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    (Original post by anxioustaf)
    siiiiiigihh....how do i say this now? I feel like I'm putting out all this effort in my relationship, which is strange for me to be even trying this hard. I don't usually value my relationships because I always tote the "independent girl" image. I refuse to allow any one person to have that much control over me.

    Anyway, the problem now is that my bf is for lack of a better word "unresponsive". I'm doing all the calling and texting. And when I send him amazing lyrics which i take the time to combine ever so sweetly he responds "oh, that's nice" "i like that" and I say, babe, i sent that especially for you, and that's all you can say? "what? its nice"........am i expecting too much here?

    Even when we do talk online, idk...he's starting to bore me. I'm wondering if it's the distance or have we really just run the course of the relationship. Worse, we've broken up and gotten back together so many times I've lost track, but I keep thinking that the only reason i'm holding on is because i want to prove something. To my ex. Who I'm almost sure I'm over but keeps popping up back in my life and making me constantly question why we broke up in the first place. Even worse, my ex lives a reasonable distance from me and he's outrageously popular so all my friends know him, people i dont even know know about us, so he really won't leave my life cuz people CONSTANTLY ask me about him and want to have very intrusive convos about him......which really doesnt help my current situation.


    Yes, I know, This is a mess. But can anyone please, I beg you, give me some unbiased advice, which I'm finding out my friends fail epicly at doing. Should I just break off this 3 year LDR??? I love him I really do but there are times now when i don't even think of him at all and when I do it's in an obligatory sense. Like "oh, i should text so and so, just so that he doesn't think i'm ignoring him" or "wait i haven't spoken to so-and-so. let me go online and leave him a message so he knows i tried". its not romantic anymore!!!!

    So, some very good advice is desperately needed.
    omg. someone i can relate to. i sent my boyfriend a text for valentines day cause he knows i hate valentines day - bad experiences watching my mum with my dad so turned me off love - anyway, i sent him a text all like "Thanks for being an amazing boyfriend n my bestest friend you mean the world to me" all i got back was "Aww thanks baby i love you lots too". My boyfriends not soppy, hes cold hearted, and i get more emotion out of my cat then i ever would for him, its SO irritating half the time but yeah, id just advise to ignore it, ive been up with it for a year now as his efforts dived past our year, if he sends you something nice, be cold like him, my motto is to treat them as they treat you, if he doesn't like it tell him to get over it, me and my boyfriend have a thing about using the 'get over it' card. Also in a bit of a jiffy as were LDR and i dont see him for 3 months, then i do for a month, his uni course offered him a job in programming, and he said he agreed to work on his hols, which means id see him for 2 weeks. I was utterly heart broken as i felt like he didnt care about our time on seeing each other.. He was also cold emotionally on this speak to so i just logged off in a huff, Nothing goes my way or makes my life easy so i just let things run its course, everything seems to run into my fellas pockets so itd be nice if something ran into mine for once.

    A bit of mine and your problem there ^ just hope it gave you the balls to treat him the way he treat's you!
    • #362
    #362

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Need some help! My relationship is in real trouble, if you can still call it a relationship, because I dumped him. We have been international long distance for 5 months, but together for a year. My next visit home is in two weeks.

    So what happened is, I found some messages between him and his ex, which were disrespectful and plain hurtful to me, in which he told her he missed her and couldn't stop thinking about her, and propositioned her for sex. Then it emerged that actually they had sex while we were together. The worst thing is that I asked him before not to be friends with his ex, because she has caused trouble before.

    The reason I went into his messages is because he's been acting strangley lately, and I've found things I didn't like in his emails before (always from this ex) so that it's become a compulsion to log into his accounts. It feels like I was only waiting for this to happen, and I was right, because it did.

    Now he claims that they only slept together before we were together, and he is sending me emails, texts, and voicemails apologising over and over again. Whether he cheated or not is a minor detail to me, because he still said all those things to her. He says he made a stupid mistake, and he thought she could cheer him up because he was missing me so much. Now he has deleted her from facebook and says he hates her for ruining his life twice, and says he wants nothing to do with her. He is desperately begging me not to leave him, but I feel like I can't trust anything he says. He is even emailing my best friend for help, which is out of order!

    Initially, I dumped him straight away and thought I just want to move on and enjoy the rest of my year abroad without all the pain of an LDR. Then I spoke to his closest friend, who thinks he's telling the truth and that I should try to work it out. Right now I still haven't forgiven him, and I've told him I will see him in two weeks when I fly home for a visit.

    I am actually fine, and I am keeping busy with friends. It's easy to ignore him because I'm still so angry with him.

