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    Wow, feeling quite thankful to my friend for showing me TSR now. I'm just about to enter into a long distance relationship with him moving to manchester and i'll either be in northampton or Birmingham. Not as far as some of the troopers on here i know, but we've been together 1Y 4M now and i'm pretty adamant we can work through it, but he's had a long distance relationship before and it didnt work out. I am slightly worried because i'm used to seeing him nearly every day even if it's just for a few minutes.
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    (Original post by erbchapman)
    Wow, feeling quite thankful to my friend for showing me TSR now. I'm just about to enter into a long distance relationship with him moving to manchester and i'll either be in northampton or Birmingham. Not as far as some of the troopers on here i know, but we've been together 1Y 4M now and i'm pretty adamant we can work through it, but he's had a long distance relationship before and it didnt work out. I am slightly worried because i'm used to seeing him nearly every day even if it's just for a few minutes.
    Welcome. I'm in the same kind of situation. I'm sure it will work out if you want it to. Have you spoken about the move? Planned when you'll next see each other. The only thing keeping me positive at the moment is I roughly know when I'm going to next see my bf.
    • #231
    #231

    :confused:
    hey, i need some advice please.
    I've recently found out that my boyfriend of two and a half years may be moving to leeds to study at the uni there. i am pleased for him. However leeds is around 85 miles away from where i currently live, and i can't drive.
    I'm not due to start uni myself until september 2011, so this upcoming academic year is the one which i'll start to decide and apply to different universities.

    I already really have my heart set upon going to derby university, but now because of this news i don't know what to do.

    Before i found out that that he was moving, i never particularily wanted to go to a uni too far from my hometown, for reasons such as family and friends- and the fact i still want to go out and see my bf.
    I know this is cheesy and abit naive but he really means the world to me right now, and i don't want our relationship to end just because he's going to a far away uni. however i can't help but think that our relationship may come under alot of strain because he's moving away and the fact we may not see each other for long periods at a time (we see each other pratically every other day sorta)
    He says he's not overly worried about the strain it may cause and what happens happens. but I can't help but worry. i don't want to go leeds uni but i can't help thinking that maybe i should move to a uni closer to leeds so that it won't be so hard on us to see each other.
    i'm really worried about this, and i need some advice on what to do, or how we can cope living far away from each other.
    thanks (Y)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :confused:
    hey, i need some advice please.
    I've recently found out that my boyfriend of two and a half years may be moving to leeds to study at the uni there. i am pleased for him. However leeds is around 85 miles away from where i currently live, and i can't drive.
    I'm not due to start uni myself until september 2011, so this upcoming academic year is the one which i'll start to decide and apply to different universities.

    I already really have my heart set upon going to derby university, but now because of this news i don't know what to do.

    Before i found out that that he was moving, i never particularily wanted to go to a uni too far from my hometown, for reasons such as family and friends- and the fact i still want to go out and see my bf.
    I know this is cheesy and abit naive but he really means the world to me right now, and i don't want our relationship to end just because he's going to a far away uni. however i can't help but think that our relationship may come under alot of strain because he's moving away and the fact we may not see each other for long periods at a time (we see each other pratically every other day sorta)
    He says he's not overly worried about the strain it may cause and what happens happens. but I can't help but worry. i don't want to go leeds uni but i can't help thinking that maybe i should move to a uni closer to leeds so that it won't be so hard on us to see each other.
    i'm really worried about this, and i need some advice on what to do, or how we can cope living far away from each other.
    thanks (Y)
    Choose the unis based on you, never on someone else. If you choose one nearer him and don't like it the resentment may build up and spoil things anyway.
    • #231
    #231

    (Original post by bestie)
    Choose the unis based on you, never on someone else. If you choose one nearer him and don't like it the resentment may build up and spoil things anyway.
    i guess that's very true, but i'm just so worried about all of it. . i just don't know how to deal with a long distant relationship
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    (Original post by Saana)
    Hello. =)

    Don't need any advice really, just somewhere to tell.

    I met this wonderful guy on the internet over a year ago. We realized very quickly we "clicked" and had unbelievably lot in common. Now, after about 13 months, we've become very close, can tell anything to each other, know we love each other and what we want to do in the future. We trust and understand each other and we're very happy, and are kind of together.

    The only problem is, he lives in England (20 miles to South from London) and I live in Finland, so there's about 2,000 kilometres between us. It's not too much and I would easily get there as I have relatives in London and Brighton, but we don't want to meet before we can stay together for a long time - saying goodbye would hurt so much and being apart would be even harder.

    We're planning on meeting in the summer 2011 or 2012, when he finishes his A-levels and could move here to work (yes I feel like I'm ruining his life as he couldn't go to Uni then). I've never told this to anyone yet and I know it seems crazy.
    You haven't met in that period!?

    Sounds like he doesn't like you that much at all and is just talking to you for the sake of it.
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    (Original post by Saana)
    Hello. =)

    Don't need any advice really, just somewhere to tell.

    I met this wonderful guy on the internet over a year ago. We realized very quickly we "clicked" and had unbelievably lot in common. Now, after about 13 months, we've become very close, can tell anything to each other, know we love each other and what we want to do in the future. We trust and understand each other and we're very happy, and are kind of together.

    The only problem is, he lives in England (20 miles to South from London) and I live in Finland, so there's about 2,000 kilometres between us. It's not too much and I would easily get there as I have relatives in London and Brighton, but we don't want to meet before we can stay together for a long time - saying goodbye would hurt so much and being apart would be even harder.

    We're planning on meeting in the summer 2011 or 2012, when he finishes his A-levels and could move here to work (yes I feel like I'm ruining his life as he couldn't go to Uni then). I've never told this to anyone yet and I know it seems crazy.
    I kinda have to agree with the poster below... its been over a year and you're wanting to wait another year to see him? Yes goodbyes are hard but surely meeting him and getting to know him face to face and enjoy the time together is worth going through that goodbye. People can be very different online etc than in a person and to jump straight into him living over there when you've never met seems quite extreme. Even if he's doing A levels surely one of you could go over and see the other in the holidays? It wont disrupt his studies and will let you guys know whether it will work. I know of another couple who were together two years, were long distance but saw each other every couple of months and yet still broke up when they moved in together as there were parts of the other person they had no idea about.
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    please break up with him! ur not happy in the relationship and it seems tht he is not as he seems to be straying. if u r meant to be together in he future you just will do so do not worry and when u next see him end it.

    sorry to be voice of doom lol x
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    Saana, I think to at least see each other once before either of you plan to make dramatic plans such as moving to another country on (what I'm guessing would be a presumed) permanent basis. Basically, I agree with 22KT22. Meeting him in person would still be beneficial - even if you feel you know him well enough over the phone. You could think of it as a nice taster of what it'd be like to eventually live with him anyways! =)

    To be fair, it took my boyfriend a year of urging me to get me to meet him (this was before we were in a relationship though). I was worried that if I met him, I'd not like him. I spoke to him on the phone and online all the time, for hours each day. There wasn't particularly any reason for me to think he was a weirdo 'cept that I've had previous experiences where I've found people rather creepy in person despite all that previous contact and thus later exited those friendships. I wouldn't at all say I didn't want to see him for all that time 'cause I didn't like him, it was more that I didn't want to not like him/ruin my friendship with him. =P! I mention it because, maybe he is not sure he wants to really make this move with you, Saana? Doubting it a little bit deep down inside? I just think meeting him will confirm for both of you whether or not you want to seriously go ahead with your future plans, it could re-enforce your feelings about it rather than be something to be viewed as negative. Well, that's how I felt about my experience...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i guess that's very true, but i'm just so worried about all of it. . i just don't know how to deal with a long distant relationship

    I totally understand how you feel.

    Before my bf made a decision to study in the UK, i didn't imagine i would actually want to study there but as i found out that he was gonna go to the UK, i changed my mind and chose the UK too...

    and i am totally guilty of choosing my unis based on how close it is to where he's staying or his uni... sometimes i think, that's such a stupid thing to do, i mean, i'm deciding my future based upon how far i am from my bf! but then i think about it, i've been in a LDR with him for just about 7-8 months now and haven't seen him since then and this distance made me realise that he has what it takes to motivate me and inspire me to work harder. and honestly, i don't think that i can spend the next 3-4 years being far away from him!

