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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

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Reply 6380

Chelle-belle

Original post by tsr-member

Ohh, I hadn't thought of that :yep:

it's an awesome idea! And there is in-fact a perfume that I always wear (a Paris Hilton one :blush:

..please refrain from judging - it smells lush!) but as you say, fitting a shirt or something inside the box might be problematic..
I have a few thin scarves I wear - could perhaps spritz one of those and put it in?
...OR just spray the inside of the box before putting all the presents in. ..not sure if the scent will stay particularly nice like that though..
What do you think?

:dontknow:

The scent will stay for a good while =] I always spray the insides of my boxes too when I send my boyfriend gifts. You can also lightly spray the postcard (hold it quite far away when you spray it, and be careful that the ink doesn't get smudged) if you want to be extra sure the scent will stay.

Reply 6381

tsr-member

Original post by Anonymous

Condoms

sorry just bitter from experience...
Does he drink? Doesn't matter if you don't. Thats going to be the way to show him he can still have fun.

He does drink - not loads - but he likes a night out every now and then.
Would would you suggest? I'd get him some shot glasses or something but he only drinks pints :dontknow:

Reply 6382

tsr-member

Original post by Redpanda91

Argh I feel like crying right now :frown:

I've been in an LDR since me and my boyfriend first got together in June. He's just started medicine at Warwick and doesn't seem to have any time for me anymore. Even on MSN I get one word replies, he says it's because he's not used to balancing the workload with me at the moment, but I am off to Italy for Erasmus on Tuesday and I feel like I'm wasting my time trying to have a conversation with him. It's my last few days of freedom.. I so desperately want this to work out, I'd be so devastated if I lost him because everything seems so perfect when we're together :frown:

Hugs needed.

Aww

Did you get together this June (as in 3 months ago)? If so, that's quite a short duration so perhaps it'll just take some time for him to adapt. Also, I can imagine as a Medic, he probably has a significant work-load so that could be why he mentioned that he's finding difficulty balancing the two.
I wouldn't worry yourself - perhaps try distracting yourself so you're not always thinking about it. And if I were you, I'd book a coach straight down to Warwick for a few days before you head off to Italia! It'd be a nice surprise for him. I hope all the best for you!

I'll officially be in an LDR in about 2 weeks, so we'll be in the same boat :erm:

bad times.

Reply 6383

such_a_lady

Original post by C_B_C

No offense to girls at all, but I've always thought that guys are much more straight forwards. If a guy's in a LDR, it's because he LIKES YOU A LOT. He's not going to suddenly find a substitute, get bored of you, or decide to be gay.
I find girls slightly less predictable, to be completely honest :s-smilie:

If your BFs in a LDR, chances are that he's not going to cheat on you, and he's not going to get bored of the situation either.

This is so reassuring. Really really reassuring. I hope you're right. My boyfriend is a serial commitment phobe (when asked whether he'd been with one girl for a long time, he replied in the affirmative. I said, "how long? Like, a year? Two years?" Him: "Three months.") and he has said that he had never fallen in love (if I'm allowed to say that on here without anyone attacking me for it...) with anyone before me, and that he'd never really been himself with other girls before me. (By "himself", I mean intensely irritating, frustrating and argumentative...)

... (long bit no one has to read if they don't want to)

Spoiler

Original post by C_B_C

I've been walking through the LDR forum for years now, and honestly, my conclusion is that if a guy's in an LDR he's taking it dead seriously: he wouldn't be there in the first place if not.

I remember a couple of cases where the guy's cheated and then tried to hide it (which never works), but it tends to be the girls.

This really isn't a criticism, it's just a generalization: I know well that not all girls are un-solid and I know that not all guys are straight forwards.

I think girls are just slightly less sure of themselvs, and their feelings can change more easily than a guys.

I've honestly heard of a few cases where a girl's worried if her BF might be gay or not. Try not to get offended over a joke :wink:

(if you do, never, ever, go on sikipedia)

Again, I really hope you're right! I wish I could just take stuff at face value :frown:

and I once had a dream that my boyfriend was gay and was leaving me. Traumatic, especially as when I woke up I had a hard time remembering it wasn't true!

Reply 6384

Redpanda91

Original post by tsr-member

Aww

bad times.

