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    • #247
    #247

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's happy, and I'm not, and I don't know how to fix it
    I feel like you're mirroring what I was feeling only days ago. I can see why you're worried and the thoughts can be really overwhelming, especially when you can't talk them through with your other half face to face all the time.

    All I can say is, you really have to think about yourself and also, what's best for the relationship. If you are having more bad times than good, this isn't good or healthy in a normal relationship, never mind a long distance one. Is the weekend of happiness you get from him enough to cancel out the sadness and frustration you feel for the weeks afterwards until you next see him again?

    I've recently been through a long distance breakup, and the fact that we left it on positive terms made it all the more easier for me to cope with right now. It's awful how I feel, granted; I'm missing him and it's hurts, so much. But I don't regret any of my relationship with him, and we've left each other without hating one another - if we left it on negative terms it would've ruined me. The question is, would you want to see a friendship blossom out of the relationship you have now?

    Only you can make the decision. I'm not saying break up or stay together - every relationship is different and it's going to be hard whatever you decide to do. But you're both in an LDR now, and essentially living different lives; which means you need to look after yourself too.

    Hope I've helped. I don't post on here very often.
    • #394
    #394

    I'm crazy about my BF but we fight so much. When we get along it's perfect and lovely but when we fight it's horrible. He's just stormed off to get a train back home for no good reason and now I'm crying in my room wondering what to do about this. Won't see him for two weeks.

    I love him so much but I can't carry his emotions and **** along with mine. I can't keep treading on eggshells worrying when he's going to go off on one and storm out again. I feel like he's just starting to trust me and open up and then he just freaks out and goes.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm crazy about my BF but we fight so much. When we get along it's perfect and lovely but when we fight it's horrible. He's just stormed off to get a train back home for no good reason and now I'm crying in my room wondering what to do about this. Won't see him for two weeks.

    I love him so much but I can't carry his emotions and **** along with mine. I can't keep treading on eggshells worrying when he's going to go off on one and storm out again. I feel like he's just starting to trust me and open up and then he just freaks out and goes.
    :hugs: I'm so sorry for you hun! Is there no way you can see him sooner?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry this is soo long! For the short version, just read the bits in bold



    I know I keep plaguing this topic with posts, but I am just soo confused right now. I posted earlier about worrying because I didn't feel like I missed him so much as I used to, but talking to him, I'm not sure that that was the problem at all.

    I did miss him, and I do miss him, but not thinking about him makes it easier, so I try not to think about him, and talking to him on the phone or on skype just isn't the same as being with him. I've started to not enjoy talking to him in these ways, just because its somehow a painful reminder that we aren't together, and this is the only way we can talk.


    I had a good cry to him last night, and tried to talk to him about it. (when I say a good cry, by god, it was a good one...) I tried to say (as some advice had told me) that I should ask him to take a break and have a few days of no contact. I couldn't do it though, he sounded so hurt by the idea. I was trying to tell him that I'm not sure I can manage long distance. Honestly, I'm finding it really difficult - and things like not wanting to do anything special with my gap year, because it will mean not seeing him in his holidays. I don't want to blame him for all that stuff, but I'm worried I'll start to. Saying that to him was horrible. I do love him, sooo much. If things were simple, I would still be planning our lives together - I wish we'd met five years in the future, when we can actually be together.

    Part of me wants to break up with him. Our relationship isn't perfect, and we do argue sometimes. It means that with missing him, and our arguments every now and then, I spend more time feeling crap about the relationship than I feel happy. This week, I felt sure that I would break up with him soon. I was soo certain of it. But after spending the weekend with him, its reminded me that I love him more than anything, and when things are good, they are pretty much perfect. So what do I do? I don't know if the infrequent happy times we have are worth all the sadness at the moment. I'm not seeing him for two weeks now, and I know that for most of those two weeks, I won't feel good about it all. Then when I spend the weekend with him, it'll be wonderful and I'll think I was crazy for wondering how much longer we'll last.

    And then, if I decide its best to end it, how do I do it? There have been times before that I thought was going to be the end, but I couldn't bring myself to say that I didn't want to be with him anymore - because it isn't true. I DO want to be with him, I just can't take much more of feeling like this. I love him, and he loves me. I'm not sure that loving him is enough any more - but he is. He's happy, and I'm not, and I don't know how to fix it
    Hey! Long distance doesn't have to be the end of the world. The way I look at it is, we're not in the ideal situation at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't be happy together. Today I was dancing on sunshine because I had a really nice long talk on Skype last night with my boyfriend, even though he is 6000 miles away and I won't be seeing him for another 10 weeks.

