After that, we had a pretty much perfect relationship for 9 months. He was great.

    It all started going downhill when he went to university. In December, he went on holiday with these three American girls to spain, and didn't tell me until 2 days before. I felt a bit hurt that he didn't think to consult me, but eventually got over it when he came back for Christmas.
    In his second term, he started neglecting to call me (we had planned before he went to uni that we would speak once a day on the phone). He would often ignore me for up to 4 days. I told him off for this, but he keeps doing it!
    Valentines day - I get no card or gift...but I at least expected a phonecall. At one am on feb 15th i get a text from him saying that he wont be able to call me. I ask him why and he tells me that he wanted to go to a party with some americans in his halls common room. wtf?!

    Around April time, he again neglected to call me for a period of 4 days. When he came back for Easter, I did a bad thing and looked at his phone. what I found was a lengthy text conversation with a girl from his uni, during the period when he was ignoring me. In this conversation he admitted to this girl that he wanted to '**** around' yet wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. What the hell? He then asked her how she gives good blowjobs, and told her I was only average at them (what does he expect? he is my first, I'm young and not experienced). Then she told him she would take him out to spearmint rhino to get rid of his frustrations, and that she would bring round some porn videos for him. This isn't normal friend behaviour surely?! Also, why does he think its okay to have a long late night text convo with this girl, yet ignore his own girlfriend?
    Thing is, him and this other guy are gonna be living with this girl next year, which means I will eventually have to meet her. I really dread this, cus she knows so much private stuff about me, it's gonna be so awkward for me. Argh!

    If you read all that I congratulate you.
    I'd leve his ass. He's not worth your time and you can do better. He seems like such an immature **** and he shouldn't be flirting with girls like that.
    • #127
    #127

    Anyone on here in a LDR where you don't speak the same language fluently and are from different cultures?

    I've met someone who I like (despite being in a kind of 'no, no, I don't want a relationship, definitely not phase and not looking for a relationship or anything more than friends at all) a LOT despite only having met two times so far. Second time he came and stayed and met my family etc and he's coming to visit soon as he's in England, even though we will only get to have about 2/3 hours together! I'm in the middle of my exams so it would be nigh on impossible for him to stay for longer so he's surprise-visiting me

    He speaks a little bit of English and I speak a lot of his language, -almost- fluently (as in can speak without stopping and can think in language, but there are still some things I don't know), but it's not as if I know all the nuances of it, you know? There are still times when we have to persist and try saying things a few different ways to get across what we want to say.

    I thought a LDR, especially with someone who lives abroad, would be the last thing I would contemplate...

    Not really sure what questions I've asked there but some advice would be good! I feel like I'm crazy even contemplating this yet I obviously feel strongly enough about him to contemplate it.
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    I was in an LDR for 3.5 years with someone who lived abroad, so I am aware of the difficulties you face (cost of travel, meeting the inlaws when they don't speak your language, possibly having to decide what country you will live in later on etc etc). However, my LDR was 'only' England-France, and both of us spoke each other's language quite well.
    However, it can work - I moved to France in September and things couldn't be better. I'd advise you to persevere - take things slowly but surely and I'm sure that both of your language skills will improve over time too.
    • #127
    #127

    (Original post by Angelil)
    I was in an LDR for 3.5 years with someone who lived abroad, so I am aware of the difficulties you face (cost of travel, meeting the inlaws when they don't speak your language, possibly having to decide what country you will live in later on etc etc). However, my LDR was 'only' England-France, and both of us spoke each other's language quite well.
    However, it can work - I moved to France in September and things couldn't be better. I'd advise you to persevere - take things slowly but surely and I'm sure that both of your language skills will improve over time too.
    It's not super far (bit further than France), and there are very good cheap-ish flight connections between where we live. If I do decide to go to uni this september (most likely) then I will also be studying the language he speaks... I already speak a lot more of his language than he speaks of mine, although both of us are willing to learn/ help teach each other. Part of my extended family speaks his language too so it's not as if I'm not used to using it - I have, lots of times, just not in his country.

    I suppose what I also find difficult is that there's no 'dating' stage in the same way. He's invited me over this summer, to stay there for a few weeks, which will allow me to get to know his family, as he lives with them, but then I think what happens if I get really attached and I just have to come back here?

    There's also an age gap, though I'm not sure it's too significant, I think there are more important things... hmmm... I'm surprised at myself if that's possible! I am rarely attracted to someone enough to think that I would want to make it work between us...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not super far (bit further than France), and there are very good cheap-ish flight connections between where we live. If I do decide to go to uni this september (most likely) then I will also be studying the language he speaks... I already speak a lot more of his language than he speaks of mine, although both of us are willing to learn/ help teach each other. Part of my extended family speaks his language too so it's not as if I'm not used to using it - I have, lots of times, just not in his country.

    I suppose what I also find difficult is that there's no 'dating' stage in the same way. He's invited me over this summer, to stay there for a few weeks, which will allow me to get to know his family, as he lives with them, but then I think what happens if I get really attached and I just have to come back here?

    There's also an age gap, though I'm not sure it's too significant, I think there are more important things... hmmm... I'm surprised at myself if that's possible! I am rarely attracted to someone enough to think that I would want to make it work between us...
    Where is he/what language?

