The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Watch

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SpokenWord
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#4681
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#4681
Hey guys

Looking for some advice here. I used to live in London moved to Nottingham a little over 18 months ago. I used to be really close friends with a guy lots in common etc but we were only ever friends. Now the other morning I got a phone call while I was at sixth form saying that he liked me more than just a friend and did when I was living there. I didn't really know what to say at the time and just said that I'd phone him later because I was in lesson at the time.

I think I feel the same way but I'll be going "Home" to Canada in July for about a month and won't really be able to call or go on the internet very much. I'll be moving back to London in late September for uni know. What would you guys do? :o:
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lucyhol1012
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#4682
(Original post by SpokenWord)
Hey guys

Looking for some advice here. I used to live in London moved to Nottingham a little over 18 months ago. I used to be really close friends with a guy lots in common etc but we were only ever friends. Now the other morning I got a phone call while I was at sixth form saying that he liked me more than just a friend and did when I was living there. I didn't really know what to say at the time and just said that I'd phone him later because I was in lesson at the time.

I think I feel the same way but I'll be going "Home" to Canada in July for about a month and won't really be able to call or go on the internet very much. I'll be moving back to London in late September for uni know. What would you guys do? :o:
If you like him I'd say go for it you've got a whole month before July in which you can be together and visit him.
And then you've not got that long in Canada. How come you won't be able to contact him though?

And if it does work then when you go to London then you'll see him even more
You'll never know unless you give it a go
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SpokenWord
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#4683
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#4683
Thank you I'm sure we will be able to talk while I'm away. Both have Skype as well so free calls. I was just thinking of the distance and not being able to speak on the phone but that isn't really an issue with Skype so.

I think I shall! Now just to find this soc.
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lucyhol1012
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#4684
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#4684
Skype is a lifesaver
I think its definitely worth giving it a go if you like each other. For now Nottingham to London isn't too bad and if you'll both be in London come September then that's great

Come and chat in the chat thread;
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...52431&page=492

We're all nice and friendly :p:
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Laura-Robbie
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#4685
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#4685
Haha this thread has made me lol, im in an Ldr and have never had any problems but he lives in sheffield but is a stern unitedite and then you happen to be doing this thread and is a wednesday fan lol. I love football now though because of my ldr and i must say i did get quite excited when you got relegated but please don't hold a grudge against me coz of being a unitedite i didnt know i would be until just over 14 months ago haha.
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mazzie111
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#4686
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#4686
my boyfriends going to keele and im going to wales for university. i love him so much and i dont know how im going to cope.
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carasmith
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#4687
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#4687
(Original post by mazzie111)
my boyfriends going to keele and im going to wales for university. i love him so much and i dont know how im going to cope.
If you want to stay together, you can find a way to make it work. What are you worried about?
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RosyAurora
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#4688
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#4688
Hi guys, I'm new to this thread and my boyfriend lives in Oxford (Uni). We've been LDR-ing since about October but before that, he lived in Nottingham (about a 45 min drive) - not an LDR but without a car fairly difficult

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and find out how everyone else is dealing with day-to-day LDR problems

(also this year I should - fingers crossed - be going to Exeter Uni. Does anyone with uni-uni LDR experience want to warn me of potential pitfalls? Thanks )
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Sephrenia
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#4689
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#4689
(Original post by RosyAurora)
Hi guys, I'm new to this thread and my boyfriend lives in Oxford (Uni). We've been LDR-ing since about October but before that, he lived in Nottingham (about a 45 min drive) - not an LDR but without a car fairly difficult

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and find out how everyone else is dealing with day-to-day LDR problems

(also this year I should - fingers crossed - be going to Exeter Uni. Does anyone with uni-uni LDR experience want to warn me of potential pitfalls? Thanks )
Hehe, Exeter ^.^

Come join us in the Chat thread =) http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1280161
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mazzie111
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#4690
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#4690
(Original post by carasmith)
If you want to stay together, you can find a way to make it work. What are you worried about?
im going to miss him too much and its far away and i dont know really. im just not looking forward to it because im used to having him around physically alot of the time.
how do you cope ?
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carasmith
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#4691
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#4691
(Original post by mazzie111)
im going to miss him too much and its far away and i dont know really. im just not looking forward to it because im used to having him around physically alot of the time.
how do you cope ?
This was exactly how I felt as well, I think the realization that I would rather be with him this way than not at all is what gets me through this. When it gets hard, I always just remind myself that its better than nothing. I'd been with my boyfriend for two years before he went long distance, and we'd basically seen each other every single day.
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Angelil
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#4692
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#4692
Rosy: yay exeter come and see us in the chat thread you'll have at least 2 exonians to hang out with there!
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dottie28
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#4693
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#4693
Hi everyone,

I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now. This January I moved to Germany to study (it's only for one term) - boyfriend is still in England (we go to the same uni over there).

We have lived together basically since we met (complicated story) and it's been good/bad (got to know each other quickly, no ************ around, lol). He's seen me at my very worst and vice versa...everything was great at the begining. Really felt like we were soulmates, best friends etc.

