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    (Original post by kat91s)
    Really struggling. We are both unhappy and fed up of the distance. I spend 80% of the relationship being unhappy. But then I consider everything I've put into this, and how good it could be when we're together again, and I feel like I can't give up now. It's only 4 months before we're back together. Anyway I would feel just as unhappy without him.

    This makes me wonder if he is really worth it and whether he is really the one for me. I thought I had forgiven him after he let me down, and then I went away again and the doubts started creeping in. That's why I'm thinking, if we were together I might not feel this way. I can't tell if it's the distance or if it's a bad relationship.

    Then he adds to my confusion by saying he wants to ask me to marry him this year or next - and it's putting too much pressure on me to decide whether I really want to be with him. Arrrghhh. It's really not what I need right now. I feel like I'm waiting in limbo, because nothing is going to change until we close the distance.

    Vent. Don't even know if this makes sense.

    It makes sense and i think you have a good time right now to think your head through and untangle your heart so that you know what you want. We all miss our partners so i guess that quantifies that we are unhappy. I feel utterly wretched a lot of the time but its because i miss her not because she makes me unhappy. she makes me unbeleivably happy which is what makes me unhappy when im not with her if that makes sense.

    Does he make you happy? Is it the LDR or the person thats making you miserable? You have invested a lot both emothionally and physichally can it be resolved. Unfortunately thats something only you can answer kat.

    As for marriage, maybe hes hinting to try and gauge what youd say. Asking someone to marry you is a bleeding scary prospect
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    (Original post by wessle)
    If it's any consolation if he's going to see battleship he's not going to enjoy himself. Such a stupid premise for a movie.

    :lol: Apparently it was quite good but one of those typical male-orientated American-hero films..not my type

    (Original post by silverbolt)
    Yep i understand it. The one thing i will say is - ok so you didnt get to skype for as long as usual. So? Theres plenty of time for it. These things happen and there will be other oppurtunities. Yes it sucks but you cant change it sweetie.

    Can you take a break at all, just to recharge your batteries and relax?



    Obviously - "well he will hate the movie" is not a consolation. And you dont know whether he will like it or not,

    And fyi people in this thread can be quite emotional - LDRs are a strain so quips like that arent always gonna be appreciated.
    Ah it's okay, I was only half serious anyway because I fully realised how silly I was being :lol: We're skyping today anyway I think. And I'm okay Been getting into a good sleeping pattern How are you?
    • #420
    #420

    Will be joining this in October I think. Two hours train journey is nothing though compared to what you guys have to deal with, still will feel like such a long way away :\
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Will be joining this in October I think. Two hours train journey is nothing though compared to what you guys have to deal with, still will feel like such a long way away :\
    It still counts as long distance, we are all different distances from our partners (some 2-3 hours away, others in different countries), welcome to the society!
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    (Original post by kat91s)
    He does look for reassurance that I'm still going to want to be with him when I get back, and when I finish uni next year. For me, all that's going too far into the future when I'm just trying to get through this year. I have made my feelings clear, which I think has worried him, because he knows I can't say what I'll want in over a year's time. But I have told him that I want to be with him now, and I wouldn't be going through all this crap if I didn't think it was worth it.

    He's 4 years older and employed, so he has more direction in his life than I have... I'm only 20 and I'm going to have to think about jobs when I finish next year. I am also not keen on moving to his area, while he has no intention of moving away, so I think that's also in the back of his mind because that's something we haven't been able to agree on.
    Sorry you're unhappy Kat. What makes you unhappy? Is it the communication while you're apart or does the distance make you guys snip at each other?

    You need to be firmer about this marriage thing I think because the pressure won't be helping! - my other half is 25 and I'm 20 too, and I know what you mean exactly. I'm doing a 5 year degree as well so when I graduate won't be earning anything near him and just less "mature" in my career, and I don't want to think about marriage etc. But you need to make him understand you're not saying not ever, it's just not even on your radar, if you see what I mean.

    I know you've said before seeing him in the 4 months is basically impossible... what would make it easier for you? Chatting less, more, at more reliable times..?

