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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre watch

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    (Original post by Invocation)
    This may sound a tad cheesy, but I've been in a LDR for about 7 months. Is there anyway to make it easier?

    I've googled this, and it seems the advice is counter productive. It says we should do things together, but seperatly, e.g. both of us going to see a film or watch TV and then talking about it afterwards. But if anything this has made it harder because it makes it more clear that we're both not physically there for eachother. We miss eachother even more.
    I'm finding it pretty hard too..I've been in an LDR for about 6 months now and there are just awful periods of missing people. I'd say that you need to try and keep busy , go out with your friends , bury yourself in work , go shopping , societies , anything to keep your mind busy.

    If your able to see each other fairly reguarly try to fall into some routine of visits? Then when you miss them you can think 'okay I just need to get through X amount of days' till I see them.

    Also the occasional little cry and ice cream session doesn't hurt. As long as you go do something fun after it.



    Anyway I have a quick question , my boyfriend might be unable to visit me for a litte while as he can't afford tickets up to where I live (£40 single for a train ticket) , which is understandable as he's been spending money getting things for his art course and stuff. I'd go back home to visit him but at the moment I've got some socail commitments (birthdays...society nights) that I apparently 'need to attend'. In short I was wondering if you guys think it'd be rude for me to buy my boyfriend a train ticket and send it to him so he could come visit?

    We just really want to see each other but his lack of money/stuff I need to do , is getting in the way right now!
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    (Original post by eileen1992)
    I'm finding it pretty hard too..I've been in an LDR for about 6 months now and there are just awful periods of missing people. I'd say that you need to try and keep busy , go out with your friends , bury yourself in work , go shopping , societies , anything to keep your mind busy.

    If your able to see each other fairly reguarly try to fall into some routine of visits? Then when you miss them you can think 'okay I just need to get through X amount of days' till I see them.

    Also the occasional little cry and ice cream session doesn't hurt. As long as you go do something fun after it.

    Anyway I have a quick question , my boyfriend might be unable to visit me for a litte while as he can't afford tickets up to where I live (£40 single for a train ticket) , which is understandable as he's been spending money getting things for his art course and stuff. I'd go back home to visit him but at the moment I've got some socail commitments (birthdays...society nights) that I apparently 'need to attend'. In short I was wondering if you guys think it'd be rude for me to buy my boyfriend a train ticket and send it to him so he could come visit?

    We just really want to see each other but his lack of money/stuff I need to do , is getting in the way right now!
    I don't think that's rude at all! I think it's sweet since essentially you're buying a ticket to see him but he's doing the travelling. Tbh it's something I may have to do this term as I'm on placement so wont be able to travel to see my bf so might offer to do this so it's still fair and we're splitting the ticket costs. If you really want to see each other then it's worth it just make sure your bf wont get offended by it all and check he's free obviously.

    Also, for the other poster I agree with the above advice for making it easier. I find keeping busy is what helps me the most, I haven't seen my bf in 3 weeks (isn't ages by any means but after christmas and being back to 'normal' it's a bit of a shock) so I've just thrown myself back into uni work and made sure to go out with my friends lots so theres not the opportunity to dwell on the fact i'm missing him. I know what you mean about watching films at the same time but seperately... that would make me feel worse since I love watching films snuggled up to the boy and it would remind me I was alone and so was he
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Quick question-

    Is it okay for your bf to add his ex on facebook? When he knows you don't like it.

    I feel so uncomfortable at just the thought of them being "friends" on facebook. I feel threatened by this girl because she is quite attractive. His ex sent him a request last year, he added her back and I told him I felt weird and he deleted her. Am I being paranoid? Why does my bf long to be facebook friends with his ex? It's hurting me Please help!
    Personally I think you are being too paranoid.
    To be blunt, its not really your business who he is friends with.
    One of my ex's happens to be a good friend who I sometimes turn to if I need to, so if my gf told me not to talk to her, I'd be very annoyed.
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    Hi, not really sure what im hoping to get out of this but any tips/advise would be great. have been with my boyfriend for a year but 5 months ago he had to move back to zimbabwe (where he was born) to fulfill a job contract till april. i flew out to see him at christmas but finding it pretty hard as there is very little phone contact (no signal at his end plus v. expensive, even calling cards to zim cost a lot as very few landlines) and i am missing our anniversary, valentines day, and his birthday between now and april and can send him nothing for any of the above as there is no postal service in zim that could reach him. Another problem is that he's started to get quite paranoid and though he knows it stupid he hates that i still go out here with my guy friends without him.

