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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre
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Original post by Anonymous
We rarely see each other as it is during term time (last term we only saw each other once) so it would probably be worse to use a time that would usually be something really nice to say something so horrible (there'd be a massive gap between expectation and reality!).
I'm not at fault, it's just really not working anymore - we've grown apart and I just can't stay in a relationship where i'm not happy and to be honest I think it'll be the making of him. I fired some warning shots before exams (mine, not his - i'm not that cruel) so hopefully it won't be such a surprise, I just want to make it as painless as possible for him.
I'm not at fault, it's just really not working anymore - we've grown apart and I just can't stay in a relationship where i'm not happy and to be honest I think it'll be the making of him. I fired some warning shots before exams (mine, not his - i'm not that cruel) so hopefully it won't be such a surprise, I just want to make it as painless as possible for him.
I think Skype's probably the best thing then. At least you can talk face to face. And yeah, there is no point not being happy in a relationship, it's the whole point. Good luck, hope it goes okay.
Original post by Anonymous
We rarely see each other as it is during term time (last term we only saw each other once) so it would probably be worse to use a time that would usually be something really nice to say something so horrible (there'd be a massive gap between expectation and reality!).
I'm not at fault, it's just really not working anymore - we've grown apart and I just can't stay in a relationship where i'm not happy and to be honest I think it'll be the making of him. I fired some warning shots before exams (mine, not his - i'm not that cruel) so hopefully it won't be such a surprise, I just want to make it as painless as possible for him.
I'm not at fault, it's just really not working anymore - we've grown apart and I just can't stay in a relationship where i'm not happy and to be honest I think it'll be the making of him. I fired some warning shots before exams (mine, not his - i'm not that cruel) so hopefully it won't be such a surprise, I just want to make it as painless as possible for him.
Long distance relationships aren't easy but please don't try and end it all via skype. It's best to do it in person. You can even tell him beforehand that you're feeling unhappy about the relationship so would like to discuss it. It'll make things easier. Also, you may find that you actually want to stay in the relationship.
I've been in LDR for 2 years now and I remember that the first year was so hard! We fell out a lot because we misunderstood each other over text etc. And after not seeing him in person for a while, I started to wonder whether the relationship was worth it. I was unhappy. But then I realised that I was unhappy about not seeing him as opposed to being unhappy about the relationship.
An LDR will always have its obstacles but communication is key! Talk thinkgs throuh. If you decide to stay together then great, if you decide it's really better to go your separate ways then do that too. Just be sure cause when you're that far apart, there is no time to change your mind.
Whatever you decide, make sure it's for the right reasons.
I too completely agree, I do not think his committed to this relationship, as yourself. My Bestfriend too would relate to this suggestion. It would make a lot of sense for me to protect and adviser her on what is wrong and right. But, I am always going to be compared against his words. Some guys, I guess have a gift with words. Therefore, the bestfriend becomes the betrayer in her own bestfriend eye. Sometimes in a relationship, a friend only wants to be told, what she wants and needs to hear not necessarily what you personally think of the situation in regards to what is going downhill in the relationship.
Complication as this only extend, if you make a wrong turn in straight a direction. Trust me, i know!
Complication as this only extend, if you make a wrong turn in straight a direction. Trust me, i know!
Hi all. I did something really wrong in my LD relationship and the guilt has had me extremely depressed for the past week, which is completely my fault. I've been in a LDR with my BF now for about few months but we haven't met IRL yet because he lives in a dif part of Europe, and I stupidly ended up kissing and giving a handjob to another guy the other day. But that was it.
It was the worst mistake of my life and it just made me realise how much I love my LD bf and would NEVER do this again, not even for all the money in the world. So I'm not sure if I should tell him or not, but I couldn't risk losing him because of it and maybe it's more selfish to tell him to rid my own guilt.
It was the worst mistake of my life and it just made me realise how much I love my LD bf and would NEVER do this again, not even for all the money in the world. So I'm not sure if I should tell him or not, but I couldn't risk losing him because of it and maybe it's more selfish to tell him to rid my own guilt.
