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    Gonna see my man in a week for whole 4 months:fan: so excited, miss him like crazy.
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    (Original post by Ciccina)
    Arghhhh having some horrible, horrible thoughts right now

    Thing is, I made an enourmous effort to be with him, came to terms with my issues and learnt to control myself (almost). But. I don't see him doing the same in return

    Usually I'm okay with everything, I tell myself not to get upset over every single thing...but today I can't begin to rest. Since we've been back together, he has not a single time said 'I love you'

    For the first time in three months, I'm wondering if I made the right choice
    *squeeze*
    PM me if you want?
    Is it just the words "I love you" or is it his actions?
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    (Original post by Vindobona)
    I have this really bad feeling I'm gonna get my ass dumped within the next few weeks
    She says the 'magic' isn't there anymore and that she feels we're drifting away from each other. This is going to hit me hard, if it happens...
    Everything was working out so well until now and I'd give anything to stay with her.
    Fight for her? Where does she think the magic has gone?
    Show her how good you both can be...
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    Fight for her? Where does she think the magic has gone?
    Show her how good you both can be...
    Thanks for your reply.
    We've been in a LDR for 6 months now. During the first 3 months, we saw each other 4 times for a few days and everything was perfect. We were always saying how proud we were that we're working this out so well. Now she's on an exchange programme in Mexico and I saw her for 1 night last weekend, for the first time in 3 months (the reason why it was only one night is because she attended a conference in central Europe and squeezed in a 12 hour stopover in London on her flight back to Mexico). I thought it was a very passionate night, but since then her messages seemed more 'distant', she took longer to reply, her replies were very short and superficial, etc... I knew something was wrong so I asked her, and after not telling me anything for a while she told me today that seeing me again after so long wasn't the same, that is was somehow awkward and that it didn't make her as happy as she expected. So I suspect she's losing her feelings for me
    Anyway, I'm going to visit her in Mexico for 2.5 weeks very soon and I hope I can remind her of how good we are together and gain her feelings back. It's probably my last chance to get this relationship back on track. But it makes me so sad because she doesn't even seem to be looking forward to my visit anymore, and we planned this for so long and were counting down the weeks and days until that one night
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    today is my ex-boyfriend's 18th birthday. a really big day for him adn of course with it being the weekend, party time. i have no idea if it will be a good idea for me to go. i do want to stay friends with him but i know he wants to get back together and i just cant go back into a LDR. at least not right now anyway I want to focus on my studies.
    sould i go or not, by going i fear he could try get me to go out with him again(which i wont do) and thats going to hurt him but if i don't go it could hurt him too. really don't know what to do.
    hate it that either way I will hurt him. I miss him terribly and really don't want to cause him any more pain
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    (Original post by wessle)
    I've been chatting with this girl for a little while now and we've both made it very clear we like each other more than friends. However, she lives in Amsterdam, whereas I am in London. We haven't actually met, but she'll be in London for a week in June with her friends, we're hoping we can get together for atleast one day just the two of us, but that's still awhile away.

    We haven't explicitly said that we like each other (though I feel this may be a good idea) and I kind of want to see what happens in June if we get a day together before doing anything. There is also the problem of hardly ever seeing each other. She wants to go to Uni here, specifically in London, which is great! She's 17 now and 18 next school year, so it'll be September 2013 before it happens (if it does). If we decide to be together after meeting in June (which is what I want) I can't see me going to Amsterdam to see her very often what with being on a student loan and not being able to find a job. Though I'm sure if I told my parents they'd be supportive, I wouldn't be able to borrow money as they are both retired now. I also can't see her coming to London that often either.

    Really in a bit of a pickle here, cause I'm sure it would be hard on both of us, not being able to see each other atleast once every few months Any advice on this guys?
    You've already gotten some great replies about this but I thought I'd contribute because I was in a very, very similar situation

    My boyfriend and I met online. I remember analysing all his words because I couldn't tell if he actually liked it or not and neither of us wanted to be the first person to say it. It's harder online because:

    1. It's harder to pick up on emotions and hints. There's no physical flirting.
    2. In addition to worrying about rejection, you have to worry about actually meeting the person in real life. What if it goes badly? What if he's/she's a totally different person (that happened to me once in a different relationship)?

    Furthermore, I lived in California and he lived in England. When we finally did start dating, this was a huge issue. I was already in university in California and he was in university in England. It felt hopeless. Since we were both students, on budgets, and had very tight school schedules, we only saw each other once a year. It was so difficult. But you know what's interesting? I never worried about him cheating. I never worried that his affections were waning? Why? Both our lives are online.

    Computers are our passions. We both love computer games, we're both into website design/development, etc. so we're both online all the time. We talked to each other on Skype practically all day. So I was never worrying that he was out with other girls or losing interest in me. The interest was there and how would he have time to be going out with other girls when he was always talking to me??