Yeah it was this June, and it's his first relationship so we're both pretty new to everything. I guess I just need to give it time and we'll adjust to it, hopefully. I'm going on Saturday to visit for the weekend, which will be nice :smile:

Also, I guess it'll be easier once I'm busy doing Italian uni work and such. I've said that maybe we can set aside just an hour every night to have a catch up and have a more extensive chat at the weekends, thank goodness for webcams and microphones! Thank you for your reply :smile:

I hope your LDR works out ok, it helps to remember that it most likely won't be forever!

Reply 6385

tripsis

Guys I'll be seeing my boyfriend on Sunday!!! :biggrin:

It has been thirteen months since I've seen him in person :| I can hardly believe it... Stupid international LDR, expensive plane tickets, and uni :frown:

But we will finally be in the same country for at least the next 3 years! <3

Reply 6386

CityTCwannabe

im about to be thrown into one of these...sad :frown:

Reply 6387

Tom_Sg

I leave on sunday, and i'll see her in 3 weeks. I'll write her a letter for her eighteens with the train ticket inside :smile:

)

Reply 6388

tsr-member

Original post by lottielouise

im about to be thrown into one of these...sad :frown:

Same

how far is your distance?

Reply 6389

I'm_Unsafe.

Hi guys! I hope you're all well. Quite a few people have posted here recently in the same boat as me - I suppose it's inevitable it being September.

Anyway, I think I can now officially join this thread without jinxing things =/ So I met a guy on the last day of July and hit it off so well, we've been meeting up all summer more and more (he works as a TA so he had the time), basically acting like a couple, and I finally had the 'conversation' (of sorts) last weekend about me going away.

Because I'm going to France. Not just France, the absolute South of France :facepalm:

. And I can't get out of it because it's for my stupid bloody degree.
I go on the 25th and tbh today I've been having a bad day feeling stressed and teary...as it gets closer I just want to go less and find it harder to leave him cheerfully. He's such a good person though and is always making sure I'm alright so I talk to him but at the same time, I can be such an optimistic person and I've been so cheerful all summer, I don't want to just bare all and be like 'yeah I'm completely depressed at the thought of going'.
It doesn't help that this is the first proper 'relationship' I've been in since I was at school. Last summer I had a fling and was in such a mess when I went back to uni, I didn't care 10% as much about that guy as I do this one, we have such a connection, it's not something I've experienced before, but I'm scared that so much time apart will prove it too hard to maintain :frown:

I mean he might come to see me over October half term and we're going to call/text/email etc but still..
I guess, it's normal nerves really...about being really bad at my job and at making friends and speaking the language....made worse by the prospect of not only leaving behind friends/family but also him :cry2:

Gosh, sorry for the rant.

Reply 6390

StephJ

Original post by tripsis

Guys I'll be seeing my boyfriend on Sunday!!! :biggrin:

It has been thirteen months since I've seen him in person :| I can hardly believe it... Stupid international LDR, expensive plane tickets, and uni :frown:

But we will finally be in the same country for at least the next 3 years! <3

Oh my gosh! Here's all of us, moaning about our LDRs and that is nothing compared to this! Crazyy but amazing! How has it been? Obviously VERY hard, but you've stayed together? I admire you both.

Reply 6391

kat91s

Original post by I'm_Unsafe.

Gosh, sorry for the rant.

Hey, I know how you feel right now. I am going to Japan for a year on 2nd October, which is scary enough on its own without leaving the person you love behind! I've been doing a lot of thinking and coming to terms with it.

I think you've already made a good start by talking about it. If you are both willing to give it a shot that's already the best you can do. Make plans before you go - plan a definite visit and give yourself something to look forward to. My boyfriend has already booked plane tickets for Christmas. I'm jealous of you, you are only in France and that's a whole lot cheaper than travelling to Japan! This is only temporary, and if it's right, it will work out.

More importantly, don't let this spoil your time abroad. There will probably be difficult times, I'm expecting to be quite homesick at the beginning, but you will be really cross with yourself if you don't make the most of it. Think about all the interesting stories you will be able to tell him about - I'm sure he'd much rather hear that you're enjoying yourself than feeling miserable about being so far away. :smile:

I hope this helps, all the best.