Original post by Anonymous
Long distance relationships aren't easy but please don't try and end it all via skype. It's best to do it in person. You can even tell him beforehand that you're feeling unhappy about the relationship so would like to discuss it. It'll make things easier. Also, you may find that you actually want to stay in the relationship.
I've been in LDR for 2 years now and I remember that the first year was so hard! We fell out a lot because we misunderstood each other over text etc. And after not seeing him in person for a while, I started to wonder whether the relationship was worth it. I was unhappy. But then I realised that I was unhappy about not seeing him as opposed to being unhappy about the relationship.
An LDR will always have its obstacles but communication is key! Talk thinkgs throuh. If you decide to stay together then great, if you decide it's really better to go your separate ways then do that too. Just be sure cause when you're that far apart, there is no time to change your mind.
Whatever you decide, make sure it's for the right reasons.
I've been in LDR for 2 years now and I remember that the first year was so hard! We fell out a lot because we misunderstood each other over text etc. And after not seeing him in person for a while, I started to wonder whether the relationship was worth it. I was unhappy. But then I realised that I was unhappy about not seeing him as opposed to being unhappy about the relationship.
An LDR will always have its obstacles but communication is key! Talk thinkgs throuh. If you decide to stay together then great, if you decide it's really better to go your separate ways then do that too. Just be sure cause when you're that far apart, there is no time to change your mind.
Whatever you decide, make sure it's for the right reasons.
Thanks for the detailed reply.
The thing is that it isn't our first year of LD, this is the second year of LD and we're semi LD when we're at home too. With us it's not about the distance, i've always said we can't blame things on the distance as things in our first year LD were so happy, that's why I know things just aren't right anymore. I think we've just become two very different people. The last time he came to visit I could sense that. :/
If I don't do it on Skype then I just don't know when feasibly we'd be able to see each other as whenever i'm free he seems to be visiting home etc or working and vice versa and it can't drag on any longer than it needs to.
Original post by ebery
Hi all. I did something really wrong in my LD relationship and the guilt has had me extremely depressed for the past week, which is completely my fault. I've been in a LDR with my BF now for about few months but we haven't met IRL yet because he lives in a dif part of Europe, and I stupidly ended up kissing and giving a handjob to another guy the other day. But that was it.
It was the worst mistake of my life and it just made me realise how much I love my LD bf and would NEVER do this again, not even for all the money in the world. So I'm not sure if I should tell him or not, but I couldn't risk losing him because of it and maybe it's more selfish to tell him to rid my own guilt.
It was the worst mistake of my life and it just made me realise how much I love my LD bf and would NEVER do this again, not even for all the money in the world. So I'm not sure if I should tell him or not, but I couldn't risk losing him because of it and maybe it's more selfish to tell him to rid my own guilt.
Tell him, at the end of the day you did cheat so he deserves to know and be the one to decide what happens now.
I should be going to university in September, I'm currently in a relationship and I have been for around 2 years in total. My boyfriend brought up the topic of what would happen between us, and honestly I don't know whether I've been naive or something and just assumed we'd stay together. He's convinced that LDR don't work, however we had this conversation before after moving and we're currently in a semi-LDR, it's around about 15 or so miles between us. Which feels so much better than what could be around about 40 miles when I go to uni.
I want us to stay together, I've even contemplated a flat rather than halls somewhere between uni and where my boyfriend will be living. I always thought that we'd live together in this flat and both commute to wherever from there, but hey.
Looked at how far trains could be, if I live where I want to go to uni! That's an hour journey, or an hour and a quarter if I'm at another university.
What would you all say?
I want us to stay together, I've even contemplated a flat rather than halls somewhere between uni and where my boyfriend will be living. I always thought that we'd live together in this flat and both commute to wherever from there, but hey.
Looked at how far trains could be, if I live where I want to go to uni! That's an hour journey, or an hour and a quarter if I'm at another university.