    Due to the time difference (8 hours), we set up a system that was quite similar to blogging. He'd go to bed hours before I did so I'd always write him a message, send it on Skype, and he'd have a note from me to wake up to. I'd tell him all about the rest of my night and anything else that was on my mind. Then he'd wake up before me, reply to it, and tell me about his morning. Then I'd have a message from him to wake up to! So we were essentially blogging to each other. This was a great way for us to communicate and get some consistency in our relationship. I always had something to look forward to in the morning, I knew he was thinking of me, and I got to hear all about his day!

    As stated by other people, LDRs are about communication. You have to put more effort into LDRs than regular relationships. You have to show your SO that you're still interested and you're not cheating.

    These kind of relationships only work if both parties are serious. Especially if it's going to be as difficult as the one you're describing. You have to literally be able to imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with this other person. You have to be able to look at it like this:

    Would I rather wait a few months/years and then spend the rest of my life with this person? Or would I rather give up because the distance is too hard and be without them forever?

    It will be difficult but these relationships can work out! My boyfriend and I made it through the international stage and now we're still in a LDR, but a much more manageable one! We're on the same continent and we get to see each other about once a month (for 1-2 weeks)

    I hope it works out for you!
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    (Original post by Vindobona)
    Thanks for your reply.
    We've been in a LDR for 6 months now. During the first 3 months, we saw each other 4 times for a few days and everything was perfect. We were always saying how proud we were that we're working this out so well. Now she's on an exchange programme in Mexico and I saw her for 1 night last weekend, for the first time in 3 months (the reason why it was only one night is because she attended a conference in central Europe and squeezed in a 12 hour stopover in London on her flight back to Mexico). I thought it was a very passionate night, but since then her messages seemed more 'distant', she took longer to reply, her replies were very short and superficial, etc... I knew something was wrong so I asked her, and after not telling me anything for a while she told me today that seeing me again after so long wasn't the same, that is was somehow awkward and that it didn't make her as happy as she expected. So I suspect she's losing her feelings for me
    Anyway, I'm going to visit her in Mexico for 2.5 weeks very soon and I hope I can remind her of how good we are together and gain her feelings back. It's probably my last chance to get this relationship back on track. But it makes me so sad because she doesn't even seem to be looking forward to my visit anymore, and we planned this for so long and were counting down the weeks and days until that one night
    She was probably really tired, and 12 hours isn't really that long. Concentrate on seeing her in Mexico and go from there.
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    Hi

    I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we currently live one hour apart, but when I go to university in September, this will increase to more than three hours. He and I are very well suited and very much in love; I am not naive enough to be planning a detailed future for us as I am aware that anything could happen, but thinking about our relationship in a purely rational manner, it seems likely that we will be together for some time yet.

    My problem is that, at the moment, we both feel that we don't get to spend enough time together; we email every day and see each other practically every weekend, but it just isn't enough: if it weren't for the fact that I'm still in education, we would be seriously considering the possibility of living together. When I go to university, however, it is inevitable that we will see less of each other; what with his work and my studying, every weekend simply won't be practical, but if we miss each other this much now, how will we cope with being even further apart and seeing each other even less frequently?

    Obviously it will have to work some way or another, but does anyone have any tips on reducing the frustration of longer separation?
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    (Original post by Plumstone)
    Hi

    I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we currently live one hour apart, but when I go to university in September, this will increase to more than three hours. He and I are very well suited and very much in love; I am not naive enough to be planning a detailed future for us as I am aware that anything could happen, but thinking about our relationship in a purely rational manner, it seems likely that we will be together for some time yet.

    My problem is that, at the moment, we both feel that we don't get to spend enough time together; we email every day and see each other practically every weekend, but it just isn't enough: if it weren't for the fact that I'm still in education, we would be seriously considering the possibility of living together. When I go to university, however, it is inevitable that we will see less of each other; what with his work and my studying, every weekend simply won't be practical, but if we miss each other this much now, how will we cope with being even further apart and seeing each other even less frequently?

    Obviously it will have to work some way or another, but does anyone have any tips on reducing the frustration of longer separation?
    I know this sounds really weird, but it's almost easier when you're further away, in a way. My situation is the reverse of yours (we went from me being in Italy and him in England for a year, to us being twenty minutes apart on the train in term time and an hour in the car in the holidays), but I found that in Italy I kind of resigned myself to the fact we couldn't see each other. I mean, I couldn't exactly just hop on a plane and fly home (well, okay, I could, but you know what I mean!). Whereas now, knowing that he's so close and not being able to see him as much as I'd like (I'm a finalist and he's a medic) is SO frustrating!