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by olympianhopeful :))
    I have a long distance reltionship with my bf! we have been through so much and we have only been together almost 2 yearsI still both in school. We have been through so so much! i have done some bad stuff and so has he, however i have been pretty down lately just failed my driving test for the 3rd time, had a career plan but now i have no idea what i want to do, i hate my school, I am a semi professional runner and its hard keeping up with training and work so i get stressed out a lot on top of having a job, as My bf earns no money i am the provider of our relationship which i dont mind, as its him and i would do anything for him. However we barley text at all in the day which really gets me down sometimes as he says he is always busy at school, but i feel like he says stuff to me to make me happy and not because he means it, and the way he acts isnt how he actually feels. I feel like he is so sweet to everyone else but puts it on for me. And when i feel very down (like at the weekend when i ran badly) i feel he is so patronising. I do tell him how i feel but he just says im being ridiculous but its kind of upsetting me :/ I find it hard not seeing him for months at a time and somedays we rarley speak i would love him also to do something random but sweet sometimes as whenever he comes over i cook, clean, wait on him everything! and i want him to take control sometimes and just say "look ill cook dinner tonight" or something like that or send me a random sweet message! those small things mean so much!
    sorry about the long post

    any advice??
    I think to be honest, you just need to talk to him? I dont really understand what you mean when you say you're the sole provider in the relationship when you're both at school? Do you not both live at home still? With regards to the main part of your problem though, I would say you need to talk to him, tell him these feelings, or they might start to eat you alive! I know you want it to come from him but if him doing nothing is gonna make you feel worse and worse you should talk to him about it!
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    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    Oh, okay, your second paragraph makes more sense. I'm in the opposite situation: my boyfriend is a year younger, two academic years behind me (he failed his first year and had to resit) and on a five year (plus two compulsory training years) medical degree. I think both situations are difficult (it's hard being the one wanting to make all the plans, and trying to stop myself from getting too carried away!), and I hope you guys can come to a mutually-acceptable solution!
    I hope so too! Every time we talk about it we end up going in circles.

    (Original post by silverbolt)
    It makes sense and i think you have a good time right now to think your head through and untangle your heart so that you know what you want. We all miss our partners so i guess that quantifies that we are unhappy. I feel utterly wretched a lot of the time but its because i miss her not because she makes me unhappy. she makes me unbeleivably happy which is what makes me unhappy when im not with her if that makes sense.

    Does he make you happy? Is it the LDR or the person thats making you miserable? You have invested a lot both emothionally and physichally can it be resolved. Unfortunately thats something only you can answer kat.

    As for marriage, maybe hes hinting to try and gauge what youd say. Asking someone to marry you is a bleeding scary prospect
    I really think it's the distance that's wearing me out, and making it difficult to resolve the problems that are already there. It all just seems to merge into one big problem. We were working it out when we were last together, but we only had two weeks, so I feel like if we'd had more time... I think he does make me happy. But not seeing him means I have very few recent memories to base my feelings on, which just makes me more confused.

    I was handling it much better last term, and I was quite strong and doing really well at keeping busy. This term I have a lot more time on my hands because of earlier classes, and apart from going out once a week and some occasional teaching work I don't have a lot to keep me ticking over. It's still only the third week back so maybe I'll have more to do once I start getting assignments and exams.

    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    Sorry you're unhappy Kat. What makes you unhappy? Is it the communication while you're apart or does the distance make you guys snip at each other?

    You need to be firmer about this marriage thing I think because the pressure won't be helping! - my other half is 25 and I'm 20 too, and I know what you mean exactly. I'm doing a 5 year degree as well so when I graduate won't be earning anything near him and just less "mature" in my career, and I don't want to think about marriage etc. But you need to make him understand you're not saying not ever, it's just not even on your radar, if you see what I mean.

    I know you've said before seeing him in the 4 months is basically impossible... what would make it easier for you? Chatting less, more, at more reliable times..?

    :hugs:
    The marriage thing is stressing me out more than I think he realises, it's always in the back of my mind somehow... I think I'll talk to him about it when it next comes up.

    I got him on a really bad day at work yesterday, and that made me feel worse than I already did, hence my post. We usually talk during his lunch break for 15-20 mins most days of the week, and we have a longer chat on skype on Sundays. We can't talk any more than that, but I don't know whether talking less would help, as I tend to miss him like crazy when one of us goes off on holiday or something and we can't chat like we usually do. Maybe we should try it for a week.

    Thanks so much guys!
    • #420
    #420

    (Original post by Sazzy890)
    It still counts as long distance, we are all different distances from our partners (some 2-3 hours away, others in different countries), welcome to the society!
    Thank you, nice to be here with others! Not sure at all how we'll manage as we miss each other so much when we don't see each other for even a week, though it is helped by the fact she lives about an hour away now so that is somewhat of a distance.

    Anyone have any advice on how to make it work at uni? Especially in the first few weeks when it all changes so much?
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    We skyped for two and a half hours yesterday and yet today I still feel a bit :| and I don't know why. I just feel really cold and emotionless towards everything today ... probably because of the exam stress.

    Sigh.

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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    We skyped for two and a half hours yesterday and yet today I still feel a bit :| and I don't know why. I just feel really cold and emotionless towards everything today ... probably because of the exam stress.

    Sigh.