Reply 6392

such_a_lady

Original post by tripsis

Guys I'll be seeing my boyfriend on Sunday!!! :biggrin:

It has been thirteen months since I've seen him in person :| I can hardly believe it... Stupid international LDR, expensive plane tickets, and uni :frown:

But we will finally be in the same country for at least the next 3 years! <3

Oh wow, how did you manage 13 months?! You must have some kind of a secret, do tell :biggrin:

Reply 6393

tripsis

Original post by StephJ

Oh my gosh! Here's all of us, moaning about our LDRs and that is nothing compared to this! Crazyy but amazing! How has it been? Obviously VERY hard, but you've stayed together? I admire you both.

Original post by such_a_lady

Oh wow, how did you manage 13 months?! You must have some kind of a secret, do tell :biggrin:

It has been sooooo difficult! Although I think the fact that we both have very big online lives has helped us a lot. We both work for the same website and generally spend a lot of time online gaming and reading forums, etc. As such, we always talk for several hours a day every day on Skype. This helps sooo much with missing him and eliminates any trust issues. Since we're talking almost all the time anyway, I don't worry about him running around cheating on me or anything. And communication has never been a problem for us. We have an eight hour time difference so every day he leaves me a message to wake up to telling me what he's done that day, letting me know that he's thinking of me, etc. It's an amazing thing to wake up to every morning and I do the same for him :smile:

We always try to find fun activities to do together. We have played online games together and we love the same TV shows so we watch those "together." We download them and then watch them at the same time every week so we can talk/laugh about them together. It's a huge comfort and makes us feel like we're together physically even though we're not.

The biggest challenge is going to bed. Every time I lay in bed I remember what it was like to sleep with him and just cuddle and be close and it drives me crazy! :frown:

I often times just stay up trying to remember things about him or funny things we've done together. Or even simple things like exactly what his face looks like or the feeling I would get when we'd cuddle up and watch a movie, etc.

There are times when it's a huge struggle but we both know that we want to be together long-term so it's worth sacrificing a few months for a future lifetime together :smile:

Reply 6394

Anonymous #358

3 months until I see her :smile:

23 Sept is the mid-way point between the time I last saw her and the next time :biggrin:

so it'll be easier after that. I'm finding I'm not feeling clingy or demanding since uni has started as I have other things to occupy myself with and since she's not too demanding it's easy. :smile:

Reply 6395

Vitamin D

Remembered that I have to go home on the weekend my boyfriend was planning on visiting me so we have to wait another week :frown:

Reply 6396

Anonymous #382

Don't really know what to do so I need a bit of help! Basically I would like to go abroad for my placement year (I'm thinking of Canada but not sure yet) and i've been with my boyfriend for 10 months. He has made it clear that he cant do long distance relationships for that long.

As I went away this summer to America for 6 weeks for work, and even then we both admitted it was hard, but I think it was harder for him and he said he doesnt think an LDR for a year would work, and said it would be too hard for him.

I dont know what to do :frown:

I would love to have an opportunity of working abroad, but then there are some great placements in the UK as well. When I went to America I had a great time but missed my bf so much, i'm worried if I did go abroad in my placement year and we broke up beforehand, it would ruin my experience as i'd just be upset all the time...
We go to the same uni so in my 4th year I guess we could maybe work again, but either of us could have moved on by then :s-smilie:

I dont know what to do, we get on so well and never have arguements. The thought of not seeing him for a year really upsets me, but then I know this is a once in a lifetime experience!
I'm torn, any help or advice? xx

Reply 6397

Tom_Sg

Why don't you go in an EU country ? :smile:

Reply 6398

kat91s

Original post by tripsis

I'm really jealous! I only have two weeks until I go long distance with my boyfriend, and he is a complete technophobe! I have no idea how it's going to work.

On the plus side he's just started working shifts, so for at least the first few months the 9 hour time difference is going to be easier to manage.

Is this just a case of making arrangements to call/go online at a certain time?

Reply 6399

tripsis

Original post by kat91s

Is this just a case of making arrangements to call/go online at a certain time?

Yep that's probably the best thing to do. Set a time when you can both be online each day and talk to each other (or phone call). It will also give you some consistency and something to look forward to each day :smile: