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    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    Sex doesn't differentiate a relationship from a platonic friendship, not at all. I share everything with my boyfriend (even mpre than I do with my best female friends) and there's definitely still a level of intimacy there even when we haven't seen each other for a few weeks.
    But if there was no sex, it wouldn't be a bf/gf relationship, just platonic one.

    It's good that you are close and open with your bf. As I said, the best relationships are where you're friends and lovers all in one, which you seem to have

    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    there are a lot of people for whom LDRs do work. :yep:
    Sure, just be mindful that it'll take a lot of hard work. If you can handle the true reality of that and the relationship stands up through that, then power to you and your bf.

    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    You're entitled to your opinion, and that's fair enough, but just try and stay away from the sweeping generalisations
    Well I can only talk from personal experience and from my observations of the world around me and learn the lessons from that....

    I only think a LD monogamous relationship can work if it's a temporary situation. If you're planning on this being long term LD, it won't work. At some stage in the future you are going to have to move closer to one another to cement the relationship and show your commitment to each other. Without that commitment, I stand by my view that it's pointless making it monogamous and better left open.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    If you're 18 and 19, as I've already said, I think it's kinda pointless being in a serious monogamous relationship. I'm of the belief that guys (and girls if they wish) should get all their 'playing the field' out of their systems before they settle down into a long term relationship. Anyone under 25 or even 30 is young and changing a lot and should be finding themselves and just enjoying life instead of getting into serious relationships.

    I've seen it all before. I'm 29 now and saw some of my friends get married at 18 or 20 to the first serious partner they had, only to be divorced by age 25. The problem is there for all to see; you haven't lived if you settle down at such a young age. No wonder people have affairs.

    I hope to God you're not his first gf, or he's not your first bf. It's very rare for a relationship to last a lifetime, so enjoy it for what it and as long as it lasts. And good luck.

    Never settle down in a serious relationship before you've gotten playing the field out of your system and never settle down before you have lived a bit (i.e. travelled, got to know yourself and what you want out of life, dated a lot of different people, focused on your career/goals/dreams etc).

    But as usual, I digress!

    I totally agree with you on this point. The key point is: people will always do what they want anyway. So if someone's gonna cheat, they'll do it anyway, if they want to stay faithful then they will. And of course, you want to be with someone who truly WANTS to be with you.
    Whilst we're certainly not planning children or marriage any time soon, I don't really understand the point of 'playing the field' and sleeping around. I don't consider getting screwed around by jerks a necessary part of my life experiences, thanks. If we split up then, yeah, we split up and I'll probably be devastated but I'm not losing any sleep over the fact that I'm in a relatively long term relationship at twenty years old. If either of us felt constricted by it, I'd hope we're both mature enough to discuss it rather than growing to resent each other and ultimately possibly cheating.

    And of course there are always relationships that don't work out, and that can be for a myriad of reasons. I s'pose if I couldn't see a fairly realistic end to the long-distance nature of our situation, then I might have to ask myself serious questions about our relationship but right now I'm happy and I think that's what matters.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    Good luck, but it's going to be hard work. If you trust each other not to cheat, fair enough. I personally wouldn't make a LDR a monogamous one, but that's your choice. It's just more realistic to keep it non-monogamous, since people have sexual urges and will no doubt be tempted to 'cheat', as you will be coming into contact with a lot of cooland good looking people (students etc) therefore why fight it?

    Actually, I think if you're under 25 then being in a monogamous relationship is silly anyway. You don't want to be getting into any serious relationships while you're young, there's plenty of time for that when you're older. Being young is about being free and having fun, and that is why I think monogamous relationships, especially LD monogamous relationships, when under 25, are daft. But I digeress!



    Really? What is it that separates a platonic friendship from a boyfriend/girlfriend one? The difference between the two is that platonic friends don't have sex with each other.

    Actually, the best relationships are when you are lovers and friends all rolled into one. I agree there is more to a relationship than just sex, but sex is very important too.

    Anyway the original point here was about LDR. FOR ME, I can safely say I would never have a LD monogamous relationship. Different strokes for different folks, but beware of the difficulties whatever you decide. Good luck.
    I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and neither of us have ever cheated. Just because you can't keep it in your pants, it doesn't mean other people can't. I'm not dropping my knickers for the first 'cool' looking person I see.

