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    Ugh forgot to click off anon again :sigh: ^ that was me
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    Thank you xxx
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    :sad:

    He just sent me a chirpy email complaining about Student Finance, asking how I am and saying he miiiiiissssssses me, just two minutes after the point at which I finally cracked and burst into tears, something which I haven't done in a while.

    Wow, lucky you, this has just made me wonder when was the last time he said he misses me and i can't even remember when did that happen last :/ I'm happy for you though, I'm sure you deserved that email, and it will give you some strength to keep going Does he know how you feel in relation to everything else apart from your relationship? Does he know that you're in a really low mood at the moment? He's your bf, he should be your biggest support. I know it's hard to help the other person when you're in a LDR, but im sure if you tell him how you feel and how much you need him to make this extra effort of being a little bit more affective cause that gives you strength, he will understand it and will try to do so!
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    (Original post by Colpejafort)
    Wow, lucky you, this has just made me wonder when was the last time he said he misses me and i can't even remember when did that happen last :/ I'm happy for you though, I'm sure you deserved that email, and it will give you some strength to keep going Does he know how you feel in relation to everything else apart from your relationship? Does he know that you're in a really low mood at the moment? He's your bf, he should be your biggest support. I know it's hard to help the other person when you're in a LDR, but im sure if you tell him how you feel and how much you need him to make this extra effort of being a little bit more affective cause that gives you strength, he will understand it and will try to do so!

    Thank you so so much for putting everything into perspective for me. I really appreciate everything you said, and followed your advice and he did help me get through my breakdown :/ at first he was like "oh god what is it this time" but then he got really concerned when he realised how serious it was, and when he saw how miserable my life is right now he sent me a lovely email saying that he loved me so much (saying "so" 14 times :P), that he's so looking forward to July and has already found a hotel for when we visit Berlin, which we have to book in two weeks, and that he misses cuddling with me. All of which helped me, as you can imagine. So thank you for helping me to get a good perspective on things ¡Te quedas fuerte!
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    Thank you so so much for putting everything into perspective for me. I really appreciate everything you said, and followed your advice and he did help me get through my breakdown :/ at first he was like "oh god what is it this time" but then he got really concerned when he realised how serious it was, and when he saw how miserable my life is right now he sent me a lovely email saying that he loved me so much (saying "so" 14 times :P), that he's so looking forward to July and has already found a hotel for when we visit Berlin, which we have to book in two weeks, and that he misses cuddling with me. All of which helped me, as you can imagine. So thank you for helping me to get a good perspective on things ¡Te quedas fuerte!
    Aww, I'm very happy for you! guys can be very simple sometimes and even though we may think they should know the way we're feeling at any moment, sometimes they just need a hint or a little push to help them know what we're expecting from them or what we actually need from them in certain situations. Communication is always the best solution to any problem, even more in a LDR, so when you're feeling in a low mood dont ever think it's gonna be a burden for him to listen to your problems or that he's gonna feel forced to help you, remember that before being your bf he's basically your best friend, someone you can trust and someone who is looking for your happiness
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    (Original post by Colpejafort)
    Aww, I'm very happy for you! guys can be very simple sometimes and even though we may think they should know the way we're feeling at any moment, sometimes they just need a hint or a little push to help them know what we're expecting from them or what we actually need from them in certain situations. Communication is always the best solution to any problem, even more in a LDR, so when you're feeling in a low mood dont ever think it's gonna be a burden for him to listen to your problems or that he's gonna feel forced to help you, remember that before being your bf he's basically your best friend, someone you can trust and someone who is looking for your happiness
    Oh I know...just sometimes he doesn't take stuff seriously enough or show me the reassurance or affection I need, and says stuff like "Whats wrong this time!!?" which doesn't exactly inspire confidence!
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    Just got back from visiting the OH for the weekend I have three weeks until I see him again, which usually wouldn't be that hard of a gap to deal with, but I have to write the last essays of my degree during those weeks and I'll feel horribly stressed. When I'm physically with him, any stress that I'm feeling just disappears, but Skype etc just aren't the same. Ugh.

    We had a great weekend, though! Went to see The Avengers and it was SO good.
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    We skyped for two and a half hours yesterday and yet today I still feel a bit :| and I don't know why. I just feel really cold and emotionless towards everything today ... probably because of the exam stress.

    Sigh.

