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    • #240
    #240

    (Original post by sicarius)
    I feel exactly the same, I can't let my boyfriend go, I just love him so much and I hate having to break up over distance but long distance is out of the question since we are 11 hours away (by plane). But your girlfriend is 'only' 4 hours away which isn't that much, maybe you should try long distance? It's worth a shot.
    So sorry about your situation.

    Me and my girlfriend have actually discussed this since then and we're going to give it a shot because neither of us want to part. I am really happy about this because I love her so much.

    It is going to cost a lot of money to see her but it's worth every penny.

    I'm just worried about how it will all work. Trust will always play a massive part because of the distance but I want to give it a try anyway.
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    can anyone tell me what to do?
    me and my... now he is my ex >< he told me he cant concentrate on his studies..spending too much time missing me...he starts day dreaming after school then lie on bed hugging the plushy i hand made for him and fell asleep..and does smthg like that all the time...he tried to keep the relationship and work harder but it didnt work out...he screwed up his a level and lose his opportunity to get to university, now he needs to start over again, we tried to contact less but worsen the problem ><
    did you guys came to that dilemma before and work out that well before?i really hope there is a solution that is best of both worlds ><
    ________________________________ ____________________________
    is he lack of exercise...stress and fatigue or really breaking up does help? please help me
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    god, saying goodbye to him at the airport was awful...it feels like he is taking my heart away with him.
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    My girlfriend and I took a break because we thought it would be really difficult making it work while she was at university, so we could both enjoy our freedom while we were apart. It was the worst decision ever, instead of 'enjoying freedom' we both just felt lonely and sad until we decided to get back together and just make the effort to phone/skype/travel to see each other.
    My advice would be, unless you REALLY want to be free to sleep with other, new people during freshers, or unless the relationship isn't a strong/loving/long term one, then it's not worth breaking up.
    After all - it's hard to repair a relationship once you've broken up, but easy to decide things aren't working a few weeks down the line if you decide you can't handle the strain.
    Hope this helps x
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    Im in a long distance relationships and at times its difficult when there comes times where you're unable to see each other for a while. I think they work if your willing to put the work in, i have been with my boyfriend a year now and everything is good
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    can anyone tell me what to do?
    me and my... now he is my ex >< he told me he cant concentrate on his studies..spending too much time missing me...he starts day dreaming after school then lie on bed hugging the plushy i hand made for him and fell asleep..and does smthg like that all the time...he tried to keep the relationship and work harder but it didn't work out...he screwed up his a level and lose his opportunity to get to university, now he needs to start over again, we tried to contact less but worsen the problem ><
    did you guys came to that dilemma before and work out that well before?i really hope there is a solution that is best of both worlds ><
    ________________________________ _______________
    is he lack of exercise...stress and fatigue or really breaking up does help? please help me
    • #241
    #241

    me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 years. we have had our bad patches but now i think it may soon be over for good.

    we are both going to university soon and i have said to him i want to be single/ not see him as often as we have been able to so we can both put all our time into meeting new people/uni life etc. and then i said we could meet up again after a few weeks and see how we're both getting on

    now though, he says i have changed and that it is all different and i have killed the relationship with what i have said. its really sad and i dont feel i have changed really.

    also im not sure if i am 'in love' with him anymore. i love him but i feel as though we're more like friends and also my sex drive has gone down. i just wanna cuddle up with him and chat.

    whats happening? what do i do? should i let the relationship go? its just so hard after being with someone for so long and becoming so close with them. we are like best friends. advice please?
    • #241
    #241

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 years. we have had our bad patches but now i think it may soon be over for good.

    we are both going to university soon and i have said to him i want to be single/ not see him as often as we have been able to so we can both put all our time into meeting new people/uni life etc. and then i said we could meet up again after a few weeks and see how we're both getting on

    now though, he says i have changed and that it is all different and i have killed the relationship with what i have said. its really sad and i dont feel i have changed really.

    also im not sure if i am 'in love' with him anymore. i love him but i feel as though we're more like friends and also my sex drive has gone down. i just wanna cuddle up with him and chat.

    whats happening? what do i do? should i let the relationship go? its just so hard after being with someone for so long and becoming so close with them. we are like best friends. advice please?
    please quote me if you have any advice so i will be able to find it lol!

    any feedback would be very much appreciated ! xxx
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    Heeeey, I was really hoping some of you could give me some advice.

