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    Hey
    im going into a LDR soon and i really don't know how i'm going to cope because i'm going to miss him. I will be 3 hours from him by train. We are planning on seeing each other at least monthly and then in the holidays but isthis enough? He said we need to talk to each other reguarly because we'll forget how amazing each other are. Is this true? Do you stop missing your partner after a while apart I can't imagine being with anyone else and i don't like to think of him liking other girls
    any advice would be really appreciated right now.
    xxxx
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    It can definitely be enough. Plenty of us have gone through longer gaps of one month and are still happy in our relationships. As your boyfriend says, it's important to maintain contact in other ways - not because you forget how amazing the other person is if you don't, but more so that you can stay involved in each other's lives and avoid any trust issues. You don't stop missing your partner if you are still in love with them but it becomes easier to deal with and any days where you just feel heavy and low and sad become less frequent. It's how you both deal with it that counts x
    • #248
    #248

    My boyfriend of 2 years just said that if we go off to different uni's (next year) then he wouldn't even want to try to stay together. Feel a bit poo if I'm honest...LDR's DO work don't they!?
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    They do indeed, but you both have to want to try. What reasons does he give for not wanting to try?
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    (Original post by mazzie111)
    Hey
    im going into a LDR soon and i really don't know how i'm going to cope because i'm going to miss him. I will be 3 hours from him by train. We are planning on seeing each other at least monthly and then in the holidays but isthis enough? He said we need to talk to each other reguarly because we'll forget how amazing each other are. Is this true? Do you stop missing your partner after a while apart I can't imagine being with anyone else and i don't like to think of him liking other girls
    any advice would be really appreciated right now.
    xxxx
    Hey mazzie,
    I've just finished my first week of an LDR with my boyfriend - we're 2.5 hours away from each other by train. He's stayed at home to finish upper 6th whilst I'm away on my gap year (he's in the year below me).

    The first few days were tough, then it got better and I thought that things were going to be fine, and now I've regressed a little bit this evening. I just miss him so much even though it's only been a week... It's not that I feel this isn't working, I just hate that it has to be this way. I trust him to the end of the earth I just can't bear not to wake up next to him or kiss him or anything
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    (Original post by Bridget2461)
    Hey mazzie,
    I've just finished my first week of an LDR with my boyfriend - we're 2.5 hours away from each other by train. He's stayed at home to finish upper 6th whilst I'm away on my gap year (he's in the year below me).

    The first few days were tough, then it got better and I thought that things were going to be fine, and now I've regressed a little bit this evening. I just miss him so much even though it's only been a week... It's not that I feel this isn't working, I just hate that it has to be this way. I trust him to the end of the earth I just can't bear not to wake up next to him or kiss him or anything
    i feel for you :jumphug: i know i have all that to come and i really don't want to face it. Everyone says it gets better but i cant see how unless feelings change. I just dont want our relationship to fall apart
    • #249
    #249

