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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks Irrelevance. I did ask, he said he is sure. He also said if we lived an hour apart, he wouldn't move, and if we split up, he wouldn't move [which is completely opposite to what he said when he applied]. Thanks for the advice though, much appreciated. Guess it's his life...
    I have to say, you don't sound entirely convinced this is a good idea at all. Would you say you honestly are happy him moving or would you rather take on the distance instead?
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    Anon 162: would flying between your two respective locations not help? It can't be more than trains at the current prices?
    • #178
    #178

    Can anyone talk to me about my posts on page 215?
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    Hi Anon 156

    It sounds like you need to talk with her about this more so that you can get some closure. Is there any chance of repairing the relationship or being able to see each other more often?
    • #178
    #178

    She lives 12 hours away - airtravel time. Last summer we agreed that we needed a solution because neither of us wanted to break apart, so I promised her that I would come to see her at least 4-5 times a year and in the summer of each year, we'd go on holiday together somewhere. She agreed to this which is why I'm so upset that she's changed her mind.

    I was literally begging her to allow me to see her. I told her I'd fly out tomorrow but each time would insistently repeat "No, no nooo". All she wanted to do was to "move on", she replied in a cool assured voice. I felt pathetic at how I was chasing someone whom clearly wasn't interested. And yet days ago she sent me emails expressing her love for me. So I asked her to tell me, this time, how she feels about me. She refused. I was left with only her cruel cold tone to take as an impression. She wasn't helping me move on, she was pushing me away whilst at the same time saying that we could be together in the future. I was pissed. Even when I gave her an ultimatium that I would never contact her from this night, she refused to reveal her feelings - feelings she implies she holds - and admits to ignoring my requests for her to explain them. It was heart breaking and for the first time in years I cried with a broken heart.

    I sent her the money to get the car she has always wanted. I did that as much for me as for her, as my last moment in her life. It's hard to remember her right now as anything about being incredibly immature and selfish in our last moments together.
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    And you couldn't meet halfway, rather than you or her doing the full 12-hour flight?
    Sounds like she's just feeling daunted to me. Have you tried leaving it for a bit and then approaching her about it again?
    • #184
    #184

    (Original post by Angelil)
    Anon 162: would flying between your two respective locations not help? It can't be more than trains at the current prices?
    £75 for the train, about the same to fly unless you book in advance good idea though. I think it's more time together than money spent though (yay for student loans!)
    (Original post by Irrelevance)
    I have to say, you don't sound entirely convinced this is a good idea at all. Would you say you honestly are happy him moving or would you rather take on the distance instead?
    Like him, I don't like the idea of living apart like this for three years either, but I don't want him to be unhappy (though he insists he'll be happy wherever I am). I know it's kinda harsh to be "whinging" about this in the LDR thread, where maybe a lot of people would wish this could happen, but I'm trying not to be selfish and help him see what's best for him... After all, I have to accept the (unlikely, unwanted) possibility we won't last forever, and then where will he end up? I'd rather he was happy...
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    Hello, I'm completely new.

    All this sounds a bit daunting - I'm going to uni in September and my boyfriend will be staying at home for an extra year. Can anyone give me any tips on how to keep it steady? I think we'll be about four hours away on the train from each other.

    Like him, I don't like the idea of living apart like this for three years either, but I don't want him to be unhappy (though he insists he'll be happy wherever I am). I know it's kinda harsh to be "whinging" about this in the LDR thread, where maybe a lot of people would wish this could happen, but I'm trying not to be selfish and help him see what's best for him... After all, I have to accept the (unlikely, unwanted) possibility we won't last forever, and then where will he end up? I'd rather he was happy...
    I might be able to help... I said that I would do what your boyfriend said, and my boyfriend reacted in completely the same way that you have. I know it seems kind of like a stupid decision to make but ultimately if he wants to you can't stop him. However, if you feel like it's putting pressure on you to keep up the relationship when you'd rather be concentrating on, say, your work, you might have to tell him - maybe a limited time spent together would be a good compromise?

    Sorry if that's useless or old advice.
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    (Original post by Flannybabes)
    Hello, I'm completely new.

    All this sounds a bit daunting - I'm going to uni in September and my boyfriend will be staying at home for an extra year. Can anyone give me any tips on how to keep it steady? I think we'll be about four hours away on the train from each other.
    Hi, Flannybabes
    Try looking at the articles page on here 'Long Distance Relationships: How to Cope' etc. They're really helpful when you need some starting advice.

