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    (Original post by kat91s)
    I've been through the same thing with my boyfriend! He works full time, and has hobbies and volunteer commitments, so his schedule is always packed. We were two hours apart last year, and some weekends I'd go to visit him only to find myself hanging around bored at his commitments and his hobbies. Because I'd rather see him, even if he didn't have time for me. I understand your frustration.

    I think I came to the point where I realised that to some degree, it was this, or never see him at all. You can't make a guy give up the things he wants to do. So firstly, accept that that's how he is.

    Secondly, you can ask him to make time for you, even just once in a while, and tell him that you feel like he's too busy for you. I did the same thing, and it made a little bit of difference, although there were things I could understand he couldn't budge on. Now that he knows how much attention I expect, he does make sure we get a weekend to ourselves once in a while, and makes plans just for the two of us more often. Talking about it always helps.
    Thank you a lot for this. It's good to know that what I'm experiencing is nothing out of the ordinary.
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    (Original post by Surfnicky1)
    hi so i was wondering if anyone had any advice for when i go on my year abroad in september. my boyfriend and i are already in a sort of LDR (different unis but live near each other in the holidays) but we generally manage to see each other for a weekend every few weeks. the prospect of being in a different country from him for a whole year is really daunting so i was wondering if anyone had any advice?
    cheers a bunch xx
    I find having a determined time to talk to each other helps a lot, and if you can do it through webcam it helps a lot...text really isn't the same. In my LDR we do it daily, but of course that is too much for some people, but every few days will help a lot too. Also letting the other know in advance if you won't be available to chat, as an unexpected no-show can cause some thoughts of insecurity to creep in.

    We found that planning visits quite far in advance also helped break it up and seem less daunting (i.e. we are apart for a year, but straight away we planned a week together half way through). Also sending hand written letters or cards certainly brighten darker days.

    Stay strong and have faith in your partner, your in it together so you have to work together or else it may fail.

    On a side note: yay 51days left \o/ getting more terrified of moving to China >.< damn visa's
    • #437
    #437

    Can I PM anyone on here to ask for some advice?
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    (Original post by hooked_on_it)
    Hey guys, I've been lurking on this thread for the past couple of days and thought I'd take the plunge and become an official member.

    I'm in an LDR (although we're less than two hours away) and I'm in my final year at uni while he's now started work. Listening to all your relationships puts mine in perspective but I feel that despite our relatively short distance, we may as well be on different continents.

    He works long hours in his job and likes to socialise with his new friends in his free time (all understandable) which makes it harder to fit me in. We see each other one every three weeks or so, but I always feel 'slotted in' to his timetable. Or that he only decides to see me if it won't clash with anything else. How would you recommend me starting a discussion about this? Like I said, I understand why he is so busy, which makes having this conversation more difficult. I really don't want him to think I'm making it a friends v me problem for him.

    Anyways sorry for lumping a problem on you in my first post, it's just nice to know there's this experienced set of people who can help.

    Thank you in advance
    *Trumpet noise - its penis perspective time. See i have my uses. (should have used the smiley but there we go)

    Ok on this i think you need to talk but do not accuse otherwise even with the best intentions you may come across as the demanding girlfriend. But at the same time you dont want to be too weak otherwise even with the best of intentions you could find yourself taking a back seat. Talk to him, tell him your feeling rather under appreciated and he only wants to see you when its convienient to him. Dont feel bad for wanting a little bit of attention.

    a bit of give and take is needed here, give him time to take your own. Get involved in what hes doing that way it wont be "them and you" but make sure hes involved with what your going on as well.
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    Then you need to talk to him. I have to say if hes putting money first then......... things need to be brought up. Money is not the b all and end all.

