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    • #369
    #369

    Always thought you have to be particularly strong/in love for a LDR...I admire you guys!
    Keep up the good work!
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    i feel rubbish cos I can't even hack 3 weeks away from my boy and feel silly cos we don't get to spend our two and a half year anniversary together. Why is scotland so far away :'(
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    (Original post by 22KT22)
    I'll be honest both the boy and I are both at the same state atm so i know how you feel. My way of coping is to keep busy but obviously its easier for me. I find that the smaller gaps are always the hardest ones because its not very long but it seems to be taking for ever. Just focus on the next visit and try not to worry about the summer (worry about that later). Hopefully the weather will clear up soon so you can go exploring but otherwise try and keep busy and don't allow yourself to dwell on it too much.
    Thanks, I mean it's the keeping busy that's got me through the first 4 months, but it's suddenly so much more difficult to keep my mind off it in the situation I'm in. I guess it's time to get focused on exams... Ugh.
    • #416
    #416

    (Original post by Sazzy890)
    Are you sure this is related to the fact that it is an LDR or do you think there is something more serious underlying this problem? It seems weird that she is pushing you away because usually LDR couples would seek any opportunity they had to get more intimate since they don't get to do it for the rest of the time. I'm not saying that she necessary does not want you, but do you feel that the spark has gone recently? You need to speak to her honestly about this and tell her your true feelings. Try to do something romantic to get her in the mood perhaps (obviously this should not all be down to you though as she should be making an effort as well). Perhaps cook her a nice meal and then run a nice bubble bath and that might bring some romance/spark back into the relationship. Sometimes it takes just a little push back in the right direction :yep:
    Honestly, I really don't know
    Like part of the LDR issue is that we don't get a huge amount of time with each other, so when we do see each other there's kind of a pressure for us to do things then. Like if one of us isn't in the mood - then we don't have sex for a while (whereas in a "normal" relationship if one of the couple doesn't feel like it, they could do it the day after - we don't have that option).
    I really don't know though. As I said, it is only with this where the issue is. Everything else is fine, better than it has been even.
    I'm over hers this weekend, so we'll see. (How firm do I be if I have to sit her down and talk about it though, cos usually she just clams up and thats it like).
    • #212
    #212

    We split up
    • #417
    #417

    Okay I've never posted in here before but today I just want to moan a little. I hate feeling like I'm being put on the backburner all the time. I don't want him to pine over me, I don't want him to miss out on going out and being social, I know he's busy and he's got lots to do, but it makes me feel so taken for granted. Like, yeah we love each other to bits and we've been together for a few years, but it feels like he's complacent. And I'm always the one to actually bring stuff up and it makes me feel like I'm always moaning when we actually do get to speak/see each other.

    The worst thing my emotions are all wanting to blame him and make it all into a massive drama but we are both trying really hard to keep each other happy. Ughhh. I just have a tendency to destructive behaviour and it's difficult keeping the devil on my shoulder in check. Especially without having that regular reassurance I was so used to when we were both living in the same area.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay I've never posted in here before but today I just want to moan a little. I hate feeling like I'm being put on the backburner all the time. I don't want him to pine over me, I don't want him to miss out on going out and being social, I know he's busy and he's got lots to do, but it makes me feel so taken for granted. Like, yeah we love each other to bits and we've been together for a few years, but it feels like he's complacent. And I'm always the one to actually bring stuff up and it makes me feel like I'm always moaning when we actually do get to speak/see each other.

    The worst thing my emotions are all wanting to blame him and make it all into a massive drama but we are both trying really hard to keep each other happy. Ughhh. I just have a tendency to destructive behaviour and it's difficult keeping the devil on my shoulder in check. Especially without having that regular reassurance I was so used to when we were both living in the same area.
    Try and think about it in objective terms, and decide whether he is actually neglecting you and taking you for granted, or whether it's just your own feelings. It's easy to feel that way when you never get to see your boyfriend.

