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    I'm nearing the end of a 2 month long distance stint cos of a placement in Germany, get to see her again this sunday xDDD but next academic year I get shipped off to Germany again, for the whole academic year :/ Luckily I'll be earning so visits every 2 months or so are a realistic possibility, and my definitely wants to visit next year. If anyone else has been in this or going to be in this sort of situation I'll be your friend :P
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    Year abroad next year for me, I am worried that he'll decide he has more fun without me around!
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    :/ Skype is going to be a life saver again lol. I tried getting a German phone too but texts to the UK were 35c.

    Are you earning next year? Visits will help, and you'll no doubt be back for Christmas etc. Our lecturer told us to think of it as going away for september-december (with a visit inbetween), then Jan to March or something... Break it down, could help
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    (Original post by Slosh)
    I'm nearing the end of a 2 month long distance stint cos of a placement in Germany, get to see her again this sunday xDDD but next academic year I get shipped off to Germany again, for the whole academic year :/ Luckily I'll be earning so visits every 2 months or so are a realistic possibility, and my definitely wants to visit next year. If anyone else has been in this or going to be in this sort of situation I'll be your friend :P
    I am in Germany at the moment, nearing the end of my academic year (only 7 weeks left ) whereabouts are you going? My gf had the same idea, that she'd get lots of cheap holidays, but she hasn't come out as much as we'd hoped. It is not generally as hard as you may imagine though. The first 10 days apart after each visit are really hard, but in between times you kind of get used to things, especially when you're trying to get accustomed to crazy German things :P Ryanair has been a lifesaver for me, apart from their stupid flight schedules meaning that even with Fridays and Mondays off uni, I still end up having to miss classes because I can't fly out on Friday, back on Monday.

    (Original post by Slosh)
    :/ Skype is going to be a life saver again lol. I tried getting a German phone too but texts to the UK were 35c.

    Are you earning next year? Visits will help, and you'll no doubt be back for Christmas etc. Our lecturer told us to think of it as going away for september-december (with a visit inbetween), then Jan to March or something... Break it down, could help
    Skype is brilliant, although I soon discovered that the internet in my Wohnheim has a stingy monthly limit - absolute pain in the bum. What network are you with? I'm with Blauworld and get 15c texts to the UK, and 8c per minute to UK landlines. Mobiles are a rip off, 42c per min, so you're better off making a prank call so she can phone you back on your UK phone - costs her nothing (if shes got free mins) and costs you 15ppm I think.

    Your lecturer is right about the timings, it does make it more manageable. And if you are at uni, you get a lovely 2 month break in Feb/March/April to do some travelling, or visit her.
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    (Original post by al45ta1r)
    I am in Germany at the moment, nearing the end of my academic year (only 7 weeks left ) whereabouts are you going? My gf had the same idea, that she'd get lots of cheap holidays, but she hasn't come out as much as we'd hoped. It is not generally as hard as you may imagine though. The first 10 days apart after each visit are really hard, but in between times you kind of get used to things, especially when you're trying to get accustomed to crazy German things :P Ryanair has been a lifesaver for me, apart from their stupid flight schedules meaning that even with Fridays and Mondays off uni, I still end up having to miss classes because I can't fly out on Friday, back on Monday.



    Skype is brilliant, although I soon discovered that the internet in my Wohnheim has a stingy monthly limit - absolute pain in the bum. What network are you with? I'm with Blauworld and get 15c texts to the UK, and 8c per minute to UK landlines. Mobiles are a rip off, 42c per min, so you're better off making a prank call so she can phone you back on your UK phone - costs her nothing (if shes got free mins) and costs you 15ppm I think.

    Your lecturer is right about the timings, it does make it more manageable. And if you are at uni, you get a lovely 2 month break in Feb/March/April to do some travelling, or visit her.
    Point 1:

    Yeah the first few days aren't great, truth is the LDR-heit started 2 weeks before Germany, and i've nearly spent 6 weeks here, and next time I'll have brass and video games and speakers, so will be muuuuch more bearable. I'm definitely going to suggest mid november as a visit (cos that'll be the 1st whole year xD) but no idea on others. Not flying with budget airline after getting stranded by EasyJet in december in munich lol, can get Lufthansa in advance for same price if not cheaper.