    so i was in a ldr for a couple a few months, but my bf ended it with me today because he said he couldn't cope with uni, work and a ldr. im at uni in Birmingham and hes now at uni in Essex, so it is quite a while, but he won't even try and see how it goes. we only started dating at the start of summer, but even then, it was still a ldr as i live in huntingdon and he lives in essex. does anyone think that birmingham and essex are too far? because i think its totally manageable, and yes, its like 4 hours by train, but im willing to do that and it takes even less time if you drive.. i've also said that we can just meet at my parents house as its closer to him, but he doesn't want us to break up whilst im at uni away from my family. he said the breakup is nothing to do with me and that i havent done anything wrong, but i dont know whether to try and get him back now or if i should just leave him alone.. :s he just doesn't wana risk us messing up uni but i thought that we could at least try! is anyone in a successful ldr about 4 hours away from each other??
    any help/ advice would be greatly appreciated! thanks x
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    I'm kind of jealous of all you guys in ldr's being only 4 hours or so apart! Next week I'm flying to Newcastle and I'll leave my bf behind in Leiden (The Netherlands). He'll prob come visit me after six weeks and thats just sooo long
    I really want it to work but I'm gonna be in Newcastle for about 9 months (will be going back home for Christmas and Easter though). I'm just really scared he'll give up on us...
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    Hi ladies, I've been in a long distance relationship with my bf for 6 years, through college, uni, our gap years and we've just got jobs in different cities too!! so i just wanted to offer some advice based on my own experience. Basically, it's so important to lead your own lives- we both have our own friendship groups and lifestyles and it's so crucial- if it hadn't worked out and i'd wasted precious time in my youth pining after him every day and cutting off friends, i would have really regretted it.
    Secondly, you just never know what's going to happen. There's been times when I've been away from my boy for six months and I'm not gonna lie, it's really hard and i've missed him like crazy, but you could drive yourself even crazier worrying about what he's doing and whether it's gonna work out, because even in normal relationships, you never know how long it's going to last. Take each day as it comes and try not to worry about what's around the corner because, honestly, if it's meant to work out it will.
    Don't listen to other people's stories too! I know this point contradicts the idea behind my post, but seriously, don't compare your LDR with anyone elses- everybody's different and some couples deal better with it than others. I have listened to countless warning that LDR's just don't work out at a young age, and it probably won't last bla bla bla. Every relationship is unique- lots of friends have told me I'm mad for having a bf I never see but the alternative seems a whole lot worse for me- to not have him in my life at all.
    Embarking on a new relationship is tough at the best of times and it gets that bit extra hard when you're not always together. Unless you have any reason not to, trust him completely- paranoia can destroy LDRs seriously! Love conquers all haha, lots of luck and I hope you're all ok xxxxxxxxxxxxx
    • #250
    #250

    Hi me and my gf are about to take up an LDR in two weeks and we love each other so much. We think the world of each other and love each so dearly. I can actually express it in words how much i love her. Anyways she is going to uni in two weeks and the course she is going to take up is like 90% males and the halls she is staying is pretty much 75% guys. I am scared that she will develop feelings for someone else while at uni and whilst she still says loves me. I mean i don't want her to have any feelings for anyone else apart from me and she says she won't. For those of you who have been in a LDR before while at uni and developed feelings for people there, what made you develop feelings for the person at uni?

    I am just scared she will deveop feelings for someone else at uni , as she will see them everyday where as she will only see me once in two weeks. And i won't be able to compare with her seeing someone who she develops feelings for and who she will see everyday. I know i sound pretty insecure but i am scared and i won't be going uni this year but next year so thats another one of the reasons why i am worrying so much.
    • #139
    #139

    (Original post by Lau1187)
    I'm kind of jealous of all you guys in ldr's being only 4 hours or so apart! Next week I'm flying to Newcastle and I'll leave my bf behind in Leiden (The Netherlands). He'll prob come visit me after six weeks and thats just sooo long
    I really want it to work but I'm gonna be in Newcastle for about 9 months (will be going back home for Christmas and Easter though). I'm just really scared he'll give up on us...
    I feel the same! My bf is off to Poland whilst im still in england. And exactly the same time as you as well...9 months. And will probably see each other about the same as you too. I'm worried he'll feel its too much to handle
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel the same! My bf is off to Poland whilst im still in england. And exactly the same time as you as well...9 months. And will probably see each other about the same as you too. I'm worried he'll feel its too much to handle
    Looks like we're in the same boat Is he studying in Poland?
    • #251
    #251

    Argh i just need some help!
    10months into a LDR, with having jobs in different cities. Was going perfectly and as a couple together still is, but time's become an issue and i'm struggling to find answers on what to do! Anyone have any advice? We've coped with text, phoning and skype etc, but he's taken on more responsibility this year, and needs to find more time for everything and still give me the attention i deserve (his words). Would just like a bit of a reassurance we can/and other people have worked through this i guess!
    Can't imagine not being with him! and we've done the whole uni bit - which i guess is the annoying thing, i thought that was supposed to be the hardest bit! The end of distance is hopefully in sight too and it seems silly to spoil that now, just because we'll have a bit less time together for the next few months!
    Please help!
    • #252
    #252