    LDRs are horribly draining emotionally. How youve done it for three years is beyond me.
    To be fair to Ciccina's boyfriend, while money is not the be-all-and-end-all, it is ridiculously important. And, okay, he probably should be actively looking for jobs closer to her, but I don't think it's wrong to want to put money first to a certain extent... especially in this economy. I know people say "oh, there'll always be jobs in other places", but I'm graduating from my Masters next summer and if I found a job in my home town I would have to take it, regardless of how much I would ideally like to stay with my boyfriend while he finishes off medical school. I know there are other issues here, but I think it's a tad unfair to say that "things need to brought up" because he's thinking about money. It's not nice if it means prolonging the long-distance for even more time, but sometimes we have to make decisions we don't like.
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    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    To be fair to Ciccina's boyfriend, while money is not the be-all-and-end-all, it is ridiculously important. And, okay, he probably should be actively looking for jobs closer to her, but I don't think it's wrong to want to put money first to a certain extent... especially in this economy. I know people say "oh, there'll always be jobs in other places", but I'm graduating from my Masters next summer and if I found a job in my home town I would have to take it, regardless of how much I would ideally like to stay with my boyfriend while he finishes off medical school. I know there are other issues here, but I think it's a tad unfair to say that "things need to brought up" because he's thinking about money. It's not nice if it means prolonging the long-distance for even more time, but sometimes we have to make decisions we don't like.
    I guess it depends on your POV. Id rather be happy than rich with a job i enjoy rather than one that pays lots of money. My uncle is well off, and he worked for it and he hates his job with a vengeance. But each to their own.

    It just means you have to decide whats more important to you. your partner or a paycheck. different people want different things. But i dont think its unfair if its something thats upsetting Ciccina why should she keep quiet about it? Keeping quiet just builds up resentment that can show in different ways. im not saying she should force him into a decision but she should at least talk to him about how she feels
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    I guess it depends on your POV. Id rather be happy than rich with a job i enjoy rather than one that pays lots of money. My uncle is well off, and he worked for it and he hates his job with a vengeance. But each to their own.

    It just means you have to decide whats more important to you. your partner or a paycheck. different people want different things. But i dont think its unfair if its something thats upsetting Ciccina why should she keep quiet about it? Keeping quiet just builds up resentment that can show in different ways. im not saying she should force him into a decision but she should at least talk to him about how she feels
    Ah, no, I wasn't suggesting that she should keep quiet about it, just saying that I can see her boyfriend's point of view. I think we'd all prefer to be in a less well-paying job and be happy, but my point was that today there often isn't that choice.

    When I graduate next year, for example, I will be ecstatic to get a job anywhere - no matter how much it pays. The practicalities of life mean that if I were to move to where my boyfriend lives with no job/a part-time job that pays nothing, over a full-time job in my home town, the chances are I would be ridiculously poor and resentment could still build up between my boyfriend and I if I couldn't afford to live.

    I'm not saying that anyone should keep quiet about anything that's bothering them. I just think it's a bit naive (and offensive, in some cases) to assume that people doing things for money are prioritising it over other things. My Dad, for example, works 12-14 hour days to provide for his family. Would we like to see more of him? Yes, of course. Would we be able to live happily (in terms of being able to afford to have a house and eat) if he didn't work such long days away from home? No. Working long hours doesn't always equate to hating your job, either. My Dad has his own business and loves it. Your uncle's issue was probably one of being in the wrong job (even if he couldn't do anything about it) rather than the evils of money.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can I PM anyone on here to ask for some advice?
    Yes, and without meaning to volunteer all the others, we're all pretty lovely!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can I PM anyone on here to ask for some advice?
    yep go ahead
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    Hi guys,

    I'm new to TSR and this is my first post. I have been in a LDR for 2 years and still going strong


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can I PM anyone on here to ask for some advice?
    I'm here too
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    (Original post by Ms. Snuffleupagus)
    Hi guys,

    I'm new to TSR and this is my first post. I have been in a LDR for 2 years and still going strong
    Hello! What's your situation like?
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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    Hello! What's your situation like?
    HI!!!!

    My name is Francesca, I'm from Nettuno, Italy

    I met my boyfriend during a summer course in UK. He's studying his masters at Queen Mary while I am studying in Rome instead. When I am done with my BA and if I am still with him, I will move to the UK and study a masters there.

    (Please excuse my mistakes )
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    (Original post by Ms. Snuffleupagus)
    HI!!!!

    My name is Francesca, I'm from Nettuno, Italy

    I met my boyfriend during a summer course in UK. He's studying his masters at Queen Mary while I am studying in Rome instead. When I am done with my BA and if I am still with him, I will move to the UK and study a masters there.