    I'm in my first year at uni right now and my boyfriend has stayed at home working for a year, so I'm a similar boat to how you'll be this time next year. At first for me it was strange because after dreading moving away in the build up to uni, I got there and found that guiltily I didn't miss my boyfriend half as much as I thought I would. I thought everything was going great, I still loved him just as much but I was having such a busy time at uni meeting people and having fun that I didn't have time to sit their miserably missing my boyfriend like I thought I would be. However this ended up with my boyfriend anxiously checking my facebook every day (when he never usually goes on there), having a day off work (which he never does) because he was so upset and stressed that I was gone, and then crying down the phone to me for hours because I hadn't hardly contacted him during freshers week. I'd talked to him more than once a day but he felt like he wanted to know what I was doing all the time, he was paranoid I'd meet someone else. I realise now how although the time goes so fast when you first get to uni, it slows down for the people you leave behind and so you need to let your boyfriend know you're thinking about him all the time especially in the first few weeks when he'll be worrying about you! That's my biggest regret now! But after he'd come up to visit and met all my flatmates he was so much more relaxed and comfortable with everything cos he knew I was living with decent people and knew the kind of routine I had in a day.
    I'd say just make sure you communicate as much as you can, give him a copy of your timetable so you don't have any arguments about 'why didn't you text back for 3 hours?'.. even though you were sure you told him you had lectures etc... Also book him some tickets to go on nights out with you at the uni when he comes to visit, so that he feels included in your uni social life instead of being separate from it and then you both have something to look forward to together which shows him how important it is that he is still a part of your life as much as your new friends are. Make sure he meets and knows everyone you are friends with at uni, especially any guys, so that when you mention them down the phone he doesn't get paranoid that they sound the type of person to try hitting on you or something.
    Ooh one more thing which is a bit more positive - give letter writing a go! It's much more romantic than texting and gives you something to look forward to and a way to better expresss how you're feeling when you can't see him in person as much as you did before.

    Those are my top tips anyway, and I'm only a few months down the line in this LDR thing, so I'm still learning! Hope it helps anyway
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    I need tips :sad:

    How do you say goodbye to your other half when you're going home/how can I stop myself turning into a blubbering wreck when I have to? I've tried telling myself that it's not that bad and I'll see him in a few weeks, that if I cry every time he'll dread seeing me eventually and he'll get fed up of me (that one didn't work, and made me cry more :indiff:)

    I just.. Don't want to cry all the time. I hate it. I get headache after and I don't want to make it so my boyfriend dreads seeing me because when I have to leave I'll be pathetic about it, I don't want to piss him off. I just can't help it.
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    I need tips :sad:

    How do you say goodbye to your other half when you're going home/how can I stop myself turning into a blubbering wreck when I have to? I've tried telling myself that it's not that bad and I'll see him in a few weeks, that if I cry every time he'll dread seeing me eventually and he'll get fed up of me (that one didn't work, and made me cry more :indiff:)

    I just.. Don't want to cry all the time. I hate it. I get headache after and I don't want to make it so my boyfriend dreads seeing me because when I have to leave I'll be pathetic about it, I don't want to piss him off. I just can't help it.
    I'm like this too... I used to cry when we were gonna be apart for a week! I don't know why.. its not like I can't live without him or that I'm really upset when I'm not with him, it's just in that moment of saying goodbye I just always seem to cry. As for tips.. I don't really have any, but I can tell you that last time we said goodbye in early january I didn't cry, so maybe its something you'll get used to... I think that all you can do is try to think that you'll see him soon and that he loves you and he'll be missing you too. Probably really unhelpful
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    (Original post by Maria91)
    I'm like this too... I used to cry when we were gonna be apart for a week! I don't know why.. its not like I can't live without him or that I'm really upset when I'm not with him, it's just in that moment of saying goodbye I just always seem to cry. As for tips.. I don't really have any, but I can tell you that last time we said goodbye in early january I didn't cry, so maybe its something you'll get used to... I think that all you can do is try to think that you'll see him soon and that he loves you and he'll be missing you too. Probably really unhelpful
    It's not unhelpful It's nice to know I'm not the only one. I've been with him for a year, and it happens almost every time, so I'm not sure if it's something I'll just get over eventually or not.
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    I always found that talking about something lighthearted/completely different while you're waiting for the bus or train together helps to stave off the tears. If you both sit there silently then one of you is bound to crack.
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    It's not unhelpful It's nice to know I'm not the only one. I've been with him for a year, and it happens almost every time, so I'm not sure if it's something I'll just get over eventually or not.
    Ah okay.. well I've been with mine for over two years.. so maybe you will get used to it! But I mean it just means that you love him, it's just your way of showing it in a way?
    • #115
    #115

