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    (Original post by Tom_Sg)
    I have my mid-term exam on wednesday and next monday. But i revised, and i will revise, to be free this perfect week-end. :love:
    Agreed!!!

    Also, I find that having to revise has actually kept my mind occupied...I haven't really had time to miss him as much as I normally would! Do you find the same happens with you or is it just me being weird??
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    (Original post by WoefullyUninspired)
    St Andrew's Got a lot of family up in Fife. But I've been living down south since I was very little.

    What about you?
    Glasgow for uni but from Cambridge
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    Hi,
    Firstly, apologies for the long post and the awful grammar..

    I don't really know what to say to be honest.. I'll just outline my situation I suppose..

    I was best friends with my girlfriend for about 2 years before we got together.. We've always had a flirty relationship, it's just the way we've always been with each other..
    She was really nervous about telling me that she was bisexual but it didn't really surprise me..
    Before she told me I'd been starting to get feelings for her but I just ignored them because she's a girl and I've never had feelings for a girl before and I thought it was just because she was a really good friend or something, I don't really know, but after she told me that she was bi, I started to uncover those feelings a little..
    We then went on holiday with a few friends, got really drunk and ended up kissing and then decided see where things went.. We were together for 2 months before she went to uni and it was amazing We would see each other everyday, spend all our free time with each other and it was absolutely amazing!
    Now she's been at uni for 3 weeks and the adjusting is hard.. I know 3 weeks isn't a lot and we've got so long to go.. Even before we were together we'd see each other pretty much everyday so ordinarily it would've been hard..
    Her flatmates know about us but no one at home, our parents and friends don't know anything.. They just think we're two straight girls who are best friends. This makes it hard as my parents don't understand why I'm struggling so much with her being away..
    As my 2nd gap year (I want to go to music college so I'm developing my voice), it's really hard to be at home, anyone that was around to make my 1st gap year bearable has gone to uni and I'm left with no one here.. It's putting strain on us because I find it so lonely being here and I find it really hard to keep my spirits up..

    I don't really know what I want to gain from this.. Advice I suppose and it may make it easier with a 3rd party knows (other than me and my girlfriend)..
    Apologies for the long post!



    Summary: Me and my girlfriend started a relationship before she went to uni and I'm stuck at home and I'm really struggling with us being apart..
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    (Original post by greeneyedgirl)
    Awww lovely. I'm gutted won't get to spend bf's birthday with him, but as it's a Monday we've both got lectures...seeing him on the sat and sun before tho

    Defs come join the chat thread, helps keep me going knowing other people are in same position as me! http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1776946
    Ohh that sucks, but at least you come pretty close? I'm quite lucky in that his reading week falls so that he can come home for my birthday, and his is in the christmas holidays. We will be missing our 18th months in december though

    Definitely will! It's so hard doing England/Scotland as seeing each other in term time is practically impossible, the only other taken girl in my flat has seen her boyfriend 3+ times already and I'm really happy for her - but I haven;t seen mine in almost 2 months now
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    (Original post by kat91s)
    Sorry to hear it.
    Breakups suck, you've just got to keep it in your head that it was for the best. If he wasn't commited then he wasn't the right person for you.
    (Original post by Jellybean91)
    :hugs: I'm so so sorry to hear that... You're right though, if he's not committed its not fair on you, and you cant carry on a relationship like that! Big :hugs: it will get easier I promise!
    Thank you guys...really

    He said that he want to stay friends, that I'm too important to just disappear from his life, and that maybe in some time things will be different and we can give it a try...

    I also don't want to lose him, want to keep him as a friend, but we've been talking to each other every day for the last 10 days, and it just makes it more difficult to move on... at least for me.

