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    (Original post by fairyann)
    I am utterly confused! i don't know what to choose my uni choices are for leeds met and birmingham city. BOTH far away from home and him! I dunno what to do and I dunno if i will even be good enough to get the grades. he seems like he knows that we wont last because of a previous experience which I replied do not compare our relationship to previous ones! ha ha he says he loves me and has told me I am the one. But is very insistent that I stay home to a uni near me. like Chester. OK that means going through clearing which i dunno if that is a gamble i want to take and i feel in myself i can do better than that. Other idea is to resit the year and reapply next year to get into where i really want. I'M SO CONFUSED! i feel i'm getting pushed and pulled. All I know is that I don't wanna go away from home

    any thoughts?
    Do what is best for you/your education and career - and if that means going to a far away university then so be it. If you went to your local university mainly down to it being near to your boyfriend and then you and your boyfriend broke up, you'd probably regret it! If you are "the one" then he should support you wherever you go, and if the relationship is meant to work, it will, you'll just both have to put in the effort with communication and travelling to see eachother.

    I say this as someone who is in a serious relationship, and will (providing i get the grades!) be moving to a uni that's a 3 hour train journey away. Deciding which uni offer to firm was a difficult decision to make, but my boyfriend says he'll support me 100% wherever I go. Who knows if it will work out in the long run but we're gonna try really hard to make it work, and if we do end up breaking up (really hope not!) then at least I'll be at the university I want to be at.

    Good luck to you
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    (Original post by bethannny)
    Ah, this thread looks so useful :]

    (I tried to keep this short, but it spread uncontrollably - oops )

    Basically, I'm moving down to Brighton from London at the end of September to start uni - which I'm immensely excited about. My BF, however, is going to Surrey on the 16th August to start his basic training as he's joining the Army Intelligence Corps (which, bless him he was so excited to have got into!). That'll last 14 ish weeks, then he moves up to Bedford to do additional training that'll last a further 27 weeks. All this is leading up to him becoming a translator, learning Pashto (a form of Arabic spoken in, to name one place, Afghanistan). This will, as you may have guessed, lead to him doing tours of duty in said country.

    He does 6/7 weeks of training, then gets a long weekend before completing the rest. I can't go and see him whilst he's doing that. Unfortunately, it also looks like the weekend he gets free is the one I'll be moving down to Brighton so is really not a brilliant time. He's not sure of the arrangements for his additional training yet, but I expect it'll be on a similar arrangement as his basic training.

    Summary: I wont be seeing a lot of him.

    Another problem I'm going to face is travel; once he's done his training and is based at Bedford it's a 2 & 1/2 hour train journey (which is nothing compared to what other people have to cope with) that's about a £30/40 ticket. I've been doing my student finance and it's just not enough, it barely covers my accommodation costs. I qualify for little if any of the grants but my parents cannot afford to give me any money - they've only been able to help me out with my accommodation deposit because my step-dad's father has recently died. I desperately need to get a job as soon as i move down (easier said than done), but I'm afraid that I'm simply not going to be able to afford to see him, which tears me up.

    If we survive this for the 3 years, I'll then have to deal with him going to a warzone for moths on end. I don't even want to think about that yet.
    He might even get called up whilst I'm still in uni.

    I'm just, worried. We've not even been together long, a couple of months but we've fallen for each other big time. He asked me earlier this week if I fancied moving up to Bedford once I've completed my degree - I didn't think he was being serious, but he was.

    I think what I'm asking for from this long, rambling post is advice on how to cope - i desperately want to stay with him, I've never been so in love with anyone before but I just don't know if I can. We're going to try and make this work, but i can't help thinking that the pain of breaking up with him once we go our separate ways in the summer will save the pain of only seeing him intermittently over 3 years, and worrying about him when he goes to fight.