    I'll put my situation forward and hope it doesn't turn into an essay :lol:

    I met this guy at a club 6 or 7 weeks ago and we were "getting off" as they call it for about 45 minutes. We exchanged numbers and he started texting me every single day. We started to get more flirty and I started to really like him. He asked if I wanted to meet for a drink but we never managed to until he came back off holiday where I really missed texting him. The day he came back he asked if I wanted to go round to his house and I did. We got on really well and in fact, perhaps slightly too well as we ended up having sex =/

    But he still continued to text me loads after that, however with my terrible insecurities and paranoia I got it into my head that all he wanted me for was sex, even though so many people were telling me different.

    We were texting last night and I decided I needed to know whether we were just about sex or he wanted something more. The reason I needed to know so quick is because he's going into his 3rd year at uni in 4 weeks - it's only an hour on the train but still, he doesn't live at home. I knew that if we kept meeting up in the next 4 weeks and then he went off to uni and that was it, I couldn't cope with that.

    So I asked him, and firstly he said me and him weren't just about sex. I then asked if he wanted anything more as I was wondering where we stood. He said yeah possibly, it's just a problem with uni because of him being away alot. I basically explained that I couldn't keep on seeing him then forget it when he goes to uni and he asked if I would find it hard if we were together and he was away alot. I said I don't know but I'd probably manage but it depends on what he wanted as I didn't want to force him into anything. He then replied and said it was so annoying with uni getting in the way and he does like me, he'd just find it hard. I understood exactly what he meant and said we'd never know unless we tried which he agreed to. I then asked if he needed time to think about it, as I did too and he said yes. So currently it's been left that we're both thinking about it and we'll let each other know what our feelings are when we're ready.

    Can anyone just offer advice? Does it look like he genuinely might want to give it a try or is it not looking so good?

    I just think I'd rather us try and be together and fail than not try at all.

    Thanks for any replies in advance.

    xx
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    (Original post by evey_m)
    My girlfriend and I took a break because we thought it would be really difficult making it work while she was at university, so we could both enjoy our freedom while we were apart. It was the worst decision ever, instead of 'enjoying freedom' we both just felt lonely and sad until we decided to get back together and just make the effort to phone/skype/travel to see each other.
    My advice would be, unless you REALLY want to be free to sleep with other, new people during freshers, or unless the relationship isn't a strong/loving/long term one, then it's not worth breaking up.
    After all - it's hard to repair a relationship once you've broken up, but easy to decide things aren't working a few weeks down the line if you decide you can't handle the strain.
    Hope this helps x
    i totally agree with this. my boyfriend lives in north carolina and we considered taking a break til he comes to study at uni of manchester in january.. but we decided there was no point as neither of us are interested in seeing other people. i cant see myself with anybody but him
    • #242
    #242

    I'm worried about university. I'm used to seeing my boyfriend 24/7, and when I'm not with him I feel really isolated. I don't want to spend my first few weeks moping and concentrating on missing him all the time, as it will ruin the 'uni experience', so has anyone got any suggestions as to how to keep those feelings at bay? Also, I really want to meet new people and I feel I can't get completely involved if I'm 'tied' down as such. I'd never end it with my boyfriend because he means too much to me and I want him to be there when i'm finished at uni, but I can't help but think what if I meet someone else etc. :-\
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm worried about university. I'm used to seeing my boyfriend 24/7, and when I'm not with him I feel really isolated. I don't want to spend my first few weeks moping and concentrating on missing him all the time, as it will ruin the 'uni experience', so has anyone got any suggestions as to how to keep those feelings at bay? Also, I really want to meet new people and I feel I can't get completely involved if I'm 'tied' down as such. I'd never end it with my boyfriend because he means too much to me and I want him to be there when i'm finished at uni, but I can't help but think what if I meet someone else etc. :-\

    i feel the same way I wish i could offer you some advice but i don't have any either.
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    I think socialising without the intent of getting laid takes some thought. I find the best way to not mope about not having my boyfriend with me is to throw myself into things completely, and make arrangements for the next time we'll see each other, as it provides something to look forward to (and as he lives in another country, it takes some arranging I assure you )

    I confess I really don't understand the concept of 'taking a break' from your partner so you can sleep with someone else...