    I used to see him every 2 weeks when I was at university in the UK, and I think that is much more difficult than being on the other side of the world. It is harder to enjoy yourself because you still have him in your life enough to stop you from being independent and getting along without him. Instead of keeping busy, you end up counting the days until you see him again, and he becomes the focus of your life. Just like a long car journey - if it takes 10 hours you don't bother looking how long until you arrive because you know it will be a long time!

    If there is one thing I have learnt about long distance, it's that you have to change your priorities. Your happiness can't come from him, it can only come from you. Just a little change in perspective could improve the way you feel about it. If you think of the time apart as time for yourself to go and have fun, make new friends, have new experiences, then go and do those things, you will already be spending more time enjoying yourself, and less time missing him.

    I know it is really hard, but it's just a physical separation and you can be just as much by each other's side in spirit. He can help you when it gets tough, he is going through it too.

    I know you may feel really sad but I hope I helped you see that you don't need to be.
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    (Original post by kat91s)
    Hey! Long distance doesn't have to be the end of the world. The way I look at it is, we're not in the ideal situation at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't be happy together. Today I was dancing on sunshine because I had a really nice long talk on Skype last night with my boyfriend, even though he is 6000 miles away and I won't be seeing him for another 10 weeks.

    I used to see him every 2 weeks when I was at university in the UK, and I think that is much more difficult than being on the other side of the world. It is harder to enjoy yourself because you still have him in your life enough to stop you from being independent and getting along without him. Instead of keeping busy, you end up counting the days until you see him again, and he becomes the focus of your life. Just like a long car journey - if it takes 10 hours you don't bother looking how long until you arrive because you know it will be a long time!

    If there is one thing I have learnt about long distance, it's that you have to change your priorities. Your happiness can't come from him, it can only come from you. Just a little change in perspective could improve the way you feel about it. If you think of the time apart as time for yourself to go and have fun, make new friends, have new experiences, then go and do those things, you will already be spending more time enjoying yourself, and less time missing him.

    I know it is really hard, but it's just a physical separation and you can be just as much by each other's side in spirit. He can help you when it gets tough, he is going through it too.

    I know you may feel really sad but I hope I helped you see that you don't need to be.
    PRSOM but very good advice
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    (Original post by kat91s)
    Hey! Long distance doesn't have to be the end of the world. The way I look at it is, we're not in the ideal situation at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't be happy together. Today I was dancing on sunshine because I had a really nice long talk on Skype last night with my boyfriend, even though he is 6000 miles away and I won't be seeing him for another 10 weeks.

    I used to see him every 2 weeks when I was at university in the UK, and I think that is much more difficult than being on the other side of the world. It is harder to enjoy yourself because you still have him in your life enough to stop you from being independent and getting along without him. Instead of keeping busy, you end up counting the days until you see him again, and he becomes the focus of your life. Just like a long car journey - if it takes 10 hours you don't bother looking how long until you arrive because you know it will be a long time!

    If there is one thing I have learnt about long distance, it's that you have to change your priorities. Your happiness can't come from him, it can only come from you. Just a little change in perspective could improve the way you feel about it. If you think of the time apart as time for yourself to go and have fun, make new friends, have new experiences, then go and do those things, you will already be spending more time enjoying yourself, and less time missing him.

    I know it is really hard, but it's just a physical separation and you can be just as much by each other's side in spirit. He can help you when it gets tough, he is going through it too.

    I know you may feel really sad but I hope I helped you see that you don't need to be.
    then what is the whole point of being with him, if he can't make you happy?
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    (Original post by Ciccina)
    then what is the whole point of being with him, if he can't make you happy?
    Of course he can make you happy, but the problem is that if you just turn to one person for your happiness, no matter what they do, it can't work. Especially in a LDR you need other sources of happiness than your partner.

    I have been through a lot of crap the past few years, and the one thing I've got out of it is that happiness comes from yourself and how you choose to react to that situation.
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    i think your bf is a fooling you and he isint serious about u! tbh even i am in a long distance relationship it gets really hard to believe the person at some stage! we never know what are they doing neither do they know wht r we doing u gt me? its best if u get over him and find sum1 who Appreciates u for wht u r!
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    (Original post by kat91s)
    Of course he can make you happy, but the problem is that if you just turn to one person for your happiness, no matter what they do, it can't work. Especially in a LDR you need other sources of happiness than your partner.