    I love him, but I don't know what to do

    P.S. thank you for reading if you managed to get past the appalling organisation, i'm not in the best state of mind.
    It's going to hurt but if your really serious you'll just have to keep at it. There's phones/text/e-mails, you just have to make time for each other. This is something you'll just have to get used to if he goes for a tour in Afghanistan, so it might be easier to start it this year and get used to it while he's unlikely to get hurt/out of contact for days at a time. Good luck!
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    (Original post by bethannny)
    Another problem I'm going to face is travel; once he's done his training and is based at Bedford it's a 2 & 1/2 hour train journey (which is nothing compared to what other people have to cope with) that's about a £30/40 ticket. I've been doing my student finance and it's just not enough, it barely covers my accommodation costs. I qualify for little if any of the grants but my parents cannot afford to give me any money - they've only been able to help me out with my accommodation deposit because my step-dad's father has recently died. I desperately need to get a job as soon as i move down (easier said than done), but I'm afraid that I'm simply not going to be able to afford to see him, which tears me up.
    Get a 16-25 Rail-card? For the times you do go see him, if you have any extra cash for a visit. It cost £24 to start with but lasts for a year, and will save you £10-£12 on your train tickets each time.
    • #204
    #204

    Hi, my girlfriend of well over a year has gone travelling for 4 months, we are both staying with each other and had made it very clear we trust and love each other ages before she left. She has told me that nothing will change between us. I do trust her but what are other peoples experiences of this sort of situation? Prolly just posting this cause i miss her loads.
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    (Original post by fairyann)
    I am utterly confused! i don't know what to choose my uni choices are for leeds met and birmingham city. BOTH far away from home and him! I dunno what to do and I dunno if i will even be good enough to get the grades. he seems like he knows that we wont last because of a previous experience which I replied do not compare our relationship to previous ones! ha ha he says he loves me and has told me I am the one. But is very insistent that I stay home to a uni near me. like Chester. OK that means going through clearing which i dunno if that is a gamble i want to take and i feel in myself i can do better than that. Other idea is to resit the year and reapply next year to get into where i really want. I'M SO CONFUSED! i feel i'm getting pushed and pulled. All I know is that I don't wanna go away from home

    any thoughts?
    PLEASE do not consider your life choices on the basis of your boyfriend.. i have done this mistake many times and regret so many decisions i should have made myself to go ahead with but my past controlling bfs persuaded me.. this let this happen..there are plenty of fish in the sea, and try a long distant relationship..i know my post is rather bias.. take the advice if you like but dont if you dont
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    Get a 16-25 Rail-card? For the times you do go see him, if you have any extra cash for a visit. It cost £24 to start with but lasts for a year, and will save you £10-£12 on your train tickets each time.
    also prebooking your tickets like on trainline.co.uk saves you a lot of money too
    • #177
    #177

    I feel like my boyfriend and I don't talk enough, whats a good way to suggest talking more without sounding needy?
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    Just posting to get this into my watched threads, really. But while I'm here, I'll explain the situation.

    I'm going to be in a long-distance relationship come September, when I move up to Carlisle from near Barrow-in-Furness to do my PGCE Primary (something that my boyfriend actually encouraged me to apply for and do).
    We'll be an hour and a half's drive away - okay, not as bad as it could be, but I'm still really worried about how we'll cope. Maybe not with the physical distance but emotional distance. I don't know if I'll have time to even see him every weekend like he wants, because I'll be so snowed under with lesson plans and marking and stressing, let alone to talk to him every day like we do at the moment.
    It might all come as a huge shock to the relationship and I don't know if we'll get through it. I hope we will. But I don't know.
    Doesn't help I have massive trust issues when it comes to men, either...

    I guess we'll see what happens! Thank goodness it's only for a year.
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    Me and my boyfriend are going to be in an LDR come September if we're still together by that point (being realistic here), and as much as I really want to talk about it with him, I never really hear his feelings on what he wants to happen - he usually just agrees with me. I suppose this isn't a bad thing that he agrees (we've come to the agreement that we'll see how it goes when we get there, depending on where we both go), but I just want him to open up more about what he wants, because I find it an important conversation to have. Help?

    EDIT: Been together a fair while- 9 months.
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    Hmm... Just ask him, "What are your thoughts on it?" or something and ask him to elaborate if he gives a disappointingly short answer. =P
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    (Original post by staring.space)
    Me and my boyfriend are going to be in an LDR come September if we're still together by that point (being realistic here), and as much as I really want to talk about it with him, I never really hear his feelings on what he wants to happen - he usually just agrees with me. I suppose this isn't a bad thing that he agrees (we've come to the agreement that we'll see how it goes when we get there, depending on where we both go), but I just want him to open up more about what he wants, because I find it an important conversation to have. Help?