    Anytime I see pictures of his girl friends, my heart sinks same thing when I see he posts on some friend's wall on facebook I can't help it, but then I tell to myself, you have to chill out because he's not your bf anymore, stop thinking about him...but I think that I need to cut him off completely for a while, and I'm scared that if and when I do that, I will fall into a depression and never be able to recover
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    (Original post by I'm_Unsafe.)
    Ah it's good knowing other people feel the same way. Especially with the food and stuff. Realllly starting to crave some things now, trying to figure who's best to ask a little food parcel from ha - I don't think I could live with Japanese food, French food is pretty similar but there are some things they don't do. Cheddar cheese for one. I can't be doing with all their endless fancy cheeses to be honest. Also yeah, cider. I finally found the tiny cider section last night in the supermarket. But it's different, they had a choice between 'doux' and 'bulle' so I figured the latter would be quite strong and got the doux...basically I've bought very slightly alcoholic apple juice. It tastes very nice, but it's not Magners. I was shocked when I found out it was 2%! I can't wait for a roast dinner in a PROPER pub frankly.
    I'm pretty tired myself too to be honest and it's not a ridiculous work schedule/lifestyle or anything. I think just constant language immersion and tedious bus commutes are tiring me out.
    I wouldn't worry about the change in times/routines. You'll settle into a new pattern and it'll start to feel normal.
    I just had a phone call from a very hungover boyfriend, it's probably good he was hungover though because it meant that my own mood probably wasn't as obvious, and I didn't want to worry him (because I know he will) by saying I feel crap still.
    Gah, if only my flatmate was home, or atleast some of my friends were online, I'd have a distraction.
    I found out the other day that Japanese cider, also called chuuhi, is actually a fizzy juice drink with only 3-5% alchohol! And nothing to do with apples. I haven't seen any at all yet.

    I have discovered some things I like though. This week I tried oolong tea for the first time and love it. Also nashi (Japanese pears) are delicious - they are shaped like an apple and taste like a pear, and they are really juicy and in season at the moment. If only fruit wasn't so expensive here - one of my British friends here has started getting a 'greens allowance' for fruit from his parents, because otherwise it's unaffordable!

    I know it's just a matter of time until I settle in, it's just taking so much longer than I thought! At least now I am all set up and have my money in a Japanese account, and I know where things are and how things work now so it's better than it was.

    Also I heard from my bf today, he is finally back from his holiday and we have plans to skype later so I am very happy and excited! He has the day off before he starts his new job tomorrow. I think he sounds like he's finding it hard too.

    It is so difficult when there are no distractions, also it is so hard to resist telling the bf how sad I feel those times, and how much I miss him! I have more than enough to keep me busy here, but even so, there are down times of the day and I can't be busy all the time, I need to relax too! I find if I'm alone with nothing to do, watching some online tv is a good distraction, or homework I suppose. I haven't quite found a way to deal with it either.
    • #399
    #399

    Hi guys,

    My LDR bf broke up with me a while ago because he "wasn't feeling it".
    Needless to say I was/am heartbroken and begged him to stay with me (lame, I know).
    So my problem is, I found out recently that he found someone else and being the bitter person I am, I sent him an email and at the end I wrote "btw, tell your manstealing ***** I hate her". Although it felt GREAT to send it, I'm kinda regretting it - could he "report" me for sending abusive emails or anything?
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    I just want to forget him
    I just want to move on with my life, I need the courage to cut him off and stop talking to him... it's killing me
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    (Original post by Ciccina)
    I just want to forget him
    I just want to move on with my life, I need the courage to cut him off and stop talking to him... it's killing me
    *hug*

    I know it's impossibly hard right now, but this is where being in a LDR can actually be beneficial. Throw yourself into your life there, because he's not a part of it and you're not going to bump into him in the supermarket and bring back all this misery.
    For a guy to miss you and question his decision, he needs you to actually leave first. It's the hardest thing in the world at the time but you need to be strong - delete off facebook, delete his number, go completely no-contact and focus on your own life and moving forward.
    • #400
    #400

    Hi there guys, been reading some of the stuff on this post and am going to ask for some advice, please.

    My boyfriend is very laid back, though at the start of the relationship he obviously put lots of effort in & made me very happy. We've been together for almost 3 years now & just started different universities, 100 miles apart, about 5 weeks ago - seen each other 3 weekends out of those. So, it's been pretty good in seeing each other so far. I'm actually not minding the distance so much, because I have a lot of reading, homework and essays to do, so I see it as beneficial from not distracting me!

    However, I'm only happy with long distance if he puts in effort while we're not apart. But I feel he doesn't. In the 2nd week, a girl came onto him & they kissed for about 3 seconds. (I'm not blaming her, but she did sleep with 4+ people in the first week of university, whilst he has only ever slept with one - me ). He was totally drunk, and called me up straight away and cried etc etc. So I got over that, yet he admitted to me that if I had done the same to him he would probably have dumped me.