    *sigh* I think you're just here trying to get a reaction out of all of us, personally. Can't be arsed with you anymore, as you're just talking rubbish, and don't deserve an answer.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    I only think a LD monogamous relationship can work if it's a temporary situation. If you're planning on this being long term LD, it won't work. At some stage in the future you are going to have to move closer to one another to cement the relationship and show your commitment to each other. Without that commitment, I stand by my view that it's pointless making it monogamous and better left open.
    I'm sure that most of us hope it will be a temporary situation. But when it's a choice between seeing them rarely, and never seeing them at all, seeing them when you can has got to be better.

    I'd love to live nearer to my boyfriend. Unfortunately, I'm at a university far away, and I don't have to means to live near to him during the holidays. If we're still together once my degree is over, I'll look for jobs/masters degrees that allow me to be closer to him, but at the moment, it's simply not feasible.
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    (Original post by Flo[ProActiv])
    But what if you have no interest in 'playing the field'?

    I definatley have no interest in sleeping around/dating loads of guys.
    Find a guy who WANTS to be in a monogamous relationship and wants to be faithful to you. Most men between in their 20s want to sew their oats as much as possible and have sex with numerous partners...that is just the way it goes and the way us men are wired. When a man gets into his late 20s, the urge calms down somewhat. That is why I don't trust any man who's in a monogamous relationship at the age of 18 or 19 etc. Did he choose to be there, or did he get roped into it or pressured into it by his gf?

    I'm of the view that women are naturally hardwired to be monogamous more so than men. It makes sense.

    Think about this for a second. In the time it takes women to produce 2 or 3 eggs, men produce literally millions of sperm. What does that tell you about the way us humans are hardwired....

    I'm not here to 'get a reaction' or to 'patronise' anyone, but I'm a plain speaking, straight talking guy who speaks his mind. If you guys feel LD mongogamous relationships are for you, good luck. But if there wasn't some truth to what I was saying, you wouldn't feel the need to be so defensive.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    Find a guy who WANTS to be in a monogamous relationship and wants to be faithful to you. Most men between in their 20s want to sew their oats as much as possible and have sex with numerous partners...that is just the way it goes and the way us men are wired. When a man gets into his late 20s, the urge calms down somewhat. That is why I don't trust any man who's in a monogamous relationship at the age of 18 or 19 etc. Did he choose to be there, or did he get roped into it or pressured into it by his gf?

    I'm of the view that women are naturally hardwired to be monogamous more so than men. It makes sense.

    Think about this for a second. In the time it takes women to produce 2 or 3 eggs, men produce literally millions of sperm. What does that tell you about the way us humans are hardwired....

    I'm not here to 'get a reaction' or to 'patronise' anyone, but I'm a plain speaking, straight talking guy who speaks his mind. If you guys feel LD mongogamous relationships are for you, good luck. But if there wasn't some truth to what I was saying, you wouldn't feel the need to be so defensive.
    She has... Her boyfriend. As have the rest of us on this thread.

    And yeah, all that monogamous stuff is true, scientists have been saying it for years. It just means 'in general' though, obviously some guys want to be in relationships at a younger age. Just the same way some women never want to settle down or have kids.
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    (Original post by Neil_K)
    But if there wasn't some truth to what I was saying, you wouldn't feel the need to be so defensive.
    And, similarly, if you'd come in here and said all this stuff and no one had responded you'd probably be saying that we know you're right so we're not defending our situations.
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    I respect everyone's right to have their own opinions. Good luck, make your own mistakes, learn your own lessons and come to your own conclusions about what is right for you. Think for yourselves, and not just what society tells you is 'the expected thing to do'. Good luck.

    I come in peace, not hate :-)
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    Ha ha, I think... all relationships come with the worry that the other will cheat. For me, I think I'd worry the same amount about cheating (if I were to worry) no matter what kind of relationship I had; distance or not. I know many people who cheat on their partners yet live in the same house, etc.