    Hi guyssss. I'm missing my boyfriend and I've come to realise I really worry when he goes out on the piss at uni.
    I get all these images of him sexy dancing with other girls and stuff. Weird thing is I promise I do trust him! We've been together 14 months and the whole 'out on the pull' thing is so not his style. But when he gets drunk I can't help but think that he'll be after female attention abit. I'm such a hypocrite aswell cause when I'm out I dance abit with other guys (nothing too bad - no groping, sexy moves and I'd never ever kiss another guy) and enjoy the attention from them (its nice being told you look nice/sexy).

    I think I'm just looking for someone to tell me I'm not alone in getting worried when my LDR boyfriend goes out heavy drinking. I mean, I'm not worried to the point its really bad...I just sort of think about what he might be doing and hope he's not grinding on other girls...
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    I'm 17, turning 18 on the 8th August 2010.

    My long-distance boyfriend and love of my life is 19, turning 20 on 21st November 2010.

    He lives in Pueblo, Colorado. I live in London, UK.

    I'm starting university Autumn 2010, and we want for him to be able to move over here and live here and maintain a job for the duration of my course, and we will probably get married at some point during those years.

    But the LEGALITIES.

    There seem to be only a limited number of types of VISAs, none of which allow him to stay here and work.

    Can ANYONE help?

    Thanks in advance.
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    Wiki Support Team
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guyssss. I'm missing my boyfriend and I've come to realise I really worry when he goes out on the piss at uni.
    I get all these images of him sexy dancing with other girls and stuff. Weird thing is I promise I do trust him! We've been together 14 months and the whole 'out on the pull' thing is so not his style. But when he gets drunk I can't help but think that he'll be after female attention abit. I'm such a hypocrite aswell cause when I'm out I dance abit with other guys (nothing too bad - no groping, sexy moves and I'd never ever kiss another guy) and enjoy the attention from them (its nice being told you look nice/sexy).

    I think I'm just looking for someone to tell me I'm not alone in getting worried when my LDR boyfriend goes out heavy drinking. I mean, I'm not worried to the point its really bad...I just sort of think about what he might be doing and hope he's not grinding on other girls...
    Hey, you're not alone. When my bf was in London last year in his first year of uni I did exactly the same, and he hardly went out because he hated it..but even when he went out at home I began to worry (all because I had these visions that uni had changed him etc).
    You probs trust him, like I did my boyfriend, but in all honesty it sounds like there is a certain level of areas you don't trust. It's okay, because thats exactly how i felt, and i think thats how most people feel - we're allowed to worry. When you love someone you do worry.
    You just need to try and distract yourself when he goes out - even now (me and my bf are at the same uni now)..but if he goes out and i'm not then I try to get and early night and go to sleep, or I do something i like to do.
    Ask him to text you on the odd occasion throughout the night or maybe contact you when he gets in.

    Don't worry though, you're not alone
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    (Original post by **CutiePie**)
    Hey, you're not alone. When my bf was in London last year in his first year of uni I did exactly the same, and he hardly went out because he hated it..but even when he went out at home I began to worry (all because I had these visions that uni had changed him etc).
    You probs trust him, like I did my boyfriend, but in all honesty it sounds like there is a certain level of areas you don't trust. It's okay, because thats exactly how i felt, and i think thats how most people feel - we're allowed to worry. When you love someone you do worry.
    You just need to try and distract yourself when he goes out - even now (me and my bf are at the same uni now)..but if he goes out and i'm not then I try to get and early night and go to sleep, or I do something i like to do.
    Ask him to text you on the odd occasion throughout the night or maybe contact you when he gets in.

