The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Watch

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DrGalago
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#7021
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#7021
So my other half is going to Sydney for 4 months in february
The closer it gets the harder I seem to be finding the concept. We've been together for over a year, and lived together in halls the whole time, so I'm really going to miss him not being around all the time. In a funny kind of way I feel a bit like the build up to him leaving is going to be worse than when he has actually gone and I'm just getting on with being busy all the time. Has anyone else found this? It's been particularly hard over christmas, as he's been staying at uni to work and I've spent 2 weeks at home, and it's dragged because I've been missing him. If this is just 2 weeks, what on earth am I to do with 4 months?!
Also, does anyone have any tips on handling the 11 hour time difference? In uni holidays we usually fb chat for a few hours in the evenings, but obviously we're going to have to find a different way of working things.
So yeah, just checking in here, have a feeling it could be useful come feb. Any advice generally?
Thanks
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Georges Duroy
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#7022
(Original post by DrGalago)
So my other half is going to Sydney for 4 months in february
The closer it gets the harder I seem to be finding the concept. We've been together for over a year, and lived together in halls the whole time, so I'm really going to miss him not being around all the time. In a funny kind of way I feel a bit like the build up to him leaving is going to be worse than when he has actually gone and I'm just getting on with being busy all the time. Has anyone else found this? It's been particularly hard over christmas, as he's been staying at uni to work and I've spent 2 weeks at home, and it's dragged because I've been missing him. If this is just 2 weeks, what on earth am I to do with 4 months?!
Also, does anyone have any tips on handling the 11 hour time difference? In uni holidays we usually fb chat for a few hours in the evenings, but obviously we're going to have to find a different way of working things.
So yeah, just checking in here, have a feeling it could be useful come feb. Any advice generally?
Thanks
Hi there You need to realise that first of all, 4 months is really not a long time at all for a LDR. There are plenty of people on here who would envy such a short period of time away from their 'other halves'. So whilst it may seem daunting as you've never done this before, it's really not THAT bad

As for handling the time difference, You need to both find a time each day which convenient for you both to skype. For example, if you are free at lunch time and he is free around 11pm then you can organise an hour to chat then. Keep on sending texts, writing letters, emails, etc. just to keep in contact. Regular contact is crucial to maintaining a good relationship and makes it extra special when you hear from him.

Whilst it may seem doom and gloom, it actually can be a really good period for you both. Yes, sometimes relationships break down, strained by the distance but sometimes they can actually grow and develop. I know that for the 2 years I lived with my boyfriend before I went away, we used to get at each other's throats as we didn't give each other enough space sometimes. Now we have time to pursue our own interests more. We now see friends we neglected, do sports and activities we said we'd do but never got round to doing because we were too wrapped up in each other at the time. I know that having had a bit of distance and perspective, when we do live together again later on this year (when I move back to the UK) we've agreed to make sure we bring the good things we've learnt into our life together.

So from being a negative thing it can be a good thing! We've both made so many more friends since being apart. Use it as an opportunity to live life to the max rather than as a depressing time of waiting. Because once he does come back, if you feel you haven't made the most of your time, it will actually put a strain on the relationship. You could perhaps resent him and vice versa, so see it as a period of growth and development that could actually enrich your time together, both in the present and the future
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jeh_jeh
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#7023
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#7023
(Original post by DrGalago)
So my other half is going to Sydney for 4 months in february
The closer it gets the harder I seem to be finding the concept. We've been together for over a year, and lived together in halls the whole time, so I'm really going to miss him not being around all the time. In a funny kind of way I feel a bit like the build up to him leaving is going to be worse than when he has actually gone and I'm just getting on with being busy all the time. Has anyone else found this? It's been particularly hard over christmas, as he's been staying at uni to work and I've spent 2 weeks at home, and it's dragged because I've been missing him. If this is just 2 weeks, what on earth am I to do with 4 months?!
Also, does anyone have any tips on handling the 11 hour time difference? In uni holidays we usually fb chat for a few hours in the evenings, but obviously we're going to have to find a different way of working things.
So yeah, just checking in here, have a feeling it could be useful come feb. Any advice generally?
Thanks
I know it sounds really heartless, but it's actually easier when they're really far away as opposed to just a few hours by car, because you know that if he's in Sydney, then there's absolutely no possible way you can see him and then you just get on with it. Keep busy and you'll be fine.