    In terms of coping mechanisms, though, you'll be at university - in a new place, away from home - so there'll be lots of new people to meet and lots of fresher things to do; it'll be great! And, ultimately, you can dress it up how you want, but you have two options: long-distance or not with him at all (you sound sensible enough not to let a boy get in the way of going to a university of your choosing, at least!). So, for me, even though my boy and I are both crazily busy with work, I know it'll be worth it in the end because there'll be a day where we are living together and lots of fun times in between. Good luck!
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    I posted this as a separate thread but now I think its better here so I am going to post here instead

    Ok wow this is going to be a very long story so apologies in advance.

    I went on a gap year for 2 months fell in love with one of the locals. This was 3 yrs ago. Straight after my A levels. I haven't seen him since we have stayed in contact we speak on the phone every day and spend at least 1 hr on skype together (yes a long distance relationship with nothing but photos letters and phone calls) I am now in the final year of my degree and will be going back for another month to volunteer ( and see him of course).

    But he said something to me yesterday. He said that I have to live there with him. I suppose I always just assumed that he would move and now three years down the line he tells me this! I can't move. My family won't let me and I am an extremely family orientated person. They mean everything to me.

    I realise how extremely selfish it was for me to think he would drop everything and leave for me. He doesn't expect me to do that. However, I think both of us clearly know that at some point we have to go our separate ways. I can't leave him... I love him way too much to leave him. In his opinion we should just be happy for as long as this lasts and then go our separate ways. But I don't think I can do that. Knowing what the end holds, I am not sure if I should go back and see him. Would you stay in a relationship that you know is doomed?

    I am just so confused ... sorry for ranting ... i needed to get some of my feelings out and this seemed the perfect place.

    Few extra details:
    I live in London he lives in india
    I am indian ( from a different state to him ... he lives in the state I was born in)
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    Thanks for all the replies! It's nice to know a lot of people are or were in the same boat as I am. Guess we'll see where it goes after meeting in June
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    Still counting down the days...I was a moody cow on Skype this morning because we haven't Skyped since last Monday and he only had an hour just now (forcing me to get up super early on my one day off) and I was in a similar situation last week so was considerate and rescheduled to make more time for us, but he didn't, so I was a bit moody and curt on Skype although not dramatically and now reading this I completely forgive him and regret not using our time better -.-
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    well im back to missing her like mad, ill be seeing her Friday but after that week who knows 0because our next schuduled link up is not until August.

    Admiteddly after that ill be close to moving back there for good but still right now it seems so very far away.

    Oh hell............................ ......

    I think though with an LDR when you get to be together you really do appreciate each other that little bit (or a lot) more as you are all too aware of what its like to not be around one another
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    hi, just wanting to vent and gain advice on my current situation due to long distance, thanks for reading if you do so.
    Me and my ex girlfriend were in a relationship with each other before we both went off to different universities, we were extremely happy together and never had a serious argument over anything, still haven't which is strange. Well about a month before university, she told me she loved me, that she truly meant it, i felt the same way, i still do, that i could spend the rest of my life with her, we were both extremely happy before we both went away.
    So off we went to two different universities, a large distance apart, i wasnt too happy about my uni as i wasnt in halls, im in private accom and it was my insurance, however my girlfriend was in halls. The first time i visited her she was fine, everything was normal, this was around a month after starting uni, the coming weeks after this, until around december, she grew more and more distant and i couldnt understand what was happening, as i felt the same way. I saw her again in december and it felt so strained, though i was fine she wasn't.
    Over christmas we only saw each other twice despite being in the same city, she went on holiday and never had time to see me due to revision. I was getting more and more stressed at what was happening as i could see everything ending, i had tried consulting her previously but she always said she had lots of work. In january i tried talking about her being distant again and she said she couldnt do it anymore, i didnt understand why, why i wasnt worth the wait. I rarely spoke to her over the next two months, maybe about 3 or 4 times, it was agony because i still felt the same way before going to university.
    Last night we were both invited to the same birthday party and i confronted her to talk about everything, we talked and her reasoning was that she wanted to fully experience uni life, that when she went out on a night she just wanted to completely enjoy yourself and not worry about me, that she just couldnt do the distance because there was nothing to talk about. She told me that after we broke up she had gotten with people on a night out while drunk yet when i asked her if she was attracted to them, only responded with she was drunk, i asked her if she didnt think it was hollow, yet she just said its fun. I dont understand why she wants that instead of the special connection we had, why she wants to be like every other person in her halls, after we had talked she said that she really wanted to kiss me, being a fool it ended up happening, now im even more confused, why would she want to be close to me after just having a long conversation about not being able to be together, in retrospect it just appears selfish, but i dont know whether she wanted to kiss me because of physical attraction or because of what we had when we were together.

