Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    #1

    Thanks for your replies everyone! Didn't expect so many responses so quickly, I really appreciate it

    (Original post by daryush)
    I think it'd be harder for him to emotionally blackmail you this time round if you do break up with him, because you're long distance.
    This is the thing that bothers me actually. He comes home for summer in June...and I've paid to go on holiday with him in July. Argh and a half. And breaking up over the phone is a bit harsh isn't it? And I just don't want him killing himself either. He keeps saying stuff like 'you're the best I'm going to get' 'I can picture us married' 'if i find you with another man I will find and kill him' etc.

    (Original post by xBeccaxxGOKx)
    Do you trust him? Trust is needed so much in any relationship, especially LDR's.

    I hope you get things sorted, both with him and housing if neccessary. You said you were going to be living with him, and this girl?
    No I don't trust him to be honest. He's the type of guy who's always out there to impress. He wears a suit a lot these days...it's become kind of embarassing actually. He's just an 18 year old lad, he looks a tad silly. It might be a touch of the old short man syndrome. And he's always with this American girl. He takes her out for lunch, buys her and her american friends champagne...etc. I think they find him cute...the typical English gent and all that. Pfft.
    Oh and no, I wont be living with him, but unfortunately, I will be going to a university in the same city in September. But being his girlfriend, I imagine I will meet his friends at some point, including this girl, who seems to have become his confidant.

    (Original post by the_satsuma_man)
    the fact hes not contacting for for four days means something. friends tend to have truthfull advice, id listen to them in the instance
    Ah well at least someone agrees with me. The bf seems to think it's ok to not contact for 4 days...'I'm thinking of you throughout the day' is his excuse. But I'm no mind thinker am I?! And I know the real reason why he doesn't call at night...it's because he's partying with these Americans in his common room. Now I don't mind that...but he could text me to say he's not calling, or even better call me in the daytime.

    Sorry, this is another ridiculously long post, but my mind's a bit screwed by him at the moment, and it helps to get it all out.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    If you dont trust him, break up. End of. The finer details can be sorted later (I'm sure you can cancel the holiday; get into a different hall at uni etc etc).

    How are you two when you do talk?
    • #2
    #2

    Quick question, unrelated to the problem above (Im rubbish at advice so Ill leave that to nicer people...). Just wondering can LDR work even if youve only just met the person? As in itll be about 3 weeks, probably seen them in person about 3/4 times cos of exams and stuff, and then wont see them again for about 4 months while were both at home over summer...is it stupid to even think about getting into a relationship and better to wait til september?
    • TSR Support Team
    • Wiki Support Team
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Wiki Support Team
    Peer Support Volunteers
    PS Reviewer
    I have to agree with everyone else as well. Trust is incredibly important in ANY relationship, never mind an LDR. Communication is also important - even if it's just a txt, it's still considerate. Sure there may be days when you're too busy for a phone chat, but 4 days is unacceptable.

    It sounds like the relationship didn't work well BEFORE he went to uni, so I doubt it would be better when he came back.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Absolutely anon 2. I met my boyfriend on the internet and actually started our relationship having not met at all, and only met 2 months into the relationship! We've now been together nearly 3.5 years...

    So no. Not at all stupid of you. Communication is the most important thing.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Wiki Support Team
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Wiki Support Team
    Peer Support Volunteers
    PS Reviewer
    Anon #2 - I expect it can. How did you meet the person in question? Communication is important, but as long as you keep in regular contact and can trust the person, I don't see why it can't work. Best talk to the other person and see what they say about the situation. A lot of the relationships here started off as LDRs
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xKTx)
    Sure there may be days when you're too busy for a phone chat, but 4 days is unacceptable.
    Hey! Me and my girl work well enough with once every 3rd day!

    (although to be fair I guess that's beyond either of our controlls)
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    OK, so this guy is not my boyfriend, and although we both feel there is no point in making anything official, we have been commited to each other since getting together, and tbh neither of us has even wanted to get with anyone else.

    We will see each other every month or two during the summer as I have relatives near him/there are cheap flights, but then it's uni for me, and final year of school for him. He is talking of coming to uni over here but I don't want to be pressuring him/it's a big decision to make at this age, moving countries.

    We have been insanely good friends for about 7 or 8 months, and more than that since March. We talk every day, and we never shut up when we do.

    Do you think there is any point in trying to make this work when I go to uni?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Anon. 1 - I can understand it being difficult to break up with him while he's still at uni, and with a holiday booked. But I think you're probably better off doing something about it sooner rather than later.

    Is there any way that you could go and visit him at uni? (if he's 100 miles away, technically you could get a train there and back in one day). I agree it seems a bit harsh to break up by phone, but then again, it's not like he's been wonderful to you, and if there's no other option and it gets it out of the way, then maybe it's the best option in a bad situation.

    If the idea of being in the same city next year is a bit of a worry, it might help you to know that my ex and I are at the same university (in Aberdeen, not a big city!) and I haven't seen him in a year.