    Ok, so I'm posting here because I have absolutely no clue where to turn.
    I've been with my boyfriend for the past 2 years, and we've been pretty much in separable throughout college- everyone knew that we were great friends because we didn't want everyone to know we were together..
    Now, I'm off to uni in just over 2 weeks, and he had a disaster via clearing where he initially planned to stay in London, but is now going to be living out. Recently, he's started becoming more distant and I just don't feel that he misses me any more.
    Since saturday, he's been searching for accommodation and he'll be back today (but his uni starts on the 24th anyway).
    Despite telling him idk how many times, he found a house with a girl and a boy. Now, I get really insecure, and I can't believe he'd do that knowing how much it'd hurt me. He's saying he'll look for somewhere else, but I now doubt it. Thing is, he's always so friendly with girls and its easily enough to give the wrong impression. And it was hard enough at college when so many girls developed crushes on him.
    At the same time, I miss him terribly and I've been having a crappy time of it lately at home. I haven't been properly eating or sleeping and I tell him all this, but he doesn't seem to care. I don't know what's gotten into him.
    Every night when we talk he's tired and just wants to go, during the day he has no reception.. I feel like I've lost him completely.
    Then last night I'd had enough and explained every single thing on my mind, because I was just out of ideas.. He didn't react at all.. And he just made it out as though it was an inconvenience for him.
    He even said me being how I am right now is 'unappealing'..
    What do I do??
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok, so I'm posting here because I have absolutely no clue where to turn.
    I've been with my boyfriend for the past 2 years, and we've been pretty much in separable throughout college- everyone knew that we were great friends because we didn't want everyone to know we were together..
    Now, I'm off to uni in just over 2 weeks, and he had a disaster via clearing where he initially planned to stay in London, but is now going to be living out. Recently, he's started becoming more distant and I just don't feel that he misses me any more.
    Since saturday, he's been searching for accommodation and he'll be back today (but his uni starts on the 24th anyway).
    Despite telling him idk how many times, he found a house with a girl and a boy. Now, I get really insecure, and I can't believe he'd do that knowing how much it'd hurt me. He's saying he'll look for somewhere else, but I now doubt it. Thing is, he's always so friendly with girls and its easily enough to give the wrong impression. And it was hard enough at college when so many girls developed crushes on him.
    At the same time, I miss him terribly and I've been having a crappy time of it lately at home. I haven't been properly eating or sleeping and I tell him all this, but he doesn't seem to care. I don't know what's gotten into him.
    Every night when we talk he's tired and just wants to go, during the day he has no reception.. I feel like I've lost him completely.
    Then last night I'd had enough and explained every single thing on my mind, because I was just out of ideas.. He didn't react at all.. And he just made it out as though it was an inconvenience for him.
    He even said me being how I am right now is 'unappealing'..
    What do I do??
    I don't think he did that thinking about you. Finding accomadtion in clearing can be incredably difficult, and he probably just took the first thing that came up. He's also probably very stressed about the whole situation, which is why he's being distant.

    As hard as it is, I think you need to relax, and enjoy the time the two of you have before you go off to uni.
    • #252
    #252

    (Original post by Flo[ProActiv])
    I don't think he did that thinking about you. Finding accomadtion in clearing can be incredably difficult, and he probably just took the first thing that came up. He's also probably very stressed about the whole situation, which is why he's being distant.