    A lot of people seem concerned about going to University and leaving their partner, but as I've been in a LDR for the past year or so, it doesn't really feel any different...
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    My LDR will probably seem pathetic to some of the cross-border ones posted here d:

    Currently I live just over an hour away from my boyfriend (of 1 year) by train and bus. It already means we see little of each other over school holidays ): I'll be going on holiday with him soon, but after that it's university and we'll be a 3 hour coach journey apart in Oxford and Cambridge... We've spoken about it and he's quite happy with the arrangement. This is the first relationship for both of us (let alone long distance!), and I for one am quite scared, so I'm posting here for the warm fuzzy feeling you get posting in a happy-ish thread at half one in the morning (:

    I'm scared because I don't want to scatter my attention too much; staying on at university and getting a good grade will be a lot of work. For me that does have priority... I'm also worried because he's much smarter than me he'll probably find more free time and that might make things awkward. We've encountered this problem before during our A-level exams, but university will be tougher with the longer terms and such D:


    /ran(gs)t

    Any tips (LDR or just general relationship ones) would be appreciated (: ... and a few question for the current LDRers:

    How often do you find it's possible to meet up without jeopardising your studies? Also, how much did it cost you to travel per term/year? I get no grant and my loan doesn't even cover accomodation ): My parents are paying for college meal plan and the rest of the accomodation... They might give me ~£10 a month for general use, but financing will be tough at uni ):
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    PS Helper
    (Original post by Guinny)
    My LDR will probably seem pathetic to some of the cross-border ones posted here d:

    Currently I live just over an hour away from my boyfriend (of 1 year) by train and bus. It already means we see little of each other over school holidays ): I'll be going on holiday with him soon, but after that it's university and we'll be a 3 hour coach journey apart in Oxford and Cambridge... We've spoken about it and he's quite happy with the arrangement. This is the first relationship for both of us (let alone long distance!), and I for one am quite scared, so I'm posting here for the warm fuzzy feeling you get posting in a happy-ish thread at half one in the morning (:

    I'm scared because I don't want to scatter my attention too much; staying on at university and getting a good grade will be a lot of work. For me that does have priority... I'm also worried because he's much smarter than me he'll probably find more free time and that might make things awkward. We've encountered this problem before during our A-level exams, but university will be tougher with the longer terms and such D:


    /ran(gs)t

    Any tips (LDR or just general relationship ones) would be appreciated (: ... and a few question for the current LDRers:

    How often do you find it's possible to meet up without jeopardising your studies? Also, how much did it cost you to travel per term/year? I get no grant and my loan doesn't even cover accomodation ): My parents are paying for college meal plan and the rest of the accomodation... They might give me ~£10 a month for general use, but financing will be tough at uni ):
    The anticipation is always worse than the reality. I think as your beginning uni you both need to be flexible in terms of contact and meeting up. You don't want to have weekends booked in weeks in advance if you suddenly have an essay or social pop up. Try to talk everyday even if it is only for a few minutes but understand that sometimes it won't be possible.

    I've just gone into a LDR but it costs me about £25 each round trip for fuel and so that will be probably £50 each month when I go back to uni. We plan to meet up every weekend as I'll work while I'm there but are realistic that it may be every other weekend. I'd suggest for the first year probably every three weeks would be a good balance. Also remember than uni is actually easier than A Level in the first year.

    Hope it works out.
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    PS Helper
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm worried about university. I'm used to seeing my boyfriend 24/7, and when I'm not with him I feel really isolated. I don't want to spend my first few weeks moping and concentrating on missing him all the time, as it will ruin the 'uni experience', so has anyone got any suggestions as to how to keep those feelings at bay? Also, I really want to meet new people and I feel I can't get completely involved if I'm 'tied' down as such. I'd never end it with my boyfriend because he means too much to me and I want him to be there when i'm finished at uni, but I can't help but think what if I meet someone else etc. :-\
    Your not tied down, as long as your not planning on going on the pull. If you meet someone else do the decent thing and break it off with him first, but time will tell.

    Plan with him when your going to see each other next and make sure you use phone calls as your main communication method, this will mean that you have something to look forward to and are not sat infront of your computer waiting for him to come online. Throw yourself into Freshers and you'll be fine. I was used to spending loads of time with my bf but the LD is fine, just means that when I do see him I get more quality time.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm worried about university. I'm used to seeing my boyfriend 24/7, and when I'm not with him I feel really isolated. I don't want to spend my first few weeks moping and concentrating on missing him all the time, as it will ruin the 'uni experience', so has anyone got any suggestions as to how to keep those feelings at bay? Also, I really want to meet new people and I feel I can't get completely involved if I'm 'tied' down as such. I'd never end it with my boyfriend because he means too much to me and I want him to be there when i'm finished at uni, but I can't help but think what if I meet someone else etc. :-\
    I would agree with you here about not ending it. How much might you regret it a month down the line if you broke up for the sake of letting go and getting involved for a few weeks.