    I try and call him every day, even if it is for 5 - 10 minutes, but he rarely calls me, and usually it is because I have text him several times reminding him. I have sent him 2 or 3 postcards/letters to show him I love him, & again, after I have reluctantly 'nagged' him (which I really want to avoid) he has sent me one back. I'm not expecting him to text me every half an hour telling me how much he misses me, or show his love all the time, but it is very rare. So I feel a little let down by him, because I am putting more effort in. Last weekend he even told me he thought I loved him more than he loves me, though after this he did cry (also, a very very rare occurrence) & told me I was the best thing he had, he loved me very much & wanted to be with me.

    Basically, my question to you guys is: do you think this is just him being unsettled & taken aback a bit at university, & do you think he will ever put just a tad more effort in? He seems to be not very affectionate with me anymore. I have told him several times I'm not happy but it is clear that he doesn't put in effort after the discussion. We both hope this is just adjusting to being 100 miles apart, rather than 5 minutes' walk away, but I don't want to feel like I'm getting a crappy deal. Thanks for any advice, if you do think I'm making it out to be a bigger deal than it really is then please say, it's just I'm new to this LDR business, & all I get advice from is my best friend (been in an LDR for about 18 months) who hadn't been going out with her boyfriend that long when he went to university, & he is naturally a romantic so they are in constant contact!

    Thanks.
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    (Original post by fiona_x)
    *hug*

    I know it's impossibly hard right now, but this is where being in a LDR can actually be beneficial. Throw yourself into your life there, because he's not a part of it and you're not going to bump into him in the supermarket and bring back all this misery.
    For a guy to miss you and question his decision, he needs you to actually leave first. It's the hardest thing in the world at the time but you need to be strong - delete off facebook, delete his number, go completely no-contact and focus on your own life and moving forward.
    Thank you...it's true, it's the hardest thing...but I have to do it.
    I've just deleted him off facebook...gosh it's so hard
    I'm thinking to at least write him an email/text explaining that I need some time alone...
    I don't know
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    Well done! The first few days are the hardest, and you're not being petty or immature, just looking out for yourself.
    After being together a long time I don't think a text or an email explaining that you need your space is out or order, its up to you. The trouble will be sticking to it afterwards. Good Luck and I hope things work out for you.
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    Hi, not sure what the protocol is but just wanted to introduce myself as a soon to be new LDR person.

    In two weeks I'm moving to Vietnam for 13 months to teach English whilst my boyfriend will still be in the UK finishing his masters. I'm quite worried because 9000 miles is a long way and I won't be coming home at all!

    I've tried to read some of the thread but it's so long! Any body have any good snippets of advice or dos and donts?

    Thanks
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    He doesnt seem excited or bothered about seeing each other tomorrow at all - it's been almost two months since we saw each other and it's just put a huge damper on it for me
    • #385
    #385

    Well, I am now single once again.

    We split up on Tuesday night. All amicable and stuff. Just some issues arose that wouldn't leave so we thought it was for the best.

    No nastiness and I hope we can stay friends.

    Although it was amicable and I kind of expected it, it still hurt.
    • #401
    #401

    Hi, don't post on TSR often, but wanted advice on the long distance thing.

    I had a gf for about 2 years, we broke up once or twice in the summer before uni (I'm now a second year), and got back together in first term of freshers. I feel I may have treated her badly in the relationship, not in any harmful way, but by maybe not loving her enough or letting her know that I do, or even being there emotionally at all.

    We go to different unis, only an hour, maybe hour and a half away however, and I have a car so I can see her whenever. But we have only seen each other twice this semester, both during freshers week start of October. I was ill the week after and she's been busy or back home for the other week or so ( She claims). We are both very busy with uni as we both do science degrees, I have offered to come see her whenever she was free, but she said she would have to see. Although the avoidance is probably because when we saw each other the in October, it was kind of distant and there wasn't much communication.

