Turn on thread page Beta
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by twelve)
    Really starting to worry about this going long distance thing now.


    At the moment, its absolutely fine! But I think its only because he's really busy, and because I'm not at all (not started my job yet) everytime he has a chance to speak to me, I'm always there and waiting to speak to him. I'm just worrying about what will happen when I start working, and our free time doesn't overlap. And what happens next year, when I'm as busy as he is at the moment?

    Its not even that long distance yet... I am only half an hour drive from him, but its a drive I will only allow myself to do twice a month at most (I was pushing for once a month - I want to let him enjoy university on hhis own, at least at first, and in some ways I'm preparing for next year,w hen I won't be able to afford to visit at all really...)


    Most of all, I'm afraid that it won't last the long distance, and we'll have gone through all these ard times for nothing. I know its not hrad yet, but I'm afraid of when it will be. He's only been gone two days, but I'm missing him because I know I won't see him properly for another month.
    My advice would be not to worry and just take each challenge as it comes. My boy is in China on his year abroad, and he's really busy with lessons and a couple of jobs out there, I'm in my third year now and also I'm at uni and out of the house every weekday from 8-6, we also have the 7 (8 when the clocks go back) hour time difference to contend with and we still manage to chat on skype twice a week. It's not ideal but we email every day as well to keep us feeling close. It might be hard at first but if you both are willing, you'll make time for each other Try and keep positive, because it will only make it harder for you both if you are upset :hugs:
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by **CutiePie**)
    I remember talking to you a while ago - not sure if you remember me saying I was going out with someone from Boston...
    Well this time last year I realised things with him weren't working out, and I had to end it. I still loved him, and my feelings weren't different, I just didn't see a future for us, and I loved him as a friend rather than a boyfriend.
    I had to end it. It hurt, I cried daily, I broke his heart, probably more than mine broke... but I was still hurting.

    THen at Christmas, me and good friend who had helped me get through the breakup, we kissed...and got together. JOsh accused me of cheating on him all that time and ending it because of this new guy.. It wasn't like that, and it hurt more..
    ANyway, what im trying to say is, it does hurt. It hurt me like hell. Some days it hurt more than others, some days it felt awful, whereas others i thought "im ok". Try and keep your chin up

    I'd text him when YOU feel ready. There's never a wrong and right time, if you're still good friends thats fab. Josh told me to go and have a horrible life..... but still texts me a year later wanting his stuff back. a ring HE bought ME. Hmm...
    Boston is a small world! Might know the person....or at least heard of them maybe

    Well at the moment, Im busy with work and it's definitely keeping my distracted. I know he's back at uni now so have his friends surrounding him and keeping a check on him so im slightly more reassured.

    I feel melancholy but i dont feel truely upset. Gutted but it feels like the right thing. Im holding on to the hope that we'll be friends one day- it's hard to think/believe we might not be so who knows
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 22KT22)
    :hugs::hugs: I'm really sorry to hear that (I remember you posting in the chat thread). Hope you're ok. I would wait a week or so and just send a text but don't be upset if they don't reply or the reply isn't very nice.
    Thank you
    I am gutted but I wasn't going to hold onto something that felt like it was spiralling downwards and I was getting more and more arsey because that's not me.

    My best mate just finished with her 3 1/2 year relationship too a day before mine so I guess its misery company I have.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by melodic-verse)
    Sooo.. I no longer need to stalk this page anymore....
    2 Years and a bit more later on doing LDR and a year and a half before even that

    It didn't work out =(
    And I have nothing to blame it on
    We still get on wonderfully but too far apart. I left for my placement year and I'm working and he's at home enjoying his summer holidays but we were too far apart and didn't have enough communication to sustain it. I could deal with it being physically apart but I started to feel spiritually apart and found myself naggy and upsetting to him because it didnt feel right for me anymore.

    I still love him in every sense of the word but not romantically anymore. I think I've broken his heart and I just need to know he's alright. Broke mine a bit too =(

    Advice: I've never done this whole break up thing
    How long should I leave it before I can send him a text like "hi, hope you're ok?"
    We've been going out for nearly 4 years...