    Also I'm in Braunschweig atm (for about 3 more days) then going to Magdeburg for a work placement at SWM. get €800 a month from them, plus EU money, plus any student grants from english uni. score :P

    Point 2:

    I got a Klarmobil cheap samsung handset, not sure why I bothered in the first place when all UK phones now do 10cents a text from anywhere in the EU anyway. Besides, Skype video call is free, so we'll stick to that, and in my Studentenwohnheim it's been ok so far, did a 2 hour video call with no delays.

    Thanks
    • #352
    #352

    Hello all need a bit of advice/reassurance!

    Basically, I met a boy over the internet a few weeks back, and clicked almost right away! It's great and we've started chatting on msn every night with and without cam, so all is well! He is flying over to see me in 3 weeks time as we live in different countries. That will be such a relief, actually being with each other physically. So as of now there's absolutely nothing wrong.

    My question is, how fast do things normally go? Is it ok to think that we'll be spending the rest of our lives together at this point already? Even though we're so far apart? Is it normal that it kind of scares me? When can you start making serious plans when you're in a LDR?

    It's all kind of new to me, so any advice would be welcome
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello all need a bit of advice/reassurance!

    Basically, I met a boy over the internet a few weeks back, and clicked almost right away! It's great and we've started chatting on msn every night with and without cam, so all is well! He is flying over to see me in 3 weeks time as we live in different countries. That will be such a relief, actually being with each other physically. So as of now there's absolutely nothing wrong.

    My question is, how fast do things normally go? Is it ok to think that we'll be spending the rest of our lives together at this point already? Even though we're so far apart? Is it normal that it kind of scares me? When can you start making serious plans when you're in a LDR?

    It's all kind of new to me, so any advice would be welcome
    Well imo there's no such thing as a normal relationship so it'll vary

    But I think 5 weeks or whatever it is is a very short time and worry since it sounds really very fast for someone to book flights and visit someone they've never met before and only spoken to online..

    First things first.. do you know that he is a boy and not some paedofile?
    Might sound daft to ask but these things do happen so please tell me you've made sure he's not some psycho killer :erm:

    I will admit that I think the time scale is too fast, but if you feel that way then that's how you feel.. but maybe it would be wise to take things slowly.. yeah meet up... but just see what happens.. you don't need to plan your life yet, you can meet another time and talk online still so no need to have that five year plan ready :nah:

    I say play by ear, but make sure you play safe

    But hey, that's just my opinion
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    My boyfriend (he lives in the same city as me at the moment) told me yesterday he wants to break up with me because he can't bear the fact that I'll be leaving to go to London 4 months from now, and he doesn't think we could maintain an LDR while I'm in London.

    Although I shared his skepticism at first, having since thought about it, I've realised that he couldn't be further from the truth. In our case a LDR wouldn't be that hard- our relationship is already very much online-based because we're both closet homosexuals (so meeting up very frequently is not an option for us regardless of distance) and I'll be coming back from London every 2-3 weeks or so anyway- within reason all he'd have to do is ask and I'd get the first train up Friday to see him. And if that wasn't enough, I get pretty long holidays. For god's sakes, even if I was staying in the same city we wouldn't meet up any more frequently than that (as our parents would get suspicious)!

    Therefore, as our relationship ALREADY has many of the characteristics of a long-distance relationship, there's no reason why it would be that difficult to maintain our relationship when I move away actually. I mean if you think about it, our relationship could potentially barely change at all with the change in distance. It kind of feels like I'm in an LDR at the moment to be honest...

    Obviously, I'm going to be telling this all to him soon (he's busy this week, so I'll wait for a more opportune moment) unless he reads it on here first. He seems to have an objection to LDRs that I simply cannot figure out. I really hope he is able to see where I'm coming from, and breaking up with him would be devastating. I can't even bring myself to think about it- I really care for him so much and I want to be with him so badly. Although it sounds naive and cliched, I do believe we make an ideal match in so many different respects.
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    (Original post by innerhollow)
    My boyfriend (he lives in the same city as me at the moment) told me yesterday he wants to break up with me because he can't bear the fact that I'll be leaving to go to London 4 months from now, and he doesn't think we could maintain an LDR while I'm in London.