    anyway any advice would be much appreciates and also any idea for presents that dont involve sending anything...? Thanks!
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    It's really hard to have LDR . Repressing your paranoia , doubt , aspiration must be the most hurtful thing.For 5 months I've show full of patience and I'm finally reaching my goal in February. We'll be together 10 days with my girlfriend but what a shame that we gonna divide again for 4 months !
    • #300
    #300

    Aw guys. Toughen up a bit! I've been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years now, and it costs me £500 to see my fiancé! At the moment we see one another once a year. I get jealous when my flatmates whine about not seeing their boyfriends for 3 months!

    You've all got to use the beautiful thing called Skype. It's just like being with eachother, except you can't hug and whatnot. I would feel really guilty making someone text me all the time because that costs so much money, so I'd much prefer to talk over the internet. On the plus side, you get to SEE each other. It's clear that they're devoting time to you, so it's a l'il special. Make sure you have lots of things to talk about. Seeing them smile is good motivation to keep going.

    I do get times where I feel really helpless and would love to talk to ze fiancé, but I just think that I'm going to be with him in a few years and everything will be great. The time you spend apart is going to seem tiny when you guys actually get to spend every moment together. I guess it's different for me because it's always been this way. You've just got to have a lot of trust in one another. Getting paranoid won't help anything along. If I do feel depressed to the point where I need to cry, I'll get it out in my room. I'll read the letters (which is a dying art!) he sends to me and thumb through photographs. Makes it worth it.

    Regarding Facebook, I'd be hurt if he added his ex on Facebook. Fortunately, he doesn't have any. :s I do have the belief that if the relationship didn't end badly, then there are still some feelings there. I'd get jealous, personally.

    Keep busy, guys! My work keeps me very busy. I don't know how you all have so much free time. :P I've always hated going out without my fiancé, but hey, you can have a good time just dancing and being with your friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Quick question-

    Is it okay for your bf to add his ex on facebook? When he knows you don't like it.

    I feel so uncomfortable at just the thought of them being "friends" on facebook. I feel threatened by this girl because she is quite attractive. His ex sent him a request last year, he added her back and I told him I felt weird and he deleted her. Am I being paranoid? Why does my bf long to be facebook friends with his ex? It's hurting me Please help!
    Hey just to say I wouldn't worry too much =) . People add people on facebool that they've met once in their life for a few hours , never to be seen again , so the acceptance of a facebook friendship isn't really that big a deal to most people.

    Besides your boyfriend might just want to be polite , lots of people accept ex's friend requests , or requests from people they've had arguments with in the past just to show that there isn't animosty there?

    Really don't worry =)

    Also just quickly does anyone else get those utterly annoying 'flat' phonecalls between you and your signifgant other somtimes?

    They're just really disheartening as that phonecall can easily be the best part of my day , but when we're both stressed out with exams/coursework commitments we don't get to talk nearly long enough and our minds are always half worrying about the work we need to do. Once exams are over I cannot wait for a nice big long excited phone call =D
    • #211
    #211

    Hello I just wanted to ask a question.

    Me and boyfriend, been together for a couple of years. He lives 400 miles away. I usually fly up to edinburgh to see him only a month for 5 days. Costs me about £130 usually. which isn't a problem. Neither of us are at uni we are both working full-time. He always tries to give me half the travel costs....but I don't want them! When I'm at his he pays for everything, and generally just spoils me rotten.

    How does it work with you guys? Do you split travel costs?

    See he rarely visits me because his work isn't as flexible as mine...he might get an urgent job when I'm up and pop out for a couple of hours, plus I like visiting him So yeah who pays for what in your relationship?
    • #301
    #301

    Anon or delete as she reads these forums!