    EDIT: Been together a fair while- 9 months.
    Have you told him that you think you need to talk about it? It might sound silly, but I say this because he might not think it is an important conversation. We didn't talk about my boyfriend going off to university because it never occurred to either of us that there was anything to discuss, and it could be that your boyfriend feels the same way. More than six and a half years on we're still together and planning our wedding for next year, so evidently it didn't do us any harm :p:
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    ^ good point. He might not think you need to discuss anything - might just assume that, yes, you'll stay together and yes it will be easy. Maybe he has the whole 'take things as they come' approach. My boyfriend is much the same. We have rarely mentioned the fact I'm moving apart from one teeny tiny conversation where we decided we would take it in turns to visit each other every weekend. Point is, he probably doesn't think there's anything to discuss. If you NEED to talk everything through with him though, just tell him! I bet he'd oblige :-)
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    Hm well I "loved" my boyfriend of 9 months and we were madly in love (I thought) so figured a LDR would work out just fine. Yeeeh, pretty much didn't, was miserable for months because turned out to be a total idiot and liar aaand now I'm doing better than ever and the thought that I could've still been with him makes me slightly sick.

    So, if you ignore the bitterness in this message, I'm sure you can understand the point I'm trying to make, which is that it's not worth it and you'll have a way better time without a LDR. :P
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    Oh no! I don't like the LDR horror stories
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    (Original post by hannydee)
    Oh no! I don't like the LDR horror stories
    There are horros stories, but there are loads of positive ones too [much like any relationships, tbh].

    If you haven't already, head over to the chat thread =]
    Everyone is lovely, I promise.
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    I would say just go for it pretty much whatever the case - worth a try! It may turn out as crappy as Camilla 2501's experience but, again.. it might not and your partner could be a great person as instead of being like Camilla's obnoxious one. Whether or not a person's relationship is long-distance, they tend to find if their partners are like that anyways! Any relationship may not work out, a long-distance one may put more strain on them but that's no reason to shy away! Just give it a go and see if it'll work for you and your partner. That's what I say.

    I had no idea if my relationship would work out, no one can truly know these things, but I figured.. I really cared for this guy and he said felt the same way about me. I didn't feel as if I had much to lose from giving it a go as, if it doesn't work out, well, then we'd just go our seperate ways. However, the idea of not trying barely even crossed my mind 'cause I think I'd regret that more than if I tried and it was a disaster. "What If"s and all that. I'm pretty sure I'm at least ten times happier in this relationship than I would've been if I didn't give long-distance a shot!

    Bad experiences people have had in any kind of relationship shouldn't put a person off if they think it stands a chance of working for them.
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    (Original post by hannydee)
    Oh no! I don't like the LDR horror stories
    Ignore the horror stories. Well, don't take much notice of them. Her relationship would have turned out the same whether it was long distance or not.

    I think LDRs can be worth it, I'm very happy and I've been in mine for over a year now.
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    (Original post by Jazmine)
    Bad experiences people have had in any kind of relationship shouldn't put a person off if they think it stands a chance of working for them.
    I agree, but they can affect you in such a big way that you're just not up for another relationship any time soon. Meaning to say that sometimes it's better to be alone, and to be happy being single. My point: if the "seemingly" right person would come along right now I would definitely tell them a polite "no thanks".
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    (Original post by Camilla 2501)
    I agree, but they can affect you in such a big way that you're just not up for another relationship any time soon. Meaning to say that sometimes it's better to be alone, and to be happy being single. My point: if the "seemingly" right person would come along right now I would definitely tell them a polite "no thanks".
    Yeah and that would be the same even if he'd lived 10 minutes away when you were together, right? It's not nice to put people's whole relationship down just because you had a bad experience, everyone's different.
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    (Original post by New...Romantic)
    Yeah and that would be the same even if he'd lived 10 minutes away when you were together, right? It's not nice to put people's whole relationship down just because you had a bad experience, everyone's different.
    Yeh I wasn't putting anyone's relationship down, just sharing my bad experience... Is that not tolerable for you?
    If this relationship you talk of is so secure and amazing anyways, then what do you have to worry about? Why even care about someone else's bad experience? So no reason to get offended/rude.
 
 
 
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