    As hard as it is, I think you need to relax, and enjoy the time the two of you have before you go off to uni.
    But I've been feeling really stressed out due to problems in my home life as well.. And instead of being there for me, he can't even try and keep up the usual amount.. I just feel so upset and it's like that'd repelling him from me, but I can't cheer up!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But I've been feeling really stressed out due to problems in my home life as well.. And instead of being there for me, he can't even try and keep up the usual amount.. I just feel so upset and it's like that'd repelling him from me, but I can't cheer up!
    As harsh as it sounds you need to get a life yourself by the sound of things. If you've been sat at home moping for him to come home on top of the other stuff you have going on you're going to feel ****.. end of. You can't always rely on him, by the sound of things you're very dependent on him and he can't constantly be at you beck and call especially at uni when hes got loads of work etc and he's stressed out himself. Have you thought about the fact he's stressed out as well trying to find accomodation and you're not able to support him because your moaning that he's being a crap bf etc. He didn't choose the accomodation to hurt you but trying to find a cheap (nice and clean) place to rent is difficult so you have to take what you find.

    I think what you need to do personally is keep busy, come up with a communication schedule (i.e a few texts in the day, a phonecall/msn convo at night) and try and get some independence. That way you'll have more to talk about other than missing him/feeling **** and it gives you something else to do. Are you off to uni?

    EDIT: Obviously I'm not saying he shouldn't be there to support you through the **** at home and of course I don't know whats going on at home but I've been in a similar position and have found that keeping busy helped me loads.
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    People react to stress in different ways. I know my boyfriend reacts in a completely different way to me. And to be honest, he's probably thinking similar: 'Why isn't she trying to support me more?' I know that I would be incredibly pissed if I'd been struggling to find somewhere to live and I found somewhere and my boyfriend poo-pooed the idea because I happened to be living with someone of the opposite sex. You can't just segregate him from all females in the world...
    Just relax and try to enjoy your last 10 days. It's not worth the stress..
    • #252
    #252

    (Original post by 22KT22)
    As harsh as it sounds you need to get a life yourself by the sound of things. If you've been sat at home moping for him to come home on top of the other stuff you have going on you're going to feel ****.. end of. You can't always rely on him, by the sound of things you're very dependent on him and he can't constantly be at you beck and call especially at uni when hes got loads of work etc and he's stressed out himself. Have you thought about the fact he's stressed out as well trying to find accomodation and you're not able to support him because your moaning that he's being a crap bf etc. He didn't choose the accomodation to hurt you but trying to find a cheap (nice and clean) place to rent is difficult so you have to take what you find.

    I think what you need to do personally is keep busy, come up with a communication schedule (i.e a few texts in the day, a phonecall/msn convo at night) and try and get some independence. That way you'll have more to talk about other than missing him/feeling **** and it gives you something else to do. Are you off to uni?

    EDIT: Obviously I'm not saying he shouldn't be there to support you through the **** at home and of course I don't know whats going on at home but I've been in a similar position and have found that keeping busy helped me loads.

    The thing is, I've always been the more social one.. And then he was really clingy last year, which meant I had to sacrifice all my friends... I didn't expect that I'd then be left with nobody at all.. And I really don't know what to do. I can't make him care about my problems- but he's always been so understanding, so without him there to support me, I feel lost.
    Also, I tried my best to be there for him throughout the entire clearing period (didn't even celebrate my own results much and stayed in college helping him).. And ok I shouldn't feel like this about the girl, but on top of everything else, it's just really getting me down
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The thing is, I've always been the more social one.. And then he was really clingy last year, which meant I had to sacrifice all my friends... I didn't expect that I'd then be left with nobody at all.. And I really don't know what to do. I can't make him care about my problems- but he's always been so understanding, so without him there to support me, I feel lost.
    Also, I tried my best to be there for him throughout the entire clearing period (didn't even celebrate my own results much and stayed in college helping him).. And ok I shouldn't feel like this about the girl, but on top of everything else, it's just really getting me down
    Just make the most of the time you have together, don't stress about the other girl (he's with you for a reason ... always remember that!). Sorry are you going to uni? If so focus perhaps on that.. buy the stuff you need, start packing look up freshers events etc. Try to catch up with friends if possible.. go out for a meal etc anything to keep you busy =)
 
 
 
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