Turn on thread page Beta

The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre watch

Announcements
    • #134
    #134

    (Original post by Fleece)
    Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    No I do not find friends insignificant compared to my boyfriend. That is such an awful and dependent thing to say. If you're not careful, if you split up with your boyfriend you'll be left with no friends with that attitude.

    As for your dream of medicine. *facepalm* No. Don't be ridiculous. You need to be choosing what YOU want for your future. You and your boyfriend might not last, in which case you'll regret not following YOUR OWN dreams. Would he give up Oxbridge to be near you? Seems a bit one sided. Even if it's not, neither of you should be giving up anything.

    If he means as much to you as you say he does, then you should be prepared to do a LDR.

    ohhh i know, its just, well i find it hard making friends at the best of times so they ones i have are ones ive had for a lonnnnnnnng time.

    i cant imagine going to uni alone, with none of my friends and not my boyfriend. and i cant imagine making new friends and 'having fun' there when all id want to do would be with him...when i wouldn't be.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    dont see them as insignificant as they will be the ones to stick by you - unless you have poor friends!!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ohhh i know, its just, well i find it hard making friends at the best of times so they ones i have are ones ive had for a lonnnnnnnng time.

    i cant imagine going to uni alone, with none of my friends and not my boyfriend. and i cant imagine making new friends and 'having fun' there when all id want to do would be with him...when i wouldn't be.
    Hun, I do know how you feel. I do, I promise.
    But this isn't healthy, wanting to be exactly where he is, doing the same course etc.

    I love my boyfriend to bits, but I don't let *anyone* get in the way of what I want to do, what's best for me. While my boyfriend may influence my decision a bit, ultimately I do everything for me, which I know sounds selfish, but whether or not you two break up or get married and live happily ever after, there will almost certainly be a bit of you that will resent him for you maybe not having had the best time at uni.

    :hugs:
    Just do what's best for you
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ohhh i know, its just, well i find it hard making friends at the best of times so they ones i have are ones ive had for a lonnnnnnnng time.

    i cant imagine going to uni alone, with none of my friends and not my boyfriend. and i cant imagine making new friends and 'having fun' there when all id want to do would be with him...when i wouldn't be.
    You think that now, but thousands of people all go and do the same thing/are in the same boat. It's a good experience and you will make friends - if you end up going to the same uni it sounds like you'll make the mistake of just seeing him all the time and nothing bothering to make new friends.
    • #134
    #134

    I just keep thinking - If its so hard for me to make friends already, whats says i will at uni?

    I just wish i had that safety net of someone there who i know well.
    thanks though - you are both talking sense.



    for all university ldr's - how far are you away from your girlfriend/boyfriend and how often do you see one another?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I'm going to Durham in October, will be 5 hours away from my girlfriend, who will still be at school. We've been together for about a year now, so we're pretty solid, but she's absolutely terrified about me going. The main problem is that I'll be going away, meeting all these new people, doing all these new things, and she's really worried about me sort of moving on from my current life and not needing her any more. It's only normal that she's worried, and she generally tends to worry about things anyway. She's up for coming up during her half terms and we'll obviously talk a lot, but I realise that it will be very difficult and I'm really going to miss her. I see her about 3 or 4 days a week at the moment, and it will be much more in the summer. Is the change really massive?

    Also, I was wondering what people feel like with being up at uni and being kind of left out of the loop a bit. From what I gather, people take dates etc to formals and things most of the time, and I obviously won't be doing that. I guess I'm wondering how you people feel when everyone else is with their gf or bf at uni and you're alone!
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ive been with my boyfriend 2 years and next year we will be off 2 uni.

    Were picking unis atm and our choices dont match up with the subjects were doing and grades etc....I want to do medicine but im slowly starting to realise that if i just picked another subject our choices could be near exactly the same and we could go to the same uni. We are very dependant on one another (i know not good) and i tried moving schools for sixth form but couldn't becuase missed him too much so ended up back at my old school (and his school).

    I know we could pick unis that are like one hour, two hours away from one another so i know they wouldn't be ages away....but, if i did do medicine (and he is very clever hence going to a good uni like oxbridge etc so will be alot of work for him too), our workloads would be massive so i get the feeling we wouldnt see each other for weeks on end. I cant do that.

    What im really asking is, how do you cope? Dont you find friends so insignificant compared to your boyfriend/girlfriend? How often do relationships at uni actually see one another? and do you think i should pack in the dream of medicine to be at the same uni as him?

    thanks.
    You do not need to pack in your dream of doing medicine. That is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard in all my life (along with the notion that people in relationships find their friends insignificant). When I was in an international LDR with my boyfriend, gaps between visits ranged from anything between 2 weeks and 10 weeks. We carried on for 3.5 years before we managed to move in together. It was SO worth it and I'd do it again. All the missing each other etc etc that comes with an LDR is small fry compared to spending the rest of your lives together (which presumably you want to do from the way you're talking).