    Maybe you could clear up your expectations with him and ask him how often he thinks you should spend time together, and work out in advance when you're going to speak to each other. Also plan enough time together just for the two of you. I have a routine going with my boyfriend, and it includes weekends not talking, because we both usually have something on. I know having everything planned out seems like it takes all the fun out of it, but I've been forced to because of the time difference between us and actually it works. I never have to worry about whether he will call me, or why he hasn't called.

    Part of dealing with long-distance is going out and keeping busy with other things, so it's probably just the case that he has more going on than you. Try filling up your time a bit more and it won't seem like such a big deal.
    • #418
    #418

    Dumped
    • #362
    #362

    (Original post by Waldhexe)
    Hi everyone, I would be so grateful if someone could give me some advice.

    Firstly, some background: My boyfriend is at uni in Belfast and I am at a uni in England, both first years. We just celebrated our three year anniversary and our LDR's been going well; I don't feel that our relationship has suffered, we still love each other lots and see a long-term commitment. We SKYPE everyday, visit each other twice a term and see each other lots in the holidays because we're from the same town. So nothing's intrinsically wrong.
    But there's this guy I really get on with as a friend; we literally have so many things in common. I keep on idly planning how if I was single, I would try and get him to fancy me, go on dates etc. (That was worded clumsily but you know what I mean). But here's the strange thing; although I know if I was single I would probably have developed a massive crush on him because I find that exciting - but I DON'T have one now, nor do I have sexual fantasies about him. Besides, I'm pretty sure he's not romantically interested in me.

    So I don't quite understand why I vaguely wish I was single and could enjoy the 'thrill of the chase' (oh dear that sounds bad too), yet I don't REALLY fancy him. I met my boyfriend aged 15, started going out at 16, and now I'm much more confident than I was then, and I kind of wish I had the opportunity to 'test out my powers' and see if I could flirt etc and have other guys like me.

    I'm not necessarily asking for advice on what to do - I know what I should do, and it's what I will do - stick with my boyfriend and our great relationship. I just wondered if someone could explain what's going on in my head, because apart from my speculations (the last part of the last paragraph), I don't understand myself!

    Thanks
    Don't worry! I know that feeling myself, especially in an LDR. It feels like there's all this exploring you could be doing, but on the other hand, you are happy with your boyfriend and you know in your head it's not worth giving up just for that thrill.

    Last time I went through a break up, I casually dated for a month or two, and it was fun. But after a while I realised that those guys knew I was just after fun, they were using me as much as I was using them, and it wasn't the same as having someone to be close to, to cuddle up to when I'm sad etc. I really missed all that. Someone special like that is really hard to find, especially someone who will stay by your side for so long.

    Value what you've got while it's good!
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    Some advice please... I touched on it in a previous post, but it's really starting to bother me. My bf is terrible with money - literally awful. He gets about £500 wages a month which just about clears his overdraft and he then lives off the rest of the overdraft and his tips (not very much). When he wants something, he buys it. He has a savings account but doesn't see the point in saving as 'it all gets spent anyway'. Any time we talk about money he gets really stressed and upset and won't talk about it much. I caught a glance at his balance yesterday (he's gone home now) - he's already £600 into his overdraft and he got his months wages less than a week ago.

    At some point, he wants to move out of his mums house, and over summer I want to go and live with him somewhere, but we're never ever going to be able to afford it now. Oh, and he's going on a £200 holiday to Amsterdam next week somehow He's just so careless with money... I'm not great myself but I have limits, you know? I feel terrible if I go into my overdraft. He just doesn't seem to care.
    • #342
    #342

    (Original post by Waldhexe)
    Hi everyone, I would be so grateful if someone could give me some advice.

