The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

I cant really talk because my LDR is a little complicated atm but firstly, guys are awful at pushing past difficulties and only focusing on the good moments. I think should should definately go to Warwick, the same problems will exist even if you are nearer him (new friends etc) and it does hurt like hell when he stops replying to texts because they all decided to go watch a film and go to the bar.... You will just have to plan ahead, make sure you meet at least every 2 weeks at that distance (though the first term might be busier) and make sure you have your own friendship base at your own university!

I know its hard to balance work, friends and a guy but this isnt your last summer you know! you will all come back at christmas and easter etc. I wouldnt put too much pressure on the relationship for now, just because, there will be pressure soon enough as you go through your first term! But, if you really care, and cant imagine finding anyone else, then you have to look forwards to the good times ahead and not focus on the fact they arent with you right now...!

Hello I've been with my bf for 20months now, he took on my (now) 3yr old. He's going to uni in sept/oct and said he's moving 1 n half hours away. He's going to be there 2days a week going to uni then leister 3days a week (which is bout 2hours away, 3 n half ish from where he moving too). He has a car, which he can barely afford now let alone paying for a flat with his friends too.
We get along great when he's here and he's a brilliant dad. We split up a few weeks ago because he didn't think we could do a long distance relationship and I managed to get it in his head that it's for 1 school year! We can do this, I know we can but how can I make him see this. He's v stubborn and doesn't think of any other opitions.
I don't even see why he's moving? Surly petrol is cheaper then a flat? I'm not sure cuz I don't drive.
He said long distance relationships don't work. I said they do if you try at it and it's an hour n half away not 100miles like some people!
Now I'm starting to have doubts because I've fallen out with many of friends lately and feeling quite lonely, All I think is he's leaving me too so him going house hunting today isn't helping. Anyone out there with some friendly advice??

Just a question for all you LDRers: has anyone had to deal with time difference in the case of an international LDR? I will be 9 hours ahead of my boyfriend for 10 months next year, as I will be studying in Japan. He has a full-time job and works from 7-8 in the morning until 4-5 in the evening. How is the best way to get around this?

Hello,

About 4 months ago, I met a girl, and I realized that she's THE girl.

And in case you're already ridiculing the previous line, this isn't one of those stupid "yay love sounds like a fun thing so i'm going to try it out!" relationships. Neither of us is stupid - I'd like to think that we're both quite intelligent people actually. On the whole, I'd say that reason has been a guiding force in both of our lives.

The problem is, we're 19. And I've already secured a place at UCL for medicine (I'm starting fall 2011) , and I always believed medicine was something truly worth pursuing. She's studying at University of Toronto, and she's not from the kind of family that can send a daughter abroad for love or anything like that - the family does not have the financial capacity to do so.

If anyone had asked me 5 months ago whether I would trust my head or my heart, I wouldn't have hesitated to reply, most confidently, 'my head'. Things have always been pretty clear-cut for me, but thats no longer the case. Now, I find myself very confused from time to time.

We've already had many discussions, and decided we didn't want to split up. I thought a LDR wouldn't be much of a problem for me, but she's been away for a week on a French immersion program, and we're both already in so much pain.
We, or at least I, don't know what to do. I'm considering just staying in Canada to pursue philosophy and classical studies, and I was so sure about it, but now that my mother knows of the whole situation and is calling me pathetic and sad, I am most definitely lost.

We're in love, but we don't know what to do.
Please help us.

I just stumbled across this topic so I thought I'd share my excitement

In September, my boyfriend and I will have been in a LDR for just shy of 2 years. He lives in northern England and I live in California... so it has been incredibly challenging. But in September I'll be transferring to a university in the UK!! So although we'll still be in a LDR (him in northern England, me in southern), we'll both be in the same country, which is a huge plus for us when we we're currently oceans apart!

Hello,

About 4 months ago, I met a girl, and I realized that she's THE girl.

And in case you're already ridiculing the previous line, this isn't one of those stupid "yay love sounds like a fun thing so i'm going to try it out!" relationships. Neither of us is stupid - I'd like to think that we're both quite intelligent people actually. On the whole, I'd say that reason has been a guiding force in both of our lives.