    I think your trying too hard with yourself. You seem to be forcing yourself into feeling everything and your emotional wellbeing is basically saying "erm hold on a minute im taking a break"

    Step back and breathe - and look to yourself rather than the outside world

    (Original post by such_a_lady)
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    Just skyped with the boyfriend and first of all he put me in a bad mood by being 45 minutes late when he used to flip out at me for being 20 minutes late. I don't know about you guys, but because of the lack of physical contact, everything just revolves around talking, and sometimes the conversations are just so...I don't know how you say it in English, like factual? Let me look...like impersonal? We talked for quite a while, but at no point in the conversation could an outsider tell we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

    The conversation revolved around uni and maths and history and stuff, but there was just no affection there whatsoever. I used to be really, really affectionate, and he's even more so when we're together, but he's quite aloof and distanced when we're apart and I never feel like my own efforts are returned in any way, and I've had enough of constantly being the affectionate one sending cute/sweet/thoughtful emails or referencing our private jokes or even showing a sense of humour!

    Just after I got back he'd talk about the future and our future trips and now it's like... Today I said jokingly "*Only* 62 days left" and he was just like "Yeah not long now is it" in like this monotone. He kept sounding impatient or annoyed even though he wasn't, and didn't look pleased to see me or say I looked nice or really ask me that many questions apart from what I have to do today and so on.

    This isn't a first, by the way, he's like this pretty often during our two months apart. I've always been the affectionate one, the one saying how much I miss him, the one really really making the effort to stay affectionate despite the distance, and the sad fact is that I have to "favourite" any similar emails from him because I just receive them so seldom.

    I have a Christmas card covered in writing from him and then a shorter letter pinned up on my wardrobe so that I can read them to actually remember he loves me, and sometimes the sheer amount of love and tenderness in there makes me cry.

    In person he's ridiculously affectionate, more than me, and he'll put silly voices on to say "I love you" or do silly things like pretending to bite my nose, or just randomly look at me and tell me what he happens to find beautiful about me today.

    I tried to talk to him about this ridiculous switch in personality when I was over there, but he said that's just how he is, and he's not going to change, which is hard for me to cope with as I'm pretty much the same all the time. Of course I love that he's to the point and matter of fact, but it's still hard to adjust to.

    I've now had just about enough, though, of constantly being the one making the effort to keep that tenderness alive, because I just keep getting hurt and feeling rejected, and I'm also much less clingy, needy and emotionally dependent than I used to be.

    When he was doing his end of school exams in January, that was an awful time for me because I'd never seen him so distant. He barely ever had time for me and really barely gave a thought for our relationship, which didn't help me as I was pretty fragile at that time. We ended up having a terrible argument about it because basically he claimed I didn't understand that he was going through incredible stress for the most important exams he'd ever sat, which I suppose was partly true.

    So now that I'm starting my exams (Friday, in case anyone wanted to know! Terrified!) I thought, well, I'm allowed to do the same thing, aren't I? I'm allowed to relinquish responsibility for the maintenance of the relationship (because even though he believes you should just kind of let a relationship hum along in the background without too much maintenance, I don't think that's possible for an LDR) and be stressed and moody and kind of absent because of the stress of exams, aren't I?

    And I know you're not supposed to play games in your relationship, but sometimes it's just a relief to write coolly and matter-of-factly and not reply to his "I love you!"s at the end of emails like he used to do to me. I don't get it, if I don't reply with an "I love you" he picks up on it and says I'm acting oddly, but yet I can tell him everything I'm missing about him and he'll just sidestep that in his reply.

    I'm always giving giving giving and I'm such an affectionate person that I need more, and he did try and make the effort recently in his emails but now- and especially over Skype- that just doesn't come across any more. He asked at the end of the conversation what was wrong with me and I tried to explain that during the conversation I felt that something was missing, that we could talk for hours (like the other night too) and yet I'd still feel dissatisfied for some reason, that all he's acting like right now is my conversation partner, my interlocutor, not my boyfriend, that there's sometimes no real connection there, and then he was like "well if you feel that way...I need to go anyway" and I was just like fine, whatever, I don't care.

    I'm...I don't know how to describe it, hurt? Upset? Angry? Why is it always me making the effort? When is he going to be the one maintaining so I can concentrate? It's meant to be 50-50 and then for a while it might be 70-30 or even 80-20 but it always slides back, but this is just proof that if I stop giving giving giving at any point, there's just NOTHING LEFT because he doesn't take on the responsibility.

    He's not stressed! He's finished school and is chilling all day and maybe doing some maths for his A Level which he's sitting privately. When is he going to do the running and actually make the first move to improve things? Why must it always be me?