    Feel free to keep posting - I don't think any of us mind reading essays, especially if it's helping you sort stuff out in your head

    Anon 2 - I guess you're at uni? Is there no way you could visit each other over the summer? I think it could definitely work, if both of you are committed and put time and effort into building the relationship now, and keeping in touch while you're LD. If you're both prepared to put the effort it, and see it as being worthwhile, then it could be difficult, but certainly not impossible. In my experience, 'waiting' to go out with people just doesn't work :p:

    Malin and Chris (Evil Sheep and Land of Norwegia) got together only a short time before they went LD; and Sue (suek), Bianca (Angelil) and Daryush have all been LD for the whole of their relationships, as far as I remember. They probably have a bit more useful advice than me so it might be worth waiting for them to come online and say something too

    *edit* Speak of the devil, Bianca :p:
    • TSR Support Team
    • Wiki Support Team
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Wiki Support Team
    Peer Support Volunteers
    PS Reviewer
    Well there are other ppl who manage it. I know (as I can see from your sig, as you aren't anon...) that you will be doing medicine, and that will have quite a loaded timetable, but you should be able to make it work, other people do.

    If you want it badly enough (which it sounds like you do) you will make it work
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Choosing to not contact you for 4 days is a bit excessive, and I completely understand where you're coming from, having recently being in the same situation. Anon 1, communication, as others have said, along side trust is a must in any relationship - please don't put up with this for his sake, your main priority is you. Blackmail is no way to pressure anyone into anything, let alone someone you've chosen to be in a relationship with.

    Anon 2, as long as you talk openly & trust each other, then go for it! The summer might be difficult - is there any way you could visit each other? But, as others have h so definitely proved - it is possible!

    An LDR Soc speciality for the both of you - :hugs:
    • #2
    #2

    By chance really at a job interview. Hes brought it up asking how I feel about relationships I guess and I know we both like each other. I spose Ill see how it goes and if anything gets mentioned again. Got a whole week til he goes back home (he lives in ireland so not much chance of getting to see each other over summer) and I start exams. I do feel slightly more positive about the situation now...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    BlueRoses - if you want it to work come September, then I don't see any reason why it should stop simply because your circumstances are going to change. If you get to uni and realise it's not want you want, then that's fine; but if you stop it now, it would seem a little bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face. It sounds like you've got a good thing going
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Quick question, unrelated to the problem above (Im rubbish at advice so Ill leave that to nicer people...). Just wondering can LDR work even if youve only just met the person? As in itll be about 3 weeks, probably seen them in person about 3/4 times cos of exams and stuff, and then wont see them again for about 4 months while were both at home over summer...is it stupid to even think about getting into a relationship and better to wait til september?
    I say go for it. When I met the peruvian we were only together for 3 weeks before he went back to peru and we didn't see each other again for about 6 months or maybe a little more. Worked fine for us No harm in giving it a shot at least!!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xKTx)
    Well there are other ppl who manage it. I know (as I can see from your sig, as you aren't anon...) that you will be doing medicine, and that will have quite a loaded timetable, but you should be able to make it work, other people do.

    If you want it badly enough (which it sounds like you do) you will make it work
    Lol yeah don't worry I'm aware i'm not anon. The only TSR-ers I know in real life are aware of the situation anyway.

    I mean, I've never met someone that I've had such an actual connection with. We can talk about anything, can say exactly what's on our mind. And he really brings out the best in me too. It's just so unfortunate about the 300 odd miles between us! He's coming to stay with me this weekend yay

    Do you think LDRs are more successful if the people have always been apart, or together and then parted?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    BlueRoses - don't worry about it. Plenty of us here in international LDRs

    We've also seen people here break up were in a normal R and then then went LD as well as those who have been LD from the start. I don't think it really makes a difference to a relationship's success rate.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Wiki Support Team
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    Wiki Support Team
    Peer Support Volunteers
    PS Reviewer
    I think it depends on the people really... some ppl unfortunately can't make it work, for one reason or another. I think it's easier to deal with if you can prepare for it, but ultimately it can work as well either way I think
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Just abit down at the moment. I am in a LDR and I saw my boyfriend about 2 weeks ago and i not seeing him till the beginning of June because he has got exams and i am on placement and got an essay to do aswell. I am missing him so much and just feel like crap. x
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Me Myself I)
    Anon 2 - I guess you're at uni? Is there no way you could visit each other over the summer? I think it could definitely work, if both of you are committed and put time and effort into building the relationship now, and keeping in touch while you're LD. If you're both prepared to put the effort it, and see it as being worthwhile, then it could be difficult, but certainly not impossible. In my experience, 'waiting' to go out with people just doesn't work :p:
    Not unless he comes over here...my parents probs wouldnt be happy with me going to ireland, especially if I told them the real reason. Yeah that was the only thing - the now bit. His exams are over, mine arent and only finish the day he goes home and I dont really wanna mess the end of this year up by not revising because Im trying to see him as much as I can before he leaves...

    Fair enough about the waiting thing. Ive never done it so wouldnt know...tbh Ive never had a proper relationship before apart from one guy at the start of uni who messed me about a bit, which is making me slightly more wary of whether getting into something now would work.

    Llamaaa - maybe my 4 months isnt really that bad then

    Ta for the advice...
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    :hugs: Becca L :hugs:

    There are always good days and bad days. I'm feeling pretty good at the moment as I'll be seeing him in less than 2 weeks. But having not seen him since March and having had 10-12 week gaps before, I do know how you feel.
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 9, 2013
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.