    Mate, you've done the right thing.
    If you had left it any longer the suffering would've only gotten worse for both of you. It sounds like you'll both be fine, to be honest, and will soon meet someone else! (not that there's any rush).
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guys,

    Feeling really in need of some comforting words and advice right now. My boyfriend has just left for his first year at uni and I will be leaving in 10 days time for mine. We've been together for 8 months and have decided that we want to make it work long distance.

    Thing is, even though we've only been apart for just a few days I really feel awful. I feel like I'm not a part of his life any more and that he just doesn't care about it. I can't stop these horrible feelings overwhelm me that he's just not bothered and that I'm merely a spectator on his life now - I'm not a part of it. We talk on msn or skype whenever we can but after saying goodbye and logging off, I end up in tears.

    It's truly pathetic - I'm really not the sort to pine after my boyfriend and to mope around for days, but this feels so utterly different. I haven't told him that I'm feeling like **** because I don't want him to feel like it's his fault and I just want him to enjoy his Freshers and have a great time. But I really don't know what to do. Part of me says that it will get better with time - when I (finally!) get to uni I'll have something to distract me and then a week later he should be coming to visit me. I'll get used to it and we can make it work. Then the other, horrible part of me says if I can't deal with this, just a couple of days apart, then how the bloody hell am I going to deal with being weeks or months apart? But I don't want to give up. I don't want to lose him! I'm just so scared and sad. I can't stop thinking that he just doesn't care any more and I hate it.

    Please, I just need some advice. What should I do? Will this feeling go with time? Should I talk to him about it? Please help!
    oh my gosh - its like i've met myself.... this is bizarre. My boyfriends just gone off to uni too, only i don't go until next year - im the year below him, and you, i presume.

    Im completely the same - i feel as though he's got this new life now, and that I'm just not apart of it anymore. Its really, hard, and its only been 5 days, I feel so pathetic, its just such a change. I also do that! We just went on skype, and I ended up in tears after I'd said bye to him!

    yeah, i want him to enjoy his freshers, but because i'm not at uni yet, i havent really got anything to take my mind off it. I reckon once you get to uni, have your freshers week, he'll probably feel the same about you! I think everything will get a bit easier when things have settled down and you get into a routine - thats what im hoping for!

    I'm sure he cares, its just a bit difficult with everything going on, to see it at the minute. Also, boys just don't like admitting that they're not okay - and it can be reallyyyyy annoying! If you let him know that you're finding it hard, I reckon he'll try and reassure you that you can make it work.

    got my fingers crossed for you! message me if ya wanna talk x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by outlaw-torn)
    Yeah it's awful.. I'm pretty sure right now that my boyfriend is gonna end it. Hopefully we can sort it out when I see him later.. I've not got much luck though, 5 years down the drain

    Aww no way I hope you sort it out! xx
    Omg really??? five years???? this is such a shame

    how did you manage to make it last so long, if I can ask?

    but I hope you sort it out :hugs:
    • #362
    #362

    Hi, just reposting because I could really do with some advice on this issue, and I didn't get a reply last time.

    I am going on a year abroad next week, and I will only be able to see my boyfriend three times in the whole year. He has already booked plane tickets to see me for £700, so I think he's serious about being long distance.

    Recently I have just been having doubts about the relationship, wondering if I trust him enough to be long distance. He is a lovely boyfriend, and I've always been very happy with him, apart from this nagging feeling I can't trust him, especially around his ex. I know he was crushed when they broke up, because he thought she was 'the one', and it's always made me feel slightly second best. He's still friends with her, and I am not comfortable with the level of contact they have.

    The reason I feel so uncomfortable is because he's lied to me several times about her. First he said she was a friend, without mentioning that they ever went out - I only realised when I saw how they acted together. Then he lied to me about some texts they exchanged in which he told her he still loves her as a friend - when I asked him about it, he said he'd never said that, even though her texts clearly stated that he did. I can't believe he outright lied to me as if he thought I was stupid.