    It'd be great for your language skills - I went to study in Germany hoping to pick up a German boyfriend but trust me to opt for the Australian :P

    If you like each other enough, no reason you can't give it a go
    • #127
    #127

    He's Swiss, French-speaking (and German, but he doesn't like speaking German that much) and I have French family anyway...

    Yeh... totally did not plan on this though!
    • #128
    #128

    heyy
    im going to be going into a ldr on july the 18th cos my boyfriend is finishing uni and goin back home.
    we have decided to stay together (hes in africa) and im taking a gap year and goin to visit him when i go travelling next yr.
    we are goin to be apart from july to april and we both really wana make it work but ive read advice that they dont work out ands its made me upset and worried. we have both talked about the possibility of maybe me living with him once ive visited him.has anyones long distance relationship worked? and what have you found the best ways to keep it goin? ill be grateful for any advice! thanks x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not super far (bit further than France), and there are very good cheap-ish flight connections between where we live. If I do decide to go to uni this september (most likely) then I will also be studying the language he speaks... I already speak a lot more of his language than he speaks of mine, although both of us are willing to learn/ help teach each other. Part of my extended family speaks his language too so it's not as if I'm not used to using it - I have, lots of times, just not in his country.

    I suppose what I also find difficult is that there's no 'dating' stage in the same way. He's invited me over this summer, to stay there for a few weeks, which will allow me to get to know his family, as he lives with them, but then I think what happens if I get really attached and I just have to come back here?

    There's also an age gap, though I'm not sure it's too significant, I think there are more important things... hmmm... I'm surprised at myself if that's possible! I am rarely attracted to someone enough to think that I would want to make it work between us...
    I understand what you mean about there being no kind of inbetweeny dating stage and things all getting serious rather more quickly. We dated online for 3 months before I flew to France to see him for the first time and things moved incredibly fast (but we don't regret a thing).
    We both did also get incredibly attached to each other during that first visit and both just knew we'd found the one and didn't want to leave each other. I was in tears pretty much as soon as I'd checked in and then as soon as I'd calmed down he burst into tears, grabbed hold of me at the departure gate and didn't want to let me go!! I then started crying AGAIN and didn't stop for ages after I'd gone through the gate. Soooo it was awful at the time but in the long run definitely a good thing as it was the start of something amazing.

    There's an age gap between my boyfriend and I too - just of five years, though.

    If you want to give it a go then do! Best case scenario - you find the person that you want to share your life with; worst case scenario, you've just lost a lot of money on flights :tongue:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anyone on here in a LDR where you don't speak the same language fluently and are from different cultures?
    Moi. Not really an LDR, but we will be apart over the summer sadly. It might as well be an LDR considering I have very little time to see her thanks to my stupid exams.

    He speaks a little bit of English and I speak a lot of his language, -almost- fluently (as in can speak without stopping and can think in language, but there are still some things I don't know), but it's not as if I know all the nuances of it, you know? There are still times when we have to persist and try saying things a few different ways to get across what we want to say.
    Yeah my g/f (as much as she thinks very little of it) speaks very good English. Her pronunciation is mostly perfect - its just the elocution and vocab I'm teaching her now. Definitely improved when I first met her and she didn't understand half of what I was talking about.

    The fact that she comes from a very very different culture - makes things difficult sometimes. As much as I'm learning about it and have a far greater awareness of it than most people, I'll never be able to understand it fully, so we both have to come to equal and mutual compromise with each other based on more than mere cultural differences and acceptances.

    The key here, is that it takes time to develop a mutual understanding of eachother.

    Anyway she is buggering off in 3 weeks and I won't see her for 3 months. I'll get to see her for her birthday, straight after my final exam on Thursday though. And then we'll be going to Manchester together. Yay! :hugs:
    • #127
    #127

    (Original post by Angelil)
    I understand what you mean about there being no kind of inbetweeny dating stage and things all getting serious rather more quickly. We dated online for 3 months before I flew to France to see him for the first time and things moved incredibly fast (but we don't regret a thing).
    We both did also get incredibly attached to each other during that first visit and both just knew we'd found the one and didn't want to leave each other. I was in tears pretty much as soon as I'd checked in and then as soon as I'd calmed down he burst into tears, grabbed hold of me at the departure gate and didn't want to let me go!! I then started crying AGAIN and didn't stop for ages after I'd gone through the gate. Soooo it was awful at the time but in the long run definitely a good thing as it was the start of something amazing.

    There's an age gap between my boyfriend and I too - just of five years, though.

    If you want to give it a go then do! Best case scenario - you find the person that you want to share your life with; worst case scenario, you've just lost a lot of money on flights :tongue:
    I didn't have any of the online dating bit - met him in town, got on really well, spend a couple of days in town, then next time he came and stayed with me for a few days and met family etc... so yeh... no real dating at all.

    Yeh, that's what I found difficult as well, getting my head round the fact that I seem to be not just attracted to but also attached to someone who lives in another country, plane and train rides away. And yep, there were tears too!

    Our age gap is very similar. But I'm increasingly thinking it doesn't matter too much. I'm almost 19, and it would be silly to not try giving it a go. I so so rarely am both attracted to someone and think enough of them to imagine that we would likely have a good relationship and could make it work... guess the fact that I also had an LDR which was disastrous doesn't really enough me!

    Trying to decide whether a one-way ticket to visit him is best or whether I should decide my return date now! Hmmmm...
 
 
 
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