    So, what i want to say is that, you both should know the sacrifice you are making for your relationship and should respect/appreciate it. and if you know that being far away from him will not help you concentrate or have fun in any way, then there's no point in being far from him!
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    Hey there, I'm new to the whole LDR thing, in that my boyfriend has yet to move away.

    We've been together for around eight months and are pretty serious, not as in white picket fence and kids running around, just with wanting to be together now if that makes any sense??

    But after receiving our higher grades he hasn't got into Strathclyde, his first choice so he's having to move up to Dundee for university. A little bit away from Glasgow

    I'm just asking for some good advice really, we've already decided to at least try the long distance thing, and he'll be coming back every weekend for his job and I've promised to go up and visit whenever I can afford it. I guess I'm just scared we'l drift apart and stuff and I was wondering if there's anything we could do to keep each other interested when we'll be seeing each other less??

    Thanks!
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    Well, we now only have 4 weeks left until my first day at uni in Carlisle. Everything is going to change, and I'm so terrified. I know we'll get through the year but I'm really, really not looking forward to having to adjust to only seeing him once a week or (god forbid) once a fortnight. I see him most days at the moment and it's been this way for almost 11 months now. I know he's good at communicating and will be in touch with me every day but still, I'm worrying my head off that I'll miss out on everything and we'll end up drifting apart too much.
    Does anyone have any tips for getting past the initial 'missing him like hell' stage? I think I'm going to go crazy...!
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    do long distance relationships really work? me and my gf have been together since april 2008 and in that time we have fallen into a serious relationship, holidays away together weeks and weeks living together... and now we have uni approaching, whatever the results are we are going to be a long distance apart, between 200 and 10,000 miles! we have been putting off the decision about what we are going to do but now the end is fast approaching.. so basically my question is.. is it better to break it off and stay in touch as friends, or try and a make it work and potentially ruin our relationship and whole univeristy experience ( a messy break up could seriously hamper both our studies)

    yeah so thats basically it.. im stubbed :P any advice would be appreciated
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    (Original post by hannydee)
    Does anyone have any tips for getting past the initial 'missing him like hell' stage? I think I'm going to go crazy...!
    Just to keep yourself busy, really. Take your mind off it, otherwise.. I can't say I did anything else other than that and just riding it out I'm afraid. Sorry I'm not much help, x.

    (Original post by GoosieLorna)
    I guess I'm just scared we'l drift apart and stuff and I was wondering if there's anything we could do to keep each other interested when we'll be seeing each other less??
    Hmm, I'm not sure what to offer besides just keeping in contact with each other frequently, which I think is a given. I think with that alone, you should be fine!

    (Original post by nofish4u)
    do long distance relationships really work? ... so basically my question is.. is it better to break it off and stay in touch as friends, or try and a make it work and potentially ruin our relationship and whole univeristy experience ( a messy break up could seriously hamper both our studies
    Of course many long-distance relationships work, so no worries =P Some of the people here have been together for a long time despite the distance, no doubt there are tons of people who have got along well in long-distance relationships or in relationships that involve the other partner frequently going abroad and things like that. You won't 'ruin your relationship' anymore than you would if you broke up before even trying. =\ I don't see why it has to be messy, if you are decent people.. that won't happen. So, I say go for it! =D If you need any support or anything, feel free to pop by again or visit the chat thread at any time, xx.

    If you want statistics..

    The Centre for the Study of Long Distance Relationships provides the following statistics for the comparison of Proximal Relationships (PRs) and Distance Dating (percentages below relate to the percentage of break ups during a particular time in the relationship):

    · 30% PRs vs. 27% LDRs during the first month

    · 21% PRs vs. 37% LDRs during the first 3 months

    · 35% PRs vs. 42% LDRs during the first 6 months

    · 23% PRs vs. 11% LDRs during the first 8 months

    · 25% PRs vs. 8% LDRs during the first year

    [Source].
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    LDR's can work but you need to be sure this is the person you wanna fight for and you NEED that finishing line, you need to know when and how you'll be together again on a more permanent basis.

    If you aren't dead serious about the relationship (like this is the person you are going to marry and such) then you should try and just split on good terms, stay friends, experience life at uni freely and if you guys meet up again some-way down the road then good.
    • #232
    #232

    Hi, I need some advice please.