    Once, a girl asked him on facebook how things were going with me, and he replied 'So so, still in love with you though.' This was early on in our relationship so I didn't let it bother me. I asked him about it and he acted like it was hard to remember who she even was, and said he couldn't remember saying that and didn't know why he said it. Eventually he admitted he did remember her and said he'd 'just had some fun' with her after he broke up with his ex.

    I love him to bits, and I have really put a lot into this relationship. I just get the feeling I'm not his number one. I'm not sure whether I can really have a long distance relationship for a year, with someone who's been dishonest with me like that. What should I do?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Guys, I can't get into the LDR chat thread When I click on the link, it comes up with 'bad gateway' and then when I return, it looks like I've read that thread.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, just reposting because I could really do with some advice on this issue, and I didn't get a reply last time.

    I am going on a year abroad next week, and I will only be able to see my boyfriend three times in the whole year. He has already booked plane tickets to see me for £700, so I think he's serious about being long distance.

    Recently I have just been having doubts about the relationship, wondering if I trust him enough to be long distance. He is a lovely boyfriend, and I've always been very happy with him, apart from this nagging feeling I can't trust him, especially around his ex. I know he was crushed when they broke up, because he thought she was 'the one', and it's always made me feel slightly second best. He's still friends with her, and I am not comfortable with the level of contact they have.

    The reason I feel so uncomfortable is because he's lied to me several times about her. First he said she was a friend, without mentioning that they ever went out - I only realised when I saw how they acted together. Then he lied to me about some texts they exchanged in which he told her he still loves her as a friend - when I asked him about it, he said he'd never said that, even though her texts clearly stated that he did. I can't believe he outright lied to me as if he thought I was stupid.

    Once, a girl asked him on facebook how things were going with me, and he replied 'So so, still in love with you though.' This was early on in our relationship so I didn't let it bother me. I asked him about it and he acted like it was hard to remember who she even was, and said he couldn't remember saying that and didn't know why he said it. Eventually he admitted he did remember her and said he'd 'just had some fun' with her after he broke up with his ex.

    I love him to bits, and I have really put a lot into this relationship. I just get the feeling I'm not his number one. I'm not sure whether I can really have a long distance relationship for a year, with someone who's been dishonest with me like that. What should I do?
    I will be honest with you, and I understand this may not be what you want to hear. But those sound like red flags to me. İf it was one little isolated event, then that maybe could be forgiven and forgotten. But from what you say, from the start he's occasionally but constantly been dishonest with you, even if each time he may have thought the lies were minor.

    You know this guy more than any of us here could ever, best but as someone who is in an LDR I can tell you that mutual trust is vital. If you are always worrying about if he is cheating, its going to be worse for you when you are away and not able to see or talk to him face to face for long stretches. And thats going to kill your fun while you are traveling. Even if he had not lied in the past, adjusting to life without him always near would be difficult enough. However if you felt you could trust him, then being away from him might not be so bad for you.

    The difficult thing for you will be to decide if you want to keep on letting the little lies slip by if he is so worth it. So whether you decide to stay in the relationship, or not is up to you. Whatever you do I wish the best for you. İf you want to talk, Im here.
    • #362
    #362

    (Original post by Zebracolors)
    I will be honest with you, and I understand this may not be what you want to hear. But those sound like red flags to me. İf it was one little isolated event, then that maybe could be forgiven and forgotten. But from what you say, from the start he's occasionally but constantly been dishonest with you, even if each time he may have thought the lies were minor.

    You know this guy more than any of us here could ever, best but as someone who is in an LDR I can tell you that mutual trust is vital. If you are always worrying about if he is cheating, its going to be worse for you when you are away and not able to see or talk to him face to face for long stretches. And thats going to kill your fun while you are traveling. Even if he had not lied in the past, adjusting to life without him always near would be difficult enough. However if you felt you could trust him, then being away from him might not be so bad for you.