    Although I shared his skepticism at first, having since thought about it, I've realised that he couldn't be further from the truth. In our case a LDR wouldn't be that hard- our relationship is already very much online-based because we're both closet homosexuals (so meeting up very frequently is not an option for us regardless of distance) and I'll be coming back from London every 3 weeks or so anyway. AND I get pretty long holidays. For god's sakes, even if I was staying in the same city we wouldn't meet up any more frequently than that (as our parents would get suspicious)!

    Therefore, as our relationship ALREADY has many of the characteristics of a long-distance relationship, there's no reason why it would be that difficult to maintain our relationship when I move away actually. I mean if you think about it, our relationship could potentially barely change at all with the change in distance. It kind of feels like I'm in an LDR at the moment to be honest...

    Obviously, I'm going to be telling this all to him soon (he's busy this week, so I'll wait for a more opportune moment) unless he reads it on here first. He seems to have an objection to LDRs that I simply cannot figure out. I really hope he is able to see where I'm coming from, and breaking up with him would be devastating. I can't even bring myself to think about it- I really care for him so much and I want to be with him so badly. Although it sounds naive and cliched, I do believe we make an ideal match in so many different respects.


    I completely agree with you, definitely try to persuade him that an LDR won't be as different and as hard as he thinks- maybe he's worried you won't be on hand if he needs someone to talk to cos you'll be busy or something. Comfort him and promise him you won't forget about him! That's what I'm worrying about when I'm the one 'left behind', I expect that's what's worrying him too. Good luck and keep me posted
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    (Original post by dappydancer)
    I completely agree with you, definitely try to persuade him that an LDR won't be as different and as hard as he thinks- maybe he's worried you won't be on hand if he needs someone to talk to cos you'll be busy or something. Comfort him and promise him you won't forget about him! That's what I'm worrying about when I'm the one 'left behind', I expect that's what's worrying him too. Good luck and keep me posted
    Well we didn't go into detail, so I have no real idea WHY he objects to the thought of an LDR. Yeah it can be difficult balancing relationship with commitments, particularly academic ones, but even when I'm extremely busy I try so hard to make time for him. And we're understanding if there are other things that need to take precendence- for example we took a break while we had exams because my bf really wanted to focus and put in every ounce of effort he could into revision (I occassionally messaged him during that break to offer encouragement). There isn't a chance in hell that I would "forget" about him- I look forward to speaking to him all the time, he's so frequently on my mind. Especially if I'm having a bad day, just speaking to him completely releases all those negative emotions and I just feel this child-like happiness around him. I feel like it was act of providence that I was able to meet someone as special as him and I really, REALLY don't want to lose him

    I think there's just an unnecessary stigma surrounding LDRs. To be honest I can't imagine why I ever thought negatively of LDRs- my parents lived in different countries for almost two years when my older brother was little (before I was born) and they came out of it perfectly fine. And that was with 9 hours of combined driving + ferry for my dad to visit my mum! Yeah it was hard for them, but also the highlight of my dad's every week was, in spite of the journey there and back, being able to see his wife and infant son at the weekend.

    My boyfriend posts on TSR (that's how I met him) so he may well be reading this. I kind of hope he does stumble across this, because he'll be able to reflect on it in his own time, rather than us getting into a heated discussion. I

    (Cheri, if you are indeed reading this, please just think it over, and think over how amazing it could be, and we can discuss it some more. I want you to be happy, and I think we do make each other happy <3 )


    (Original post by annabell1527)
    i have 3 exams this week, im really stressed about them, and really need support from my LD boyfriend.

    so what does he do?

    ignore me for a couple of days, then gets mad at me for being needy and emotional cos i got annoyed at him cos i didnt hear from him.

    now, hes barely speaking to me, i really dont wanna lose him and i cant focus on my revision.
    Sounds like he's stressed about something too. The "ignoring contact" thing seems quite common in relationships, and it is always rather annoying.

