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    How recently was it? It took weeks/months for me and my ex to stop bickering and get over the break up. You can't force these things obviously, maybe give him a few weeks and see how it goes?

    Hope things work themselves out :hugs:
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    So, so, so - I was actually decisive (for once in my life!), took the initiative and thus I'm seeing the boy next week! Yay! Kinda scared, though, 'cause I haven't seen him since a couple of Saturdays ago, and nothing physical AT ALL (apart from amazing hugs) has happened yet. Any advice on how to minimise the awkwardness? I dunno how many guys lurk here, but would you (or even from a girly perspective) be put off if a girl was proactive in initiating physical contact - hand holding, flirty touching, etc? I feel like this is some kind of first date (which I guess in a way it is) even though we've talked so much and know each other pretty well already. And I'm a little apprehensive. But oh-so excited...!

    xxx
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    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    So, so, so - I was actually decisive (for once in my life!), took the initiative and thus I'm seeing the boy next week! Yay! Kinda scared, though, 'cause I haven't seen him since a couple of Saturdays ago, and nothing physical AT ALL (apart from amazing hugs) has happened yet. Any advice on how to minimise the awkwardness? I dunno how many guys lurk here, but would you (or even from a girly perspective) be put off if a girl was proactive in initiating physical contact - hand holding, flirty touching, etc? I feel like this is some kind of first date (which I guess in a way it is) even though we've talked so much and know each other pretty well already. And I'm a little apprehensive. But oh-so excited...!

    xxx

    Thats great I hope it all works well
    With my bf it was very awkward at first, I was his first kiss and everything so he was too scared to do anything! So we watched a movie.. didn't hold hands or anything but when it ended, I just took his hand and looked in his eyes We'd known each other for a year by then but first time face to face..
    So yep i threw caution to the wind and kissed him! and i'm not one to take the lead!
    I think in my situation, it wouldn't have happened otherwise!
    Good luck with everything!
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    I'd thought I'd post here to say that I broke up with my LDR boyfriend a few weeks ago. We'd been together for 2 and a half years, and I found out he'd been cheating on me. For quite a long time, it seems. I was heartbroken, it all came out during a drunken argument when he was insulting me and judging my family, and I ended up hitting him and walking out the door. We've not spoken since, he's cut all contact off with me. For the first few days I was in shock, but I got on with my life and went back up to see my family.

    It's now been nearly a month since the whole thing happened and I suddenly feel so sad and deflated. I miss everything we had, silly little things like going to London to see him, going to gigs, watching tv together etc. I thought I was coping really well and moving on, but now its suddenly hit me how much it hurts.

    I suppose the thing that worries me the most is that I used to go over to London every 3 weeks to see him, that was my only reason I spent so much time there and I used to look forward to it. Now I just don't think I'll ever want to go back to London, what would be the point? It would just remind me of him. Which is a bit crap because I was hoping to do a second degree at uni in London next year. Bad Times. I don't really know what I'm achieving wth this post, I just feel a bit crap at the minute. I feel like I've lost what I believed was a "good friend" and Im not sure what to do.

    How do you fill the void?
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    I'm sorry to hear of what happened with your relationship
    Perhaps to try and fill the void, write down loads of things that you've always wanted to do - learn a new language, learn to skate, customise your clothes...and then do them! You'll then have the added benefit of having done something new as well as just killing time when things are tough.
    As for the the London thing - you know it's a big city, right? Make new memories there by visiting areas of the city you've never visited before and by visiting them with different people.
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    (Original post by Shockley)
    I suppose the thing that worries me the most is that I used to go over to London every 3 weeks to see him, that was my only reason I spent so much time there and I used to look forward to it. Now I just don't think I'll ever want to go back to London, what would be the point? It would just remind me of him. Which is a bit crap because I was hoping to do a second degree at uni in London next year. Bad Times. I don't really know what I'm achieving wth this post, I just feel a bit crap at the minute. I feel like I've lost what I believed was a "good friend" and Im not sure what to do.