    Recently started talking to someone who may be going to my uni, both on a gap year (albeit theirs lasted a year longer than mine) and are clearly both into eachother.

    However, we live in different cities from eachother. This obviously won't be an issue if we end up in the same uni but I need serious help keeping someone interested for 8 months over the internet!

    Any advice is greatly appreciated.
    • #302
    #302

    I have had the best 5 months with my girlfriend... and now there is a high chance that she'll have to go away from me although we would be seeing each other once a month/ 2 months maybe I don't know, it can be frequent as well.

    I am majorly depressed since I heard that she has to go for a b-school interview :-( the b school is good worth going to

    What do I do should I burden her with my depression which won't let her study or should I suffer in silence?

    I couldn't sleep all night yesterday.

    I don't want her to waste one more year preparing for entrance exams. I would be studying for one more year so that I can catch up with her.

    I am petrified if she was to find a better guy than me and what if she leaves me. I love her too much

    What do I do... feel like crying and stuff :-(
    • #302
    #302

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have had the best 5 months with my girlfriend... and now there is a high chance that she'll have to go away from me although we would be seeing each other once a month/ 2 months maybe I don't know, it can be frequent as well.

    I am majorly depressed since I heard that she has to go for a b-school interview :-( the b school is good worth going to

    What do I do should I burden her with my depression which won't let her study or should I suffer in silence?

    I couldn't sleep all night yesterday.

    I don't want her to waste one more year preparing for entrance exams. I would be studying for one more year so that I can catch up with her.

    I am petrified if she was to find a better guy than me and what if she leaves me. I love her too much

    What do I do... feel like crying and stuff :-(
    me again she hasn't gotten an admission as yet she has to go for the interview first and if she gets selected (the probability is high) then we both would have to continue the relationship long distance.

    I am very sad I dont know what to do

    If I don't let her prepare for the interview she might not perform as well and might not get selected which I don't want to do.

    at times she says she won't join without me... but the truth is if she gets selected she'll have to join :-(

    I am not feeling alright... depressed like crazy
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have had the best 5 months with my girlfriend... and now there is a high chance that she'll have to go away from me although we would be seeing each other once a month/ 2 months maybe I don't know, it can be frequent as well.

    I am majorly depressed since I heard that she has to go for a b-school interview :-( the b school is good worth going to

    What do I do should I burden her with my depression which won't let her study or should I suffer in silence?

    I couldn't sleep all night yesterday.

    I don't want her to waste one more year preparing for entrance exams. I would be studying for one more year so that I can catch up with her.

    I am petrified if she was to find a better guy than me and what if she leaves me. I love her too much

    What do I do... feel like crying and stuff :-(
    In the most sympathetic way possible, you're too young to be making decisions based on your relationship when it comes to school. Chances are it's not going to last and then at least one of you has ****ed up their chance at a good school. Sorry mate.
    • #302
    #302

    (Original post by ShakeyJJ)
    In the most sympathetic way possible, you're too young to be making decisions based on your relationship when it comes to school. Chances are it's not going to last and then at least one of you has ****ed up their chance at a good school. Sorry mate.
    Why do you it might not last?

    We love each other and we won't leave each other for anyone else... our love is special its true love plus we would meet once in 2 weeks if possible and when not then once a month atleast... plus she'll be 6-7 hours away car journey :-)

    so i guess it might work out
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why do you it might not last?

    We love each other and we won't leave each other for anyone else... our love is special its true love plus we would meet once in 2 weeks if possible and when not then once a month atleast... plus she'll be 6-7 hours away car journey :-)

    so i guess it might work out
    Well now I'm torn between young and naive and plain troll.

    People change, moving away and meeting new people makes relationships a damn site harder to keep up than you'll believe.

    Just leave it man, she's clearly got a bright future ahead of her and if you go telling her how upset you are it's going to impact it and possibly hinder her from an amazing future.
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    Been with my boyfriend for 1.5years (friends for 1.5 more) and we're still madly in love. And, I know lots of people would snort thinking - "LOVE? At 18?!" But we know it is genuine emotion, "first love". He even gave me a promise ring..Thing is, I'll go away far, FAR away for university this year, and it's really scary. I know it's unreasonable to picture us getting married, but I really do hope to be with him years from now - he's just wonderful! I'm scared !! I know there's no guarantee that we'll be together, but we can hope, right?

