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    (Original post by Fleece)
    ...
    I don't know your situation, but isn't it possible to go over to work in Australia for a year but come back to see your family a few times, like at Christmas?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    how often do you see your other half during the summer holidays?
    we've been back from uni a month now and we've only met once for a day out. i miss her soooo much. it sucks
    Well we're LD all year round, I see him more over summer though because we have no uni so more spare time. I don't think I could cope with one day in a month though. Can't one of you stay over for a few days at the other's house? I realise it might be a bit awkward with parents, I have that problem, but there's always the couch?
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    (Original post by New...Romantic)
    I don't know your situation, but isn't it possible to go over to work in Australia for a year but come back to see your family a few times, like at Christmas?



    Well we're LD all year round, I see him more over summer though because we have no uni so more spare time. I don't think I could cope with one day in a month though. Can't one of you stay over for a few days at the other's house? I realise it might be a bit awkward with parents, I have that problem, but there's always the couch?
    Ha, it'd cost far too much to be able to do that. It cost me over a grand to go to Australia at Christmas, just flights, so there's no way I could afford to come home for Christmas.
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    (Original post by Fleece)
    Ha, it'd cost far too much to be able to do that. It cost me over a grand to go to Australia at Christmas, just flights, so there's no way I could afford to come home for Christmas.
    Would it be possible to delay going over there full time until after Christmas? After all, now that you've graduated, the year no longer begings and ends in September, so it might even make more sense to be moving over there at the actual beginning of the year.

    Sorry I can't be more help, it's not a situation I've ever been in.
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    (Original post by Ygraine)
    Would it be possible to delay going over there full time until after Christmas? After all, now that you've graduated, the year no longer begings and ends in September, so it might even make more sense to be moving over there at the actual beginning of the year.

    Sorry I can't be more help, it's not a situation I've ever been in.
    It would be possible, but as I've mentioned, neither I nor the boy have much desire to not see each other AGAIN for 6 months, just speaking on the internet. It's exhausting! I think I might just have to bite the bullet.
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    (Original post by Fleece)
    It would be possible, but as I've mentioned, neither I nor the boy have much desire to not see each other AGAIN for 6 months, just speaking on the internet. It's exhausting! I think I might just have to bite the bullet.
    I would say that if you go out for a full year, it will have to include a Christmas at some point. (Unless you went out jan, came back beginning of dec), so as you say it might be better to bite the bullet... also, from a practical point of view the jobs market in australia is a lot better than it is over here at the moment, so that could influence your decision.

    It's a tricky one though. It's funny, I was reading your post and it's so similar to my situation. I met my aussie over here last year, we were together for 4 months before he had to go home. Then after a 4/5 month gap saw him again after Christmas, and finally he's over here again for another 6 months. Don't want to think about what happens when he goes back home again this time. As someone who's soon to be faced with an unavoidable 6 month separation I'd say get over there asap! But I can completely understand why you're hesitating. Knowing how much I'll miss my family is one of the things that scares me about possibly going to live over there with him at some point.

    Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide!!
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    (Original post by gogo)
    I would say that if you go out for a full year, it will have to include a Christmas at some point. (Unless you went out jan, came back beginning of dec), so as you say it might be better to bite the bullet... also, from a practical point of view the jobs market in australia is a lot better than it is over here at the moment, so that could influence your decision.

    It's a tricky one though. It's funny, I was reading your post and it's so similar to my situation. I met my aussie over here last year, we were together for 4 months before he had to go home. Then after a 4/5 month gap saw him again after Christmas, and finally he's over here again for another 6 months. Don't want to think about what happens when he goes back home again this time. As someone who's soon to be faced with an unavoidable 6 month separation I'd say get over there asap! But I can completely understand why you're hesitating. Knowing how much I'll miss my family is one of the things that scares me about possibly going to live over there with him at some point.

    Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide!!
    Haha wow that's a pretty similar situation! Actually, you just made a good point, one I hadn't thought of, about it including a Christmas at some point! That makes me feel a lot better about it! Thanks!

    Thanks for that. Think I'll just have to get on with it and decide to go. No doubt we'll discuss it when I see him next week. Thanks
    • #67
    #67

    (Original post by Fleece)
    It would be possible, but as I've mentioned, neither I nor the boy have much desire to not see each other AGAIN for 6 months, just speaking on the internet. It's exhausting! I think I might just have to bite the bullet.
    IMO, in a LDR of that distance and without free flow of cash at your disposal, pragmatism has to take place over desire. This is, naturally, dependent on how you both see this relationship and what you want out of it. Those who envision a future together permanently with their OH will realise that any amount of time being apart is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Also, think about the money you save during the time apart. As such, I'd say that if Christmas with your family means that much to you, surely you can go another 6 months (or however long it is).