    I'm still a bit angry because the other day I made the littlest criticism to him (he's spent the entire year *****ing about his school and his class and how he's not going to prom and how he can't wait to leave and then suddenly, last week of school, after moaning about an invitation to a party at his teacher's house and how he despises stuff like Leavers' Hoodies and yearbooks, he spends hours there with his classmates and suddenly he loves everything and everyone and will miss them, and oh the yearbooks were lovely and oh it was so much fun, and then amazingly the last day of school was touching and a bit sad and maybe he will go to prom after all because everyone wants him there, and I took the liberty of pointing out that it was slightly strange to see such a sudden switch in personality, considering he's spent a YEAR *****ing about how much he despises his classmates, and insisted so many times that there was no way he'd spend money to spend an evening with them, which obviously was a bit weird for me to see such a sudden shift in opinion because he NEVER changes his mind about anything, so I pointed that out) he flipped out at me, and even when I explained what I meant and sent a charming email hoping that he'd forgive me for offending him, he ignored me for the next four or five hours and then simply said "Yeah well German is a really exact language so it came across as really critical, but let's just forget it" which infuriated me because he's so great at ignoring stuff and never apologising, ever, or ever accepting he's in the wrong, even though he can criticise me. I'm just incredibly irritated and just wish he'd actually show me he cared about me for a change in ways more than saying "I love you!" at the end of emails, because sometimes that isn't enough.


    (long post)
    The first part - Are you perhaps reading too much into it? Seeing things that werent there or meant? Ive done that, and so has my other half (she has this habit of thinking if i call her out of the blue thats somethings wrong and im just like nope just wanted to hear your voice)

    Secondly - the affection. I know how that can feel, like you im very affectionate and it really makes us wonder when its not reciprocated as it leaves us feeling kinda hurt and abdandoned a bit. What does he say when you bring up that all you do is give and give and it feels like he doesnt.

    Thirdly - there i honestly dont know
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    (Original post by Colpejafort)
    Aww, I'm very happy for you! guys can be very simple sometimes and even though we may think they should know the way we're feeling at any moment, sometimes they just need a hint or a little push to help them know what we're expecting from them or what we actually need from them in certain situations. Communication is always the best solution to any problem, even more in a LDR, so when you're feeling in a low mood dont ever think it's gonna be a burden for him to listen to your problems or that he's gonna feel forced to help you, remember that before being your bf he's basically your best friend, someone you can trust and someone who is looking for your happiness
    Ahem on behalf of my penis id just like to say...................yeah your right, we can be a bit dense at times. But you ladies aint flawless either you know.
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    Well im feeling very emotional today. Im actually welling up typing this.

    Yesterday i came back and i actually cried. TWICE. on the bus to the airpiort and on the plane. Ive never cried because ive left a partner. When theyve cheated on me and dumped me yeah sure but never just cos im going away. Im seeing her again in a month. Just one month and im crying. She cried as well yesterday morning a bit and asked me not to go. Christ i nearly didnt. Would have been perfect to just go screw it im staying. But logically speaking its madness and theres three months till my planned moving date.

    Everything rests now on passing my driving test in June. Theory shouldnt be a problem, practical we shall see. but everything rests on my passing it. christ

    The other reason is today would have been my fathers 50th birthday, he passed last August after battling cancer for four years. My other half has been fantastic about it really supportive. Going for a meal tonight and oh i wish she was going to be there, my brother and sister will have thier partners my mom will have her sister in law but me.................
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    Ahem on behalf of my penis id just like to say...................yeah your right, we can be a bit dense at times. But you ladies aint flawless either you know.
    haha don't take offense! I know we can be way too complicated btw :rolleyes:

    Really sorry about your father, I'm glad your gf was a big support for you during the weekend, thats how things should always be Maybe that's the reason why this time you were so emotional when it came to say goodbye. Also, I think that the longer you are in a LDR, the harder it becomes to say goodbye and the wait until you see her again so there will probably be weekends when you feel more emotionals and weekends when it will be easier to go away. One month until you see her again anyway, think positive!
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    (Original post by Colpejafort)
    haha don't take offense! I know we can be way too complicated btw :rolleyes:

    Really sorry about your father, I'm glad your gf was a big support for you during the weekend, thats how things should always be Maybe that's the reason why this time you were so emotional when it came to say goodbye. Also, I think that the longer you are in a LDR, the harder it becomes to say goodbye and the wait until you see her again so there will probably be weekends when you feel more emotionals and weekends when it will be easier to go away. One month until you see her again anyway, think positive!
    Sorry my comment was meant to be a bit more light hearted than it came across.

    and you are right in that longer into the relationship you are the harder it gets each time to say goodbye. I know its only a month and i probs wont feel it go past but still..........
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    Just come back from a relaxing girly hot-spring weekend... feeling refreshed and much more positive now! I really needed the time out. Plus chatting to a good friend who's already gone back home gave me a bit of perspective on the time I have left in Japan.

    Feeling happy because the boyfriend went to the Staffs Bike Show at the weekend and bought me some gloves, so looking forward to wearing them when I'm home and back on two wheels. I was so pleased that he thought of me... Little things.