    Don't worry though, you're not alone
    Ah, this is a problem I'm having with my boyfriend. We both go to the same uni, we're a couple from back home, not met at uni. When we first got to uni, he changed loads, tried really hard to impress people, but in the meantime he got really agreessive, came in drunk causing me upset because he was so nasty, and would go out with his flat in which one particular girl (who has a boyfriend) thinks it's ok to grind up every boy with legs. We broke up, only for a few days, because I couldn't take how he was treating me anymore, but once we got back together everything was great again. He said he doesn't really like going out with his flat now because of the way he treated me early on, and also because this girl has not been very nice to me, nor the rest of his flat have been amazing to me either Last night though, he came round to see me, but was really down, and I asked why. He said he felt left out because his flat were having a big night out and he said no to going because he felt it wasn't fair on me. I talked to him, saying I could see how sorry he was for all the tears and sad times he put me through before, and that I didnt mind if he went out with them a bit more, but we should strike a balance. He said he's not sure, he wants to feel more included, but doesn't want to act like he did before to me, and feels bad as a couple of his flat mates really arn't very nice to me, even though I've been nothing but polite to them
    At the same time saying I don't mind, I worry when he goes out, especially with this girl. I trust him, but I don't trust her. I've been out with them before, and I've been next to my boyfriend and she's tried grinding him, but my boyfriend didn't notice, so that really worries me We need a balance, just makes me feel controlling, which I'm not
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    I need tips :sad:

    How do you say goodbye to your other half when you're going home/how can I stop myself turning into a blubbering wreck when I have to? I've tried telling myself that it's not that bad and I'll see him in a few weeks, that if I cry every time he'll dread seeing me eventually and he'll get fed up of me (that one didn't work, and made me cry more :indiff:)

    I just.. Don't want to cry all the time. I hate it. I get headache after and I don't want to make it so my boyfriend dreads seeing me because when I have to leave I'll be pathetic about it, I don't want to piss him off. I just can't help it.
    I'm like this too, but now I just make the goodbyes short and sweet, a quick kiss, a hug and a "I'll see you soon ". Then I just go and cry like a baby when I get on the train/he gets on the train I was so upset when he left two weeks ago after spending 5 weeks with him (he's at university 4 hours away now but lived down the road from me so comes back there for holidays, I'm in upper sixth). The thing is, I knew he'd miss me but I knew he couldn't wait to get back to university either, whereas I miss him and I hate sixth form

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guyssss. I'm missing my boyfriend and I've come to realise I really worry when he goes out on the piss at uni.
    I get all these images of him sexy dancing with other girls and stuff. Weird thing is I promise I do trust him! We've been together 14 months and the whole 'out on the pull' thing is so not his style. But when he gets drunk I can't help but think that he'll be after female attention abit. I'm such a hypocrite aswell cause when I'm out I dance abit with other guys (nothing too bad - no groping, sexy moves and I'd never ever kiss another guy) and enjoy the attention from them (its nice being told you look nice/sexy).

    I think I'm just looking for someone to tell me I'm not alone in getting worried when my LDR boyfriend goes out heavy drinking. I mean, I'm not worried to the point its really bad...I just sort of think about what he might be doing and hope he's not grinding on other girls...
    I really worry about this too, and I really can't wait because I'm such a terrible flirt when I'm out, I wear pretty revealing clothes and I dance quite provocatively with my friends, both male and female. However, I would never cheat on him, although I have in previous relationships and he knows I've cheated before. But he trusts me entirely, even when I'm completely plastered. He never gets annoyed with me going out drinking or flirting but I can't help but worry about his numerous pretty female friends at university and I'm convinced he'll find someone better than me I need to learn to stop worrying.
    • #184
    #184

    (Original post by Flannybabes)
    I might be able to help... I said that I would do what your boyfriend said, and my boyfriend reacted in completely the same way that you have. I know it seems kind of like a stupid decision to make but ultimately if he wants to you can't stop him. However, if you feel like it's putting pressure on you to keep up the relationship when you'd rather be concentrating on, say, your work, you might have to tell him - maybe a limited time spent together would be a good compromise?

    Sorry if that's useless or old advice.
    No thank you, I really appreciate it, it's helpful to see it from another (female!) perspective

    However, my friends have since said they don't want to share a house with a couple (though, their reasons for this are incredibly vague, I think they're just following our SU's advice rather than thinking - they all really like my boyfriend, and we're not one of those sappy couples, we're both people in our own right rather than a horrific Jedward thing, where we're inseparable). </rant>
    Anyway, long story short, we are going to live alone together next year, as he doesn't know anyone at my uni except my friends. I'm kinda worried, we're both outgoing and he will (hopefully) make other friends, I'm just... nervous.
 
 
 
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