What would you all say?
Original post by Anonymous
I should be going to university in September, I'm currently in a relationship and I have been for around 2 years in total. My boyfriend brought up the topic of what would happen between us, and honestly I don't know whether I've been naive or something and just assumed we'd stay together. He's convinced that LDR don't work, however we had this conversation before after moving and we're currently in a semi-LDR, it's around about 15 or so miles between us. Which feels so much better than what could be around about 40 miles when I go to uni.
I want us to stay together, I've even contemplated a flat rather than halls somewhere between uni and where my boyfriend will be living. I always thought that we'd live together in this flat and both commute to wherever from there, but hey.
Looked at how far trains could be, if I live where I want to go to uni! That's an hour journey, or an hour and a quarter if I'm at another university.
What would you all say?
I want us to stay together, I've even contemplated a flat rather than halls somewhere between uni and where my boyfriend will be living. I always thought that we'd live together in this flat and both commute to wherever from there, but hey.
Looked at how far trains could be, if I live where I want to go to uni! That's an hour journey, or an hour and a quarter if I'm at another university.
What would you all say?
The most important person in all this is you. Therefore, don't get a flat between university and where your boyfriend lives, because you only get one chance to go to university and be a fresher. So do the Halls experience, make friends and make the most of your time at university. Talk to your boyfriend about doing long distance. 40 miles is really nothing. One of my friends has done long-distance for 3 years while she's at university- she's in the UK and he's in Canada. If he doesn't want to go the distance, maybe he's not really ready for this kind of commitment and doesn't want to be tied down. But don't jeopardise your life at university for the sake of him, trust me you will regret it. He should try and fit around your new life to an extent, it shouldn't be you trying to fit all around him. University can be a wonderful, unique time so make sure you give yourself the best memories of it
Original post by ebery
Hi all. I did something really wrong in my LD relationship and the guilt has had me extremely depressed for the past week, which is completely my fault. I've been in a LDR with my BF now for about few months but we haven't met IRL yet because he lives in a dif part of Europe, and I stupidly ended up kissing and giving a handjob to another guy the other day. But that was it.
It was the worst mistake of my life and it just made me realise how much I love my LD bf and would NEVER do this again, not even for all the money in the world. So I'm not sure if I should tell him or not, but I couldn't risk losing him because of it and maybe it's more selfish to tell him to rid my own guilt.
It was the worst mistake of my life and it just made me realise how much I love my LD bf and would NEVER do this again, not even for all the money in the world. So I'm not sure if I should tell him or not, but I couldn't risk losing him because of it and maybe it's more selfish to tell him to rid my own guilt.
Own up to him about it. But frankly you can't be in love with someone you've never actually met in the flesh. Maybe it's a warning sign that you shouldn't be doing this- or at least wait until you've actually met him before making this huge commitment to him.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the detailed reply.
The thing is that it isn't our first year of LD, this is the second year of LD and we're semi LD when we're at home too. With us it's not about the distance, i've always said we can't blame things on the distance as things in our first year LD were so happy, that's why I know things just aren't right anymore. I think we've just become two very different people. The last time he came to visit I could sense that. :/
If I don't do it on Skype then I just don't know when feasibly we'd be able to see each other as whenever i'm free he seems to be visiting home etc or working and vice versa and it can't drag on any longer than it needs to.
The thing is that it isn't our first year of LD, this is the second year of LD and we're semi LD when we're at home too. With us it's not about the distance, i've always said we can't blame things on the distance as things in our first year LD were so happy, that's why I know things just aren't right anymore. I think we've just become two very different people. The last time he came to visit I could sense that. :/
If I don't do it on Skype then I just don't know when feasibly we'd be able to see each other as whenever i'm free he seems to be visiting home etc or working and vice versa and it can't drag on any longer than it needs to.
