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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Anonymous

Thanks a lot for your advice Angelil and Pinkaliengoo! Given me a bit extra hope that it can work, i've been thinking that uni will keep me distracted, and i'll be sure to meet her as much as possible.. Another question though for anyone at uni..

How easy is it to take a few days out mid week or anything like that, or take a long weekend off to go visit people for say thursday-sunday or something like that, i mean i know its up to you whether you go to lectures or not... But i dont know how often they will be and whether or not missing out a couple of them would leave me far behind.. just in general terms of course, i dont want to give too much info away about who i am :smile:

Thanks again :smile:

It depends what course you do a lot, and of course the timetabling.
First year is often just getting everyone up to speed, so lectures aren't too bad, and quite easy to miss and catch up.
Second year is a bit more difficult, though I missed a full week when my grandma died, and caught up OK.
Third year I wouldn't recommend it!
However, I was doing a laboratory based subject, and would NOT recommend missing any practicals.
As it went, I had Mon Wed and Fri off in my final year, so taking a long weekend was easy! Depends on the timetabling, as I said.
If you have a long train journey to get to your other half, then that is a brilliant opportunity to do some reading and keep up anyways.

Reply 521

Anonymous #13

If anyone has any pearls of wisdom/words of consolation or advice to give I'd be grateful! I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and I'm working abroad until April, whilst he carries on at uni (we go to the same uni).

We love each other, and I *do* trust him, I'm just worried that he's going to suddenly decide it's not worth the pain/aggro. He hasn't given me any reason to think this! Also, I'm worried that once uni starts again, and I'm far away, he'll be out some night, have a bit too much to drink, be missing me and feeling 'frustrated' and will just give in to whatever 'floozy' tumbles into his lap :o:

I don't know, he doesn't give me any reason to doubt him as I've said, but STILL, although I trust him I just can't help the small feelings of worry/doubt. Is this normal??

Please keep anon, he's be hurt if he thought I was thinking like this.

Reply 522

tis_me_lord

14

Anonymous

If anyone has any pearls of wisdom/words of consolation or advice to give I'd be grateful! I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and I'm working abroad until April, whilst he carries on at uni (we go to the same uni).

We love each other, and I *do* trust him, I'm just worried that he's going to suddenly decide it's not worth the pain/aggro. He hasn't given me any reason to think this! Also, I'm worried that once uni starts again, and I'm far away, he'll be out some night, have a bit too much to drink, be missing me and feeling 'frustrated' and will just give in to whatever 'floozy' tumbles into his lap :o:

I don't know, he doesn't give me any reason to doubt him as I've said, but STILL, although I trust him I just can't help the small feelings of worry/doubt. Is this normal??

Please keep anon, he's be hurt if he thought I was thinking like this.

As you keep reaffirming - your concerns are irrational. Hence it's difficult to really give advise. If he has given you no reason to doubt his trust; and yet you don't trust him, this is an issue with YOU. Only you can really resolve it.

The only advise, then, I can give is that you need to learn to trust him. In fact the more jealous people are the more they are likely to drive their partner towards other people. All you can do is accept that there is distance between you, but if you really love eachother then there is no reason to worry because no matter how drunk or frustrated he gets he is going to remain faithful.

Reply 523

Angelil

19

Hi Anon 12

I agree with tis_me_lord. Plus, if I can use my relationship as a case in point, my boyfriend and I are frequently apart from more than a month and he's been faithful to me. Guys don't turn into randy sex machines when they can't be near their girlfriends for more than about 5 minutes...if my boyfriend can be faithful for months, then yours can probably be faithful for the weeks when you're apart :smile:

Reply 524

EvilSheep

feroz

Anyone maintaining a Netherlands-UK relationship?
How's it working out?

Hey

I'm not in a NL - UK relationship, but in a Norway - UK relationship. (Although he's here on hols atm). We've been together nearly 14 months now, and I left England after we'd been together 16 days, so we've pretty much been LD from the start.

It's hard.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it for the world, but you need to be realistic about it. Both of you need to be properly in it, IMO there can be no doubts about feelings.

And as is repeated over and over again in this thread; COMMUNICATION is key!

What has helped keep me sane though, is the fact that I'm moving to England soon. Ok, we will live far from eachother still, but it'll be a lot easier to maintain a Plymouth - Nottingham relationship than a Norway - Plymouth relationship. So you kind of have to look forward to the positives. For me, moving to England will be the first positive. Then the second is possibly that he might come with me on my year abroad. Or if not, when I get back from there we'll hopefully live together (if he chooses to apply to and gets into the same uni). If everything 'fails', we won't live together until I've finished uni in 4 years time. But it'll definitely be a lot closer than Norway - Plymouth, and we know that there is an end...

