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    • #177
    #177

    Hey everyone. Would just like some advice on my current situation. I've been with my guy for two years, and in september he left for uni. I'm taking a gap year (in our home town). We decided we both wanted to do long distance because we didn't want to break up, and he'd have long vacations and I could go visit him a couple times. I asked him a couple times if he was sure about it, and he said he was. Saying goodbye to him was horrible, but I shoved it away telling myself I'd see him in a month. A week into his term (freshers week was awful and I hardly heard from him) he tells me he wants to break up. He said it was too hard for him to be away from me, and he thought it would be easier if he tried to get over me. He called me an hour later and said he didn't want to break up, but just go on a break for a while so he could figure everything out. But about two weeks later, he breaks up with me. I was so upset, I don't think I've ever been so upset. I just couldn't understand it, and it seemed completely wrong for us to not be together. He still contacted me often, quite a few times a week, and then he started telling me that he missed me and wanted to talk more. I was getting confused, because he'd broken up with me and he kept talking to me, making it harder for me to understand what he'd really done. I decided to tell him that we couldn't talk anymore, and just as I was about to tell him he sent me an email basically saying that he would always love me. He then tells me he wants to get back together... so I tell him that I'll think about it. Of course I said yes in the end, I was still in love with him! I went over to visit him shortly after, and now I'm back home. Since I got back its been different. We haven't talked that much at all, and when I send him messages he seems to just ignore them. On average we talk about 3 - 4 minutes a day on the phone, and then he says he's busy. I know he is really busy with uni work, but I can't help but wonder why he isn't contacting me. Its not that hard to write a little email or send a text now and then right? I don't know if I should confront him about it or just let him come to me and give him some space? When he comes home next week, should I just overlook these past three weeks or tell him that I want him to make more of an effort when he goes back? Sorry for the essay.. I guess there's just a lot to say about whats been going on.
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    Anon 155 - maybe he's just being cautious? Blokes can be like that - whereas girls will let themselves feel everything with missing their other half, boys tend to just not want to go there and so will distance themselves a bit sometimes. I found that mine could be a bit like that sometimes when we were LD but it didn't stop us getting through the LDR and being a happy non-LD couple
    • #177
    #177

    (Original post by Angelil)
    Anon 155 - maybe he's just being cautious? Blokes can be like that - whereas girls will let themselves feel everything with missing their other half, boys tend to just not want to go there and so will distance themselves a bit sometimes. I found that mine could be a bit like that sometimes when we were LD but it didn't stop us getting through the LDR and being a happy non-LD couple
    Thanks for the advice... its just, its not that he doesn't call me, but I really wish it was more. He seems quite happy to speak to me for about 3 minutes a day and then say he has to go, but I want to actually know what he's up to and what's going on since I don't get to see him very often! And sometimes I'll write him a message before I go to bed if I haven't heard from him that day, just saying that I hope he's good and that I love him, but then he won't reply, and I know that he'll have read it. Basically, do I just ignore it and hope it gets better or do I tell him that I want to hear from him more and how do I tell him that without starting a fight?
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    I had a little problem with my bf like that, but mainly just when he went to Leeds for a few days to stay with his friends. I just felt totally ignored and didn't know what to do but in the end I just had to say something. I tried to be as nice about it as I could and I was quite worried about the reply I'd get back coz I didn't wanna nag and moan at him. But I told him how I felt and then he called me up and said he was sorry etc and he actually was better for the next few days he was there.

    He might not realise how you feel. Especially as he's at uni and has lots of stuff to do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically, do I just ignore it and hope it gets better or do I tell him that I want to hear from him more and how do I tell him that without starting a fight?
    If it's bothering you, ask him about it. A fair compromise is needed.
    • #177
    #177

    I just really don't want to come across as clingy or demanding, and I don't want him to call me if he doesn't want to, I just want him to want to call me more, if that makes any sense? At the same time, I find it annoying that we only talk when its convenient for him, it can't always be on his terms... I think I'll mention it to him when he comes home in a couple days Thanks for the help guys!
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    (Original post by hannahdaisy)
    I had a little problem with my bf like that, but mainly just when he went to Leeds for a few days to stay with his friends. I just felt totally ignored and didn't know what to do but in the end I just had to say something. I tried to be as nice about it as I could and I was quite worried about the reply I'd get back coz I didn't wanna nag and moan at him. But I told him how I felt and then he called me up and said he was sorry etc and he actually was better for the next few days he was there.

    He might not realise how you feel. Especially as he's at uni and has lots of stuff to do.
    Yeahhhh, similar thing happened to me, my boyfriend moved away to uni and after a while I started getting all paranoid about him not talking to me as much/ saying he loved me/ whatever. Its difficult when you're used to being able to gage their body language etc and then suddenly you have to go from phone calls/texts etc. It may not be as bad as you think, just mention it to him, not in like a weird accusatory way but just say that you've been feeling a bit down about it recently, if he really cares about you its likely that he will try harder to keep in contact/reassure you

    Hope it all works out for you, I know this LDR malarkey is hard
    xxx
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    Well me and him have always been an LDR anyway, it's just that his friends moved to uni and he went and visited them for a few days and I felt ignored, he's normally ok with replies and stuff so it wasn't very nice for those days.
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    As it's now the Christmas hols my boyfriend and I are 300 miles apart as opposed to the 30m apart we at uni. I know this probably seems trivial to most of you but we'll probably be apart for about a month, so compared to spending loads of time with each other every day it's a pretty big adjustment.