    (Original post by Fleece)
    Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    No I do not find friends insignificant compared to my boyfriend. That is such an awful and dependent thing to say. If you're not careful, if you split up with your boyfriend you'll be left with no friends with that attitude.

    As for your dream of medicine. *facepalm* No. Don't be ridiculous. You need to be choosing what YOU want for your future. You and your boyfriend might not last, in which case you'll regret not following YOUR OWN dreams. Would he give up Oxbridge to be near you? Seems a bit one sided. Even if it's not, neither of you should be giving up anything.

    If he means as much to you as you say he does, then you should be prepared to do a LDR.
    :ditto: Basically this.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ohhh i know, its just, well i find it hard making friends at the best of times so they ones i have are ones ive had for a lonnnnnnnng time.

    i cant imagine going to uni alone, with none of my friends and not my boyfriend. and i cant imagine making new friends and 'having fun' there when all id want to do would be with him...when i wouldn't be.
    Sounds like you need to get out more, then, and not spend all your time moping around in your room waiting for him to come on MSN. There are SO many things to do at university - I joined so many societies at uni, had the best time, and all without spending all my money on drink and staying out all night. In fact, it actually helped my relationship, since my boyfriend and I were obviously both out and about doing our own thing, which meant we had plenty to tell each other when you did speak.
    Also, why do you assume that a) you'll make no new friends and b) that you'll lose your old ones? I'm pretty shy too, and still made new friends (which you will too if you just get involved at university), as well as keeping my old friends from back home (I'm seeing a friend on Sunday morning who I've known since I was 5, for instance - uni doesn't/shouldn't change these things). Plus, my sister is another case in point - she'll be a 3rd year next year and has been living this year (and will be living next year) with one friend that she's known since she was 11, as well as two friends that she actually met at uni. There's also another friend at the same uni who she doesn't live with but who she's also known since the start of secondary school. You presumably went from primary to secondary school with no trouble and managed to make the transition and make new friends perfectly well then, so why shouldn't you be able to now?

    (Original post by DougieG)
    Also, I was wondering what people feel like with being up at uni and being kind of left out of the loop a bit. From what I gather, people take dates etc to formals and things most of the time, and I obviously won't be doing that. I guess I'm wondering how you people feel when everyone else is with their gf or bf at uni and you're alone!
    Why wouldn't you be able to take her to formals? They are hardly ever during the week, so she could just come up for that weekend. There's no reason why you have to miss out really.
    • Wiki Support Team
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Wiki Support Team
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ive been with my boyfriend 2 years and next year we will be off 2 uni.

    Were picking unis atm and our choices dont match up with the subjects were doing and grades etc....I want to do medicine but im slowly starting to realise that if i just picked another subject our choices could be near exactly the same and we could go to the same uni. We are very dependant on one another (i know not good) and i tried moving schools for sixth form but couldn't becuase missed him too much so ended up back at my old school (and his school).

    I know we could pick unis that are like one hour, two hours away from one another so i know they wouldn't be ages away....but, if i did do medicine (and he is very clever hence going to a good uni like oxbridge etc so will be alot of work for him too), our workloads would be massive so i get the feeling we wouldnt see each other for weeks on end. I cant do that.

    What im really asking is, how do you cope? Dont you find friends so insignificant compared to your boyfriend/girlfriend? How often do relationships at uni actually see one another? and do you think i should pack in the dream of medicine to be at the same uni as him?

    thanks.
    What? Seriously..

    I'm finding it hard to think of a sensible comment to reply to yours. How can someone be THAT dependent on their OH. Do you not have a life? Why give up your dream for a guy..
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Urghhh just had a silly argument about nothing with the boy. I accused him of not looking forward to friday enough ( stupid i know!!) and i'm stressed with my last exam tomorrow and not feeling very well... I feel really guilty about being such a crap. Still only 2 days to go!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ive been with my boyfriend 2 years and next year we will be off 2 uni.

    Were picking unis atm and our choices dont match up with the subjects were doing and grades etc....I want to do medicine but im slowly starting to realise that if i just picked another subject our choices could be near exactly the same and we could go to the same uni. We are very dependant on one another (i know not good) and i tried moving schools for sixth form but couldn't becuase missed him too much so ended up back at my old school (and his school).

    I know we could pick unis that are like one hour, two hours away from one another so i know they wouldn't be ages away....but, if i did do medicine (and he is very clever hence going to a good uni like oxbridge etc so will be alot of work for him too), our workloads would be massive so i get the feeling we wouldnt see each other for weeks on end. I cant do that.