However, a few months into our relationship, things got kinda bad. We started fighting A LOT (I know some arguing is healthy, but this wasn't a good amount) and he kept rejected me when I wanted to have sex. Needles to say, this crushed my self esteem...and a negative spiral started. He said it was the weed that made him lazy and he's sorry (I know for a fact he wasn't cheating etc...he just said he couldn't be bothered and whatever). I don't really buy his 'weed' excuse but whatever. This is something I have still not gotten over. Really damaged my esteem. Things were going so well up until this whole rejection thing started. I grew so resentful towards him.

Ok, so fast forward til present day, where we are now in LDR situation. It was tough at first...he made very little effort to stay in touch etc and I dumped him in March because I was so fed up of being taken for granted. He really just was not putting any effort. However, after him desperately trying to get in touch when I cut of all contact, I took him back. He seemed like he really wanted me, so I decided to give it another shot. I am just not sure if it was so wise. I went back to England to visit him a couple of times and when we are together, things are great. Almost like how they were right at the begining. Minus the hot sex. Still not over the rejection thing, I don't feel 'naturally' horny anymore (I used to be a beast, lol)...and I do find him attractive, I just find that I am not up for sex (just 'not in the mood'...never thought I'd be one of 'those girls'!!). I hold onto him because he is a good guy...despite him sometimes getting too 'relaxed'. We had a serious talk about it when I took him back and we both made lists for each other of what we'd like more of/less of from each other. He was making an effort for a weeks (he promised it wouldn't be just for a few weeks, but continued..)...and now it's gone back to normal ways. Barely any communication.

Anyway, I am just so confused. I try to remember all the lovely things he has done for me, because really, he has taught me so much. He has been loving and caring and I suppose he's not as bad as I make him out to be. But sometimes he is. He can be such a gentleman and has shown he cares in his own ways, maybe they just aren't ways I show love myself, so I don't recognise them or appreciate them as much. Admitedly, I had a fear of saying 'I love you' which used to really upset him because he'd always say it to me but I'd have trouble saying it back (I'd be bursting to tell him, but the words couldn't come out of my mouth )....and that caused some problems, but one thing I admire about him is his patience with my insecurities and he has continued to love me.

Just little things piss me off...like the fact he never stays in touch when we are apart or that he hasn't ever bought be a gift in almost 2 years (no Xmas or Bday gift). I am not materialistic, but I go out of my way to think of thoughtful girls for him. I just feel like we were so much compatible before and I don't know if we are anymore, and it breaks my heart. Sometimes I don't feel like I have a boyfriend. He used to be my best friend and I felt so comfortable, but things don't feel quite 'right' anymore. The sex thing really hurt me (he knows and has apologised), but still...I was so happy and confident sexually before, not anymore. I miss feeling happy and that 'in love' feeling. It's just not the same. I try to make things better, by remembering all the positive things about him but am I fooling myself?? I know a relationship isn't always 'smooth sailing' but these kind of doubts can not be a good sign??! I feel like I have no one to talk to as the one person I'd go to for advice and talk to about anything, would be him. He was heartbroken when I broke up with him in March, I wouldn't even know what to say. Also, it seems like everytime I don't like something, maybe he feels like I am just 'threatening' him..maybe he doesn't take me breaking up with him seriously.

Sorry this is all over the place, but needed to get it out, even if no one responds. I am just so confused. When we are together, things go well (granted, it's just a short visit back to our house in England..when we lived together, things werent so good...mainly the sex issue).......so I am wondering if I just start geting paranoid, anxious and start overthinking things and making things worse for myself just because we are apart?? Is it just the distance causing this, or are we headed for the end??? I don't know. I love him, but what's causing all of this? I hope it is just distance....
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Dems1973
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#4694
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#4694
Hi everyone!
Would really be greatful for some help and advice because I'm feeling abit low today.

You've probably read some of my previous posts about my ldr with my boyfriend of 2 n a half years.

Basically he went back to uni on the 19th April after Easter and I haven't seen him since (it'll be 6 weeks on Monday) and I just don't feel that it's acceptable but I really dont know what to do about it. I could understand that he had exams and couldnt get back to see me but he promised that he'd come visit me to take me to see a film I wanted to see on the Sunday after his exams had finished, which was the 16th May... He forgot(!) He apologised loads but I dont think he understood how much that hurt me!

He also told me that he was going to be coming back straight after his exams but then decided to stay for an extra week. I thought ok fair enough, his uni doesnt actually close until the 21st so he wants to stay to enjoy the last week with his mates etc.. I expected him back the weekend just gone (the 23rd). But when I spoke to him on Sunday, expecting to arrange to see him the next day it was obvious he was still at uni and his parents had been to visit him on the Saturday to talk to him about the lack of contact that he has had with them.. And that he'll "probably" be back this Sunday..

I just dont know what to do tbh. I've tried breaking up with him but hes adamant that he wants us to stay together and that he loves me. And I really do love him so much, we've been together for 2 and a half years.. I cant just throw it away. I talk to him every single day just like I did when we both lived 5 mins from eachother but I just can't handle not seeing him for 6 weeks.. in my opinion its just not acceptable in a long term relationship! I'm also quite unhappy because I was talking to him about the lack of contact hes had with his parents and he said he "hates" being at home because his parents go on at him and make him work with his dad so I assume that this is the reason that he isn't coming home.

