The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

BF has been really off with me the last few days... Hasn't replied to any of my texts, won't pick up his phone, when he does turn up on MSN he won't turn the camera on because he's not 'feeling well'. He was meant to go to a doctors appointment yesterday as he's had a hernia for about 3 years and refuses to do anything about it but he didn't bother even though he was up and dressed. I know his moods aren't greatly stable but they're never normally this bad?

I sent him a text or two this afternoon, we had plans for early next week but now I can't do it so I sent him another asking him to ring me so I can tell him in person, he rang me as I was in a shop paying so I said I'd ring him back ten minutes later and when I did he wouldn't pick up again - then he sent me a text an hour later saying he was shopping with his mum and he'll let me know when he's free. That was at 4pm

I feel really pathetic for getting upset about this but I'm so stressed at the moment with work and cheer and job applications and I have a cold and all I want to do is chat idle chit chat to him but he won't even reply to my messages

Only a week more or the whole thing was a week? If it's the latter then he is being a very babyish! Reassure him that you'll be back home in a normal routine soon enough and therefore you'll soon be able to skype at the normal time. Talk to him/email him and let him know you miss him. You do want to be with him right? On the other hand, do go out and enjoy yourself still- don't stay because of him

BF has been really off with me the last few days... Hasn't replied to any of my texts, won't pick up his phone, when he does turn up on MSN he won't turn the camera on because he's not 'feeling well'. He was meant to go to a doctors appointment yesterday as he's had a hernia for about 3 years and refuses to do anything about it but he didn't bother even though he was up and dressed. I know his moods aren't greatly stable but they're never normally this bad?

I sent him a text or two this afternoon, we had plans for early next week but now I can't do it so I sent him another asking him to ring me so I can tell him in person, he rang me as I was in a shop paying so I said I'd ring him back ten minutes later and when I did he wouldn't pick up again - then he sent me a text an hour later saying he was shopping with his mum and he'll let me know when he's free. That was at 4pm

I feel really pathetic for getting upset about this but I'm so stressed at the moment with work and cheer and job applications and I have a cold and all I want to do is chat idle chit chat to him but he won't even reply to my messages

First of all, it's not a pathetic thing to get upset about at all; rather, it's a pretty pathetic thing to do. You're both adults. But I guess if you say his moods aren't great, then he might not even realise he's doing it. I don't really know what to suggest, because I always feel really bad bringing up issues that can't be changed or are as a result of the boy's reoccurring depression, but at the same time no one deserves to be treated like that.

Need some help! My relationship is in real trouble, if you can still call it a relationship, because I dumped him. We have been international long distance for 5 months, but together for a year. My next visit home is in two weeks.

So what happened is, I found some messages between him and his ex, which were disrespectful and plain hurtful to me, in which he told her he missed her and couldn't stop thinking about her, and propositioned her for sex. Then it emerged that actually they had sex while we were together. The worst thing is that I asked him before not to be friends with his ex, because she has caused trouble before.

The reason I went into his messages is because he's been acting strangley lately, and I've found things I didn't like in his emails before (always from this ex) so that it's become a compulsion to log into his accounts. It feels like I was only waiting for this to happen, and I was right, because it did.

Now he claims that they only slept together before we were together, and he is sending me emails, texts, and voicemails apologising over and over again. Whether he cheated or not is a minor detail to me, because he still said all those things to her. He says he made a stupid mistake, and he thought she could cheer him up because he was missing me so much. Now he has deleted her from facebook and says he hates her for ruining his life twice, and says he wants nothing to do with her. He is desperately begging me not to leave him, but I feel like I can't trust anything he says. He is even emailing my best friend for help, which is out of order!

Initially, I dumped him straight away and thought I just want to move on and enjoy the rest of my year abroad without all the pain of an LDR. Then I spoke to his closest friend, who thinks he's telling the truth and that I should try to work it out. Right now I still haven't forgiven him, and I've told him I will see him in two weeks when I fly home for a visit.

I am actually fine, and I am keeping busy with friends. It's easy to ignore him because I'm still so angry with him.

Am I doing the right thing? I just don't know if I should move on and forget about him, or if we should try work this out. We've come such a long way... I'm torn.

Yes, you're doing the right thing. He shouldn't have done what he's done, now he's lost you, and will have to live with his mistake and regret it every day of his life for a long, long time.

It's obvious that his best friend is trying to defend him and speaking up for him...he's his best friend! Don't give in, keep busy and move on, you deserve much better that that....stay strong

Hello folks, I suppose I'm new to this LDR thing, so I suppose I'm just looking for coping techniques really! I'm finding it harder than I thought I would recently...

Defining this as LDR - my situation is probably nowhere near as bad as what the rest of you are encountering as he only lives a couple of hours away. But currently its also our (and especially his) busy schedules that are preventing us from seeing eachother. He's just taken on a new and important role at work so he's working lots more hours than he was before...about the same time as luck would have it, my workload has been ramped up (and I mean at work, and at uni). We saw eachother for the first time in a while last week and it was amazing. He said he'd been so looking forward to seeing me and I felt the exact same way.