    Hope we're all well!
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    Feel like a really horrible person :cry2:

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    Skyped last night for the first time in ages and it was really nice, until right at the end, I got all frustrated and pissed off thinking about how I'd have to go to college/do loads of work before getting to see him again... (on Friday, so not exactly long to wait either ) it's just ever since going back after Easter college has been absolutely awful, totally dread going, and I know being "stressed" about exams/work is no real excuse but I just got all moody with him... when he's been nothing but lovely to me :sad: I really feel horrible for being so.. can't think of the word.. unappreciative? And I'm not usually the type of person that ever takes their anger out on other people (especially not on someone who treats me so amazingly) so I feel just like the meanest person in the world. just want to go give him a hug and say I'm sorry :puppyeyes:
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    (Original post by ktlaurenroe)
    Feel like a really horrible person :cry2:

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    Skyped last night for the first time in ages and it was really nice, until right at the end, I got all frustrated and pissed off thinking about how I'd have to go to college/do loads of work before getting to see him again... (on Friday, so not exactly long to wait either ) it's just ever since going back after Easter college has been absolutely awful, totally dread going, and I know being "stressed" about exams/work is no real excuse but I just got all moody with him... when he's been nothing but lovely to me :sad: I really feel horrible for being so.. can't think of the word.. unappreciative? And I'm not usually the type of person that ever takes their anger out on other people (especially not on someone who treats me so amazingly) so I feel just like the meanest person in the world. just want to go give him a hug and say I'm sorry :puppyeyes:
    :hugs: you're not a horrible person at all! Thats totally natural! We tend to take things like that out on the people who are closest to us! That sucks about college but I guess its that time of year where things start to get really tough! Just take it a day at a time, think about the positives, and if you still feel bad, maybe skype him tonight and apologise?


    (Original post by kat91s)
    Just come back from a relaxing girly hot-spring weekend... feeling refreshed and much more positive now! I really needed the time out. Plus chatting to a good friend who's already gone back home gave me a bit of perspective on the time I have left in Japan.

    Feeling happy because the boyfriend went to the Staffs Bike Show at the weekend and bought me some gloves, so looking forward to wearing them when I'm home and back on two wheels. I was so pleased that he thought of me... Little things.

    Hope we're all well!
    yeyyy thats awesome! Yehh just remember its gonna fly by! All of a sudden ive only got 3.5 weeks left here and I have NO idea how that happened!!
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    30 days until I leave school
    50 days until exams are over
    60 days until I fly over again

    :sigh:
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    30 days until I leave school
    50 days until exams are over
    60 days until I fly over again

    :sigh:
    :hugs: just take it a day at a time! It'll be over before you know it!
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    (Original post by Jellybean91)
    :hugs: you're not a horrible person at all! Thats totally natural! We tend to take things like that out on the people who are closest to us! That sucks about college but I guess its that time of year where things start to get really tough! Just take it a day at a time, think about the positives, and if you still feel bad, maybe skype him tonight and apologise?
    Thanks :hugs: only 2 full days left until I see him anyway which is definitely a positive he's coming over earlier than normal on Friday and I can't wait, feels like so long since I last saw him but it's actually only been like 2 weeks :sigh:

    and yeah college will be over in 3 weeks too, can't wait - then I've got summer and time to finally not worry about work and grades and stuff! Hopefully I will go back to my normal self by then haha, not liking this stressed out version of myself, just trying to think stuff like if I don't get my predicted grades then it's not the end of the world, there's always resits etc. but thanks again :hugs:
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    (Original post by ktlaurenroe)
    Thanks :hugs: only 2 full days left until I see him anyway which is definitely a positive he's coming over earlier than normal on Friday and I can't wait, feels like so long since I last saw him but it's actually only been like 2 weeks :sigh:

    and yeah college will be over in 3 weeks too, can't wait - then I've got summer and time to finally not worry about work and grades and stuff! Hopefully I will go back to my normal self by then haha, not liking this stressed out version of myself, just trying to think stuff like if I don't get my predicted grades then it's not the end of the world, there's always resits etc. but thanks again :hugs:
    Haha yeh honestly, try not to get yourself too stressed out over the exams (easier said than done I know) you're exactly right when you say its not the end of the world, I didnt get my predicted grades by quite a long shot and ended up in Hull, and to be honest, its the best thing to have ever happened to me! I absolutely love it there and I can't wait to get back there next year! Chin up and just keep going! It'll be over soon! :hugs:
    • #435
    #435

    Hi I'm in my first year at uni and my girlfriend told me just now she wants a break. What hope do we have for after this? Can we rekindle something over the summer? We met at the start of last year in October when I was in my third year at college and her in her first, so we've just spent about 7 months in a long distance. When I saw her at Christmas she loved me but when she saw me at Easter she felt as if some of the love had gone. She is loaded with tonnes of work and is getting stressed out.

    Can we get this back at the summer?
 
 
 
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