    With regards to being in limbo about major life decisions, it once again, depends on how serious your relationship is doesn't it? Now that you're done with university, the world is your oyster (as long as you have sufficient money). You can move to anyone, anywhere, anytime. In a permanently international relationship, it is expected that one party has to move to another ultimately so assuming that you and your boy have discussed it, what is there to be in limbo about? Whether you are able to get a job given the current economic situation should be the main issue.

    And if both of you are unsure where to work, the method most iLDR people take is that both apply for jobs in the other's country and whoever gets the job moves. Seeing as how you both come from English-speaking western countries, at least there isn't the hassle of learning a new language or extreme cultural clashes.
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    It's interesting that you should say that about the decision of who should move, Anon50. My boy and I knew we wanted to be together more permanently very early on, and very early on we/I decided that it would be me moving to France rather than him moving to England - there was simply no agonising about it.
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    Hmm, while anon 50 makes a few good points I feel that I have to stick up for Fleece a bit. It's all very easy to look at someone else and say if they're going to get married etc, what's another 6 months? But if you're actually in the situation of choosing to be apart for half a year it must be a completely different story.

    Also she didn't mention how serious the relationship was. I'm assuming it is serious, but she's considering moving over to work for a year which is totally different to a permanent move. Either way it must be horrible to have to choose whether to and when to go over there. Sorry, but I feel that while we can give advice and our viewpoint it's impossible to judge another person's relationship.

    Anyway, hope you make a decision soon Fleece, that was a good point about it including at least one Christmas. There'll be plenty more Christmases anyway and hopefully you'll be able to spend them with your family.
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    Haha thanks New Romantic! You're right, it is a different story. It's all well and good to say what's another 6 months, but if you've already had to go that time without seeing each other once before, and had a very long distance relationship for a year then it grows tiresome, no matter how much you love each other.

    I just want to go over there for a year, see how it goes. I don't know if I'll like Australia as much as here, or whatnot. Last time I was there I was really ill so it clouded my judgment a bit.

    With regards to saving money in the time apart - Not really - I'd be paying heaps of rent here , when it's much cheaper over there.

    Also it's not just a question of England or Australia. He speaks Japanese, we both speak German, both are also options. There's just a lot to weigh up and some other factors which make it difficult. But I think I just have to not look too far into the future, just go out there, have some fun and see what happens.
    • #67
    #67

    (Original post by Angelil)
    My boy and I knew we wanted to be together more permanently very early on, and very early on we/I decided that it would be me moving to France rather than him moving to England - there was simply no agonising about it.
    Hi Angeli, I'm curious to know how fluent you are at French and whether that played a part in your making the decision?
    For me, language is the biggest factor (am taking classes at uni) as I want to be able to function independently in his country eventually. We have agreed that we will live in my country for a few years because I want to be near my family when we first have children so that we can have the help of extended family. However, we know living in my country wouldn't suit him in the long run. As you can see, there are a few factors we have considered and, for now, we have a general idea of how things will unfold. But what happens the immediate years following my graduation will be largely dependent on where I obtain a job and my language proficiency.

    (Original post by New...Romantic)
    It's all very easy to look at someone else and say if they're going to get married etc, what's another 6 months? But if you're actually in the situation of choosing to be apart for half a year it must be a completely different story.
    Hi New...Romantic, I understand that we can't attempt to judge another's relationship. Yes, I have been/am (still) in the situation of choosing to be apart for long periods of time. And similarly, I will have the same dilemmas that Fleece has. Perhaps I could have stated more clearly what I meant, that her waiting 6 months for at least 12 months with her boy is not that bad a prospect (especially since it is for the purpose of spending more time with her family) and could be viewed more positively. Also, in my experience, temporary moves are because people want to see how well living in a foreign land suits them and this might possibly develop into a more permanent arrangement. As such, the decision as to WHEN to move over for this temporary move would be 'as soon as it is possible and one is able to' rather than dragging it out and then realising later that it isn't what they want.
    • #67
    #67

    (Original post by Fleece)
    Haha thanks New Romantic! You're right, it is a different story. It's all well and good to say what's another 6 months, but if you've already had to go that time without seeing each other once before, and had a very long distance relationship for a year then it grows tiresome, no matter how much you love each other.
    Perhaps it is a different story. I've never had to go through 6 months without seeing each other once. All I can say is that 'tiresome' is a mindset. Someone once told me that in LDRs there are only bad days and worse days. Thus I only believe in the strength of both parties and of the relationship. I have never had the feeling of my LDR growing tiresome.