    My boyfriend and I aren't quite in an LDR yet, but it seems possible that we will be in the future when my studies in the UK are done and I have to go back home, which is at least 4,000 miles away. We've been together for 4 years though.

    Anyway, I am back at home at the moment and he is travelling with his mates in Europe for 4 weeks. It has been particularly difficult for me recently to deal with the physical distance between us. I have been separated from him for several weeks before whenever I return home for the summer but I've never felt the physical distance so much as I do now because I used to talk to him almost everyday on msn. Now, we've barely spoken to each other for the past few weeks.

    I understand that he's been travelling and obviously have limited access to the internet. He did say that he would send me a private message whenever he could, but admitted that sometimes, he does log on to facebook and only has time to check the message thread he has with his future housemates as they've got some house problems to deal with. Fair enough, I thought. My boyfriend also tells me that he sometimes saves my messages for later when he's more free so that he could read them properly.

    However, I get the feeling that he has been slowly tearing himself away from me. His messages are getting less frequent. In the first two weeks of his travelling, even though he's busy, he would still find the time to send me at least a really, really short message just to say hi and ask how I am. When I saw him online on facebook chat, he was a little cold, if I'm honest.

    Now, I know that people would probably tell me that I should trust my boyfriend more and that it's all just in my head. The thing is, he has tried to break up with me a few times during the past 4 years we were together - reasons like ' we would have to break up in the future because you're going to have to go home permanently in the future; so let's end the pain early '; 'you're always unhappy, I can't deal with it' (I suffer from depression so I have push him past his limits before; even though he has been trying very very hard to support me emotionally and psychologically. But it does cause a strain on our relationship.), etc. But we always got back together because well, either because he realises that he cannot lose me or that we made up and decide to just live for the present and not think too much about that distant future.

    anyway, I saw him online again on fb chat a few days ago and tried to talk to him but he said that he didn't have the time and had to go quickly. So, I said, "alright, talk to you next time then. x" He reacted very strongly to my unhappy face and said "what? don't guilt-trip me."

    Somehow, those words hurt me a lot and made me cry (it doesn't help that I am struggling with depression as well and everyday, it has been a constant battle against negative thoughts). I thought to myself that I haven't spoken to him for so long and why couldn't he be nice?

    Anyway, I controlled my emotions and explained that I was sad because I miss him and not because I'm blaming him. He apologised quickly and left the conversation and I haven't heard from him since.

    I don't know what exactly I'm looking for from people on this thread... but perhaps some perspective or advice to deal with long distance relationships, since I kind of am in one at the moment, at least till I return in two months' time. Should I worry about anything in my relationship? Or has my negative thinking affected my judgement again?

    PS I am sorry that this post is so long. I hope someone could help me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, I need some advice please.

    PS I am sorry that this post is so long. I hope someone could help me.
    Welcome!

    The only thing I can suggest is that maybe he's been thinking about you going home and has decided that it will hurt less if he puts some distance there. It might not be though. Travelling can be a stressful time, there have been a few times my bf has been too stressed/busy to call and it hurts like hell but I know that when I get stressed and I can get a little withdrawn as well.

    Maybe you two need to talk when you both see each other again, especially about the future, which can be very scary I know :eek: . In the mean time try to go out with friends/family, do your work ect. to distract yourself so your not sitting waiting for a message or thinking over things too much.

    :hugs: We have a chat thread (can't find the link) where we all distract ourselves/moan ect. if you want to take a look.
    • #232
    #232

    (Original post by bestie)
    Welcome!

    The only thing I can suggest is that maybe he's been thinking about you going home and has decided that it will hurt less if he puts some distance there. It might not be though. Travelling can be a stressful time, there have been a few times my bf has been too stressed/busy to call and it hurts like hell but I know that when I get stressed and I can get a little withdrawn as well.

    Maybe you two need to talk when you both see each other again, especially about the future, which can be very scary I know :eek: . In the mean time try to go out with friends/family, do your work ect. to distract yourself so your not sitting waiting for a message or thinking over things too much.

