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    Why eloping?
    Well, you'll need two witnesses, but these don't even have to be people you know I don't think. So you can just pull people off the street if you need to...I'd certainly come along if I had the time to spare and was asked to witness someone's wedding! Presumably you can just go to your local registry office and just turn up.
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    Well eloping is easier, this is for us, if needs be we can have a family wedding down the yrs but for now, we're the only family we need. Apparently Gretna hires professional witnesses if you don't have any (how cool of a job is that?) I have a friend I'd love to be there, just depends on the dates they have available.
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    Couldn't you just wait while funds build back up?
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    (Original post by plerpler)
    Couldn't you just wait while funds build back up?
    Basically this. Weddings don't need to be expensive. Send a private message to PinkMobilePhone - she did her wedding on a fairly modest budget.

    I also am not sure how far you've thought about how hurt your family members *may* be by your elopement. My auntie eloped with her second husband (I think nearly 15 years ago now). She did this because she thought it would be easier - she knew her sister would annoy her about her daughter being a bridesmaid because she'd never been one and then she knew that if Rachel was one then my mum would want me and my sister to be one etc etc and just arghhhhhness. So she got married with just her parents and her now-husband's best friend as witnesses. My mum (my auntie's twin) was monumentally upset to have been left out - even though she's been a bridesmaid at my auntie's first wedding, even though at the end of the day she could understand why she'd done it etc etc. She did forgive her for not inviting her to the wedding but I still think she doesn't like to think about it too much. And these are normal rational sensible adults who reacted in this way.
    I would just advise you to think about how your respective families would take it - even just have your parents there if nothing else. It's true that of course technically nobody needs to be there except you and that frankly anyone who receives an invite is privileged to be there (and believe me, I know - I'm wedding planning at the moment too); however, it seems daft to create animosity in a family deliberately just because you haven't really got the funds right now. Surely if you love each other that much then it will keep?
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    We could and probably will, just looking at all the options we have available. Eloping abroad is just ridiculously expensive!
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    (Original post by Angelil)
    Basically this. Weddings don't need to be expensive. Send a private message to PinkMobilePhone - she did her wedding on a fairly modest budget.

    I also am not sure how far you've thought about how hurt your family members *may* be by your elopement. My auntie eloped with her second husband (I think nearly 15 years ago now). She did this because she thought it would be easier - she knew her sister would annoy her about her daughter being a bridesmaid because she'd never been one and then she knew that if Rachel was one then my mum would want me and my sister to be one etc etc and just arghhhhhness. So she got married with just her parents and her now-husband's best friend as witnesses. My mum (my auntie's twin) was monumentally upset to have been left out - even though she's been a bridesmaid at my auntie's first wedding, even though at the end of the day she could understand why she'd done it etc etc. She did forgive her for not inviting her to the wedding but I still think she doesn't like to think about it too much. And these are normal rational sensible adults who reacted in this way.
    I would just advise you to think about how your respective families would take it - even just have your parents there if nothing else. It's true that of course technically nobody needs to be there except you and that frankly anyone who receives an invite is privileged to be there (and believe me, I know - I'm wedding planning at the moment too); however, it seems daft to create animosity in a family deliberately just because you haven't really got the funds right now. Surely if you love each other that much then it will keep?

    We're not setting out to create animosity between my family or his. We don't plan on telling anyone even after we elope as yes we do realise the repercussions. It's not even about the funds cos we'd still want a small wedding anyway, it's just wanting to do something for us, about us without kerfuffle right now. Logically my mum won't let me even marry him till my step dad died or something...I have that kind of weird family that has too many ideas about how things should be done. In my step dad's eyes, I'd be married off to someone he approved of
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    hey everyone! i'm new to this forum
    my boyfriend and I are about to start university, me at st. andrews and him at manchester (hopefully). we have been together for 19 months and intend to stay together... BUT
    He is going to medical school so it will take him 5 years to graduate... and this makes me really nervous... has anybody even survived this long :p: ??
    I feel like if it were one or two years it would be much easier to manage. but FIVE??!?!?
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    (Original post by cogito-ergo-sum)
    hey everyone! i'm new to this forum
    my boyfriend and I are about to start university, me at st. andrews and him at manchester (hopefully). we have been together for 19 months and intend to stay together... BUT
    He is going to medical school so it will take him 5 years to graduate... and this makes me really nervous... has anybody even survived this long :p: ??
    I feel like if it were one or two years it would be much easier to manage. but FIVE??!?!?
    my best friend is in 4 right now, looking for 2 more, so yeah, you are not the only one
    Also, maybe when you graduate you can try to move to manchester with him until he finishes...
    If you love each other, you can do it.
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    (Original post by cogito-ergo-sum)
    hey everyone! i'm new to this forum
    my boyfriend and I are about to start university, me at st. andrews and him at manchester (hopefully). we have been together for 19 months and intend to stay together... BUT
    He is going to medical school so it will take him 5 years to graduate... and this makes me really nervous... has anybody even survived this long :p: ??
    I feel like if it were one or two years it would be much easier to manage. but FIVE??!?!?
    Hello :hello:

    I'm sure it's doable, it'll no doubt be hard but it is possible. I take it your course is 4 years? I agree with Xristina, you could move down to be with him after you graduate. I know it's not much help but 4 years apart sounds better than 5.