    Just send him an email summarising all your thoughts (take some time over this so that you aren't sending follow-up emails- that can come across as needy, but also don't make this email prohibitively long). Try not to pressurise him, but let him know that you're stressed out about your exams and would like his support, and you'd appreciate it if he replies to your email and offers you some support, when he has time.
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    [QUOTE=innerhollow;32032895]Well we didn't go into detail, so I have no real idea WHY he objects to the thought of an LDR. Yeah it can be difficult balancing relationship with commitments, particularly academic ones, but even when I'm extremely busy I try so hard to make time for him. And we're understanding if there are other things that need to take precendence- for example we took a break while we had exams because my bf really wanted to focus and put in every ounce of effort he could into revision (I occassionally messaged him during that break to offer encouragement). There isn't a chance in hell that I would "forget" about him- I look forward to speaking to him all the time, he's so frequently on my mind. Especially if I'm having a bad day, just speaking to him completely releases all those negative emotions and I just feel this child-like happiness around him. I'm ever thankful that I was able to meet someone as special as him and I really, REALLY don't want to lose him

    I think there's just an unnecessary stigma surrounding LDRs. To be honest I can't imagine why I ever thought negatively of LDRs- my parents lived in different countries for almost two years when my older brother was little (before I was born) and they came out of it perfectly fine. And that was with 9 hours of combined driving + ferry for my dad to visit my mum! Yeah it was hard for them, but also the highlight of my dad's every week was, in spite of the hellish journey there and back, being able to see his wife and infant son at the weekend.



    Maybe tell him exactly what you've just told me- you're obviously a lovely, devoted couple and you seem to be doing brilliantly, so it would be so sad if he didn't see the light! To be honest, I am a bit worried about my BF going to uni as we are a very close-knit couple and see each other most days, but I try and think: I can either try really hard to make it work or I can cop out like most people do and we'll end up breaking up, which is what neither of us wants! Tell him you're willing to put the effort in if he will, and basically say all you've said to me: it would melt my heart!! Good luck
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    (Original post by dappydancer)
    Maybe tell him exactly what you've just told me- you're obviously a lovely, devoted couple and you seem to be doing brilliantly, so it would be so sad if he didn't see the light! To be honest, I am a bit worried about my BF going to uni as we are a very close-knit couple and see each other most days, but I try and think: I can either try really hard to make it work or I can cop out like most people do and we'll end up breaking up, which is what neither of us wants! Tell him you're willing to put the effort in if he will, and basically say all you've said to me: it would melt my heart!! Good luck
    Your quote didn't quite work... Luckily I'm stalking this thread :ninja:

    That's a good idea actually, I should just tell him what I said in the two posts I made above. They say everything I would want to say to him. I would be completely devastated if I wasn't able to persuade him. He said that the thought of me going to London has been distressing him a lot and making him feel very depressed, and now I just want him to be able to make him realise that my going to London doesn't have to be an obstacle to our relationship. I'd be willing to do so much to make my wonderful boyfriend happy, and when I do move I would do everything to make him feel as cared for as if I was still here.

    With regards to you and your bf, well uni isn't that busy to be honest, so unless you squander excessive amounts of of time on trivia like Facebook/TSR you should have a decent amount of free time during the year (before major deadlines/exams is a difficulty though). Certainly if you were able to visit each other most weekends, sharing the burden of journeys, I think that would be fine. Yeah it does require some effort, but if you want to be with each other, you'll manage to make the effort I think the best tip I picked up on this thread is to avoid just sticking to just phonecalls/IM/email because that can get boring- in a short-distance relationship you'll tend to actually do stuff with your partner rather than just talking to them. So you can still do stuff like watching movies, playing online games together...
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    Thanks that's really helpful!

    Let me know how it goes telling him, all the best!
    • #352
    #352

    (Original post by Penguinsaysquack)
    Well imo there's no such thing as a normal relationship so it'll vary

    But I think 5 weeks or whatever it is is a very short time and worry since it sounds really very fast for someone to book flights and visit someone they've never met before and only spoken to online..

    First things first.. do you know that he is a boy and not some paedofile?
    Might sound daft to ask but these things do happen so please tell me you've made sure he's not some psycho killer :erm:

    I will admit that I think the time scale is too fast, but if you feel that way then that's how you feel.. but maybe it would be wise to take things slowly.. yeah meet up... but just see what happens.. you don't need to plan your life yet, you can meet another time and talk online still so no need to have that five year plan ready :nah:

    I say play by ear, but make sure you play safe

    But hey, that's just my opinion
    Hmm thank you

    Yes, I have checked, and have come to the conclusion that he is a real guy, and a very nice one as well :P even though it all seems too good to be true haha!

    I guess you're right, just have to go with gut-feelings and see where it takes me! Might be amazing or it might not, but then I'm only young and it'll count as experience!!