    I felt exactly like this up until my hideous, three-hour third year degree exam was over yesterday afternoon and then I felt so much happier. Had a long Skype with my boyfriend afterwards and it was just such a relief. Don't worry, it will pass :hugs: and good luck with your exams!
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    We skyped for two and a half hours yesterday and yet today I still feel a bit :| and I don't know why. I just feel really cold and emotionless towards everything today ... probably because of the exam stress.

    Sigh.

    Think I'm (sort of) the same, to be honest
    I think all the exam stress, amount of work and teachers getting about twenty times stricter is what's making me all hyper sensitive lately, I keep worrying and getting upset over the tiniest things, noticed such a difference from what I was like before/during the easter holidays and now, it's crazy. And I feel pretty guilty for being like this too, can't be fun to deal with a crazy person

    Hopefully it passes for both of us :hugs:
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    (Original post by rainbow drops)
    I felt exactly like this up until my hideous, three-hour third year degree exam was over yesterday afternoon and then I felt so much happier. Had a long Skype with my boyfriend afterwards and it was just such a relief. Don't worry, it will pass :hugs: and good luck with your exams!

    (Original post by ktlaurenroe)
    Think I'm (sort of) the same, to be honest
    I think all the exam stress, amount of work and teachers getting about twenty times stricter is what's making me all hyper sensitive lately, I keep worrying and getting upset over the tiniest things, noticed such a difference from what I was like before/during the easter holidays and now, it's crazy. And I feel pretty guilty for being like this too, can't be fun to deal with a crazy person

    Hopefully it passes for both of us :hugs:
    Thankyou so much to both of you :hugs:

    Just had a really really good driving lesson and came home to a sweet email from him asking about my day and saying he missed me, so I kind of melted and was quite nice in my reply


    How's everyone getting on?
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    Im counting down the days until I see him.. still 21 days to go
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    (Original post by Colpejafort)
    Im counting down the days until I see him.. still 21 days to go
    66 days
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    Urgh, I'm not actually in a relationship yet and it's already proving difficult even though I only live about two hours away from him! I have no idea when we're going to have time to see each other, I'd happily see him most weekends but I work on saturdays which makes things difficult. Fortunately I should be finishing my job sometime in summer so I suppose that'll make it easier.

    Also I have no idea how to ask my parents about him staying over here and me staying at his. I'm 17, 18 in a few months time but I don't think they'll be over enthusiastic about it and yeah idk where to start. Any advice?
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    66 days
    Awww the longest we' ve been separate is 46 days or so and yet is so tough...so I can imagine what is it like having to wait so long until you see him next hopefully time will go by quickly!!
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    (Original post by sianmay)
    Urgh, I'm not actually in a relationship yet and it's already proving difficult even though I only live about two hours away from him! I have no idea when we're going to have time to see each other, I'd happily see him most weekends but I work on saturdays which makes things difficult. Fortunately I should be finishing my job sometime in summer so I suppose that'll make it easier.

    Also I have no idea how to ask my parents about him staying over here and me staying at his. I'm 17, 18 in a few months time but I don't think they'll be over enthusiastic about it and yeah idk where to start. Any advice?
    Just try bringing up the subject as calmly as you can. It might help if you were in a relationship though ^^ Don't worry, my family is kind of Muslim and though my mum said my boyfriend couldn't sleep in my room or in the house (we're all girls), she had no problem with us staying in a hotel together or me sharing his room. Just try it
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    (Original post by Colpejafort)
    Awww the longest we' ve been separate is 46 days or so and yet is so tough...so I can imagine what is it like having to wait so long until you see him next hopefully time will go by quickly!!
    Are you watching the football? I'm watching it and he is too but the ******* has probably purposefully left his phone upstairs because he thinks I'm going to annoy him with emails, which I am doing, but about the football xD
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    (Original post by caseyhayes)
    I am sure you will Ohh, August is far away. How far away are you guys normally? Paris will be fun though!!
    heya we are not that far but he's always busy or hasnt got enough money. Hence when we do meet im the one traveling. Which means I never plan anything or go anywhere because im so eager to see him and wait for him to give the ok.
    Apart from Paris. That's the first time in two years that ive done something for myself

    How far are you guys?
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    Just try bringing up the subject as calmly as you can. It might help if you were in a relationship though ^^ Don't worry, my family is kind of Muslim and though my mum said my boyfriend couldn't sleep in my room or in the house (we're all girls), she had no problem with us staying in a hotel together or me sharing his room. Just try it
    Yeahh, I mean we're heading towards a relationship so by that time we'll probably be together but ahh that's good to know I suppose, I'm hoping they won't have too much of a problem with it. Well, I don't think my mum will have a problem, but I know my dad will, urgh.
 
 
 
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