    How do you fill the void?
    I agree with Angelil (:eek2:)

    Perhaps start going back to London for day trips with your friends? To different areas. Make new memories. There's nothing to stop you from doing your second year at uni in London, unless it's the same uni and you're likely to bump into him, which could be a bit awkward.
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    (Original post by hannahdaisy)
    Well I went to see the bf on Friday to talk about the America stuff and we've decided we'll try and just see what happens. So glad he didn't want to finish it all. Had quite a lovely weekend with him, didn't want to leave. I'm really worried about it all and scared that he'll turn around and say he can't do it but I'm gonna try and be optimistic and enjoy having him in the country!
    I'm a bit late, but that's good At least you're giving it a try, that's all you can ask for. No regrets. Hope it works out for you.
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    (Original post by jennikay)
    How recently was it? It took weeks/months for me and my ex to stop bickering and get over the break up. You can't force these things obviously, maybe give him a few weeks and see how it goes?

    Hope things work themselves out :hugs:
    Its been a few weeks :\ I just thought that he'd at least appreciate hearing from me. Ah well... I've decided to just leave it, and if he wants to contact me then I'll be nice.

    He's a musician and I just saw on Last.Fm that he's got a new album out... with song titles such as "No Regrets" and "Why Remember Me?" ha, I so want to listen just to see if any are about me... but I can't let myself do that just incase any are :o:

    Thanks for the :hugs:
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    hey guys
    Just thought i'd let you know that my boyfriend's finally coming back from his basic training next weekend after what seems like aaaggeesss!
    I'm so excited
    But then he's gotta go back on the sunday night

    But still!
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    (Original post by New...Romantic)
    I'm a bit late, but that's good At least you're giving it a try, that's all you can ask for. No regrets. Hope it works out for you.
    Thankyou, I'm continually nervous but I'm trying to just relax about it. Just can't help thinking this isn't gonna go well hopefully it/he surprises me!
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    (Original post by hannahdaisy)
    Thankyou, I'm continually nervous but I'm trying to just relax about it. Just can't help thinking this isn't gonna go well hopefully it/he surprises me!
    Aww don't think like that. I'm sure a lot of people in 'normal' relationships think that a 3/7/however many hours gap between two people isn't doable, even I wasn't sure when I started but it is, it's just not easy. I'm sure you'll be fine.
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    (Original post by New...Romantic)
    Aww don't think like that. I'm sure a lot of people in 'normal' relationships think that a 3/7/however many hours gap between two people isn't doable, even I wasn't sure when I started but it is, it's just not easy. I'm sure you'll be fine.
    Thanks! Yeah, we're already doing 4-6hrs depending on whether I'm at uni or not. My family home's in London and I go to uni in Bristol then he lives up near Middlesbrough but that's been ok so far. I just hate flying aswell really, can't imagine ever flying out to America to see him on my own! If everything depended on it though I'm sure I could make myself.
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    After seeing the title every time going into these forums, it's unfortunately come time to use it

    My girlfriend and I have been going out for 7 months now, yesterday was our anniversary, yay, but she moved away about 3 weeks ago. I haven't read all the posts here, can't really make myself read all 180 pages, but I guess I'm just looking for advice on what I can expect. I know it's going to be really hard, it already is, but lately I've also begun feeling really jealous of her new friends in Saudi, where she moved to. I don't know if it's an unrational jealousy, but she has mainly guy friends there, and she hangs out with them almost constantly. While she was still here I was always the one who was non-chalant (sp) and didn't mind when she hung out with others. But now, the whole distance thing is just throwing me off, since I don't know what exactly she's doing, and what her guy friends really want from her. She's not one to cheat, so I'm not worried about that. I guess I'm just preoccupied with the thought of her breaking up with me for one of the guys there.
    Any advice, and/or comfort will be greatly appreciated.

    Oh, and is it too late to subscribe?
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    Never thought I'd be in this sitch. Came about really all of a sudden too.

    I've known my boyo since October of this year and we'd shared flirtatious banter most of that time. He finally plucked up the courage to ask me out on a date in May. He didn't think that I'd be interested because he's graduating uni and I was only a 1st year and he thought I didn't notice him etc etc. Good News: he's working in Norwich, where I go to uni. Bad news: I can't see him over summer

    After going out for 2 months we turn into an LDR. Thankfully we talk every day pretty much and we're dealing. He invited me to his grad ball but I can't affor the train to Norwich at that time, so major bummer.

    The reason I thought I would never be in an LDR is because I never thought I would like a guy enough to let it go long term.

    I know a lot of people have the oposite situation where their partner is back home and they can't see them at uni, but we're still in like the honeymoon phase where everything's perfecton and we spent literally all day together, though I think that was more to do with the fact that we knew summer was approaching fast and didn't want to miss a second.

