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    Strange, maybe it's just his way of expressing a need for space?
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    maybe its coz youve already caught up on what youe both been doing and doesnt know really what to say OR he misses you
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    i'm at uni in my first year and my boyfriend is a 9 hour train journey away. it is so hard! i thought it would be ok because we lived quite far apart anyway before i came but i just miss him even more being here. i was going to take a gap year or go to a closer uni but i decided to come here, and now i'm having second thoughts. aah!
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    hi, im the same, my boyfried is back home in ireland and im over in england!! i miss him so much, plus i dont really like my course, but ive met sooo many good friends here!!! i dont know what to do. weve been going out for 2 1/2 years and it just seems to be getting worse each day!!!
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    So I have this guy that I really really like and he really really likes me, but we're in different parts of the country. We used to both live near each other so saw each other for a few months, but now we can't see each other regularly. We've discussed having an LDR but he will not enter in one for many reasons (partly cos he had one a few years back and it ended badly). Also I really can't trust him to be loyal at the moment. Everytime I see him (maybe once a month) it's absolutely killing me that we can't be together. So the logical approach would be never to see each other again, so we can both move on...

    but I don't want that.

    I'm so stuck

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    Wiki Support Team
    If you like this guy then isn't it worth giving it ago rather than thinking "What if?"

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    I guess the problem is persuading him, but I really think you should go for it.

    Long distance relationships can work, for promise. Especially (and I know this seems weird) if you've always been apart.
    Like, my and my girlfriend are solid, even though we live 5 hours apart (me in cambridge her in edinburgh)
    But my friend and her girlfriend are kinda rocky at the moment because my friend moved to london for uni, even though london is only like an hour away from cambridge and they see each other way more often than us. They went from hanging out every day to barely seeing each other and it screwed with their dynamic for a while. But its working now, so don't think you're screwed if one of you is moving away.

    I also think its important to have goals and plans and stuff to make things better. Like, even if its totally unfeasible right now or a million years away, if you can have some kind of goal or plan where you can be like 'one day, things will be better than this, we'll live together, we'll live near each other' it makes it easier, because you know you won't spend forever being apart and getting mad because they aren't on msn tonight when you've had a rubbish day, or whatever.
    • #170
    #170

    oook...going well for me and my girlfriend.
    we spend lets say a week together, a week apart...on and off. so when she's here its good, but because its a solid week block, its a bit strange when she leaves. so, to make it a bit easier, we talk A LOT when we're apart; texting, emailing, msn etc. Now, this isnt a problem in itself, but we've realised that we probably talk too much because even when we're apart, we still dont get that much time to ourselves.
    Now, the problem is, we dont reallly know how to cut down on the talking because (a) we dont want to cut it down to like 1 hour, 8-9 every night cos then its just a routine...and (b) whenever we've tried to like not talk, we've both havent liked it and its just gone back to lots and lots...
    so...any ideas on the best way of going about cutting down the amount we talk online/texting etc.?
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    I don't really see what the problem is :/

    You want to cut down talking to each other but you can't because you don't like it and went back to talking lots? It seems like you like talking to each other. Which is a good thing in a relationship.

    I get that people need space, and you can't assume that just because you're hundreds of miles away you are getting space from each other, but it seems like thats not what you guys want. I would keep enjoying your chats
    • #171
    #171

