The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Birmingham, so it really wasn't too far at all while I was still at Warwick. The MA is Translation Studies at Birmingham - excited!

I'ma medic too btw, we aren't all that hard work to be with hehe. Or I'm doing something wrong if that's the case!!!

I'ma medic too btw, we aren't all that hard work to be with hehe. Or I'm doing something wrong if that's the case!!!

Obviously the people themselves aren't hard work - I love my boyfriend to bits - but I would definitely say that medicine is a lifestyle choice and not a career, and sometimes I find that very hard to deal with.

I am sorry, but how do you manage to have a long-distance relationship? We tried that for 6 months and it was horrible. For both of us. He came back, but now, I'm the one who's leaving for the university and I can't imagine breaking up with him, but at the same time we both think that a LDR would be very hard, even harder than it was we first tried. How do you do it??

I know all about having to deal with your boyfriend's lifestyle choices something reminded me of how he'll be going away on a navy voyage again in 2013 and now I feel all wistful. It's still ages away and he's coming home for Easter tomorrow, I don't know what's wrong with me. I just wish he was at uni or in a more conventional job LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

You also have to understand the importance of communication. Communication and effort are more important in LDRs than in regular relationships. One thing that makes a LDR easier for my boyfriend and I is that both of us spend loads of time online. We're not very social and we're not party animals. So although we can't be physically together, we're always talking to each other online. That helps me miss him less and since I'm always talking to him, I know he can't be out there cheating

I know it's your personal arrangement - and if it works for you, then fine - but I wouldn't say your situation is the epitome of communication, and I wouldn't say it's good advice. I would, in fact, suggest the opposite: don't sit around all day staring at the screen waiting for your partner to come on line - go and do some cool stuff that you can tell them all about it when you do get to talk. And, actually, the assumption that you're always talking to him, so you know he can't be out there cheating?! Really?! I don't know how much of that was tongue-in-cheek (humour doesn't translate well on the internet!), but I actually find it quite offensive. One of the secrets to successful relationships (especially long-distance) is to let your other half go off and do their own thing, and trust that they're not gonna cheat - not chain them to the computer so you can keep tabs on them.

Need to try not to be too sad that my boyfriend is away for a whole WEEK from tomorrow. I hope he has a great time though, even though I'm going to miss him Bless him, he said he has a couple of surprises for me though to keep me sane during the week

would you pretty please keep us posted?
I got excited when i read that :P

In order for a long distance relationship to work, you have to be VERY focused on the long term and the "end game." They are hard, no question about it. We all struggle to maintain them, but we know that the outcome is worth it. Most people in a successful LDR see themselves getting married to their partner. That's why the relationships work. If you aren't in that mindset, you'll have so many doubts about the relationship, about cheating, and you just won't have that "end game" to look forward to.

But if you know that this person is "the one" then you'll look at a LDR like this: would you rather spend a few months/years apart and then spend the rest of your lives together, or would you rather just break up because it's too hard and never be together again?

The time apart is hard, but it is well worth it in the end That's what gets us through each day!

You also have to understand the importance of communication. Communication and effort are more important in LDRs than in regular relationships. One thing that makes a LDR easier for my boyfriend and I is that both of us spend loads of time online. We're not very social and we're not party animals. So although we can't be physically together, we're always talking to each other online. That helps me miss him less and since I'm always talking to him, I know he can't be out there cheating

If we spent loads of time online just to speak to each other - I would agree with you. But that's not the case. Both of us are just internet people. I'm a website designer/digital artist, he's a programmer/web developer, we're both gamers. Before we even met we were online 24/7. That's what we like to do. The fact that our lives are already like that is what allows us to speak all the time. I don't force him to do anything and I'm not on the computer just so I can speak to him. I'm on the computer because it's what I want to do. If we weren't dating, he'd still be on his computer. I'd still be on my computer. It's just who we are and how our interests/jobs (we're freelancers) worked out.

I'm not encouraging people to talk to their partners 24/7. I was just explaining that my situation happened to work out like that.

I understand what you're saying, and I already knew this things, but I mean, most of you have a bf/gf somehow close to you (as in distance). But mine, he'll be in Romania, and I'll be in Scotland. 1300 miles away. We won't get to see each other every week, every month or at least every 2-3 months. It's expensive. So it would be very hard not to see him for months, maybe a year (depending on how I'd be able to come back for holidays).

We trust each other a lot, we love each other so much and we are dreaming of having a life-time relationship, but I don't know, I am very sensitive and easy to fall into depression, so for me it would be extremely tough to just be there without him.
I don't know, it's hard... And sad.

It's a completely different scenario, I know (I would cry if my boyfriend was in the navy - it sounds hellish), but this is what I feel like with medicine. He won't be in a job with annual leave until FY1 - so still another three years to go - and even then I'm not sure what the procedure is as I know the hospital works you into the ground, and so it's just stupid things like not knowing when we'll be able to take a holiday together (I have to work all summer to fund my Masters, and then from next year his uni holidays get shorter and shorter). And then obviously there's the day-to-day reality of having to be doing some form of study all the time - it's unrelenting and there's never a break.

Sazzy you'll have to let us know what the surprises are

I'm on the way to see the boy now sat in the airport contemplating if i can be bothered to get up and go through security I cant wait to see him feels like forever since he was here! were gonna do this week on the mega cheap cos we're both so brassick it hurts but he said hes got a little surprise for me and that ill have to leave him alone for a few hours while he sorts it out butttt after this visit, hes coming out here once more (were going for a holiday with his parents in Marbella hehe! involves an 8 hour bus ride to get from Murcia, who knew this country was so damn big) and then when I get back to England at the end of may, international LDR is overrrrrr then just gotta deal with regular LDR

I understand what you're saying, and I already knew this things, but I mean, most of you have a bf/gf somehow close to you (as in distance). But mine, he'll be in Romania, and I'll be in Scotland. 1300 miles away. We won't get to see each other every week, every month or at least every 2-3 months. It's expensive. So it would be very hard not to see him for months, maybe a year (depending on how I'd be able to come back for holidays).

We trust each other a lot, we love each other so much and we are dreaming of having a life-time relationship, but I don't know, I am very sensitive and easy to fall into depression, so for me it would be extremely tough to just be there without him.
I don't know, it's hard... And sad.

We're going to have to agree to disagree I think - I see totally where you're coming from but there are SO many things more "anti-social" and more of a lifestyle choice than medicine. But I do understand

Haha well done !! Pleased to hear it.
What's the "regular" LDR like? If there is a such thing!