    I have been through a lot of crap the past few years, and the one thing I've got out of it is that happiness comes from yourself and how you choose to react to that situation.
    Because of my experiences over the past year, I can't agree with you.
    One part of it is how we choose to react to the unexpected problems and situations we go through, one other part, and a big one, is how your partner makes you feel about your Long Distance Relationship, that is how serious he is about it and willing to make sacrifices, money-wise and time-wise, and communication-wise, in order to show you he/she cares. When you have someone who's not willing to compromise any aspect of his or her life to be with you, yet leads you on, either you accept that this is all what they can give you and settle down to a lower level of happiness, or don't settle and move on.
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    (Original post by love&squalor.)
    I'm awfully new to this but I guess this is the place to ask advice; I have recently entered into a long distance relationship with a guy I've been best friends with for quite a while. I always had romantic feelings for him, but for 8 months (we became friends at about month 6) I was with another, much older guy, who I realise now, used me for all I'm worth, and left me in pieces this June, and there were all my friends too hold me together, help me make the right choices, and get my life on track; which it hadn't been for months and months. I would say he saw me at my very very worst and he helped me back to the person I'm supposed to be, and still thought i was a saint. Until August we remained just friends, then as august began we grew closer and closer, and eventually how we both really felt came out. I've seen him twice since then since he lives 4-5 hours away, and despite it not being all that far, neither of us have the money to vist until christmas. My days revolve around talking to him, things have gotten much harder since his last visit, as he got on his train, I got this sinking feeling in my stomach, now I've never been homesick before, but now, everything is out of place, nothing feels right, i ache to be back with him,and i don't sleep properly anymore, I just don't know what to do with myself. I sit, every night crying knowing when i wake up I won't be home, everything isn't quite as wonderful without him. BUt, don't get me wrong, I've never been this happy or myself in all my life, i just want some general advice on coping without him. We already talk through every vayin form, Skype, phonecalls, texts, chat, even letters, and i get little gifts in the post, and its not like we ever run out of things to talk about, its just how to deal with missing him, i dont know where to begin in dealing with the emptiness that has a habit of creeping up to me as i lie awake in an empty bed.. any tips from you LDR long timers?
    I know how that feels! Crying every few nights, missing him at all random times of the day, waiting for the moment he comes online so we can talk. I live far far away with 8 hrs time difference, and that makes it that much harder. Sleeping at odd hours and waking up early for Skype, no texts or phonecalls because it's too expensive. I even starting tearing up when I saw regular couples spend time together, on those really horrid days when I feel lonely.

    It's been over a month I've done this, and I think the pain numbs a bit. Though at times it does get worse. How about you? Oh wells, I wholly believe distance makes the heart grow fonder and you two much stronger as a couple. Pledge time to talk everyday and talk about anything and everything. I love smiling over Skype every night! Think of how time would eventually pass and it'll end so awesomely. I can't wait for next summer already!

    Would love to hear how you've been doing!
    • #391
    #391

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ...
    Thankyou for your advice, its good to know someone else feels the same I honestly don't know what is best for the relationship - for me personally, I'm thinking maybe it would be best to break up. I think I'd feel more free, and like I can plan to go away for three months, and know that noone will be upset with me for doing so. And there's the fact that more than anything, I don't want the long distance to ruin us - like you said, if the relationship is going to end, I want it to be on good terms. On the other hand, it won't be on good terms, because he is happy with everything - when I even mentioned breaking up he started to cry and was saying that he wouldn't be able to live his life without me, and that the last few years together have been the best years of his life. Its the sae for me, I think I'm just feeling that those couple of years are coming to an end now. ANd more than anything, I can't bear to hurt him. Breaking up with him will hurt him more than anything else I could do - I think he'd even forgive me for cheating on him. In some ways I'd rather he hated me for doing something like that, if it made it easier on him.

    (Original post by kat91s)
    Hey! Long distance doesn't have to be the end of the world. The way I look at it is, we're not in the ideal situation at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't be happy together. Today I was dancing on sunshine because I had a really nice long talk on Skype last night with my boyfriend, even though he is 6000 miles away and I won't be seeing him for another 10 weeks.

    I used to see him every 2 weeks when I was at university in the UK, and I think that is much more difficult than being on the other side of the world. It is harder to enjoy yourself because you still have him in your life enough to stop you from being independent and getting along without him. Instead of keeping busy, you end up counting the days until you see him again, and he becomes the focus of your life. Just like a long car journey - if it takes 10 hours you don't bother looking how long until you arrive because you know it will be a long time!

    If there is one thing I have learnt about long distance, it's that you have to change your priorities. Your happiness can't come from him, it can only come from you. Just a little change in perspective could improve the way you feel about it. If you think of the time apart as time for yourself to go and have fun, make new friends, have new experiences, then go and do those things, you will already be spending more time enjoying yourself, and less time missing him.