    I think I've found someone who truly does commit to being in a monogamous relationship. Neil_K referred to how young some of the people are in these relationships. I see my boyfriend once a month, we just live in different cities in the UK (so it's not very far) and I too thought I was very young to be entering any kind of relationship (I was sixteen when we got together, I'm twenty now). But, I feel it was a good decision and, for me, I was not too young and both of us felt committed enough and whatnot. So, in the end, I don't think age matters too much now. Just the individuals.

    My boyfriend took a good while trying to woo me. Ha ha. So I definitely didn't pressure him into anything! I wasn't sure whether I liked him enough or not or whether he truly liked me, etc, so I didn't go into the relationship until after a year of getting to know him a lot better (I had already known him somewhat well for a year prior to that though). I never really thought about the distance as being an issue really and still don't. Anyways, yeah.. some people don't suit monogamous relationships in general (long-distance or not) and for those people, they should try other kinds of relationships. At the same time, when I suggest that to people who cheat on others often, they tend to hate the idea of a polygamous relationship just 'cause I don't think they much like the idea of their partners having such sexual freedom, it's as if they want to be the only ones with such benefits.
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    I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years, and I'd have to say trust is the most important criteria. If you're constantly worrying he/she might be cheating, then it most likely won't work.

    As for the distance factor, I reckon just spending as much time doing things together as possible. We text, Skype and speak to each other daily on MSN. We save up so we can meet up, and we send each other packages with gifts (small gifts, cards, letters) inside to make it more personal.

    I find it very difficult, but I reckon if you're in a long distance relationship, you appreciate the time you DO have together a lot more.
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    my gf (from marseille) cheated on me on november 09. i fount out 2 days ago. we talked about it and we broke up. she regrets it and i might forgive her but our temper are not the same so we always clashed about it.

    So it's over, i just have to cancel my application for a student flat, and i'll be freed from every restraints. kind of weird tho, 9 month together, i feel weird.

    It weird cuz like I said, i now have more money, more time, don't have to think 3 weeks in the future, etc. So it feels good. But i'm alone.

    Well good luck everybody

    And for the girl above me (EmmyJane) i was worrying about her cheating on me. I was right. And i noticed that it's often girls who cheat, more than boys, as people say.
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    (Original post by Jlaoxy)
    my gf (from marseille) cheated on me on november 09. i fount out 2 days ago. we talked about it and we broke up. she regrets it and i might forgive her but our temper are not the same so we always clashed about it.

    So it's over, i just have to cancel my application for a student flat, and i'll be freed from every restraints. kind of weird tho, 9 month together, i feel weird.

    It weird cuz like I said, i now have more money, more time, don't have to think 3 weeks in the future, etc. So it feels good. But i'm alone.

    Well good luck everybody

    And for the girl above me (EmmyJane) i was worrying about her cheating on me. I was right. And i noticed that it's often girls who cheat, more than boys, as people say.
    I wouldn't cheat on you :yep:

    You're bound to feel weird, as it's a long time. But yes, you do have less restraints, and if that makes you feel better... You won't always be alone, and if someone does cheat on you, you're better off alone!
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    (Original post by psychocustard)
    I wouldn't cheat on you :yep:

    You're bound to feel weird, as it's a long time. But yes, you do have less restraints, and if that makes you feel better... You won't always be alone, and if someone does cheat on you, you're better off alone!
    why "I wouldn't cheat on you" ?

    actually, i don't know if it makes me feel better.

    I had planned to go to Marseille next year, but now I have to cancel things for the flat. woopdidoo. weirdo weird!

    Thanks tho, for your reassurance. I know that i'm better off alone, than with someone who cheat on me. But I loved her, it was serious and real. phewwww.

    thank you
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    (Original post by Jlaoxy)
    my gf (from marseille) cheated on me on november 09. i fount out 2 days ago. we talked about it and we broke up. she regrets it and i might forgive her but our temper are not the same so we always clashed about it.

    So it's over, i just have to cancel my application for a student flat, and i'll be freed from every restraints. kind of weird tho, 9 month together, i feel weird.

    It weird cuz like I said, i now have more money, more time, don't have to think 3 weeks in the future, etc. So it feels good. But i'm alone.