    Am I doing the right thing? I just don't know if I should move on and forget about him, or if we should try work this out. We've come such a long way... I'm torn.
    Ok so I posted this earlier in the week, but I could do with some more advice. I don't really have anyone to talk to right now.

    So it's three days since we broke up, I haven't spoken to him since the first day, and I don't know what to do with myself. I've been trying to take my mind off it by doing things with friends, but the fact is I just feel completely ****. It doesn't help that my best friend is going back to his home country and I saw him for the last time yesterday. The other best friend is off on a trip for the next two weeks, so I feel so completely alone.

    I am going away for a few days by myself to visit a friend, so I am just hoping that I can forget about this an enjoy it. Then after that it's only a week until I fly home and can sort it out in person.

    I don't think I've ever been so heartbroken before. I know the right thing to do is to move on, but right now it hurts so much to think about.

    Can anyone offer me a few comforting words and some advice on how to get through this?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok so I posted this earlier in the week, but I could do with some more advice. I don't really have anyone to talk to right now.

    So it's three days since we broke up, I haven't spoken to him since the first day, and I don't know what to do with myself. I've been trying to take my mind off it by doing things with friends, but the fact is I just feel completely ****. It doesn't help that my best friend is going back to his home country and I saw him for the last time yesterday. The other best friend is off on a trip for the next two weeks, so I feel so completely alone.

    I am going away for a few days by myself to visit a friend, so I am just hoping that I can forget about this an enjoy it. Then after that it's only a week until I fly home and can sort it out in person.

    I don't think I've ever been so heartbroken before. I know the right thing to do is to move on, but right now it hurts so much to think about.

    Can anyone offer me a few comforting words and some advice on how to get through this?


    I am SO sorry ! I have no advice but big hugs your way, bloody hell must be so hard for you atm =(..


    as for me my boyfriend went back to holland yesterday and won't see him till july, i feel cut up inside, i just want to cry at random times. i'm trying to be positive but its so hard. especially as we lived together for 8 months here during his work exp. house feels so empty without him. =( and i feel like i can't focus 100% until a flight is booked?
    • #420
    #420

    I'd like a bit of advice please...basically I've recently started a relationship with a girl who is so wonderful and brilliant, but the fact is we are both going off to uni in september at very different places (could be a four hour train journey). I know we've only just started going out but this is a relationship I can see lasting for a good while yet, so I'd like to know is an LDR really possible when starting uni?
    • #420
    #420

    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    I get really insecure when my bf goes to see friends for a weekend and then doesn't talk or text as much as usual - not heard from him since a good morning text, this time.

    I KNOW I'm being stupid and I am keeping busy with friends myself, but I feel like I'd have time to drop a text if I was him (but I don't always want to do it first..) So I feel like actually he just doesn't want to hear from me.

    So why do I feel so unimportant when this happens? It's so not a big deal, I know...
    Ah well whenever I'm with friends I always find it hard to text, and besides I wouldn't want to start that kind of conversation when I know I'd be too busy to follow it through properly. I really wouldn't worry about it
    • #421
    #421

    I hate the day after we part the most. :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd like a bit of advice please...basically I've recently started a relationship with a girl who is so wonderful and brilliant, but the fact is we are both going off to uni in september at very different places (could be a four hour train journey). I know we've only just started going out but this is a relationship I can see lasting for a good while yet, so I'd like to know is an LDR really possible when starting uni?
    Of course its possible and this threads proof of that Its really hard but as long as you're committed to each other its possible the key really is just communication!

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hate the day after we part the most. :/
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Jellybean91)
    :hugs:
    Hahah thanks.
    I don't know why my post was anonymous. My phone does some freaky things. But
    It'll be at least 50 days until we see each other again.
    Here's to counting down the days. :L
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd like a bit of advice please...basically I've recently started a relationship with a girl who is so wonderful and brilliant, but the fact is we are both going off to uni in september at very different places (could be a four hour train journey). I know we've only just started going out but this is a relationship I can see lasting for a good while yet, so I'd like to know is an LDR really possible when starting uni?
    I'm about 4 hours on the train from my boyfriend while we're at uni, and honestly, it's easily do-able. We see each other for one weekend a month, ish, and it's only really 2 visits a term before the holidays are upon us again, so it's not particularly expensive either. It's a lot easier than you probably think it'll be, so definitely worth considering. And this thread is always here as proof these things work, and if you want any more specific advice
    • #419
    #419

    How do you guys cope with the worry that they'll find somebody else better?