    What im really asking is, how do you cope? Dont you find friends so insignificant compared to your boyfriend/girlfriend? How often do relationships at uni actually see one another? and do you think i should pack in the dream of medicine to be at the same uni as him?

    thanks.
    Don't give up your dream for a guy that you may not even be with a few years down the line. Don't settle for a University just to be close to your boyfriend. It's ridiculous and if you're really meant to be, then the distance between you won't matter. University is just a short amount of time when compared with the rest of your life.

    Not even being able to go to separate school because you're so dependent on each other isn't a healthy relationship at all, and to be honest I imagine a bit of space from each other will do you good. You need to make friends and go out and socialise with different people, otherwise you're in danger of becoming extremely lonely and completely isolated. Carry on being so dependant on each other and I can see the relationship burning out faily quickly, and yep, I've seen this happen before with many intense relationships. Imagine if you and your boyfriend broke up, and you'd severed all ties with friends you once had, then what would you do?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by naughtyhamster)
    Urghhh just had a silly argument about nothing with the boy. I accused him of not looking forward to friday enough ( stupid i know!!) and i'm stressed with my last exam tomorrow and not feeling very well... I feel really guilty about being such a crap. Still only 2 days to go!
    :hugs: I tell you what, it's sooo nice to be with the boyfriend after exams are done... you can just enjoy each other's company without thinking about college/uni.

    Also, get off TSR! You should be revising
    • #134
    #134

    I guess its just because i like my own comfort zone, and hes in that. imagining 5 years without him being close proximity is just so...odd.

    Maybe im being cynical, but ive had ldr before and that one didn't work. I dont want this one to end up the same way...i doubt it will because i really can see us being together for ages. And i suppose for a lifetime, uni is such a short time in comparison. You lot are right, if its going to last then distance shouldn't stop it.

    I suppose i do need to 'get out more' but i am naturally introvert, and while i do have a lot of ''friends'' they arent ones i particulary like. I mean...i do like them, but i dont have loads in common with them, i couldn't talk to them for days on end like i could with my boyfriend. I can (although horrible) life without them, while i cant for my boyfriend.
    I suppose if i compare friendships to my boyfriend there is nobody that i get on as well with. My boyfriend was my best friend for 2 years before we got together, and him being my friend was one of the best and closest ones i had. Since dating him thats obviously changed, im left with friends but not the really close ones...thats what i meant by ''insignificant'' and that was completly the wrong word, sorry!!

    This has made me more determined to while keep the distance close, go to different unis, because while i know it will be hard, i know that is is whats best for both of us. You lot seem to have such strong bonds with your OH's. Its nice.

    Thankyou all for listening to me drone on, Its me who has to change, learn how to spend time with other people than my boyfriend and live on my own rather than as part of 'us'.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess its just because i like my own comfort zone, and hes in that. imagining 5 years without him being close proximity is just so...odd.

    Maybe im being cynical, but ive had ldr before and that one didn't work. I dont want this one to end up the same way...i doubt it will because i really can see us being together for ages. And i suppose for a lifetime, uni is such a short time in comparison. You lot are right, if its going to last then distance shouldn't stop it.

    I suppose i do need to 'get out more' but i am naturally introvert, and while i do have a lot of ''friends'' they arent ones i particulary like. I mean...i do like them, but i dont have loads in common with them, i couldn't talk to them for days on end like i could with my boyfriend. I can (although horrible) life without them, while i cant for my boyfriend.
    I suppose if i compare friendships to my boyfriend there is nobody that i get on as well with. My boyfriend was my best friend for 2 years before we got together, and him being my friend was one of the best and closest ones i had. Since dating him thats obviously changed, im left with friends but not the really close ones...thats what i meant by ''insignificant'' and that was completly the wrong word, sorry!!

    This has made me more determined to while keep the distance close, go to different unis, because while i know it will be hard, i know that is is whats best for both of us. You lot seem to have such strong bonds with your OH's. Its nice.

    Thankyou all for listening to me drone on, Its me who has to change, learn how to spend time with other people than my boyfriend and live on my own rather than as part of 'us'.

    Good stuff!!! Obviously yes, you will naturally try to have the distance being 2 hours than 6 but really keeping to your own dreams and own university is whats best for you and the relationship me thinks. good luck! x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess its just because i like my own comfort zone, and hes in that. imagining 5 years without him being close proximity is just so...odd.

    Maybe im being cynical, but ive had ldr before and that one didn't work. I dont want this one to end up the same way...i doubt it will because i really can see us being together for ages. And i suppose for a lifetime, uni is such a short time in comparison. You lot are right, if its going to last then distance shouldn't stop it.