    The difficult thing for you will be to decide if you want to keep on letting the little lies slip by if he is so worth it. So whether you decide to stay in the relationship, or not is up to you. Whatever you do I wish the best for you. İf you want to talk, Im here.
    Thanks, I honestly wish I had walked away the first time he lied. At the time I had this horrible gut-wrenching feeling, but I let him persuade me it was nothing, and I let it slide.

    I don't know if I should talk to him about it? I have tried to tell him how I feel before, how I don't feel like I'm his number one, and he was really sweet and bought me a card and present to say sorry. I feel like he takes me for an idiot, but I deserve it because I'm so forgiving.

    Most of the time he's perfect, he doesn't do anything wrong, it's just those couple of occasions when he's been dishonest that make me feel like this relationship isn't real.
    • Wiki Support Team
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Wiki Support Team
    (Original post by melodic-verse)
    Boston is a small world! Might know the person....or at least heard of them maybe

    Well at the moment, Im busy with work and it's definitely keeping my distracted. I know he's back at uni now so have his friends surrounding him and keeping a check on him so im slightly more reassured.

    I feel melancholy but i dont feel truely upset. Gutted but it feels like the right thing. Im holding on to the hope that we'll be friends one day- it's hard to think/believe we might not be so who knows
    I held on to the hope that me and Josh would also be friends, but ive been proved since that we wont or can't be. He doesn't want to be, and basically has told me in no uncertain terms will he be nice to me.

    If you want to still be his friend then he will need time to get over everything, and see you as "friend" rather than someone he loves.



    Aye, we might no each other, or of heard. If I remember rightly you went to the girls school before it merged? I went to St Bedes, then Skegness grammar for my a-levels and finally left for uni in 2009.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, I honestly wish I had walked away the first time he lied. At the time I had this horrible gut-wrenching feeling, but I let him persuade me it was nothing, and I let it slide.

    I don't know if I should talk to him about it? I have tried to tell him how I feel before, how I don't feel like I'm his number one, and he was really sweet and bought me a card and present to say sorry. I feel like he takes me for an idiot, but I deserve it because I'm so forgiving.

    Most of the time he's perfect, he doesn't do anything wrong, it's just those couple of occasions when he's been dishonest that make me feel like this relationship isn't real.
    :console:
    Firstly you sound like you have given yourself 100% to the relationship and been a good and caring girlfriend for him so no, you don't deserve to be taken for an idiot.

    Its good that you have brought the issue up with him before. And good of him for not getting defensive and angry when you did. Him being patient and understanding of your worries could be a good sign. However just make sure he knows that tangible gifts can't always make up for something as serious as dishonesty.

    This is where you can decide to give him a second chance. Keeping in mind the fact you will be away from him from a year, think about if you really know him enough to tell in your gut if he is sincere? If he will remain loyal to you? You said he still communicates with his ex, but from your post, he's indicated he is willing to commit to the relationship long distance (the ₤700 ) You just have to decide what you want from the heart.

    If you decide to, maybe don't drag the issue up again, (You don't want to seem like you are nagging him about it) however, if he is dishonest again, you tell him that he can't just buy your forgiveness with another card and gift.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    My boyfriend is leaving tomorrow. I'm an irrational and emotional mess about it! I just want to vent somewhere...

    Some background info. We've been going out for 1yr 7months. In that short amount of time we've been through so much together. We were apart for 3 weeks early in our relationship because I was stuck by the volcanic ash. Though, that's just a minor thing really.

    In Feb/March time this year, my boyfriend was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had an operation and chemo and is now (hopefully) on the mend. It was such a hard time since we were both doing our final A2 exams. I had to talk to our schools mentor type person, because I really didn't deal with it well. Even writing about it now is getting me all teary...

    My concerns (if you can call them that) about us being in separate places is less that he might find somebody else (I mean, I do worry about it, but I do trust him totally), it's more I worry about him health and safety. I'm so bad when it comes to that! I'm also kinda worried that we'll loose the feelings we have...Thinking about it, it seems totally irrational. I had a bit of a breakdown about it all to him and he admitted that he had been thinking about our future together, and he was even making plans to pop the question.