    Firstly, some background: My boyfriend is at uni in Belfast and I am at a uni in England, both first years. We just celebrated our three year anniversary and our LDR's been going well; I don't feel that our relationship has suffered, we still love each other lots and see a long-term commitment. We SKYPE everyday, visit each other twice a term and see each other lots in the holidays because we're from the same town. So nothing's intrinsically wrong.
    But there's this guy I really get on with as a friend; we literally have so many things in common. I keep on idly planning how if I was single, I would try and get him to fancy me, go on dates etc. (That was worded clumsily but you know what I mean). But here's the strange thing; although I know if I was single I would probably have developed a massive crush on him because I find that exciting - but I DON'T have one now, nor do I have sexual fantasies about him. Besides, I'm pretty sure he's not romantically interested in me.

    So I don't quite understand why I vaguely wish I was single and could enjoy the 'thrill of the chase' (oh dear that sounds bad too), yet I don't REALLY fancy him. I met my boyfriend aged 15, started going out at 16, and now I'm much more confident than I was then, and I kind of wish I had the opportunity to 'test out my powers' and see if I could flirt etc and have other guys like me.

    I'm not necessarily asking for advice on what to do - I know what I should do, and it's what I will do - stick with my boyfriend and our great relationship. I just wondered if someone could explain what's going on in my head, because apart from my speculations (the last part of the last paragraph), I don't understand myself!

    Thanks
    I wouldn't worry too much about it, as long as you don't act on it it's fine- I have been in my relationship since I was 15 as well (I'm now 20) and we get on really well, but I still sometimes wonder what it would be like to be single. Occasionally I find myself doing what you are- planning how I would approach a guy etc. There's nothing serious in it, I just think it's natural to be curious when you've been with someone for so long and you haven't experienced the "single" lifestyle.
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    My boyfriend has just got out to france and I haven't heard from him since yesterday lunch time he has no internet and I don't think he's got any of my texts or that his phone is working. I hate not being able to get through to him as we never normally go a few hours without talking. any thing I can do to cope
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    (Original post by victorialou23)
    My boyfriend has just got out to france and I haven't heard from him since yesterday lunch time he has no internet and I don't think he's got any of my texts or that his phone is working. I hate not being able to get through to him as we never normally go a few hours without talking. any thing I can do to cope
    Silly question, but has he spoken to his network so that they can activate his phone to work abroad? Otherwise, no, he won't get your texts or be able to text you.
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    (Original post by Waldhexe)
    Hi everyone, I would be so grateful if someone could give me some advice.

    Firstly, some background: My boyfriend is at uni in Belfast and I am at a uni in England, both first years. We just celebrated our three year anniversary and our LDR's been going well; I don't feel that our relationship has suffered, we still love each other lots and see a long-term commitment. We SKYPE everyday, visit each other twice a term and see each other lots in the holidays because we're from the same town. So nothing's intrinsically wrong.
    But there's this guy I really get on with as a friend; we literally have so many things in common. I keep on idly planning how if I was single, I would try and get him to fancy me, go on dates etc. (That was worded clumsily but you know what I mean). But here's the strange thing; although I know if I was single I would probably have developed a massive crush on him because I find that exciting - but I DON'T have one now, nor do I have sexual fantasies about him. Besides, I'm pretty sure he's not romantically interested in me.

    So I don't quite understand why I vaguely wish I was single and could enjoy the 'thrill of the chase' (oh dear that sounds bad too), yet I don't REALLY fancy him. I met my boyfriend aged 15, started going out at 16, and now I'm much more confident than I was then, and I kind of wish I had the opportunity to 'test out my powers' and see if I could flirt etc and have other guys like me.

    I'm not necessarily asking for advice on what to do - I know what I should do, and it's what I will do - stick with my boyfriend and our great relationship. I just wondered if someone could explain what's going on in my head, because apart from my speculations (the last part of the last paragraph), I don't understand myself!