    I suppose i do need to 'get out more' but i am naturally introvert, and while i do have a lot of ''friends'' they arent ones i particulary like. I mean...i do like them, but i dont have loads in common with them, i couldn't talk to them for days on end like i could with my boyfriend. I can (although horrible) life without them, while i cant for my boyfriend.
    I suppose if i compare friendships to my boyfriend there is nobody that i get on as well with. My boyfriend was my best friend for 2 years before we got together, and him being my friend was one of the best and closest ones i had. Since dating him thats obviously changed, im left with friends but not the really close ones...thats what i meant by ''insignificant'' and that was completly the wrong word, sorry!!

    This has made me more determined to while keep the distance close, go to different unis, because while i know it will be hard, i know that is is whats best for both of us. You lot seem to have such strong bonds with your OH's. Its nice.

    Thankyou all for listening to me drone on, Its me who has to change, learn how to spend time with other people than my boyfriend and live on my own rather than as part of 'us'.
    It's good that you've understood what we mean. :hugs:

    It may or may not be difficult, but as you said, 3 years isn't long compared to how long you'll spend with him afterwards.

    Also, it may help you two to be a bit more independent, which can be a good thing

    Hugs :hugs:
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    That's the spirit Anon!
    As I said, I'm fairly introverted too, but it doesn't need to stop you from having a good time (and I reiterate - this does NOT mean going out, getting completely clattered and sleeping with lots of different people!!).
    I do also understand if you've had a bad LDR before and how that could be putting you off...not to mention that LDRs don't get an awful lot of good press anyway.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Angelil)
    That's the spirit Anon!
    As I said, I'm fairly introverted too, but it doesn't need to stop you from having a good time (and I reiterate - this does NOT mean going out, getting completely clattered and sleeping with lots of different people!!)
    Just a point - how have you/other people prevented this?

    I have almost no control over myself when drunk :o: and I'm kinda worried about it tbh. I suppose the solution is to 'not drink as much', but then once I'm drunk, drinking more always seems like a good idea :rolleyes:

    Anyway - tips/advice? This is one of the things which really worries me, particularly because I'm going to Imperial, where girls are outnumbered approx. 2:1 :o:
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    LDR people out there, how often do you see your partners during term time? e.g. every weekend/ every fortnight etc, because I'm going to Edinburgh uni and she's going to Manchester uni and I really really want it to work through uni x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Don John)
    LDR people out there, how often do you see your partners during term time? e.g. every weekend/ every fortnight etc, because I'm going to Edinburgh uni and she's going to Manchester uni and I really really want it to work through uni x
    I'm at York at the moment and my boyfriend is in Oxford working, so we're about four hours apart by train and we tend to see each other about every three weeks. Sometimes we're lucky and it's every other week, but that can get rather expensive, though thankfully he's not studying any more, so it's less of an issue.

    LDRs can definitely work through uni though; we've been together for almost six years and have only lived in the same town for the first year of that
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    I'm Redditch to Cardiff - works out overall at about 3-4 hours travel. We tend to see each other every three to four weeks. Sometimes it's less and very occasionally it's longer - over exams it was going to be 5 weeks, but I did a surprise trip up for one night. It was very tiring with all the travelling, but so worth it =].

    You'll fall into your own pattern, honestly =] We wanted it once a fortnight and it began like that, but then we've found because of finances and our own lives, deadlines etc, three weeks tends to be what it ends up falling into.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Ive been with my boyfriend for around 7months now, and am worried about what will happen when we both go to uni in sept.

    We both liked eachother for months before we got together but were too nervous to do anything until our friends pushed us together eventually :P
    We had both applied for uni before we'd got together so never really discussed anything, as obviously we werent sure if we'd still be together by now!

    The other day we agreed we'd have to talk about it along the line as we inevitably have to, but we both get upset about the thought of it.
    Hes planned to go to Bristol, and im hopefully going to Liverpool... a huuuuuuuge distance

    Id be willing to give it a go and see if it will work, as otherwise i guess id always end up thinking "what if".

    Hes said to me that he doesnt want to "lose me", and i feel the same and so would be willing to give it a try. Before we got together he had a bit of a rep as a ladies man, but he has totally changed since, and not just from my point of view.... the only thing is i can tell i'll worry with him being far away... i'll be the fisrt to admit stress makes me very paranoid!

    I just dont want to give up a relationship when theres nothing wrong - i know it will be very difficult and things will change, but id rather give ti a go then give up altogether.
    At the moment we're both just focusing on enjoying the summer we've got ahead!!

    I was just about anyones points of views, or anyone whos had successful LDR's?
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 9, 2013
Poll
Have you ever experienced bullying?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.