    Hi guys wondering if can help.
    THe past few months my bf and I have been in an LDR, and sadly split up for like a week because he couldn't handle it to be honest.
    I mean at the moment we find it hard to see each other due to lack of funds and time etc. I now in a way I really can't see this working. :s: I don't even want to split with him, I am however planning to go travelling in the next few years when he's a uni so he won't be able to come.
    I mean i'd love to resume the realtionship in the future but it really upset me last night thinking about this not being with him aand stuff. I really do not know what to do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    oook...going well for me and my girlfriend.
    we spend lets say a week together, a week apart...on and off. so when she's here its good, but because its a solid week block, its a bit strange when she leaves. so, to make it a bit easier, we talk A LOT when we're apart; texting, emailing, msn etc. Now, this isnt a problem in itself, but we've realised that we probably talk too much because even when we're apart, we still dont get that much time to ourselves.
    Now, the problem is, we dont reallly know how to cut down on the talking because (a) we dont want to cut it down to like 1 hour, 8-9 every night cos then its just a routine...and (b) whenever we've tried to like not talk, we've both havent liked it and its just gone back to lots and lots...
    so...any ideas on the best way of going about cutting down the amount we talk online/texting etc.?
    Me and my boyfriend do it so we text throughout the day but not a huge amount. I'm talking 5 or 6 texts. We'll also have a phone call or two during the day. We will the always chat once we're in bed as its a nice end to the day as we can communicate.
    Maybe cut down the texting a little so its only 4 or 5 texts you send a day. And then take it from there. You don't want to cut it all at once otherwise it will be hard.

    It is nice to talk a lot, you just need to find time for yourself too
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    Does anyone have any advice about coping with an LDR and new couples?

    Out of a group of 8, there are now 3 couples. This has developed over the weekend, and I'm finding it kinda hard to cope. I'm just so jealous that they get to see each other every day. I'm happy for them, really I am, but seeing them being all lovey dovey really hurts.
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    (Original post by Flo[ProActiv])
    Does anyone have any advice about coping with an LDR and new couples?

    Out of a group of 8, there are now 3 couples. This has developed over the weekend, and I'm finding it kinda hard to cope. I'm just so jealous that they get to see each other every day. I'm happy for them, really I am, but seeing them being all lovey dovey really hurts.
    I know how you feel, and it's so hard! Not even with friends because not many of my friends have been in relationships, but in general I get jealous with people in the street, holding hands being lovey duvey and it drives me crazy, at the start of my LDR I used to have a few tears in my eyes during the first few months. But once I knew we were going to see each other soon, I just blocked the "lovey duvey" people out of my head and thought "I've got an amazing man and even if he is far away, I still love him and can't wait to see him" It's easier said than done, but you have to keep strong.

    Good luck (:
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    (Original post by Flo[ProActiv])
    Does anyone have any advice about coping with an LDR and new couples?

    Out of a group of 8, there are now 3 couples. This has developed over the weekend, and I'm finding it kinda hard to cope. I'm just so jealous that they get to see each other every day. I'm happy for them, really I am, but seeing them being all lovey dovey really hurts.
    I find that having lovey-dovey things you can also do every day helps - writing/receiving letters, planning surprises, planning together things to do the next visit...
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    (Original post by Slender Loris)
    I find that having lovey-dovey things you can also do every day helps - writing/receiving letters, planning surprises, planning together things to do the next visit...
    I totally agree with this.
    @Flo[ProActiv] I have joined a website and it is really good, has really good tips and advice, it's American but it's great - http://www.lovingfromadistance.com
    Seriously, it's a big help.
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    mysterypass, this is one awesome site
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    A friend who's also in a (very-)LDR (and a LD-friend!) linked me to the list of activities on that website a while back... some cute ideas but some are really weird/creepy. "Make a website about your relationship" O_o that's slightly obsessive, no? Virtual wedding?! Adopting a virtual baby?! I know it's meant to be "just for fun" but if my boyfriend suggested those things to me when he was anything less than extremely drunk I'd be worried.
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    yeah i agree..some of it is a tad bit creepy..but there are some cute ideas. I like the bit where people have put the suprises they've got from their loved ones! However the idea of a 'kissphone' sounds a little* OTT..:kiss2:

    sometimes my LDR feels a bit like this.. :boing:

    *understatement
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    Just found out my boyfriend cheated (slept with, to make it worse) another girl...3 weeks ago. He only told me because he drunkenly told one of our mutual friends who persuaded him to do so. I'm ..idk. I don't have any words.
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    (Original post by sunlightxstarbright)
    Just found out my boyfriend cheated (slept with, to make it worse) another girl...3 weeks ago. He only told me because he drunkenly told one of our mutual friends who persuaded him to do so. I'm ..idk. I don't have any words.
    I'm really sorry to hear that :hugs: I hope you'll feel better soon xxx.
 
 
 
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