    (Please excuse my mistakes )
    Ciao, Francesa! Io sono jeh_jeh e anch'io mi trovo in una relazione a lunga distanza; non è come la tua, però, perché io sono a Coventry (Warwick) e mio amore abita a Birmingham. Per un anno, comunque, anche noi abbiamo fatto the international thing perché ho fatto un anno all'estero a Brescia (mi laureo in italiano questo luglio!). Quanti anni manchi per la triennale?

    P.S. Secondo le regole, se mi rispondi in italiano, da anche la traduzione inglese.

    Hi, Francesca! I'm jeh_jeh, and I'm in a long-distance relationship, too. It's not as bad as yours, though, because I go to Warwick and my boyfriend goes to Birmingham. We did do England/Italy for a year, though, when I did my year abroad in Brescia (I'm studying Italian and I graduate in June!). How many years of your degree do you have left?

    P.S. If you reply in Italian, you need to give an English translation, too!
    • #438
    #438

    So I've been sort of seeing this boy for a few weeks, and we had a lovely day a few days ago which ended in us kissing/cuddling for quite a while. He told me that he thinks being in a relationship right now would ruin us (I agree, we haven't known each other for ages and I think we both want to see each other more before we start something like that, especially as we live a couple of hours away from each other). He's said that he isn't interested in anyone else and will always be here for me and various other lovely things, but I feel like he's scared of thinking about the future (which he has kind of admitted). He's having a bit of trouble with friends at the moment and things haven't always been smooth between us, but I think I'm just scared of being used or hurt. I don't even know why I'm worrying really, I don't want a relationship just yet either and I'm happy to see how things go. I suppose I'd just like to know that there's a relatively high possibility of a relationship at some point in the future.

    I just wondered if there's any advice that anyone has, I don't really know what I'm looking for haha, just reassurance or something I suppose.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been sort of seeing this boy for a few weeks, and we had a lovely day a few days ago which ended in us kissing/cuddling for quite a while. He told me that he thinks being in a relationship right now would ruin us (I agree, we haven't known each other for ages and I think we both want to see each other more before we start something like that, especially as we live a couple of hours away from each other). He's said that he isn't interested in anyone else and will always be here for me and various other lovely things, but I feel like he's scared of thinking about the future (which he has kind of admitted). He's having a bit of trouble with friends at the moment and things haven't always been smooth between us, but I think I'm just scared of being used or hurt. I don't even know why I'm worrying really, I don't want a relationship just yet either and I'm happy to see how things go. I suppose I'd just like to know that there's a relatively high possibility of a relationship at some point in the future.

    I just wondered if there's any advice that anyone has, I don't really know what I'm looking for haha, just reassurance or something I suppose.
    It's a cliché, but if it's meant to happen, it will, and if it doesn't - well, hopefully you've got a nice friendship there.
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    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    Ciao, Francesa! Io sono jeh_jeh e anch'io mi trovo in una relazione a lunga distanza; non è come la tua, però, perché io sono a Coventry (Warwick) e mio amore abita a Birmingham. Per un anno, comunque, anche noi abbiamo fatto the international thing perché ho fatto un anno all'estero a Brescia (mi laureo in italiano questo luglio!). Quanti anni manchi per la triennale?

    P.S. Secondo le regole, se mi rispondi in italiano, da anche la traduzione inglese.

    Hi, Francesca! I'm jeh_jeh, and I'm in a long-distance relationship, too. It's not as bad as yours, though, because I go to Warwick and my boyfriend goes to Birmingham. We did do England/Italy for a year, though, when I did my year abroad in Brescia (I'm studying Italian and I graduate in June!). How many years of your degree do you have left?

    P.S. If you reply in Italian, you need to give an English translation, too!
    Ciaooooooo jeh_jeh!!! Piacere di conoscerti! E' bello sapere che ci sono tante persone nella stessa mia situazione!

    Mi manca ancora un anno all'università, poi spero che potrò raggiungere il mio tesoruccio in Inghilterra.
    Però recentemente lui mi ha detto che dopo la laurea vorrebbe andare a fare un anno di servizio civile fuori. Io lo amo tanto, e voglio che sia felice e che faccia tutte le esperienze che vuole...ma a dir la verità, questa rivelazione mi ha davvero spiazzata. Insomma, stiamo insieme da due anni, e io non voglio restare in una relazione a distanza per cinque o sei anni


    Il tuo ragazzo è italiano? E da quanto state insieme? Come ti sei trovata a Brescia? Baciniii

    Hiiiiiiiiiii jeh_jeh! Nice to meet you! It's nice to know that there are many people in my same situation!