    I'm not sure why I'm posting this really, I just need to say all this, I've not really got anybody else to talk to about it. If you've read all this, well done! I guess I'm just looking for some advice on how to cope with missing him!!
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by (Online))
    My boyfriend is leaving tomorrow. I'm an irrational and emotional mess about it! I just want to vent somewhere...

    Some background info. We've been going out for 1yr 7months. In that short amount of time we've been through so much together. We were apart for 3 weeks early in our relationship because I was stuck by the volcanic ash. Though, that's just a minor thing really.

    In Feb/March time this year, my boyfriend was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had an operation and chemo and is now (hopefully) on the mend. It was such a hard time since we were both doing our final A2 exams. I had to talk to our schools mentor type person, because I really didn't deal with it well. Even writing about it now is getting me all teary...

    My concerns (if you can call them that) about us being in separate places is less that he might find somebody else (I mean, I do worry about it, but I do trust him totally), it's more I worry about him health and safety. I'm so bad when it comes to that! I'm also kinda worried that we'll loose the feelings we have...Thinking about it, it seems totally irrational. I had a bit of a breakdown about it all to him and he admitted that he had been thinking about our future together, and he was even making plans to pop the question.

    I'm not sure why I'm posting this really, I just need to say all this, I've not really got anybody else to talk to about it. If you've read all this, well done! I guess I'm just looking for some advice on how to cope with missing him!!
    Oh sweetie :hugs: First off, welcome! Secondly why not join us on the chat thread

    Whenever mine goes, I write him notes to take with him and send him letters/emails all the time. We chat on phone and MSN constantly - it's not enough to just send him a text in the morning. Good communication is the key to making LDRs work I think. Coming from a family where my Dad was always off to some foreign place (RAF brat) taught me that if it's real love, then distance and time makes *no* difference to your feelings for each other. If you can do these next few years and stay together then it'll be a breeze when you're older and married and he goes away for a week's business trip! :p:

    I can understand why you have that second level of worry about his health, the important thing is to be there for him and make sure that he doesn't neglect his health as guys sometimes do. You may not be there physically but you can be there in his heart and mind, right? x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Gah Guys I really need some advice.It sounds really petty,but how do you all stop feelings of paranoia?.My boyfriend is at his freshers atm and obviously he is house sharing with girls and going out with all his roomates,but I just can't help feeling jealous and paranoid with all these girls.I do trust him completely but I'm just scared to lose him.I hate feeling all paranoid like this .
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by liebemanc)
    Gah Guys I really need some advice.It sounds really petty,but how do you all stop feelings of paranoia?.My boyfriend is at his freshers atm and obviously he is house sharing with girls and going out with all his roomates,but I just can't help feeling jealous and paranoid with all these girls.I do trust him completely but I'm just scared to lose him.I hate feeling all paranoid like this .
    i'm in exactly the same boat as you are! my boyfriend of a year and a half has just gone to uni today, and he's 8 hours away! when i first thought about him leaving, and him being at his freshers with me just sat at home all week (gap year), it was almost unbearable, and i was so jealous and paranoid! but we've had a massive conversation about it, and i've realised that i can trust him over this, and if he wanted to just mess around with other girls at freshers then he would just break up with me before he went, right? we actually did break up because i had loads of doubts and kept asking him 'what if?' but then we realised we both wanted to be back together and he wrote me a massive letter telling me how we both need to go the extra mile, as contacting each other as much as possible is KEY to making it work long distance. and for the first few weeks while he gets to know people, he's gonna make sure he does things in a group of people and not arrange one-on-one things so soon until he knows them better. we also discussed obvious boundaries like not having girls over to stay in his studio, or not staying over at another girls if its just him and her etc etc.

    i'm feeling pretty positive now about it all! you just need to make yourself busy through his freshers, see friends and family and stuff, otherwise you're automatically gonna think the worse! and if something bad DOES happen, then it does and we deal with that, but there's no point wasting your time worrying in case it does. just take each day as it comes and be happy that you're giving it go- that must mean something right?

    good luck x
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I'm going to be in an LDR for the next 4 or so years. I'm in the Navy and my girlfriend is at Uni. We've only been going out for 6 months, but I really love her and want it to last the whole 4 years and beyond!