If you're both in it, it can definitely work :biggrin:

Reply 525

Anonymous #26

A question from a relationship newbie (let alone a LDR one Dx)
What counts as a LDR? My girlfriend lives a 40 minute train ride away, and I know it sounds silly but it does cost a lot of money to go that far and we realistically cannot see each other unless one of us sleeps over. We haven't got the best relationship at the best of times, but thinking of it as a LDR might help? I dunno, I'm in a bit of a mess about it as it is so yeah Dx

Reply 526

accident

Me and my girlfriend we're both from Malaysia but she went over to Melbourne and I'm heading to the UK soon.
And that sucks cause we don't even share the same time zone anymore!she will be sleeping when I'm awake and yada yada yada.and what sucks even more is we don't share the same holiday.The soonest I can see her again is next year.that's if I fly over to Melbourne to pay her a visit.and calling is expensive phone bills getting higher and higher every month.

but yeah I wouldn't change it for the world too.!(:
so anyone with any advice for this ldr I'm in?

Reply 527

Fleece

15

accident

Me and my girlfriend we're both from Malaysia but she went over to Melbourne and I'm heading to the UK soon.
And that sucks cause we don't even share the same time zone anymore!she will be sleeping when I'm awake and yada yada yada.and what sucks even more is we don't share the same holiday.The soonest I can see her again is next year.that's if I fly over to Melbourne to pay her a visit.and calling is expensive phone bills getting higher and higher every month.

but yeah I wouldn't change it for the world too.!(:
so anyone with any advice for this ldr I'm in?

Hey

I'm in the UK and my boyfriend is in Australia too so can perfectly understand that! There are times though when you can speak - i.e. I speak to him in the mornings, which are his evenings and that works pretty well.

Don't worry about phone bills - get skype! It's totally free and you get to see each other too via webcams :smile:

Reply 528

accident

Fleece

Hey

I'm in the UK and my boyfriend is in Australia too so can perfectly understand that! There are times though when you can speak - i.e. I speak to him in the mornings, which are his evenings and that works pretty well.

Don't worry about phone bills - get skype! It's totally free and you get to see each other too via webcams :smile:

Yeah I know skype is free but my girlfriend she prefers talking on the phone.hence my phone bill every month back here in Malaysia.
but hey since you're in the Uk,which phone operator is best for me so that i can talk to my gf on the phone without needing to pay too much of money :biggrin:

Reply 529

Fleece

15

accident

Yeah I know skype is free but my girlfriend she prefers talking on the phone.hence my phone bill every month back here in Malaysia.
but hey since you're in the Uk,which phone operator is best for me so that i can talk to my gf on the phone without needing to pay too much of money :biggrin:

What does she prefer about talking on the phone though? I don't see a difference, I mean if you have a good mic...surely she should understand that you can't spend so much on phone bills when there's a perfectly fine alternative?!

Alternatively, get skype phones...

http://www.three.co.uk/personal/products_services_/skype_phone.omp

No phone operator in England is realistically going to offer you good deals for phoning Australia.

Reply 530

accident

Fleece

What does she prefer about talking on the phone though? I don't see a difference, I mean if you have a good mic...surely she should understand that you can't spend so much on phone bills when there's a perfectly fine alternative?!

Alternatively, get skype phones...

http://www.three.co.uk/personal/products_services_/skype_phone.omp

No phone operator in England is realistically going to offer you good deals for phoning Australia.

Yeah maybe I should suggest to her we should use skype more often already to save some money.but anyway she can't go online too often cause her internet connection has limit.so I guess I just gotta starve myself a little for the sake of the girlfriend.ahah

but fleece,since your bf is in Australia then how often do you see each other?once a year?

Reply 531

Sazzy890

18

Angelil

Sazzy - as I've said often, it always helps to think of those worse off than yourself. I'm in an international LDR (France-England) and I try and think of those who have to contend with even greater distances, or those who have a partner in the Forces (i.e. at least I don't have to contend with the idea that just staying alive will be an achievement).
However, it's understandable that it will be an adjustment, and what you've got to remember is that communication's important in any relationship, but particularly in an LDR. It's really important to chat about everything and anything, even if it's just what you've had for tea :p:

Keep things transparent and you'll have no reason to not trust one another. Throw yourselves into activities during freshers' week so that you have a good time and don't spend too long wallowing in self-pity, but at the same time, make time for one another.

Hey, thanks for the reply :smile:

. Wow France-England. :eek:

I feel silly now, lol. I actually cried about this last night, even though I keep thinking that there are people worse off than me. I spoke to my boyfriend on MSN and he says not to worry because he will love me no matter what and that we're made of strong stuff so we'll cope. So that made me feel happier, especially knowing that he doesn't see it is as a huge problem me moving away. I told him I'd still see him at least once a month :yep:

Reply 532

Fleece

15

accident

Yeah maybe I should suggest to her we should use skype more often already to save some money.but anyway she can't go online too often cause her internet connection has limit.so I guess I just gotta starve myself a little for the sake of the girlfriend.ahah

but fleece,since your bf is in Australia then how often do you see each other?once a year?