    I know it is really hard, but it's just a physical separation and you can be just as much by each other's side in spirit. He can help you when it gets tough, he is going through it too.

    I know you may feel really sad but I hope I helped you see that you don't need to be.

    I think you are right about it being harder when we're closer - he's so close that I *could* go and visit him twice a week, but we can't do that. I don't think it would be good for either of us. That has made me feel better, and I think before I seriously consider ending it, I will try and refocus myself - like you said, make time to enjoy myself. Once I start working, and can start doing all the things I want to, maybe I'll be feeling more positive generally, and not feel the need to end it. On the other hand, I'm not sure that me feeling more positive about myself will help our relationship that much. I know I am sad partly because I don't have much to fill my time at the moment, but I am still sad because I don't feel like the relationship is working.
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    (Original post by Ciccina)
    Because of my experiences over the past year, I can't agree with you.
    One part of it is how we choose to react to the unexpected problems and situations we go through, one other part, and a big one, is how your partner makes you feel about your Long Distance Relationship, that is how serious he is about it and willing to make sacrifices, money-wise and time-wise, and communication-wise, in order to show you he/she cares. When you have someone who's not willing to compromise any aspect of his or her life to be with you, yet leads you on, either you accept that this is all what they can give you and settle down to a lower level of happiness, or don't settle and move on.
    But in the post I was replying to, none of those things were the problem. So you are saying that you should sit and cry in your room because you can't be with your boyfriend? If I wasn't happy with my partner, that would be a different thing to being unhappy because of the long distance. Long distance does come with difficulties, but I'm not going to mope around being unhappy because of it.
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    (Original post by purplesparks14)
    I know how that feels! Crying every few nights, missing him at all random times of the day, waiting for the moment he comes online so we can talk. I live far far away with 8 hrs time difference, and that makes it that much harder. Sleeping at odd hours and waking up early for Skype, no texts or phonecalls because it's too expensive. I even starting tearing up when I saw regular couples spend time together, on those really horrid days when I feel lonely.

    It's been over a month I've done this, and I think the pain numbs a bit. Though at times it does get worse. How about you? Oh wells, I wholly believe distance makes the heart grow fonder and you two much stronger as a couple. Pledge time to talk everyday and talk about anything and everything. I love smiling over Skype every night! Think of how time would eventually pass and it'll end so awesomely. I can't wait for next summer already!

    Would love to hear how you've been doing!
    I couldn't deal with the time difference, it would tear me to pieces, I wake up in the morning, and I'll a morning text for me to read whilst I get ready and head off to class, it's just the little things like that keep me going, the odd hours would be murder as I'm already on 4-6 hours sleep a night as I live near on 3 hours from my school, and to be able to talk to him at night I can't get to bed early, so I can sympathise with your time difference! I suppose in someways we're both keeping busy, he's at uni, and he's got a part time job now to save up for more visits, and I'm in school, but it stresses me out as I know I probably take too much time out of working or revising to talk to him, and I can see myself slipping up, I know I have my Prelims to worry about, and that'll I'll pull the exams off that matter, it's just I feel a little helpless, he knows I need to work, and he encourages me to do so, but I always put it off and put it off so I can talk more. (sorry for the super long sentence, rant mode :') ) Well, anyway, I know my relationship is strong, stronger than anyother have, and hopefully the only relationship I'm going to have now, and my friend group in supportive, I just feel like I'm building a very precarious house of cards with my school work, neglecting it almost. I suppose for now, that's the best I can manage, we're as happy as ever, plans are in place for the next visit, it just catches me sometimes, and little things make me thing of him, but well, it'll never be easy, we've just got to manage until I finish my last two years of school, and we can try move closer; here's hoping to two very fast years filled with visits and holidays!

    The other thing that's been helping is the little things of his I have, my traintickets from the visits, his shirt that still smells of him, a little wrist band from his favourite club, his presents he sends, they're just the little things that remind me I haven't been dreaming!
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    Hey guys

    We are 4 weeks into our LDR now and going strong. She came to see me at the weekend and we had a great time, and better still, it will be only another 2.5 weeks till I get to see her again! Despite being 5.5 hours away we are finding time to see each other, and its suprisingly inexpensive so long as we book train tickets in advance

    But what I came here to ask was if any of you guys have any ideas of things to send to her in the post? Just as a nice suprise y'know Obviously I was thinking small bits of jewellery, maybe a hand written letter but nothing too cheesy!