    So that's the general background, I know there is always going to be a problem in any relationship I'm in at the moment, even with 'friends', of which I have none, I would say I have acquaintances as opposed to friends. I think this is because of my emotional issues. I don't know why but I often feel emotionless and find it impossible to say what I feel. I feel I have an eating disorder aswell possibly, I have been going from starving to binging for around a year. I use a appetite suppressant to allow myself to eat only a pack of meat in the evenings. I don't do this out of vanity or anything, I just can't seem to be comfortable in my own clothes/body, if I'm not starving I'm out of control, neglect studies and buy loads of food (Last week was one of those bad weeks, I spent about £30 a day on food and ate it on that day.) I don't seem to feel emotion, just numb. When she broke up with me I didn't feel anything, I felt kind of sad and I knew the call she was going to make was going to be about breaking up, I was shakey and nervous before the call but when she spoke to me, I froze up, I tried to speak but couldn't say more than mumble yes/no/I don't know/ etc, she was crying during the call. Afterwards I cut myself on the arm, and I done it again and again for the past few days, they're very minor, but enough so that I have to hide my arm in public. I don't think I'm doing it as a cry for attention, I don't want my ex to see it, it's just a way of feeling something, I want to feel sad, I want to feel like crying, but I don't, not even a single tear was shed during or after that phonecall, I don't think I've shed a tear since our first break up last year summer.
    I want to get her back, I don't know how, I don't know if i should. I'm clearly damaged and she could do much better, everytime I see her I'm moody and tired cz I'm starving myself. What should I do?

    Cliffs/ Extras
    - GF of 2 years broke up with me
    - Eating disorder (she knows about, worries but doesn't care too much, tries to tempt me to eat by talking about going to restaurants etc.)
    - self-harmed after she broke up with me
    - emotionally unavailable to her or anyone ( barely say more than few words to even my parents on the phone)

    Sorry about the ridiculously long message, I don't think I could really trim it down without missing something, I just need some advice!
    • #362
    #362

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, don't post on TSR often, but wanted advice on the long distance thing.

    I had a gf for about 2 years, we broke up once or twice in the summer before uni (I'm now a second year), and got back together in first term of freshers. I feel I may have treated her badly in the relationship, not in any harmful way, but by maybe not loving her enough or letting her know that I do, or even being there emotionally at all.

    We go to different unis, only an hour, maybe hour and a half away however, and I have a car so I can see her whenever. But we have only seen each other twice this semester, both during freshers week start of October. I was ill the week after and she's been busy or back home for the other week or so ( She claims). We are both very busy with uni as we both do science degrees, I have offered to come see her whenever she was free, but she said she would have to see. Although the avoidance is probably because when we saw each other the in October, it was kind of distant and there wasn't much communication.

    So that's the general background, I know there is always going to be a problem in any relationship I'm in at the moment, even with 'friends', of which I have none, I would say I have acquaintances as opposed to friends. I think this is because of my emotional issues. I don't know why but I often feel emotionless and find it impossible to say what I feel. I feel I have an eating disorder aswell possibly, I have been going from starving to binging for around a year. I use a appetite suppressant to allow myself to eat only a pack of meat in the evenings. I don't do this out of vanity or anything, I just can't seem to be comfortable in my own clothes/body, if I'm not starving I'm out of control, neglect studies and buy loads of food (Last week was one of those bad weeks, I spent about £30 a day on food and ate it on that day.) I don't seem to feel emotion, just numb. When she broke up with me I didn't feel anything, I felt kind of sad and I knew the call she was going to make was going to be about breaking up, I was shakey and nervous before the call but when she spoke to me, I froze up, I tried to speak but couldn't say more than mumble yes/no/I don't know/ etc, she was crying during the call. Afterwards I cut myself on the arm, and I done it again and again for the past few days, they're very minor, but enough so that I have to hide my arm in public. I don't think I'm doing it as a cry for attention, I don't want my ex to see it, it's just a way of feeling something, I want to feel sad, I want to feel like crying, but I don't, not even a single tear was shed during or after that phonecall, I don't think I've shed a tear since our first break up last year summer.
    I want to get her back, I don't know how, I don't know if i should. I'm clearly damaged and she could do much better, everytime I see her I'm moody and tired cz I'm starving myself. What should I do?