That does put you in a sticky situation. It's not fair to drag it out but maybe you just need to tell him that you really want to see him to talk to him. Surely he can spare a weekend. If you end things via skype, it'll be awkard in the moment, and awkward afterwards. And I think you owe it to each other to finish things in person.
Me and my boyfriend had so many problems in our first year. And then by the time it got to summer, I'd almost had enough. i felt like I just didn't know him anymore, and that we'd both moved in different directions. In the final 2 weeks before starting our 2nd year, we made the decision to split. But then we realised that it wasn't what we wanted, so we never broke up in the end.
Maybe you are right that you and your boyfriend are going in different directions. When you spend that much time apart, it's hide to feel that closeness with someone.
But what I've found is that being in a long distance relationship makes small problems seem big. Everything gets magnified.
If money and time were not an issue, I would suggest taking a short break away with your boyfriend so you can focus just on each other.
I can tell by your post that you really think it's over but, either way, this has to be done in person. And please just don't make the wrong decision. I know how much one wrong decision can affect a relationship's future.
ebery
Hi all. I did something really wrong in my LD relationship and the guilt has had me extremely depressed for the past week, which is completely my fault. I've been in a LDR with my BF now for about few months but we haven't met IRL yet because he lives in a dif part of Europe, and I stupidly ended up kissing and giving a handjob to another guy the other day. But that was it.
It was the worst mistake of my life and it just made me realise how much I love my LD bf and would NEVER do this again, not even for all the money in the world. So I'm not sure if I should tell him or not, but I couldn't risk losing him because of it and maybe it's more selfish to tell him to rid my own guilt.
It was the worst mistake of my life and it just made me realise how much I love my LD bf and would NEVER do this again, not even for all the money in the world. So I'm not sure if I should tell him or not, but I couldn't risk losing him because of it and maybe it's more selfish to tell him to rid my own guilt.
I'd tell him. If I was in that situation, what I'd done would be tearing me apart if I kept it a secret. Also, as someone else said, you did cheat, so what happens next between the two of you should be his choice.
Original post by I'm_Unsafe.
x
The British Council let me add region preferences to my application, so I emailed them my choices earlier
I picked Nice, Poitiers and Versailles. I'd freaking LOVE to be placed in Nice, but I bet it's heinously competitive! I'll just see what happens.
How long did it take you guys to say "I Love You" - the serious way?
Original post by HeatherM
How long did it take you guys to say "I Love You" - the serious way?
In my last relationship, 7 months, in my current relationship probably more like 2 months! It completely depends on the people! Say it when you feel it not when you think you should be saying it! Obviously LD can make that harder too as it takes you longer to get to know each other than couples who can see each other every day!
HeatherM
How long did it take you guys to say "I Love You" - the serious way?
It completely depends on the individual relationship, really. I know it takes some couples a fair while, but my boy and I said it after a week or two
but then we're still together over two years later, so it's not like we were being naive! Don't worry about it, it'll happen when the time is right.
Original post by HeatherM
How long did it take you guys to say "I Love You" - the serious way?
For me and my boyfriend it was a couple of months
but it really does depend on the couple and I don't think you should put a time on it. Just say it when it comes naturally. There is no non-serious way of saying it in my opinion; you should only ever say "I love you" if you mean it.Original post by ct2k7
So, dealing with a relationship that's between America (Florida) and UK/France? About 6 hours difference max. Skype everyday, and iMessage everyday... apart from that, I'm going to use most of my free weeks to visit home and my sweetheart, hopefully. Sound like a sound idea?
I was in a LDR between California and the UK for almost two years. It will be incredibly difficult but it is possible to make it work! It helps if the person in the UK is on a "night owl" sleeping schedule. I was in California and my boyfriend in the UK goes to bed at like 5am every night
So we were still able to speak to each other very often.The most important thing in this kind of relationship is communication. You have to put more effort into staying together than you probably would have to in a non-LDR or a closer LDR.. because it's very likely you will only be able to see each other a couple times a year (possibly more I guess, depending on your circumstances).