    So thank you for your opinion
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hmm thank you

    Yes, I have checked, and have come to the conclusion that he is a real guy, and a very nice one as well :P even though it all seems too good to be true haha!

    I guess you're right, just have to go with gut-feelings and see where it takes me! Might be amazing or it might not, but then I'm only young and it'll count as experience!!

    So thank you for your opinion
    You're welcome, we all help each other on here :cool:

    I'd be interested to hear how it goes when you meet him if you don't mind/remember :penguinhug:
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    Soon to be in a LDR after having been with my boyfriend for 2 and half years, he is going to Manchester University to study physics I will be continuing with my A level studies in cornwall. ADVICE PLEASE!
    • #324
    #324

    He asked me some space, I gave him more space, now he goes out all the time with his idiotic friends, he's always somewhere out and always says that we'll talk before going to bed, but many times he can't keep his word...I'm so tired. He wants to live his life and enjoy time with his friends and go around, that's all he cares for, and he believes it's okay or cool to e-mail me and to talk to me over skype twice a week...I'm beginning to realise that this doesn't work for me....I'm surrounded by nice people, two of them are actually complimenting me and asking me out, and I find myself wondering why I'm still with someone who doesn't care about me...
    • #115
    #115

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He asked me some space, I gave him more space, now he goes out all the time with his idiotic friends, he's always somewhere out and always says that we'll talk before going to bed, but many times he can't keep his word...I'm so tired. He wants to live his life and enjoy time with his friends and go around, that's all he cares for, and he believes it's okay or cool to e-mail me and to talk to me over skype twice a week...I'm beginning to realise that this doesn't work for me....I'm surrounded by nice people, two of them are actually complimenting me and asking me out, and I find myself wondering why I'm still with someone who doesn't care about me...
    I just signed in to TSR feeling sad and lonely cause I'm having similar problems with my bf.
    Background: we've been long distance (at unis >200 miles apart) for 3 years and everything's been great...up until recently. I'm just graduating from Uni and he has one more year to go (cause he took a year in industry). In the holidays we live in the same hometown (I met him in 6th form) and his uni and work placement is only 30 min train ride from our hometown.

    I just moved back home yesterday and suggested on msn he come home for the weekend and visit me (I can't visit him because I lost my bank card and have no cash so can't buy train tickets right now). But he made a load of excuses about being ill then ended up in the pub with his mates. I feel a little hurt I'm finally home and nearby him again and he hasn't said anything about being happy about that.

    He never texts me and he never ever calls me Everytime I call him he is in the pub.
    All I get from him anymore is stunted msn conversation in the evening (if I'm lucky) and he barely types two words cause he's watching films with mates/on PS3.

    I tried to talk to him about it the other week but he kicked off me, making me feel guilty and now if I try and bring anything up he always turns it on me and says I'm making it sound he's 'neglecting' me. He says it in such a way that its patronising - like I'm a silly annoying girl he's going to moan about to his mates later.

    Recently I've felt really down and depressed about leaving uni/money worries and a difficult choice I had between which career route I take after uni and I so badly needed to talk to someone and he just hasn't been there to talk to. I ended up drunkenly breaking down on a male friend and feeling vulnerable something nearly happened between us (we nearly kissed - but I stopped myself). I realise now it was because he was being so comforting and I've been crying out for that from my boyfriend.

    I'm so tired of making all the effort for fear of him just drifting away completely and not bothering to contact me. I always thought me coming home for good would be such a happy occasion for both of us and it turns out he doesn't care.
    All he will say (not very nicely) on it is 'I don't want to be distracted next year in my final year of uni'.

    I know these sound like such trivial things but the lack of communication bothers me and I'm actually starting to imagine what it would be like to end it with him. I want to save it though.
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    Hey guys much like the LDR Chat thread I will be leaving this thread for a little while the boy and i broke up so i'm not in a good place to be in this thread now, which does not mean to the rest of you out there that LDRs cant work, quite the contrary and i think this thread is living proof of that good luck to everyone and ill be back when i've sorted my head out... Thanks for all the help everyones given me over the past god knows how long! x
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    http://www.freemaptools.com/how-far-is-it-between.htm

    I just used this tool to work out I will be 5799.879 miles away from my beloved next year! How that sucks.
 
 
 
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