Hmm..depends. We've only been long distance for about a month so far - we were both studying in Germany when we met, and both came home to our countries about a month ago. I booked my flights to go see him for Christmas though, so it'll have been a good 5 months by then since I last saw him. After that, who knows!

Reply 533

wtid

OP

accident

Yeah maybe I should suggest to her we should use skype more often already to save some money.but anyway she can't go online too often cause her internet connection has limit.so I guess I just gotta starve myself a little for the sake of the girlfriend.ahah

but fleece,since your bf is in Australia then how often do you see each other?once a year?

OK, I'm going to have to bring out this website again. www.18185.co.uk.

What you do is simply sign up a phone number (only works from the UK though) to the site, match it to a debit/credit card and then you get cheap calls by dialling 18185 before the proper number! The money comes directly off your card so you don't need to do anything.

Australia: landline; 1p/min | mobile; 5p/min

I've been using it for about 2 years now to call Germany and I've never had any problems. I know a few other people who use it (just for calls within England even) and are really happy with it, including a guy from the LDR society who's used it recently to get cheap calls to his gf while she was in Mongolia!

Good luck :biggrin:

Reply 534

Anonymous #27

Ok, this isn't exactly a long distance relationship, it's a friendship but I still miss him more than anything in the world. We are both 16 and I'm a girl (if that makes any difference lol).

Basically, we met on a week-long course in July and right from the very first "hello" we completely clicked. There was never any awkwardness, no lack of conversation, always having a laugh, hugging each other (he had a girlfriend at the time btw), whenever we were in pairs we would always be together, even if it meant breaking the rules a bit and swapping :rolleyes:

...it was like we were two best best friends but we'd never even met before! He's....as childish and naive as this sounds, he's like my other half....I don't know, it's like when adults say "yeah when you meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you just *know*" - I just know that I want to be friends forever.

I guess I do sort of have feelings for him, particularly because I've never got this close to someone so quickly and we're a perfect match....but I'm not going to act on them or anything. The fact that he lives 200 miles away and we are both constrained by our families, education (I won't be at uni for another two years and he won't for another three) - and it's not exactly cheap to get there by train - makes it rather difficult. We talk on msn every night and are always hugging virtually and wishing we could be with each other to give real hugs and spend time together....(sorry, I'm crying atm)

...Anyway, I was just wondering if you had any advice for me? I'm finding it so difficult to be so far away because the furthest a friend has lived from me before is about half an hour and I'm so used to seeing my good friends practically every day, or at least twice a week in the holidays. I miss him like crazy and I probably cry about it every day at least a little bit or get a little teary-eyed (I'm quite a sensitive person normally lol but not as much as this!) and I just want to know how I can stop being like this! I have a (male) friend nearby who is in a similar situation with a girl who lives about 300 miles away...but we're not exactly the best of friends right now (long story - to summarise in one word: ex) but we get on OK and we're definitely friends. Thing is, I don't know how much he can support me without it being a little odd and awkward, given our history lol. He knows about it and asks me how I am sometimes which is nice though.

Lol this is quite a long post and I do apologise. And this isn't exactly an LDR, more of an LDF! Still, I thought it would be more appropriate to put it in here than to start a new thread and get shouted at by mods.

But yeah, after that rant I guess I would just like some advice please on how to handle myself. We speak about meeting up someday but realistically it won't be possible until October Half-Term and it makes me sad to think he's so far away. I just want to feel his arms around me again and hold him close and never let him go...

Reply 535

Angelil

19

Sazzy890

Hey, thanks for the reply :smile:

. Wow France-England. :eek:

I feel silly now, lol. I actually cried about this last night, even though I keep thinking that there are people worse off than me. I spoke to my boyfriend on MSN and he says not to worry because he will love me no matter what and that we're made of strong stuff so we'll cope. So that made me feel happier, especially knowing that he doesn't see it is as a huge problem me moving away. I told him I'd still see him at least once a month :yep:

Glad you're both feeling a bit better about it :yep:

Having a good cry does help sometimes, as daft as it is!

Reply 536

BlueRoses

14

Anyone had any experience of moving away to uni whilst in a month/2 month relationship? Is it a very foolish idea?

It just seems a shame to waste something good chaknow.

I've not really got any interest in pulling/having sex with as many randoms as possible in the first few weeks of uni, and things seem to be going well with a new boy.. I've done long distance before, I'm pretty good at it (ha)

Your thoughts TSR?

Reply 537

shamrock92

15

It's a tough call. You have to see if you really can envisage this geezer in your future. If not, bin him.

Reply 538

BlueRoses

14

I actually can though. Don't get that often..

Reply 539

Dr.Hox

9

Hmm. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 5 months and we're definitely planning on carrying it on.

How much of a difference is there between 2 and 5 months? You talk regularly? Does he want to try long distance?

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