    I think I'm just really nervous because one of my closest friends is in an LDR with his girlfriend and no matter how much he appears to be in love with her, when she's not in the country, he cheats on her. When they're together, they're more lovey dovey than me and boyo... and he's an honest guy in all other walks of life. I live with the guy. I know far too much about him. But I can't help but wonder if boyo might do the same.
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    (Original post by Blissful_Ignorance)
    After seeing the title every time going into these forums, it's unfortunately come time to use it

    My girlfriend and I have been going out for 7 months now, yesterday was our anniversary, yay, but she moved away about 3 weeks ago. I haven't read all the posts here, can't really make myself read all 180 pages, but I guess I'm just looking for advice on what I can expect. I know it's going to be really hard, it already is, but lately I've also begun feeling really jealous of her new friends in Saudi, where she moved to. I don't know if it's an unrational jealousy, but she has mainly guy friends there, and she hangs out with them almost constantly. While she was still here I was always the one who was non-chalant (sp) and didn't mind when she hung out with others. But now, the whole distance thing is just throwing me off, since I don't know what exactly she's doing, and what her guy friends really want from her. She's not one to cheat, so I'm not worried about that. I guess I'm just preoccupied with the thought of her breaking up with me for one of the guys there.
    Any advice, and/or comfort will be greatly appreciated.

    Oh, and is it too late to subscribe?
    Never too late to subscribe! Feel free to come along to the chat thread, too; the link is in my signature.

    I think a little paranoia is probably normal, but it can probably be combatted by good communication between the two of you. I personally think it's important to communicate somehow every day, whether it's by email, text, phone, or instant messaging, and even if you've got nothing more important to say other than what you had for dinner, it just keeps the two of you involved and helps trust to build. It's also important for the two of you to do separate activities so that you have a life outside each other and have something to talk about, rather than just hanging around waiting for each other to come online. If there's a lack of trust then frankly the relationship would end anyway, even if it wasn't long-distance.

    You can certainly expect to miss her; it wouldn't be really usual if you didn't! But you can also expect a lot of good times; when you've been apart for a while then seeing each other is absolutely blinding.

    (Original post by Guitara)
    Never thought I'd be in this sitch. Came about really all of a sudden too.

    I've known my boyo since October of this year and we'd shared flirtatious banter most of that time. He finally plucked up the courage to ask me out on a date in May. He didn't think that I'd be interested because he's graduating uni and I was only a 1st year and he thought I didn't notice him etc etc. Good News: he's working in Norwich, where I go to uni. Bad news: I can't see him over summer

    After going out for 2 months we turn into an LDR. Thankfully we talk every day pretty much and we're dealing. He invited me to his grad ball but I can't affor the train to Norwich at that time, so major bummer.

    The reason I thought I would never be in an LDR is because I never thought I would like a guy enough to let it go long term.

    I know a lot of people have the oposite situation where their partner is back home and they can't see them at uni, but we're still in like the honeymoon phase where everything's perfecton and we spent literally all day together, though I think that was more to do with the fact that we knew summer was approaching fast and didn't want to miss a second.

    I think I'm just really nervous because one of my closest friends is in an LDR with his girlfriend and no matter how much he appears to be in love with her, when she's not in the country, he cheats on her. When they're together, they're more lovey dovey than me and boyo... and he's an honest guy in all other walks of life. I live with the guy. I know far too much about him. But I can't help but wonder if boyo might do the same.
    Hi there

    My boy and I were LD from the start, so we had to go through all that honeymooney stuff while being LD too. Plus side is that it takes longer to wear off since you see each other less often :tongue:

    You also can't take your cue or try to second-guess your own relationship from the behaviour of others; the people in the relationship are different and the most you can do is give it a go.

    And if you want a success story to spur you on, here's mine: the boy and I started our relationship while he was living in France and I was living in England. We actually met online so didn't meet physically until 2 months later. We maintained the international LDR for 3.5 years until I moved to France last September, and we are now engaged to be married Top stuff. So it can work - and if we can make it work then anyone can
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    (Original post by Angelil)
    And if you want a success story to spur you on, here's mine: the boy and I started our relationship while he was living in France and I was living in England. We actually met online so didn't meet physically until 2 months later. We maintained the international LDR for 3.5 years until I moved to France last September, and we are now engaged to be married Top stuff. So it can work - and if we can make it work then anyone can
    Thanks for that one, it really cheered me up a bit! Subscribing now as i'll be going back to Norway in a couple of weeks, whilst my bf is staying here, so could do with some advice and just cheering up when the going gets tough
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    My boyf and I (our 5mth anniversary is tomorrow) just started an LDR 2 weeks ago, and will be apart for at least another 7 or so weeks. I was wondering how I can tell him that I need to hear more from him because the distance is really hard for me, and already taking it's toll...especially since I haven't heard anything from him in a week (he's never been mia for more than 2-3 days)