    She says she's never met anyone she feels this way about before (and we're both mid-twenties so not exactly young) and I haven't either, so if she hasn't before I've no reason to believe she suddenly will now, but it always plays on my mind when we're apart.
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    I get really insecure when my bf goes to see friends for a weekend and then doesn't talk or text as much as usual - not heard from him since a good morning text, this time.

    I KNOW I'm being stupid and I am keeping busy with friends myself, but I feel like I'd have time to drop a text if I was him (but I don't always want to do it first..) So I feel like actually he just doesn't want to hear from me.

    So why do I feel so unimportant when this happens? It's so not a big deal, I know...
    I'm quoting you because I feel exactly the same :console:

    I always text him, even when I'm doing sth important, even when I'm out..I always text him...he doesn't. Sometimes even when he's at home and has friends coming over (and that's where I get even more sad/pissed) he still doesn't text, and will do only when they're gone/he's free.

    I don't know why they do it...maybe for your boy it's that he isn't a big communication fan? Unfortunately for me, mine is, so it really is because he is doing other things and doesn't want to be 'heckled'

    I would say...if you can't take your mind off of it, turn off your mobile. Simple as that. I'm starting to do it, and then engage in some activity (run, dance, movie). That way you won't be tempted to text him.
    Also, see if you are really willing to put up with this behaviour of his in the long run, because alas they don't change.

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Ciccina)
    I'm quoting you because I feel exactly the same :console:

    I always text him, even when I'm doing sth important, even when I'm out..I always text him...he doesn't. Sometimes even when he's at home and has friends coming over (and that's where I get even more sad/pissed) he still doesn't text, and will do only when they're gone/he's free.

    I don't know why they do it...maybe for your boy it's that he isn't a big communication fan? Unfortunately for me, mine is, so it really is because he is doing other things and doesn't want to be 'heckled'

    I would say...if you can't take your mind off of it, turn off your mobile. Simple as that. I'm starting to do it, and then engage in some activity (run, dance, movie). That way you won't be tempted to text him.
    Also, see if you are really willing to put up with this behaviour of his in the long run, because alas they don't change.

    :hugs:
    That's sad Sorry you feel he won't change. You're right about the turning phone off (or I just shove mine in my drawer on silent and be like I'll only look at it after 4pm, say.)

    For me I think it's me being unreasonable because that day I posted he called at about 7pm before their night out and again about 9.30pm just for a quick how was I doing? That sounds pretty good right?

    So actually he's not so bad I think?

    How long will yours leave it before dropping you a quick text?
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    (Original post by Ciccina)
    I'm quoting you because I feel exactly the same :console:

    I always text him, even when I'm doing sth important, even when I'm out..I always text him...he doesn't. Sometimes even when he's at home and has friends coming over (and that's where I get even more sad/pissed) he still doesn't text, and will do only when they're gone/he's free.

    I don't know why they do it...maybe for your boy it's that he isn't a big communication fan? Unfortunately for me, mine is, so it really is because he is doing other things and doesn't want to be 'heckled'

    I would say...if you can't take your mind off of it, turn off your mobile. Simple as that. I'm starting to do it, and then engage in some activity (run, dance, movie). That way you won't be tempted to text him.
    Also, see if you are really willing to put up with this behaviour of his in the long run, because alas they don't change.

    :hugs:
    Dw mines the same! I speak to him wherever whenever however, I dont get **** all, I send him next texts all i get is "aww" I call him 'baby' all i get is cold replies. Its as if im just a rat and hes too scared to throw me away cause hed upset me, i know hes generally a cold hearted, emotionless, soppyless, person but it just doesnt help you think that way you get me?

    Also when hes with his EX. (e.g. his now best friend cause shes a girl and hes gay now (yes im gay).) and he turns into a right pleb, on fb when she pops up i get like "hi" and on cam i see him writing essays to her. Im with friends i text him back when i get texted, i text him randomly when hes with people - i have to wait 5 hours. "i was busy" You were sat on your arse doing what you do best. Not so busy pet. But my best advice i would give is - Treat him the way he treats you. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't i generally like ignoring my boyfriend then he runs to me going "why haven't you text me today (i text him good morning he texts good night)" so yeah, never know might work, but i wouldn't ignore him for too long, maybe appropriate times.
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    (Original post by kayzer123)
    Dw mines the same! I speak to him wherever whenever however, I dont get **** all, I send him next texts all i get is "aww" I call him 'baby' all i get is cold replies. Its as if im just a rat and hes too scared to throw me away cause hed upset me, i know hes generally a cold hearted, emotionless, soppyless, person but it just doesnt help you think that way you get me?