    (To clarify, I've never had 6 months between visits because mine are usually 12 months or more.)
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    (Original post by Fleece)
    I would never say there are only bad days and worse days. Most of the time it works out fine. Good for you if you've never felt that. Tbh I don't like your attitude so can't really be arsed to justify my relationship to you, 'anon' :rolleyes:
    I think this says it all. But I'm still going to add my own little bit

    I can't help but think that you (anon) are acting a little holier-than-thou. I'm sure Fleece looks at people like me where the longest gap has been 5 weeks and thinks it must be easy compared to what she's going through (and it probably is). But it's still hard for me and you have to realise that just because her gap is half what yours is, it doesn't make it an easy decision.

    I'm sorry if I've misconstrued what you're saying but that's what it seems like.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi Angeli, I'm curious to know how fluent you are at French and whether that played a part in your making the decision?
    For me, language is the biggest factor (am taking classes at uni) as I want to be able to function independently in his country eventually. We have agreed that we will live in my country for a few years because I want to be near my family when we first have children so that we can have the help of extended family. However, we know living in my country wouldn't suit him in the long run. As you can see, there are a few factors we have considered and, for now, we have a general idea of how things will unfold. But what happens the immediate years following my graduation will be largely dependent on where I obtain a job and my language proficiency.
    Hi Anon 50

    I've lived here for 9 months now and still wouldn't say I'm completely fluent, due to the fact that I work in an international school where English and French are both used. Similarly, most of my friends are bilingual and I do use English with most of them.

    However, I was fairly fortunate that my family were always francophiles and took me away to France regularly from when I was born, so I had constant access to French videos, puzzle books etc. I then studied French at school from when I was 11 until I was 18. When I was 18 I met my boyfriend, so from that time I was having to use my French with his family and friends. I can therefore more than get by in French and it definitely isn't a barrier; I wouldn't have wanted to move here if it wasn't. Luckily for me this view is confirmed by my French colleagues, who have complimented me on my French on more than one occasion! Another friend of mine, who is also English and is married to a Frenchman, started taking French lessons again as soon as she knew she would be moving here. Sadly one or two of my English colleagues have not taken the same attitude, and after approximately a year of being here still cannot string a sentence together in French and are proud of it, which really infuriates me!

    If you have any more questions about moving abroad please do ask
    • #69
    #69

    2 weeks seems so long Half way through the 4 now but just having a bad night!
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    I just found that on T-Mobile you can pay £10 more a month and get about 250 minutes to the USA. I was worried about not being able to talk to him so much but at least there's something out there to help! There was also a £5 a month one with less minutes and a higher one too and they last for 40 days then you can renew or change them.

    I'm still dreading next year though, hope he doesn't move away, he's far enough away from me already!
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    (Original post by hannahdaisy)
    I just found that on T-Mobile you can pay £10 more a month and get about 250 minutes to the USA. I was worried about not being able to talk to him so much but at least there's something out there to help! There was also a £5 a month one with less minutes and a higher one too and they last for 40 days then you can renew or change them.

    I'm still dreading next year though, hope he doesn't move away, he's far enough away from me already!
    If you get Skype and both buy microphones its free to chat for however long you want
    It was a god send for me. Me and my boy used to do it for about an hour each day using microphones. Sometimes it lags slightly but its worth it if you get to chat and its free all you need is a computer and internet connection.
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    (Original post by lucyhol1012)
    If you get Skype and both buy microphones its free to chat for however long you want
    It was a god send for me. Me and my boy used to do it for about an hour each day using microphones. Sometimes it lags slightly but its worth it if you get to chat and its free all you need is a computer and internet connection.
    Thanks, yeah my laptop has a webcam and microphone built in so it'd just be down to him to get it. Just can't imagine it, dunno how much he'll be in his room online and stuff. We talk all the time back here.
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    (Original post by hannahdaisy)
    Thanks, yeah my laptop has a webcam and microphone built in so it'd just be down to him to get it. Just can't imagine it, dunno how much he'll be in his room online and stuff. We talk all the time back here.
    What'll the time difference be? Is he definitely going or is it still to be decided?
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    (Original post by New...Romantic)
    What'll the time difference be? Is he definitely going or is it still to be decided?
    Not sure yet, it's with some company called First Point and I think they just offer you unis, you don't get to choose which one you want. So yeah, not sure where yet. Nah, it's pretty definite unfortunately! But as he said, in the next year he could win the lottery, break his leg, or get there and hate it and wanna come back.
 
 
 
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