    :hugs: We have a chat thread (can't find the link) where we all distract ourselves/moan ect. if you want to take a look.
    Hi! Thank you for your quick response! Yes, I know that my bf and I need to talk about the future when we see each other again. I have to admit though, sometimes I'm almost afraid to approach the topic because of the possible consequences. That possible future which involves us splitting up. I think, right now, (at least since we last spoke about this topic), we both agreed that we should see how our relationship goes in the next two years (possibly more, if I intend to further my studies). Two or more years is a long time so other things could happen so we both decide to wait and just enjoy the present for now. Well, this was our conclusion before though; I don't know what he thinks now.

    I might just be over-reacting to his slightly harsh remark about me guilt-tripping him though, because I have a feeling that it's because he blames himself quite a lot for my depression (I have been through severe bouts of it and he's seen the worst of them... Not pretty sights / scenes. ). I have told him repeatedly that he's not to blame for my condition but he seems to take it so personally because my depression developed during the 4 years I was with him. So, when I indicated that I was slightly unhappy in our last facebook chat, he kind of lashed back with the guilt-trip thing. Understandable, really.

    My bf always tells me that he wants me to stay happy and smile often. He tells me that, it's in these moments that he's reminded of the woman he fell in love with.

    Thank you again though! For helping or at least reminding me that I shouldn't wait around for a message or think too much about things.

    PS I would have love to not remain anonymous but my boyfriend uses TSR sometimes. :ninjagirl:
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    I have made a scrap book of pictures of the girlfriend, and its awesome!

    Though the last letter she sent now smells like pritstick rather than her perfume
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    (Original post by Saana)
    Yep, never met yet. We decided together to not to meet yet (could have met last September-October, or June-July when I was at my aunt's), as we wouldn't have the money for travelling that often anyway, have to save etc. We're both young and this sounds crazy but hmm we really want this and are serious, and I know it's not the same but we've talked on the phone quite a lot and I think we know each other well.
    Your profile says you're 15, is that right? That really is very young to be considering moving in with a boy. I don't want to sound patronising or anything but there's so much you haven't experienced (not even just to do with relationships, your career and friendships and whole life are likely to change and be decided over the next few years) and I really don't see how you could make such a massive decision when you haven't even met.

    If you're both definitely set on ending up together then surely there's no rush to move in together? You should take step back, if you can't meet at this point and develop your relationship I think you both have to figure out separately where you want your own lives to go. That might involve basing decisions on each other (eg, you moving to the UK for uni) but him wanting to move to you to work when he leaves school seems a bit silly and unrealistic and short-sighted. I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear but it'd save a lot of problems down the line.

    (Original post by GoosieLorna)
    Hey there, I'm new to the whole LDR thing, in that my boyfriend has yet to move away.

    We've been together for around eight months and are pretty serious, not as in white picket fence and kids running around, just with wanting to be together now if that makes any sense??

    But after receiving our higher grades he hasn't got into Strathclyde, his first choice so he's having to move up to Dundee for university. A little bit away from Glasgow

    I'm just asking for some good advice really, we've already decided to at least try the long distance thing, and he'll be coming back every weekend for his job and I've promised to go up and visit whenever I can afford it. I guess I'm just scared we'l drift apart and stuff and I was wondering if there's anything we could do to keep each other interested when we'll be seeing each other less??

    Thanks!
    Hiya, I'm at Strathclyde and my boyfriend was at uni in Liverpool so Glasgow-Dundee can definitely be done. Seeing each other just at weekends won't be that bad, even if you lived closer once uni starts and you make new friends and have to study you probably wouldn't be seeing each other that much more anyway. And he'll be coming home for holidays, my boyfriend's from NI so we were LD all year round. When you think about it, there's holidays every couple of months (big long holidays) so that'll really break up the distance. I think you'll find it a lot easier than you think.

    Are you both going into first year? That could make it a bit harder cos the first few months are quite hectic with trying to make friends. Are you both staying in halls? I lived at home and hated it, I think that made the distance worse cos he was out enjoying himself and I was stuck in but you just have to make sure you make friends, don't spend nights in waiting for him to phone.

    Practical advice - Get Skype, a good phone contract with decent minutes and a 16-25 railcard (some student bank accounts come with a free one so look into that). Umm I think that's all I can think of. I'm sure you'll be fine.
 
 
 
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