    yes I know that's a pretty good way of saying it but I'm afraid to sound insecure (which I am really feeling today), mainly because we dated last year when I broke it off because I was scared too...he initiated our relationship just before valentines day this year and things have been relatively good - until now

    and I am at the same time looking for stories about how others have handled this particular feeling/situation

    thanks guys
    • #69
    #69

    3 weeks to gooo Need cheering up
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    (Original post by Guitara)
    Never thought I'd be in this sitch. Came about really all of a sudden too.

    I've known my boyo since October of this year and we'd shared flirtatious banter most of that time. He finally plucked up the courage to ask me out on a date in May. He didn't think that I'd be interested because he's graduating uni and I was only a 1st year and he thought I didn't notice him etc etc. Good News: he's working in Norwich, where I go to uni. Bad news: I can't see him over summer

    After going out for 2 months we turn into an LDR. Thankfully we talk every day pretty much and we're dealing. He invited me to his grad ball but I can't affor the train to Norwich at that time, so major bummer.

    The reason I thought I would never be in an LDR is because I never thought I would like a guy enough to let it go long term.

    I know a lot of people have the oposite situation where their partner is back home and they can't see them at uni, but we're still in like the honeymoon phase where everything's perfecton and we spent literally all day together, though I think that was more to do with the fact that we knew summer was approaching fast and didn't want to miss a second.

    I think I'm just really nervous because one of my closest friends is in an LDR with his girlfriend and no matter how much he appears to be in love with her, when she's not in the country, he cheats on her. When they're together, they're more lovey dovey than me and boyo... and he's an honest guy in all other walks of life. I live with the guy. I know far too much about him. But I can't help but wonder if boyo might do the same.

    Hey again :p: Welcome to normality...well in my world anyway. That being LDR, not cheating, obviously.

    I think in answer to your problem, it does just have to come down to trust, or the leap of faith as it were. Everyone knows cheaters, and sometimes you can't help but think that in and LDR it would be sop easy for them to be cheating and you'd never ever know - it's hardly like there are goin to be unexplained abscences etc, no lipstick on collar incidents... but really you just have to trust in them.
    They might break faith in which case, when you find out...you're well rid. But if you really like him, and he really ikes you...it's worth the chance.
    Make sure your communication lines are good - talk to each other when you've got problems, make sure you solve them..and hopefully he won't go searching for something he feels he is missing. Also, if he knows he can be honest, if his emotions do start changing, hopefully he can talk to you rather than going behind your back.
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    (Original post by Cocoa)
    My boyf and I (our 5mth anniversary is tomorrow) just started an LDR 2 weeks ago, and will be apart for at least another 7 or so weeks. I was wondering how I can tell him that I need to hear more from him because the distance is really hard for me, and already taking it's toll...especially since I haven't heard anything from him in a week (he's never been mia for more than 2-3 days)

    yes I know that's a pretty good way of saying it but I'm afraid to sound insecure (which I am really feeling today), mainly because we dated last year when I broke it off because I was scared too...he initiated our relationship just before valentines day this year and things have been relatively good - until now

    and I am at the same time looking for stories about how others have handled this particular feeling/situation

    thanks guys
    Hello and welcome to the world of LDRs :p: As you're just starting out it can take a while for the two of you to settle into a comfortable routine of communication, and if you're not happy with how much contact you have then the easiest thing to do is to tell him directly while you're still in the early stages. I'm sure he's not being deliberately neglectful, it's just that the level of contact you have at the moment might seem fine to him, so I doubt he'll mind if you ask to talk more often.

    Alternatively, you could call him yourself; you don't need to wait for him to get in contact If you're nervous that it'll sound like you're being clingy then make sure you have thought of something to say to him beforehand (an amusing story from your day/asking what he's up to this weekend/telling him about your holiday plans) so that there's a purpose to your conversation.

    I hope that helps a little bit. I've been LDR for 5 years of a 6 year relationship, so I know how it feels.
 
 
 
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