    I hope everything works out okay for you
    • #149
    #149

    Hello everyone,

    Just a quick post please to ask your advice about a new LDR. Basically my last boyfriend and i were in one for a while a few years ago and he treated me badly and did things to make me jealous and paranoid. I have recently entered into one with my current boyfriend of 9months and as soon as it happened i've become on high alert and i seem to need constant reassurance and i feel paranoid that he's going to fall out of love with me.

    In the past couple of weeks he has been getting in touch with his home friends (we've just moved home from uni) and included in that seem to be quite a few girls and he's going to the pub with them regularly, meeting up for coffee and trying to get one of them a job where he's going to be working over christmas. He keeps arranging to meet up with them and has told me in the past how much he likes them all, which wouldnt have bothered me at all if we were nearer each other, but now i firstly feel envious because they get to see him a lot more than me, and secondly im paranoid he's going to realise how awesome one of them are (especially when i mainly talk to him on the phone now and im rubbish at it) and leave me for a much better model (i have self esteem issues). Just to clarify I do not think he'd cheat on me. He is amazingly loving towards me when he's with me but he's not very good doing that long distance. Whenever i jokingly try to say something about it (i try to do it very little) when i need some reassurance he just says, we've talked about all this 'it's in your head' and 'stop being an idiot'.

    Firstly am i being an idiot or do i have anything to worry about and secondly how do i get some reassurance from him without making him feel trapped and suffocated.

    Please let me know what you think, this is making me feel really really down.

    Thank you

    xxxx
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    Normal to be envious that others get to spend more time with him.
    As for the paranoia, just remember this: HE IS NOT YOUR EX. HE IS A DIFFERENT PERSON. If it helps, you could even make a list of differences between your ex and this guy. What makes this guy better to be with?

    As for how to get some reassurance - this is more tricky. Some of this will have to come from you (see above). Perhaps if/when you raise it with him you need to be more specific about what he does do/doesn't do and what you need more of? I remember after my first term of my master's I was feeling really narked because neither of us had any money really (me a student and him unemployed) and basically I'd been the one going to see him almost all year throughout 2007 (he'd come to stay with me once, I think, during my second term of my final year at uni). By Christmas I was really annoyed that it seemed to be me doing all the travelling and that he wasn't really making the effort to come and see me and told him so. I think that if you have something specific to say then guys are perhaps more likely to listen (particularly if there's an obvious solution/way in which they can remedy it).
    Don't know if that helps much x
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    (Original post by cogito-ergo-sum)
    hey everyone! i'm new to this forum
    my boyfriend and I are about to start university, me at st. andrews and him at manchester (hopefully). we have been together for 19 months and intend to stay together... BUT
    He is going to medical school so it will take him 5 years to graduate... and this makes me really nervous... has anybody even survived this long :p: ??
    I feel like if it were one or two years it would be much easier to manage. but FIVE??!?!?
    I'd just say the same as the others. Maybe when you finish uni you could move to Manchester to be with him until he graduates. I'd definitely consider doing that if I was in that position.
    • #150
    #150

    ok so i have been with my bf for almost 4 months and everything is really great, we're already really happy with each other and planning to stay that way. but im going to uni in october and he's staying in london. im just worried about starting an LDR and how to keep our realtionship fresh and healthy. but i cant really see that happening because even after a few days apart i miss him so much...
    any advice??
    thanks
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    You just learn to manage. When it's a straight option between being with someone you love in an LDR and not being with them at all, most people are going to pick the LDR.

    Plus (without wishing to sound patronising), remember that you're still really in the first flushes/honeymoon phase of your relationship if you've only been together 4 months. The tempering/calming down of this will also help you to cope better with your LDR (that doesn't mean your relationship will get worse in any way! It just means it will be different).
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    I agree, and you can't really tell how it's going to be until it happens. You'll be starting university and making new friends, exploring the new city, getting on with assignments etc. How far away are you moving from eachother? I live in London but go to uni in Bristol so I'm between the two places, and my bf lives up near Newcastle. Even with that fairly large distance we've managed to see eachother at least every 2 weeks, longest gap we ever had was 3 weeks.

    It'll probably be difficult and I'm sure you'll miss eachother lots but it's either miss eachother or not be together at all, so I'm sure missing eachother a bit is the better option!
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    No
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    AHH bad news. I have been allocated a shared room at university... how is this going to work when he comes to visit?? i heard that sometimes the roommate can stay with somebody else, but that is way too much to ask of someone, and quite awkwarD!!
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    I personally wouldn't have liked to have a shared room either...tough break. I feel your pain
    Yeah, basically you've hit the nail on the head - either you have to go and stay with him all the time, your room-mate has to sleep elsewhere when he comes to stay, or you go celibate! Nice
    Could you call your university's accommodation office and ask for a single room, perhaps?
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    Oh no, didn't even really think people had shared rooms anymore. That's always struck me as a US thing in dorms or whatever. Whether I had a bf or not I'd hate it! I'd definitely be asking to change rooms.
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    (Original post by Angelil)
    I personally wouldn't have liked to have a shared room either...tough break. I feel your pain
    Yeah, basically you've hit the nail on the head - either you have to go and stay with him all the time, your room-mate has to sleep elsewhere when he comes to stay, or you go celibate! Nice
    Could you call your university's accommodation office and ask for a single room, perhaps?
    i called accommodations, they said they won't change it, but there's hope yet-- i can ask the office when I get there, and I've started asking around on the forums whether somebody with a single wants a shared room... unlikely haha, but maybe some angel sent from heaven who wants to spend a little less for accommodation...
 
 
 
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