Make sure you speak every day and do not slack! Remember to do seemingly simple things like remind your girlfriend of how much you love her. These kind of reassurances are important when you're an ocean apart because you want to maintain your trust. Always share what happens during your day; it will ease the pain of being apart.
Original post by Jellybean91
..
Original post by rainbow drops
Don't worry about it, it'll happen when the time is right.
Original post by Sazzy890
you should only ever say "I love you" if you mean it.
Thanks
I was just curious- I've never said it before because it's important. It's a big step. :L I was just wondering. He got really drunk once and texted me saying "I love you" about 6 months before we started going out properly, and he did then apologise for that, but i was wondering if i should have felt bad, but it's cool. He hasn't said it since, and neither have i. I figured that it'll happen when it happens :LOriginal post by HeatherM
Thanks I was just curious- I've never said it before because it's important. It's a big step. :L I was just wondering. He got really drunk once and texted me saying "I love you" about 6 months before we started going out properly, and he did then apologise for that, but i was wondering if i should have felt bad, but it's cool. He hasn't said it since, and neither have i. I figured that it'll happen when it happens :L
I was just curious- I've never said it before because it's important. It's a big step. :L I was just wondering. He got really drunk once and texted me saying "I love you" about 6 months before we started going out properly, and he did then apologise for that, but i was wondering if i should have felt bad, but it's cool. He hasn't said it since, and neither have i. I figured that it'll happen when it happens :LMaybe he just felt embarrassed because of your reaction afterwards. Sometimes alcohol can bring the truth out in people and now maybe he is scared to be the first one to bring it up again
Are you hoping that he does love you/that he will say it soon? Original post by Sazzy890
Original post by Sazzy890
Maybe he just felt embarrassed because of your reaction afterwards. Sometimes alcohol can bring the truth out in people and now maybe he is scared to be the first one to bring it up again Are you hoping that he does love you/that he will say it soon?
Are you hoping that he does love you/that he will say it soon? No, i'm not hoping anything, except that the distance doesn't wreck it. We're only like, a couple hundred miles apart or so, but because he has uni and i have exams etc, we're probably not going to see each other very soon at all. We spoke about our feelings etc in August/September and decided to give it a shot in december. I've only seen him twice since. But no, i don't have any expectations. I just hope we work. I was actually wondering, like you said, if he has embarrassed himself xD
Thanks
Original post by tripsis
I was in a LDR between California and the UK for almost two years. It will be incredibly difficult but it is possible to make it work! It helps if the person in the UK is on a "night owl" sleeping schedule. I was in California and my boyfriend in the UK goes to bed at like 5am every night So we were still able to speak to each other very often.
The most important thing in this kind of relationship is communication. You have to put more effort into staying together than you probably would have to in a non-LDR or a closer LDR.. because it's very likely you will only be able to see each other a couple times a year (possibly more I guess, depending on your circumstances).
Make sure you speak every day and do not slack! Remember to do seemingly simple things like remind your girlfriend of how much you love her. These kind of reassurances are important when you're an ocean apart because you want to maintain your trust. Always share what happens during your day; it will ease the pain of being apart.
So we were still able to speak to each other very often.The most important thing in this kind of relationship is communication. You have to put more effort into staying together than you probably would have to in a non-LDR or a closer LDR.. because it's very likely you will only be able to see each other a couple times a year (possibly more I guess, depending on your circumstances).
Make sure you speak every day and do not slack! Remember to do seemingly simple things like remind your girlfriend of how much you love her. These kind of reassurances are important when you're an ocean apart because you want to maintain your trust. Always share what happens during your day; it will ease the pain of being apart.
Thanks
He's definitely a night owl. I plan on Skpying and iMessaging him every single day. I'm just afraid of being alone - I'll be out there all by myself, and I hope we can get enough money for him to visit for the 14-18 months I'm out there.
I will not slack and I will always remind him how much I love him. Sharing my day will be painful, but I know he'll want to know.
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