I think its really important that at this time in our lives we both have the freedom to grow individually, which is what we're doing when we're apart but lately the lack of ongoing contact is getting me down. I definitely thought I could handle this but I miss him so much at the moment. We've both agreed to make time for eachother (not like its a chore) but I also miss the physical intimacy of being with him.

I haven't voiced any of this to him as I'm hoping it will pass...we've made a couple of future plans to see eachother next month which are exciting. We've been together 5 months and this is the first time its really hit me - I'm having all sorts of thoughts like 'what if we end up just drifting apart...' like its a constant worry and I can't relax. So does anyone have advice on how I can cope better?

siiiiiigihh....how do i say this now? I feel like I'm putting out all this effort in my relationship, which is strange for me to be even trying this hard. I don't usually value my relationships because I always tote the "independent girl" image. I refuse to allow any one person to have that much control over me.

Anyway, the problem now is that my bf is for lack of a better word "unresponsive". I'm doing all the calling and texting. And when I send him amazing lyrics which i take the time to combine ever so sweetly he responds "oh, that's nice" "i like that" and I say, babe, i sent that especially for you, and that's all you can say? "what? its nice"........am i expecting too much here?

Even when we do talk online, idk...he's starting to bore me. I'm wondering if it's the distance or have we really just run the course of the relationship. Worse, we've broken up and gotten back together so many times I've lost track, but I keep thinking that the only reason i'm holding on is because i want to prove something. To my ex. Who I'm almost sure I'm over but keeps popping up back in my life and making me constantly question why we broke up in the first place. Even worse, my ex lives a reasonable distance from me and he's outrageously popular so all my friends know him, people i dont even know know about us, so he really won't leave my life cuz people CONSTANTLY ask me about him and want to have very intrusive convos about him......which really doesnt help my current situation.


Yes, I know, This is a mess. But can anyone please, I beg you, give me some unbiased advice, which I'm finding out my friends fail epicly at doing. Should I just break off this 3 year LDR??? I love him I really do but there are times now when i don't even think of him at all and when I do it's in an obligatory sense. Like "oh, i should text so and so, just so that he doesn't think i'm ignoring him" or "wait i haven't spoken to so-and-so. let me go online and leave him a message so he knows i tried". its not romantic anymore!!!!

So, some very good advice is desperately needed.

Need some help! My relationship is in real trouble, if you can still call it a relationship, because I dumped him. We have been international long distance for 5 months, but together for a year. My next visit home is in two weeks.

So what happened is, I found some messages between him and his ex, which were disrespectful and plain hurtful to me, in which he told her he missed her and couldn't stop thinking about her, and propositioned her for sex. Then it emerged that actually they had sex while we were together. The worst thing is that I asked him before not to be friends with his ex, because she has caused trouble before.

The reason I went into his messages is because he's been acting strangley lately, and I've found things I didn't like in his emails before (always from this ex) so that it's become a compulsion to log into his accounts. It feels like I was only waiting for this to happen, and I was right, because it did.

Now he claims that they only slept together before we were together, and he is sending me emails, texts, and voicemails apologising over and over again. Whether he cheated or not is a minor detail to me, because he still said all those things to her. He says he made a stupid mistake, and he thought she could cheer him up because he was missing me so much. Now he has deleted her from facebook and says he hates her for ruining his life twice, and says he wants nothing to do with her. He is desperately begging me not to leave him, but I feel like I can't trust anything he says. He is even emailing my best friend for help, which is out of order!

Initially, I dumped him straight away and thought I just want to move on and enjoy the rest of my year abroad without all the pain of an LDR. Then I spoke to his closest friend, who thinks he's telling the truth and that I should try to work it out. Right now I still haven't forgiven him, and I've told him I will see him in two weeks when I fly home for a visit.

I am actually fine, and I am keeping busy with friends. It's easy to ignore him because I'm still so angry with him.

Am I doing the right thing? I just don't know if I should move on and forget about him, or if we should try work this out. We've come such a long way... I'm torn.

Ok so I posted this earlier in the week, but I could do with some more advice. I don't really have anyone to talk to right now.

So it's three days since we broke up, I haven't spoken to him since the first day, and I don't know what to do with myself. I've been trying to take my mind off it by doing things with friends, but the fact is I just feel completely ****. It doesn't help that my best friend is going back to his home country and I saw him for the last time yesterday. The other best friend is off on a trip for the next two weeks, so I feel so completely alone.

I am going away for a few days by myself to visit a friend, so I am just hoping that I can forget about this an enjoy it. Then after that it's only a week until I fly home and can sort it out in person.

I don't think I've ever been so heartbroken before. I know the right thing to do is to move on, but right now it hurts so much to think about.

Can anyone offer me a few comforting words and some advice on how to get through this?

I get really insecure when my bf goes to see friends for a weekend and then doesn't talk or text as much as usual - not heard from him since a good morning text, this time.

I KNOW I'm being stupid and I am keeping busy with friends myself, but I feel like I'd have time to drop a text if I was him (but I don't always want to do it first..) So I feel like actually he just doesn't want to hear from me.

So why do I feel so unimportant when this happens? It's so not a big deal, I know...