    Thing is he is just atrocious at using his phone and doesn't spend much time on facebook. I accept this as he is perfectly loving and affectionate when in walking distance, so I'm not going through the paranoid mindset of him having gone off me - he's just poor at communication and since I know the seperation isn't indefinite I'm OK.

    However, talking to other people in similar situations has made me think more about this, with some people saying they are in constant contact by text or having hour long phone calls twice a day. Is it weird that I don't feel the need to do this?

    I reckon we'll talk every couple of days, and when we do talk we talk easily and update each other on our lives but I just don't feel the need for constant communication.
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    (Original post by BlueRoses)
    As it's now the Christmas hols my boyfriend and I are 300 miles apart as opposed to the 30m apart we at uni. I know this probably seems trivial to most of you but we'll probably be apart for about a month, so compared to spending loads of time with each other every day it's a pretty big adjustment.

    Thing is he is just atrocious at using his phone and doesn't spend much time on facebook. I accept this as he is perfectly loving and affectionate when in walking distance, so I'm not going through the paranoid mindset of him having gone off me - he's just poor at communication and since I know the seperation isn't indefinite I'm OK.

    However, talking to other people in similar situations has made me think more about this, with some people saying they are in constant contact by text or having hour long phone calls twice a day. Is it weird that I don't feel the need to do this?

    I reckon we'll talk every couple of days, and when we do talk we talk easily and update each other on our lives but I just don't feel the need for constant communication.
    My boyfriend is like this... when ever we've been on holiday apart I'd be lucky to get one text a day... It definitely doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, but maybe he's trying not to think about you too much because then he'll realize how much he misses you and he won't enjoy himself. And yeah, I don't feel the need for constant communication either, so there is nothing wrong with that
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    Bah I think I miss him now. It's weird, I think you only really start to miss them when you get a slight fear about it all.

    But itll be fine.... 2 and a half-ish weeks to go Respect to everyone who does this for the long term
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    Good luck to all of you in a LDR. We lasted through my first year and second year at University, only to have im end it in my final year with 7 months left of the distance. We had been together a total of 5 and a half years. I thought we had gotten through the hardest part.

    I am still incredibly upset about all this. I am not trying to discourage any of you on here by the way, just my personal opinion is that for MY situation the me moving away to univerity ruined my life. The distance thing got to much and it was always awful saying goodbye. I can't believe wedidn't make it to the end. I blame myself for moving away to university and i will never, ever forgive myself that.

    I miss him everyday and i life is not the same.


    At the beginning of the LD it was hard but we managed, towards the end of last year he admitted it was becoming harder. All the travelling etc.

    I wish you all the best of luck :-)
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    (Original post by Kidders)
    I blame myself for moving away to university and i will never, ever forgive myself that.
    Don't think that. It's not your fault whatsoever. You do want to want to do in life: if you wanted to go to university, you go and life follows you. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
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    Kidders, I can only echo the above. I am so sorry that this has happened to you but you must never blame yourself for doing your own thing and having your own life. There is nothing to say that the two of you wouldn't have broken up in other circumstances somewhere else down the line even if you'd stayed in the same town - and then you'd feel bitter because you HADN'T done what you wanted to do. All the best x
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    (Original post by Angelil)
    Kidders, I can only echo the above. I am so sorry that this has happened to you but you must never blame yourself for doing your own thing and having your own life. There is nothing to say that the two of you wouldn't have broken up in other circumstances somewhere else down the line even if you'd stayed in the same town - and then you'd feel bitter because you HADN'T done what you wanted to do. All the best x

    Thankyou. I know (deep down) that you are right. And if we managed it this long only to have him end it before we could have gone back to living together it probably wasn't soley the distance that made his decision. Afteral i would have been coming back for 3 weeks for Xmas and 4 weeks Easter really soon!

    I know it is his loss, but it is also mine as he made me smile eveyday.
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    (Original post by iced_dragon_agility)
    Don't think that. It's not your fault whatsoever. You do want to want to do in life: if you wanted to go to university, you go and life follows you. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
    I totally believe this too. I just can't help thinking my moving didn't help the situation! I think if we are meant to be together, maybe in time he will realise this and we will end up together. And if we are not meant to be together then obviously him ending it had to happen sooner or later (just wish it hadn't been in my final year of my degree!)

    Part of me so wholeheartedly believes he and i are meant to be together... only time will tell on this but i will let you all know in a few months (maybe years) if my theory worked out! :yep:

    Best of luck to all of you in LDR, they are hard and at times they suck, but nothing beats that feeling of seeing your partners after a long period of being apart and looking forward to the next time! Good luck again and i hope you all have a better outcome than me
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    we broke up
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    (Original post by It Makes No Difference)
    we broke up
    I'm so sorry :hugs:
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    He'll be here in 2 hours!! He's been travelling since 5am because of **** with flights due to snow, but...he's coming!!!!
 
 
 
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