    Cliffs/ Extras
    - GF of 2 years broke up with me
    - Eating disorder (she knows about, worries but doesn't care too much, tries to tempt me to eat by talking about going to restaurants etc.)
    - self-harmed after she broke up with me
    - emotionally unavailable to her or anyone ( barely say more than few words to even my parents on the phone)

    Sorry about the ridiculously long message, I don't think I could really trim it down without missing something, I just need some advice!
    That sounds awful I've been through that stuff too as I have a mental health diagnosis and when it's mixed with relationship issues, it's not good. I used to cut, and just before I broke up with my last boyfriend I was skin and bones due to antidepressants reducing my appetite to nothing. He was trying very hard to help me, but I couldn't keep it up and I felt relieved after I didn't have the pressure of a relationship anymore.

    Does your ex know about this stuff? Does she know how you feel about her? I think you're not doing yourself any good by trying to get her back before you've fixed yourself. Find someone to talk to, not her.
    • #401
    #401

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That sounds awful I've been through that stuff too as I have a mental health diagnosis and when it's mixed with relationship issues, it's not good. I used to cut, and just before I broke up with my last boyfriend I was skin and bones due to antidepressants reducing my appetite to nothing. He was trying very hard to help me, but I couldn't keep it up and I felt relieved after I didn't have the pressure of a relationship anymore.

    Does your ex know about this stuff? Does she know how you feel about her? I think you're not doing yourself any good by trying to get her back before you've fixed yourself. Find someone to talk to, not her.
    Thanks for answering, she only knows I have a bit of an eating disorder, I haven't told her about using suppressants, I haven't spoken to her since the phonecall, she seems to be getting on ok herself which is why I'm hesitant to contact her. I still have her on twitter/facebook, and she has been clubbing twice this week and seems to planning to go again this weekend, she changed the relationship status to single aswell. I honestly don't know what she thinks I feel about her, I have a hard time expressing my emotions to anyone, in person is especially difficult! So many times I have even wanted to post on forums and try and share, but have stopped at the last minute. I merely lurk over various ones to see if anyone is going through the same. I've only decided now because she seems to be moving on already and I seem to be retreating inwards. I literally have no-one else to talk to, a mate or two in my course who I work with and a few from my hometown that I have grown apart from. My ex was really the only person I hung out with and felt closest too. But something inside of me seems to stop myself from having any emotion to give to her, I don't even think I could explain what causes me to be like this to anyone, I don't even know myself why!!
    • #362
    #362

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for answering, she only knows I have a bit of an eating disorder, I haven't told her about using suppressants, I haven't spoken to her since the phonecall, she seems to be getting on ok herself which is why I'm hesitant to contact her. I still have her on twitter/facebook, and she has been clubbing twice this week and seems to planning to go again this weekend, she changed the relationship status to single aswell. I honestly don't know what she thinks I feel about her, I have a hard time expressing my emotions to anyone, in person is especially difficult! So many times I have even wanted to post on forums and try and share, but have stopped at the last minute. I merely lurk over various ones to see if anyone is going through the same. I've only decided now because she seems to be moving on already and I seem to be retreating inwards. I literally have no-one else to talk to, a mate or two in my course who I work with and a few from my hometown that I have grown apart from. My ex was really the only person I hung out with and felt closest too. But something inside of me seems to stop myself from having any emotion to give to her, I don't even think I could explain what causes me to be like this to anyone, I don't even know myself why!!
    I stick by what I said earlier - it is not good for you to keep checking up on her and watching her get on with her life, while you aren't getting on with yours. I would suggest deleting her from facebook and twitter, difficult as it may be and focus on yourself. I believe there is a reason why people break up, and there's no use trying to fix it while you are still in the same position.

    I know what it's like to feel like you have no one you can talk to, because I also have few friends and part of my mental health issue is that I have big problems trusting anyone or letting anyone help me. You don't have to spill your heart out to anyone, but it might help just to meet up with a couple of friends for a drink or just for company every now and again. Get out of the house, go out even if you don't feel like it. Maybe start a new hobby or do something new you've always wanted to do. Last time I was really low, I decided I was going to start training for my bike test and it was one of the best things I ever did - I had a lot of fun doing it, and met loads of new people, and I passed my test three months later!

    As for your eating disorder and other problems, I am reluctant to suggest it due to my own experiences, but try seeing your GP or university counselling service. Maybe they will be more helpful than mine - my CBT therapist decided there was nothing more he could do with me, and my GP just put me from one medication to the next. If not, just feeling better about yourself can help a great deal, by following the above advice.
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    Anyone have any advice for someone who's partner is planning on studying in another country?
 
 
 
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