During the week when you've got uni, I'd suggest emailing each other about your days, and then maybe Skype at the weekends. Eleven hours isn't too bad, in the sense that if one of you gets up early and the other is awake in the evenings, it's fairly workable.
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finola_94
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#7024
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#7024
That said, its good of you to be honest with him. Because also for an LDR to work, both should feel the other is worth the roller coaster ride of highs and lows. If you don't want to be in that kind of relationship, I really can't blame you, they can be difficult, I know. But he should also understand and be at least accepting of your feelings, if you decide to break up from him
Thanks you're so helpful . I think you're right we've both got to be honest with how we think it's going to work, and accept that it's tough whichever we decide. :/ x
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bryanybites
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#7025
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#7025
I thought my boyfriend lives ages away... but in relation 2 hours isn't much. I admire people who are away from their loved ones for weeks on end, It's so difficult.
Just wondering how far you guys' boyfriends/girlfriends live?
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Jess Holly
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#7026
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#7026
(Original post by HeatherM)
Looks like I'm joining your ranks. :P

Is it hardest in the beginning?
Depends. It's definitely hard to adjust, but personally I found it okay in the beginning (6 weeks or so apart) and a lot harder when he went back after the holidays when we'd gotten used to being together again.

It does really make you appreciate having them around though and you do get used to it. It's a lot easier once you get into a routine and you know when you can chat and so on.

How LD is yours?
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Anonymous #411
#7027
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#7027
Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years, (more or less lived together for the last year at uni) in wales. However, her hometown (nottingham) is miles from mine (cardiff) but we see eachother usually a couple of times a month.

I really want to be with her but she is planning on staying in nottingham to do a teaching course starting next year. The conversation of moving in together has come up and while i would love to do that, i wouldnt know anyone at all in nottingham whilst she would have all her friends and her family. I have no problem with that however it feels like im giving up alot whilst she isnt. (but thats hardly her fault, i know this)

Basically i dont know what to do, i love her and i cant imagine spending my time with anyone else but i dont have alot of money right now (just finished a low paid job) and i dont want to rely on her to help with the costs.. especially if i cant get a job in nottingham straight away.

Any advice?
pikaboo
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#7028
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#7028
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years, (more or less lived together for the last year at uni) in wales. However, her hometown (nottingham) is miles from mine (cardiff) but we see eachother usually a couple of times a month.

I really want to be with her but she is planning on staying in nottingham to do a teaching course starting next year. The conversation of moving in together has come up and while i would love to do that, i wouldnt know anyone at all in nottingham whilst she would have all her friends and her family. I have no problem with that however it feels like im giving up alot whilst she isnt. (but thats hardly her fault, i know this)

Basically i dont know what to do, i love her and i cant imagine spending my time with anyone else but i dont have alot of money right now (just finished a low paid job) and i dont want to rely on her to help with the costs.. especially if i cant get a job in nottingham straight away.

Any advice?
I moved to be with my boyfriend and was lucky enough to find a job in his hometown after only a couple of months. But I wouldn't have dreamed of moving there without a job, thought of friends etc. as I wanted a life of my own too.

I recommend doing your best to find a job first - there's no rush - and it will certainly help the relationship in the long run if you've got a base to build your new life from. Good luck
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Anonymous #412
#7029
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#7029
I see it's said quite a lot that you should talk every day in a LDR. I completely agree but just feel like I'm running out of things to do. It has been a few weeks since we got together and we still both love each other and have organised when we'll next see each other, but on Skype it tends to be that neither of us have much to say! It might just be that's because it's the holidays and when we're back we can talk about what's happened in our lives a bit more.

But yeah, what do you people tend to talk about? Or is there any activities you do?
Anonymous #386
#7030
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#7030
I might be in a similar situation soon also... but would definitely have a job, but it'd obviously be a brand new job where I wouldn't no anyone, and apart from my gf, no friends initially.

But is just moving for the girl and the job enough to start a life of my own? Wouldn't most people do this at some point?
Gemma16
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#7031
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(Original post by bryanybites)
I thought my boyfriend lives ages away... but in relation 2 hours isn't much. I admire people who are away from their loved ones for weeks on end, It's so difficult.
Just wondering how far you guys' boyfriends/girlfriends live?
my boyfriend lives 3 hours away and we see each other when we can, depends on our jobs/money.
luckily i work as a teaching assistant in a primary school and got 2 weeks off for christmas, so went to his for most of it (was also our first year anniversary on 18th dec) which we spent together as i finished work on 16th

he comes to mine more as i have a mon-fri job. and he lost his job just before christmas which is going to put a strain on the finances but we'll cope! so now i;ll see him once every 2 weeks. 4 nights together 9/12 apart and so on. (longest we have ever gone without seeing each other is 18 days i struggle with 14 i really have no idea how people cope seeing there loved one once a month/few months. because im spending most of my life not with him then with him and i see him way more than others.
you?
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I'm_Unsafe.
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#7032
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#7032
Ergh, I might have known this was coming, but I still feel dreadful.