But I just dont see how our relationship is going to work if he hates being home and doesn't want to be here. I'm part of his 'home life' and if he hates being here then I take that personally! The only time we are really ever going to see eachother is when he is at home so how the hell can our relationship work?! He says he wants to be with me yet hes still at uni when his exams have finished and probably most of the uni have gone home! I dont even want to get my hopes up for him coming home the weekend because he'll probably just let me down again! I dont feel like its fair the way he is treating me...

Can someone give me some advice on how to go about raising this issue with him? Every time I try to talk to him he just keeps saying sorry or it turns into an argument! I dont think Im being selfish by being unhappy about not seeing him for 6 week, I think hes the one being selfish!...

Sorry for the rant Help pleasee
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Angelil
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#4695
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#4695
dottie - Frankly I think you had problems before going LD so I wouldn't jump and blame that. Personally I'd want out.

Dems - have you talked to him about this? How far away do you live from each other? I wouldn't be so quick to say a 6-week gap is unacceptable in a long term relationship if there are genuine reasons for the gap (living really far away from each other, exams on...) - many of us in LDRs have had to regularly deal with such gaps due to said genuine reasons.
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carasmith
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#4696
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#4696
Dems - How come you can't go to visit him? I know what you're going through though, as my boyfriend seems to be making up lots of excuses at the moment for why he can't come home etc. etc.. I'm sure its not personal, maybe he wants to stay because all his friends are there and they are all having a great time celebrating the end of exams? My boyfriend and I have done 9 weeks (and it was terrible... but still!) And I'm expecting there to be another 10 - 12 week gap at some point as I'm going traveling, but 6 weeks is a long time especially considering you were expecting to see him at some point. I think my best advice would be to talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel and how its hurting you. And maybe consider going up to visit him?
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Dems1973
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#4697
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#4697
(Original post by Angelil)
dottie - Frankly I think you had problems before going LD so I wouldn't jump and blame that. Personally I'd want out.

Dems - have you talked to him about this? How far away do you live from each other? I wouldn't be so quick to say a 6-week gap is unacceptable in a long term relationship if there are genuine reasons for the gap (living really far away from each other, exams on...) - many of us in LDRs have had to regularly deal with such gaps due to said genuine reasons.

I've tried to mention it to him but all he says is sorry.. cant get him to say anymore on the subject! We're 1 and a half hours by car and 3 hours by coach. But his exams finished 2 weeks ago. Tbh its more the part where he said he hates home thats upset me because if he hates being at home then whats the point of us being together? Thats the only time I see him and I dont think I even want to see him if I know that he'll be hating every second of being here
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Dems1973
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#4698
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#4698
(Original post by carasmith)
Dems - How come you can't go to visit him? I know what you're going through though, as my boyfriend seems to be making up lots of excuses at the moment for why he can't come home etc. etc.. I'm sure its not personal, maybe he wants to stay because all his friends are there and they are all having a great time celebrating the end of exams? My boyfriend and I have done 9 weeks (and it was terrible... but still!) And I'm expecting there to be another 10 - 12 week gap at some point as I'm going traveling, but 6 weeks is a long time especially considering you were expecting to see him at some point. I think my best advice would be to talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel and how its hurting you. And maybe consider going up to visit him?
I've just never been up to visit him. Hes never invited me and because Ive been at home hes always usually come back to visit his family and I live 5 mins away so hes always seen me quite regularly so its never been an issue before now. It'd be soo awkward staying now at the end of term when their all comfortable together etc and then some stranger comes walking in.. they've never seen him like being in a relationship and I think he'd find it weird.

And I agree with what u said about him wanting to stay because of his friends etc but in my eyes, thats what last week was for. He had no exams, he was out every night and his uni closed last friday. I just feel like if he wants to be staying at uni over summer partying with his friends then he shouldn't be in a relationship, he should stay single because hes obviously not thinking about me at all I think im upset because Ive been waiting for the end of term when we could be together properly again since september lol and now hes jst ruined it...
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Anonymous #215
#4699
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#4699
hey guys...i have a similar isssue...theres this guy that goes to the same college as me and his going to university in MANCHESTER...i reallly like him and i want to ask him out but the problem is i dont know if i can do a long distance relationship..well thats is i a positive responce from him...i dont know whether its worth it...it might cause disputes and it wil eventually spoil our relationship or even worse friendshipp

should i ask him out taking the risk and also realsing the possible consequences..or
should i just leave things because he isnt aware of how i feel about him...so oblivious..but im scared that if i ask him out ill get rejected which will lower my self asteeem.
another question...how does a girl ask a guy out without making a fool out her self?


HELP PLEASE
Angelil
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#4700
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#4700
^^ Remember there can also be positive consequences - it can make your relationship stronger and make you both more open and trusting in each other. You'll never know if you don't give it a go.
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