    Well good luck everybody

    And for the girl above me (EmmyJane) i was worrying about her cheating on me. I was right. And i noticed that it's often girls who cheat, more than boys, as people say.
    I feel the same way but I always thought that was just me. That's not to say, of course, that girls cheat more than men. But claims of infidelity for men have been greatly exaggerated.

    You realise that it was real for you, all of it, but hardly any for her. I had an experience some years back where she cheated and remained with the same bloke for several months. She says now that she was confused back then. Good thing that you didn't invest too much in her emotionally though. I never expected her to cheat and I don't think she did as well. Who in reality makes the intention of cheating and yet how many fall for it? It says more about the character and mentality of that person than anything else to be honest. I always ask :when was the mistake? The moment you let him flirt with you? The moment you didn't walk away? The moment you kissed him back? It's always a "mistake" in hindsight and never in the days/moments leading up to the moment.

    Never trust a woman in a LDR, or her declarations of love, until she is willing to travel across the world just to see you.
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    thank god, at least one guy who feel the same way!

    My ex (now i can call her this way) told me that her ex (the one with whom she cheated on me) almost forced her. Not as in "rape". I don't know how, she explained me but I think she was just still in love even though he had cheated on her when they were together etc... But I read the conversation (yep, when you don't trust, you have to do what you have to do.) and she didn't seem like "forced"... So f* it it's pissing me off.


    Now i'm trying to get over it, I hope it'll work.
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    Similar story. I was in an LDR once, I could tell the relationship was dwindling by the day. At first we used to talk loads every day, then it lessend and lessend until it virtually stopped. She then basically ignored me from.... March 2009 (last time we had a good chat) till January 2010. I literally had to find her on facebook, and realised that she had a boyfriend :yep:. I think I won't be getting in an LDR again. When you meet them it's all ok - then when you go home - they refuse to talk to you for ages. She didn't evensay that we split - she just CAC with me. Ridiculous really.
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    I think to say that LDRs don't work is to generalise too much, I understand you three have had horrible experiences but that doesn't mean they don't work for some people. Clearly the girls you were with were *****es and many people will use the excuse of the distance to cheat or blame that on the reason for drifting but in my experience in a lot of relationships this happens to it would have happened regardless of distance. Obviously LDRs don't always last but then nor do 'normal' relationships and I think anyone wondering if it's right for them has to look at one thing.. would you rather try and it not work or spend your life wondering 'what if'.

    As for the point about Girls cheating more, I personally think that both guys and girls are as bad as each other when it comes to that tbh.
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    (Original post by 22KT22)
    I think to say that LDRs don't work is to generalise too much, I understand you three have had horrible experiences but that doesn't mean they don't work for some people. Clearly the girls you were with were *****es and many people will use the excuse of the distance to cheat or blame that on the reason for drifting but in my experience in a lot of relationships this happens to it would have happened regardless of distance. Obviously LDRs don't always last but then nor do 'normal' relationships and I think anyone wondering if it's right for them has to look at one thing.. would you rather try and it not work or spend your life wondering 'what if'.

    As for the point about Girls cheating more, I personally think that both guys and girls are as bad as each other when it comes to that tbh.
    The reason people here are saying they think girls cheat more is because it's arguably easier for them to get sex. I agree with the rest though, I'll treat everyone as an individual but when I see behaviour that is soo familiar to me, I know something is wrong.
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    (Original post by Advanced Subsidiary)
    The reason people here are saying they think girls cheat more is because it's arguably easier for them to get sex. I agree with the rest though, I'll treat everyone as an individual but when I see behaviour that is soo familiar to me, I know something is wrong.
    Which I completely understand. In my experience (out of my friends) it's the guys who have actually cheated where the girls have stayed faithful hence why I think we're both as bad as each other.
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    (Original post by 22KT22)
    Which I completely understand. In my experience (out of my friends) it's the guys who have actually cheated where the girls have stayed faithful hence why I think we're both as bad as each other.
    Yeah I guess I agree then. my mum was explaining this to me a couple years ago too. Both genders are just as bad.

    The experience has given me trust issues before though.
 
 
 
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