    Cheers!
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    Well she decided it wasn't for her in the end. "look i'm sorry but i dont want anything to happen from this"

    well I was going to suggest we kept in touch, but if she's going to be that dismissive then **** it.

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    I won't be posting here anymore guys... I found out last night through and accidental voicemail that my boyfriend had infact cheated on me with 4 girls during freshers. Thankyou for all your support guys, its been greatly appriciated and you've all helped me through rough times loads, thankyou! Xxx
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    (Original post by Daaanz)
    I won't be posting here anymore guys... I found out last night through and accidental voicemail that my boyfriend had infact cheated on me with 4 girls during freshers. Thankyou for all your support guys, its been greatly appriciated and you've all helped me through rough times loads, thankyou! Xxx
    :hugs: I am so so sorry to hear that!! What a prick! From what you said about how he was acting before you're better off without him because he was ok one min and then a horrible wreck the next shouting at you down the phone and it was really upsetting you! You deserve better than that :hugs: If you need to chat were always here x
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    (Original post by EmperorMustard)
    Hey guys

    We are 4 weeks into our LDR now and going strong. She came to see me at the weekend and we had a great time, and better still, it will be only another 2.5 weeks till I get to see her again! Despite being 5.5 hours away we are finding time to see each other, and its suprisingly inexpensive so long as we book train tickets in advance

    But what I came here to ask was if any of you guys have any ideas of things to send to her in the post? Just as a nice suprise y'know Obviously I was thinking small bits of jewellery, maybe a hand written letter but nothing too cheesy!

    Cheers!
    When I went away, my boy sent me off with a few little presents in my hand luggage to open at different times. First one had a locket in, the next one had some nice little chocolates in, another had a poem he'd written for me in, another had little flowery hair clips in, and the last had a bracelet in... but they all had pics of us in and he'd written on the back why he liked each of the pics and why they were special to him you could try something like that?


    (Original post by Cuttlefish)
    Well she decided it wasn't for her in the end. "look i'm sorry but i dont want anything to happen from this"

    well I was going to suggest we kept in touch, but if she's going to be that dismissive then **** it.

    :hugs: Sorry to hear that! You know where we are if you want to chat!
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    (Original post by Cuttlefish)
    Well she decided it wasn't for her in the end. "look i'm sorry but i dont want anything to happen from this"

    well I was going to suggest we kept in touch, but if she's going to be that dismissive then **** it.


    (Original post by Daaanz)
    I won't be posting here anymore guys... I found out last night through and accidental voicemail that my boyfriend had infact cheated on me with 4 girls during freshers. Thankyou for all your support guys, its been greatly appriciated and you've all helped me through rough times loads, thankyou! Xxx
    :hugs: sorry to here that here if you need.
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    (Original post by love&squalor.)
    I couldn't deal with the time difference, it would tear me to pieces, I wake up in the morning, and I'll a morning text for me to read whilst I get ready and head off to class, it's just the little things like that keep me going, the odd hours would be murder as I'm already on 4-6 hours sleep a night as I live near on 3 hours from my school, and to be able to talk to him at night I can't get to bed early, so I can sympathise with your time difference! I suppose in someways we're both keeping busy, he's at uni, and he's got a part time job now to save up for more visits, and I'm in school, but it stresses me out as I know I probably take too much time out of working or revising to talk to him, and I can see myself slipping up, I know I have my Prelims to worry about, and that'll I'll pull the exams off that matter, it's just I feel a little helpless, he knows I need to work, and he encourages me to do so, but I always put it off and put it off so I can talk more. (sorry for the super long sentence, rant mode :') ) Well, anyway, I know my relationship is strong, stronger than anyother have, and hopefully the only relationship I'm going to have now, and my friend group in supportive, I just feel like I'm building a very precarious house of cards with my school work, neglecting it almost. I suppose for now, that's the best I can manage, we're as happy as ever, plans are in place for the next visit, it just catches me sometimes, and little things make me thing of him, but well, it'll never be easy, we've just got to manage until I finish my last two years of school, and we can try move closer; here's hoping to two very fast years filled with visits and holidays!

    The other thing that's been helping is the little things of his I have, my traintickets from the visits, his shirt that still smells of him, a little wrist band from his favourite club, his presents he sends, they're just the little things that remind me I haven't been dreaming!
    Awwh, two years?! Hold on, man! Remember to put yourself and your schoolwork first. Yeahh, the little things keep us going. I loooove Skype every night! A Levels is a pain that keeps us really busy too! :/ Well, good luck !
 
 
 
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