The last seventeen days have been amazing and we've got so much closer...there are things that just can't be said when you're apart.

Now I'm back in France and am probably faced with almost another two months alone, I don't want to go through it again

I don't understand why I'm fine one minute and half an hour later feeling like...'I can't go on' (cue cliché) then half an hour later feeling okay/numb again. I sure as hell don't know how I'm going to manage work tomorrow. Last time it must have taken me the best part of a week to recover.
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cherry_popx
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#7033
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#7033
(Original post by Anonymous)
I see it's said quite a lot that you should talk every day in a LDR. I completely agree but just feel like I'm running out of things to do. It has been a few weeks since we got together and we still both love each other and have organised when we'll next see each other, but on Skype it tends to be that neither of us have much to say! It might just be that's because it's the and when we're back we can talk about what's happened in our lives a bit more.

But yeah, what do you people tend to talk about? Or is there any activities you do?

Me and my boyfriend never manage to talk everyday because of the fact that he hardly replies to texts and answers his phone so it is very annoying and hard for me most days when i want to tell him about my day or just speak to him and hear his voice. Id love i if things were more open with us and he would talk to me more. I always almost feel like i have no chance of getting in touch with him anymore and that i cant even be bothered to ring him or txt him during day now as ino he wont answer or reply. Ive told him it hurts me when he does this and we kind of made up the other night about things n got some things out in the open but he is just the same again today, pretty much no talk all day apart from in the evening when i was on msn.

I know exactly how you feel when u say you sometimes feel like u have nothing to talk about thats what its like for me on msn and the phone (more awkward on the phone of course), we tend to talk about films alot though as we both like alot of films, and i mostly ask him things like how his day has been as its always me that does majority of the talking as im the chatty one, so yeah, our convos dry up easily too even with me lol, what things do u talk about at the moment together, theres loads of activities i want to do with him but they are all things that are more based for summer like camping, nature walks, picnics othe rthings

its been about 4 weeks since i last saw him and sometime si feel like its crumbling up im going to tell him that i want to see him more often liek every fortnight or something otherwise its just going to be like this all the time :/
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Anonymous #212
#7034
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#7034
Ergh, I can feel us drifting apart.. We just don't see each other / talk to each other enough compared to how we used to.. I saw him once this term and have seen him three times this holiday but only for an hour or so for each time. But we've been together for 2.5 years.. any advice?
shj
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#7035
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#7035
(Original post by Anonymous)
I see it's said quite a lot that you should talk every day in a LDR. I completely agree but just feel like I'm running out of things to do. It has been a few weeks since we got together and we still both love each other and have organised when we'll next see each other, but on Skype it tends to be that neither of us have much to say! It might just be that's because it's the holidays and when we're back we can talk about what's happened in our lives a bit more.

But yeah, what do you people tend to talk about? Or is there any activities you do?
You don't have to talk every day. I normally wait... 2/3 days between conversations. It means you have more to talk about! Also I don't like someone else knowing about every thing that goes on in my life, haha.

It's weird because when you're together you can talk about nothing for ages, but on the phone or Skype silences become 1574235x more awkward.
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Jennie027
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#7036
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#7036
I'm in a LDR and everything's great and has been for the past year and 11 months
I miss him when I don't see him though!
We're both at different universities (UCLan and Sheffield Hallam) though even when we met it was long distance (Bolton and York). It is hard at times but we try to see each other as often as possible
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justeen beber
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#7037
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#7037
it is not advisable
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justeen beber
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#7038
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#7038
life was meant to be simple . avoid complications.
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justeen beber
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#7039
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#7039
i mean it could work out, it could just be fitting to miss someone and be happy to see that person later . the question is how do you define long Dist. R
1 hour 2 hours 3 hours.
4 hourrs 5 hours 6 hours 7 etc. I am saying the longer the less advisable
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Anonymous #412
#7040
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#7040
(Original post by justeen beber)
it is not advisable
Your head doesn't advise your heart. We know this all too well.
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