    On the other hand I totally get what you mean by feeling as if having a relationship might ruin the experience. To be honest you'll go out make friends and have a great time where he is there or not. After a while it will become normal and having someone to talk to about your good and bad experiences away will probably really help.

    And worst case scenario...if in a few weeks/months and thing are too much you can always reconsider. You can't lose anything this way but regretting having a bf because you feel it would be easier to be yourself or breaking up most probably will.
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    i'm just about to go into an LDR with my boyfriend of almost 3 years...i think it's going to be quite hard because we've always lived just 10 minutes away from each other and see each other pretty much everyday, but from the end of september we'll be a 4 hour train journey away from each other :/ i'm the more dependent one out of the two of us, but i think he doesn't want to make it harder for me by showing that it bothers him, cos he doesn't want to upset me more if that makes sense? i'm a bit worried that he'll meet someone better, but we've been through some tough stuff before so i'm pretty sure we'll be ok, i can't see myself with anybody but him and i'm just scared about what might happen to us. sorry if this seems a bit of a disorganised ramble would you say its important to set aside time to talk on the phone everyday for like "quality" time? also we're gonna be using skype to "see" each other, and we're going to a gig in november so thats a definite time to see each other properly next how do people cope with being away from their partner for long lengths of time? i hope this doesnt make me sound too desperate or anything any help would be greatly appreciated, or if anyone else is in the same boat and just wants a chat feel free to quote me or something
    • #240
    #240

    (Original post by MissyMay)
    i'm just about to go into an LDR with my boyfriend of almost 3 years...i think it's going to be quite hard because we've always lived just 10 minutes away from each other and see each other pretty much everyday, but from the end of september we'll be a 4 hour train journey away from each other :/ i'm the more dependent one out of the two of us, but i think he doesn't want to make it harder for me by showing that it bothers him, cos he doesn't want to upset me more if that makes sense? i'm a bit worried that he'll meet someone better, but we've been through some tough stuff before so i'm pretty sure we'll be ok, i can't see myself with anybody but him and i'm just scared about what might happen to us. sorry if this seems a bit of a disorganised ramble would you say its important to set aside time to talk on the phone everyday for like "quality" time? also we're gonna be using skype to "see" each other, and we're going to a gig in november so thats a definite time to see each other properly next how do people cope with being away from their partner for long lengths of time? i hope this doesnt make me sound too desperate or anything any help would be greatly appreciated, or if anyone else is in the same boat and just wants a chat feel free to quote me or something
    I can totally relate about being worried that your partner will meet someone better. I am going to be in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend and I worry every day that she'll meet a guy who she likes more than she likes me. It's not getting any easier knowing that we're both going to university in a matter of weeks.

    I've constantly told her that I'll always be there for her but I still worry that she won't be there for me. I just know that the guys will love her and she might decide that they're better than I am. I'm planning on seeing her at least once a month. It's a 4 hour train journey for me too. Not the most convenient but she means so much to me. And similar to you, I am the more dependent one in the relationship even though I'm the guy.
    • #243
    #243

    I have been in a relationship since January, we met at uni, and it has been perfect up until a few weeks ago. He lives in Reading (3 hours away) and I make tonnes of effort to text him, email him and write him letters, but never in excess because I have made that kind of mistake in previous relationships. The thing is, he has maths resit exams in two weeks and so he apologised in advance in case he was unresponsive. All seems fine, but the problem is is that he still goes on Facebook even though he is 'so busy', which is fine, I know it is a break from revision, but his status was basically that he was having fun trying to brew his own cider. If he has time to do this, and also when I have been speaking to him he has had to go because he was having friends over, then why is it such a hardship to contact me? He almost never replies, he never talks to me unprompted and to be honest I feel undervalued. I literally text him once a day, sometimes not at all, so I know I'm not bombarding him. I just feel that if it is that much of a hassle to have to talk to me then that's not good, is it? It feels that generally over time he has become less responsive, and it makes me feel clingy and weird, like it is my fault. I am hoping it is just because he doesn't realise how it affects me, but I have spoken to him about it recently and he thought nothing was wrong. He came to stay last week and we had a great time, he is really loving. I just wish he was the same when we are apart. Should I talk to him again, should I get over it or am I just being ridiculous?
 
 
 
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