    What worries me is that we'll be starting college and in two completely different environments (we live in India, will be going away to UK..He'll stay here), and both of us are scared that some horrible transition will come upon each other.. I worry he'll be under bad influence and take up drinking regularly, and I just DESPISE smoking, he's scared I'll find a "better looking" (how do such vile criteria for boyfriends even exist?!) guy in the UK... Any advice?
    • #303
    #303

    OK... so... me and my girlfriend can't be apart... she's actually going to move to uni with me, we're gonna rent a flat together and she's gonna work while i do my degree, it was a joiunt descision, i'm 18 and she's 16... someone please tell me... is this doable? can such a relationship be held for three years?

    thanks
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    (Original post by aankhi)
    Been with my boyfriend for 1.5years (friends for 1.5 more) and we're still madly in love. And, I know lots of people would snort thinking - "LOVE? At 18?!" But we know it is genuine emotion, "first love". He even gave me a promise ring..Thing is, I'll go away far, FAR away for university this year, and it's really scary. I know it's unreasonable to picture us getting married, but I really do hope to be with him years from now - he's just wonderful! I'm scared !! I know there's no guarantee that we'll be together, but we can hope, right?

    What worries me is that we'll be starting college and in two completely different environments (we live in India, will be going away to UK..He'll stay here), and both of us are scared that some horrible transition will come upon each other.. I worry he'll be under bad influence and take up drinking regularly, and I just DESPISE smoking, he's scared I'll find a "better looking" (how do such vile criteria for boyfriends even exist?!) guy in the UK... Any advice?
    you sound as though you know what you want, and it seems as though he knows what he wants there's no advice anyone can give anyone as it comes down to your own wants and needs... if you can last this, you'll last froever, if you get to uni and you see other guys and wonder 'what if' you need to look at everything you have and think.... is it worth it.... and most of the time... it isn't... it seems as though what you have is an awesome thing... try to keep it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OK... so... me and my girlfriend can't be apart... she's actually going to move to uni with me, we're gonna rent a flat together and she's gonna work while i do my degree, it was a joiunt descision, i'm 18 and she's 16... someone please tell me... is this doable? can such a relationship be held for three years?

    thanks
    Honestly, this sounds like a terrible idea. She's so young, she's only 16, she should still be at school doing her A-levels or something.

    How long have you been together? And how far apart would you be if you left her where ever she is now while you move to uni?
    • #303
    #303

    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    Honestly, this sounds like a terrible idea. She's so young, she's only 16, she should still be at school doing her A-levels or something.

    How long have you been together? And how far apart would you be if you left her where ever she is now while you move to uni?
    it's gonna be 200 miles apart, i know we can't survive being apart, we just get angry with eachother at end up taking out our frustrations...i know she's young and a the end of the day, i'm young too, she doesn't want to do a-levels, so thats no worry, she wants to work...
    thanks for the response... do you think, if what you want is for life, you should stick with it?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    it's gonna be 200 miles apart, i know we can't survive being apart, we just get angry with eachother at end up taking out our frustrations...i know she's young and a the end of the day, i'm young too, she doesn't want to do a-levels, so thats no worry, she wants to work...
    thanks for the response... do you think, if what you want is for life, you should stick with it?
    If you can't survive being apart without getting frustrated how do you think you're going to cope with living together? And if you'd both be moving 200 miles away she won't know anyone. You'll be trying to meet people and go out and enjoy uni but she'll be stuck in the flat constantly wanting you to go home. Maybe she'd meet friends through work but how likely is it she'd walk into a job straight away without A-levels, especially at the moment? And without a job she wouldn't be able to afford rent. Would your loan cover that? Rent/food/bills etc is expensive. Have you really thought all this through?

    When you say can the relationship last for three years, what do you mean? Because you're at uni?
 
 
 
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