    Thanks
    I was in exactly the same situation- but I took the advice that no-one gives you and tried to see if i could be with another. It was the biggest mistake of my life but I'm lucky my relationship managed to recover. It's easy for people to say stick with the boy but really do, I struggle daily with the mistake I made
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    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    Silly question, but has he spoken to his network so that they can activate his phone to work abroad? Otherwise, no, he won't get your texts or be able to text you.
    No he's on pay as you go and his english phone keeps switching network which I think is why its not working I got an email saying he hasn't had any of my texts . It should be fine when he's got internet access the beginning of next week I just need to stay distracted this week end. Its just frustrating as I'm having a crap day and I know a chat with him would really help right now.
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    (Original post by victorialou23)
    No he's on pay as you go and his english phone keeps switching network which I think is why its not working I got an email saying he hasn't had any of my texts . It should be fine when he's got internet access the beginning of next week I just need to stay distracted this week end. Its just frustrating as I'm having a crap day and I know a chat with him would really help right now.
    Hm, I don't know, but I know that it's normal for his phone to switch network - when you use a foreign phone abroad, it "roams" between networks to always get the best signal.

    But, yeah, keeping busy sounds like a plan and he'll have internet before you know it! How long's he away for?
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    I'm missing her as much as never before, lately
    2 more months until I get to visit her.
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    :hugs: that sucks! What happened if you dont mind me asking? Surely if you made it through 5 years of LDR you can make it through this?[/QUOTE]

    sorry for the late reply... busy busy busy

    It was just a case of getting stuck in a lull after graduating tbh... We ended things well though. Just a note to all be careful when leaving uni its definitely a different world.
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    hello guys,

    I feel I should've posted here earlier..but its never too late,right?

    Here is my story (i will try to make it as short as possible :/ ):
    I was in a LDR with a guy from another country (I'm from Greece,he's from Romania) for almost 2 years.
    Even though it was the best thing that ever happened to me (he was great with me, we loved eachother to bits and when we would meet it was like nothing else mattered..) I managed to screw it up somehow, with my mood swings and my *****iness..I have a natural gift of screwing all the good things in my life!
    So... I broke up with him in June. We used to break up and get back together quite often, usually because of me, so I just thought that this last time we would get back together again.
    Unfortunately, he finally changed his attitude towards me ,became very mean and cold, and was able to say anything just to hurt me. I knew I deserved it so i decided to wait and try to "get" him back.
    At first I thought it was do-able since I could clearly see he had feelings for me. But as time was passing he was trying more and more to "block" these feelings and keep distance from me by doing anything else just to keep him distracted from me..
    Many times since then, I've said to myself I would move on and I've said goodbye to him (because we were still in contact) but soon, after a while I was back there again..adding him on fb,msn and skype so I could feel he still exists in my life in a way...Pathetic, I know what you are thinking.
    Anyway..today I finished it for good (ye, i've said that before but this time it will be different). We talked for one last time and once again he tried to keep distance from me and when I gave him the chance he said many hurtful things again( things like "you're needy, you're whinning all the time, and all you can think is having a boyfriend" etc)..I decided I will finally move on and leave him behind me.
    I deleted him from all of my messengers and I deactivated my fb account.. I know I'm doing the right thing (I didnt have much of a choice anyway).
    It will be hard to be without him for good and I dont know why Im writting this but I feel the people who are in LDRs will understand and sympathize with me..or im just a bit desperate right now.

    Anyway, sorry for the wall of text and the mistakes you might notice (Im not from UK as mentioned :P ) and thanks for reading this... I'm kinda broken now..
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    So, small issue compared to some...
    My other half and I are doing fine, we talk for about 20 mins once both of us are back from uni/work just to catch up on our days, and again when the first one goes to bed to say goodnight and chat a bit.

    But between coming home and going to bed I am trying to get as much uni work done as possible and its here when I miss them. I know I could do more stuff with my friends but I really need to do course stuff at the moment. How can I focus more on work?

    This is plenty of communication, isn't it?
 
 
 
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