    I dont understand how i was so easily replaced, by random people she has only known since september, its driving me crazy not being able to understand how she has changed so much, why she doesnt want to be with me yet is still attracted to me, so must know that she is hurting me. It feels like the relationship wasn't worth much to her in the end, that she would rather try and attain the so called stereotypical 'uni life' than be with me.

    Thanks in advance, mostly needed to do this to vent and probably wont make much sense
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    (Original post by newcastle3748)
    x


    I've personally experienced a boyfriend just completely switching personalities, so I know how hurtful it is

    I think personally that it's pretty much over. She seems to be someone who's easily influenced by the glamour of the "uni lifestyle", or maybe she isn't really mature enough or ready for commitment. Her kissing you is odd, I agree, but she knows you're still in love with her and maybe wants to test the boundaries or even use you as a backup...I don't know. Maybe she had a rush of the old feelings, but either way, it's cruel. Even if I've instigated a horrible and unexpected breakup, I always make sure over means over, even if my old feelings of attraction are there.

    Basically, I think it's a case of different priorities and needs. You want the steady commitment which you had before, she wants to be free and single. That's just the way it is :/ I think lots of us here can empathise with both sides of the situation: either the one who still feels the same and can't understand what was so wrong with the relationship, or the person who suddenly feels differently but can't explain it, who just wants to be free to sleep with whomever, flirt, explore...I know I've been both people before.

    When you feel ready, you need to start cutting her out of your life, which will be easier because of the distance. Unless you want to be hurt more, don't let her play with your feelings unless she genuinely wants to discuss getting back together.

    Hope I helped a little
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    i feel really ****ty at the moment, today is my 6th month anniversary with my girlfriend, which means we only really have 6 months left before i go to uni. i have had an amazing time with her, and i have just had a blast. but she always mentions how she is going to visit me in uni (she is a year younger), and i guess i acknowledge it, but deep down i think i want to leave it once i go to uni. i see it as me turning a new leaf, leaving my friends and my hometown behind, and it would mean leaving her too. i feel awful about it, because it feels like i am in a slow motion car crash, but it's going to last for 6 months. the distance wouldn't be a problem, but i guess i will not be willing to make it work. i feel like such an awful boyfriend about it all!
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    (Original post by dontsitdown)
    i feel really ****ty at the moment, today is my 6th month anniversary with my girlfriend, which means we only really have 6 months left before i go to uni. i have had an amazing time with her, and i have just had a blast. but she always mentions how she is going to visit me in uni (she is a year younger), and i guess i acknowledge it, but deep down i think i want to leave it once i go to uni. i see it as me turning a new leaf, leaving my friends and my hometown behind, and it would mean leaving her too. i feel awful about it, because it feels like i am in a slow motion car crash, but it's going to last for 6 months. the distance wouldn't be a problem, but i guess i will not be willing to make it work. i feel like such an awful boyfriend about it all!
    Why? Just because your moving to uni does not mean you have to throw away your old life entirely. As you get older trust me - that "hometown" starts looking might inviting again. But theres no need to throw it away.
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    well had a bit of a blowout yesterday with her and this time it was my fault and its really pathetic looking at it in the cold light of day.

    A couple of things set me off, i got my hair cut on Saturday which i hate as its now too short for me and i did it on her suggestion as im meeting her friends at the weekend. There is an old leather jacket of mine that i love, it is battered and ruined and she absolutely hates it so doesnt want me wearing it out socially or to occassions. She has no pictures of us on facebook (yes that social frakking network site i bloody hate it at times) and nothing to indicate she has any connection to me apart from what i put up (which she has no problems with doing). Now she is not a facebook user at all, her wall is blank she makes no comments, she doesnt know how to use it or upload stuff on it and has no real intention of trying. Im not really used to that as most people i know are facebook whores who cant go an hour without a status update and must have hundreds of photos (when it comes to pics im the same but not with status's)

    however in my last relationship for about two years my ex was ashamed of me, she wouldnt be seen with me, didnt act like we were an item in public, she didnt want to get involved with me over anything. I was in short an embarressment to her which along with everything else affected me quite heavily,

    This translated to me thinking that my current partner was ashamed of me and i got really upset about it. It was stupid and ridiculous and i feel like such an idiot. But she was pretty great about it and mellowed me out over it. Guess im pretty lucky.

    Also guess were both rather rough round the edges but we can straighten each other out. Just roll on the weekend so i can her again

    However tis all sorted now
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    (Original post by silverbolt)

    Also guess were both rather rough round the edges but we can straighten each other out. Just roll on the weekend so i can her again

    However tis all sorted now
    I'm glad you sorted it.
    You ever heard "I'm Yours - The Script" ? I think you guys might really like it. x
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    (Original post by HeatherM)
    I'm glad you sorted it.
    You ever heard "I'm Yours - The Script" ? I think you guys might really like it. x
    nope whats it about?
 
 
 
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