    Also when hes with his EX. (e.g. his now best friend cause shes a girl and hes gay now (yes im gay).) and he turns into a right pleb, on fb when she pops up i get like "hi" and on cam i see him writing essays to her. Im with friends i text him back when i get texted, i text him randomly when hes with people - i have to wait 5 hours. "i was busy" You were sat on your arse doing what you do best. Not so busy pet. But my best advice i would give is - Treat him the way he treats you. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't i generally like ignoring my boyfriend then he runs to me going "why haven't you text me today (i text him good morning he texts good night)" so yeah, never know might work, but i wouldn't ignore him for too long, maybe appropriate times.
    I feel you!!
    I might try what you suggest you know. Although in an ideal relationship, one shouldn't use these means to be listeenedd...but.:rolleyes:
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    That's sad Sorry you feel he won't change. You're right about the turning phone off (or I just shove mine in my drawer on silent and be like I'll only look at it after 4pm, say.)

    For me I think it's me being unreasonable because that day I posted he called at about 7pm before their night out and again about 9.30pm just for a quick how was I doing? That sounds pretty good right?

    So actually he's not so bad I think?

    How long will yours leave it before dropping you a quick text?
    It sounds good to me But, as I was saying before, it's all about finding your balance. Some people need to talk to their partners through the day, some prefer to then chit-chat on skype for an hour, some don't even use skype for weeks, and so on; it surely doesn't hurt to tell him about it, and ask him to pay more attention to you... maybe you can think of something that will satisfy both ...I hope so for you and hope it gets better soon
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd like a bit of advice please...basically I've recently started a relationship with a girl who is so wonderful and brilliant, but the fact is we are both going off to uni in september at very different places (could be a four hour train journey). I know we've only just started going out but this is a relationship I can see lasting for a good while yet, so I'd like to know is an LDR really possible when starting uni?
    I met and started 'seeing' my guy just under two months before I left the country. We were barely past the 'getting to know each other' stage when I left but we've gone from strength to strength.

    If you can see it lasting, it's totally possible!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd like a bit of advice please...basically I've recently started a relationship with a girl who is so wonderful and brilliant, but the fact is we are both going off to uni in september at very different places (could be a four hour train journey). I know we've only just started going out but this is a relationship I can see lasting for a good while yet, so I'd like to know is an LDR really possible when starting uni?
    September is a good 6 months away, plenty of time!

    I started going out with my OH in November, he moved away in February. So four months of being together before we went LDR. Just make sure you spend this time getting to know her and being with her, and you'll be fine :yy:

    That being said, I'm not sure where I stand with LDRs at uni, especially when you've just turned 18 and you're let off the leash for the first real time so to speak. But if you're both feeling the same way then there's no reason that it wouldn't work out.
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    My guy lives seven hours away. We aren't 'officially' together, but it's definitely a possibility.

    He thinks it would be complicated if we got together. He's just getting over a really, really bad break-up and I'm not sure getting together would be helpful.

    I'm going to visit him soon and something might happen then, but I don't know if it's worth it when he's so far away. He seems really into me though :dontknow:
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    Hi everyone, been meaning to work up the courage to come here for a while! I posted here a good few months ago about a relationship which ultimately didn't work out, but since October I've been in a functioning relationship with a German guy I met on here. I say functioning, but I actually mean working really well xD We met once in person in July, then saw each other in early December during university interviews, and he's just visited me for five days last week. He's hopefully coming to see me for a few days in late April, so less than two months, and then I'm visiting him for two weeks at the end of June, we'll hopefully do something in August, and then he'll either be studying in Warwick or LSE, which will be either way under two hours away from me. We're best friends and get on incredibly well, and both have experience of disastrous LDRs so hopefully this one will be okay I'd very much like to be part of this community though, because I think only people in LDRs can understand what it's like, and I also get quite lonely and a bit irrational sometimes, so Hi
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    Hi everyone, been meaning to work up the courage to come here for a while! I posted here a good few months ago about a relationship which ultimately didn't work out, but since October I've been in a functioning relationship with a German guy I met on here. I say functioning, but I actually mean working really well xD We met once in person in July, then saw each other in early December during university interviews, and he's just visited me for five days last week. He's hopefully coming to see me for a few days in late April, so less than two months, and then I'm visiting him for two weeks at the end of June, we'll hopefully do something in August, and then he'll either be studying in Warwick or LSE, which will be either way under two hours away from me. We're best friends and get on incredibly well, and both have experience of disastrous LDRs so hopefully this one will be okay I'd very much like to be part of this community though, because I think only people in LDRs can understand what it's like, and I also get quite lonely and a bit irrational sometimes, so Hi
    Welcome :hi: hope you stick around, its a great place to talk if youve got a problem
 
 
 
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