The problem is, we're 19. And I've already secured a place at UCL for medicine (I'm starting fall 2011) , and I always believed medicine was something truly worth pursuing. She's studying at University of Toronto, and she's not from the kind of family that can send a daughter abroad for love or anything like that - the family does not have the financial capacity to do so.

If anyone had asked me 5 months ago whether I would trust my head or my heart, I wouldn't have hesitated to reply, most confidently, 'my head'. Things have always been pretty clear-cut for me, but thats no longer the case. Now, I find myself very confused from time to time.

We've already had many discussions, and decided we didn't want to split up. I thought a LDR wouldn't be much of a problem for me, but she's been away for a week on a French immersion program, and we're both already in so much pain.
We, or at least I, don't know what to do. I'm considering just staying in Canada to pursue philosophy and classical studies, and I was so sure about it, but now that my mother knows of the whole situation and is calling me pathetic and sad, I am most definitely lost.

We're in love, but we don't know what to do.
Please help us.

I'll do my best to give some advice

First, don't give up your future for her (referring to your last comment at staying in Canada). I know how tempting it is to put aside everything for love, but this could be your one chance to secure a certain future (medicine at UCL). If you go against that, you could end up regretting it later and may not be able to start over, and you may even be mad at her for it (subconsciously or not).

What's most important is that you sit down with your girlfriend and figure out some sort of post-university plan. If you're both at university in separate countries, it will feel so hopeless. You'll constantly be asking yourself, "Where is this going?" etc. But if you figure out what's going to happen after university, you'll give yourself hope and something to look forward to. So decide where you two will live after uni. What efforts are you going to put towards being together?

Something that has worked out so well for my boyfriend and I is that he's a night owl. His time zone is 8 hours ahead of mine and for any normal couple, that would give us so little time to speak to each other. But he stays up until 3-5am every night. So I can speak to him anytime from when I wake up to 9pm my time. That's a pretty good deal. Additionally, we're both very computer/online-oriented people. So we enjoy spending a lot of time on the computer, both to talk to each other and to do other things (play games, web browse, etc.). So communicating is very, very easy for us.

Now I'm not necessarily going to tell you to change your sleeping habits or anything, but I'm just throwing it out there for consideration.

In order to help us connect, my boyfriend and I do as much as we can "together" without physically being together. We play games together, we watch movies at the same time and talk about them through a messenger, etc. It's a great way of connecting and interacting without being face to face. It's not as good as the real thing, of course, but it helps us stay close and not feel as helpless

So it certainly is possible to maintain a relationship that far apart for that long (I had a 4 year international LDR before my current one!), but it will be hard every single day. There are things you can do to "numb the pain" and make it easier, but it will never be painless. Though I agree with an above comment that says it will get a bit easier. I'd say that it starts out being very difficult, it'll get better after a while, and then maybe get worse again.. especially around birthdays and anniversaries if you can't be together in person for those.

Hello,

About 4 months ago, I met a girl, and I realized that she's THE girl.

And in case you're already ridiculing the previous line, this isn't one of those stupid "yay love sounds like a fun thing so i'm going to try it out!" relationships. Neither of us is stupid - I'd like to think that we're both quite intelligent people actually. On the whole, I'd say that reason has been a guiding force in both of our lives.

The problem is, we're 19. And I've already secured a place at UCL for medicine (I'm starting fall 2011) , and I always believed medicine was something truly worth pursuing. She's studying at University of Toronto, and she's not from the kind of family that can send a daughter abroad for love or anything like that - the family does not have the financial capacity to do so.

If anyone had asked me 5 months ago whether I would trust my head or my heart, I wouldn't have hesitated to reply, most confidently, 'my head'. Things have always been pretty clear-cut for me, but thats no longer the case. Now, I find myself very confused from time to time.

We've already had many discussions, and decided we didn't want to split up. I thought a LDR wouldn't be much of a problem for me, but she's been away for a week on a French immersion program, and we're both already in so much pain.
We, or at least I, don't know what to do. I'm considering just staying in Canada to pursue philosophy and classical studies, and I was so sure about it, but now that my mother knows of the whole situation and is calling me pathetic and sad, I am most definitely lost.

We're in love, but we don't know what to do.
Please help us.