    Does anyone have any advice for making it work?

    We've known each other for over 2 years, but only recently got together.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by j.rose)
    i'm in exactly the same boat as you are! my boyfriend of a year and a half has just gone to uni today, and he's 8 hours away! when i first thought about him leaving, and him being at his freshers with me just sat at home all week (gap year), it was almost unbearable, and i was so jealous and paranoid! but we've had a massive conversation about it, and i've realised that i can trust him over this, and if he wanted to just mess around with other girls at freshers then he would just break up with me before he went, right? we actually did break up because i had loads of doubts and kept asking him 'what if?' but then we realised we both wanted to be back together and he wrote me a massive letter telling me how we both need to go the extra mile, as contacting each other as much as possible is KEY to making it work long distance. and for the first few weeks while he gets to know people, he's gonna make sure he does things in a group of people and not arrange one-on-one things so soon until he knows them better. we also discussed obvious boundaries like not having girls over to stay in his studio, or not staying over at another girls if its just him and her etc etc.

    i'm feeling pretty positive now about it all! you just need to make yourself busy through his freshers, see friends and family and stuff, otherwise you're automatically gonna think the worse! and if something bad DOES happen, then it does and we deal with that, but there's no point wasting your time worrying in case it does. just take each day as it comes and be happy that you're giving it go- that must mean something right?

    good luck x
    Yeah,I'm not going to uni till next year either so I'm literally sat at home thinking about him at uni rather than enjoying my own freshers!.You're right though it does say something the fact we're staying together whilst he's away.I honestly think this week has been the toughest week ever,I am seeing him next weekend (eee ) so after that hopefully it'll be okay!.I'm really going to try and not think about it and just be glad I'm with him,thank you so much for your advice,really helps having people in the same position and hearing from their perspective.Good luck to you too! I hope everything works out for both of us :hugs:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Blutarsky)
    I'm going to be in an LDR for the next 4 or so years. I'm in the Navy and my girlfriend is at Uni. We've only been going out for 6 months, but I really love her and want it to last the whole 4 years and beyond!

    Does anyone have any advice for making it work?

    We've known each other for over 2 years, but only recently got together.
    one word... communication.

    well, maybe another two.. phone sex
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Oh sweetie :hugs: First off, welcome! Secondly why not join us on the chat thread

    Whenever mine goes, I write him notes to take with him and send him letters/emails all the time. We chat on phone and MSN constantly - it's not enough to just send him a text in the morning. Good communication is the key to making LDRs work I think. Coming from a family where my Dad was always off to some foreign place (RAF brat) taught me that if it's real love, then distance and time makes *no* difference to your feelings for each other. If you can do these next few years and stay together then it'll be a breeze when you're older and married and he goes away for a week's business trip! :p:

    I can understand why you have that second level of worry about his health, the important thing is to be there for him and make sure that he doesn't neglect his health as guys sometimes do. You may not be there physically but you can be there in his heart and mind, right? x
    Aww thank you, this reply is just what I needed to hear! :^_^:. People on this thread are always so nice (I've been stalking it for a while leading up to him going).

    I think I'm just so down about it is cos I have another 2 weeks left so haven't really got much to do other than think about how much I miss him! I do get to see him next week for his birthday, but then it'll probably be a couple of weeks while I settle in.

    Luckily, he's like me and isn't a big drinker, but you never know, he might take a fancy to it in freshers... I just don't want to come across as really clingy checking up on him like I know I'll want to!

    Think I might join the chat thread Thank you again!! x
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 9, 2013
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.