    I still have a year of college left, then I hope I can reach my sweetheart in England.
    But recently he told me that after graduation he wants to go abroad for a year for civil service. I love him so much, and I want him to be happy and to have all the experiences he wants ... but to tell the truth, this revelation was really surprising. We've been together for two years, and I don't want to stay in a long distance relationship for five or six years: S


    Is your boyfriend Italian? And how long have you been together? How have you found in Brescia? Kissessss
    • #362
    #362

    Does anyone have any experience in LDRs with very long intervals apart? Like 5 months?

    How do you get through such a long time apart? It seems the only way is to get on with it and keep busy, but how do you get through all those times when it feels like you can't do it anymore?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been sort of seeing this boy for a few weeks, and we had a lovely day a few days ago which ended in us kissing/cuddling for quite a while. He told me that he thinks being in a relationship right now would ruin us (I agree, we haven't known each other for ages and I think we both want to see each other more before we start something like that, especially as we live a couple of hours away from each other). He's said that he isn't interested in anyone else and will always be here for me and various other lovely things, but I feel like he's scared of thinking about the future (which he has kind of admitted). He's having a bit of trouble with friends at the moment and things haven't always been smooth between us, but I think I'm just scared of being used or hurt. I don't even know why I'm worrying really, I don't want a relationship just yet either and I'm happy to see how things go. I suppose I'd just like to know that there's a relatively high possibility of a relationship at some point in the future.

    I just wondered if there's any advice that anyone has, I don't really know what I'm looking for haha, just reassurance or something I suppose.
    Sorry but your in one. you can deny it all you like - but you talk every day, you have feelings for each other, when your together "things happen" you rely on each other, trust each other, have no interest in anyone else

    Your in a relationship but but are "technically single"

    your problem is that you could find someone else and one or the other gets hurt
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    (Original post by Ms. Snuffleupagus)
    Ciaooooooo jeh_jeh!!! Piacere di conoscerti! E' bello sapere che ci sono tante persone nella stessa mia situazione!

    Mi manca ancora un anno all'università, poi spero che potrò raggiungere il mio tesoruccio in Inghilterra.
    Però recentemente lui mi ha detto che dopo la laurea vorrebbe andare a fare un anno di servizio civile fuori. Io lo amo tanto, e voglio che sia felice e che faccia tutte le esperienze che vuole...ma a dir la verità, questa rivelazione mi ha davvero spiazzata. Insomma, stiamo insieme da due anni, e io non voglio restare in una relazione a distanza per cinque o sei anni


    Il tuo ragazzo è italiano? E da quanto state insieme? Come ti sei trovata a Brescia? Baciniii

    Hiiiiiiiiiii jeh_jeh! Nice to meet you! It's nice to know that there are many people in my same situation!

    I still have a year of college left, then I hope I can reach my sweetheart in England.
    But recently he told me that after graduation he wants to go abroad for a year for civil service. I love him so much, and I want him to be happy and to have all the experiences he wants ... but to tell the truth, this revelation was really surprising. We've been together for two years, and I don't want to stay in a long distance relationship for five or six years: S


    Is your boyfriend Italian? And how long have you been together? How have you found in Brescia? Kissessss
    No, he's English. It was horrible, though, because we met at a friend's birthday in the May, we started going out in the July and then I had to go to Italy in the September. It was all so quick! And, obviously, when you're in the honeymoon phase and you want to spend all your time together in the beginning, it's a bit hard when you're in different countries. :sad:

    I love Brescia as a place, but I was pretty unhappy because I lived in collegio, and I thought it would be like halls in England... but it wasn't. It was run by nuns, I had an 11pm curfew, and I wasn't allowed guests. I'd love to take the boy back there one day, though, and make him eat lots of ice cream!

    I'm sorry about your boyfriend! Mine's kind of the same. He's at medical school at the moment (which in itself is a pretty big commitment), and it takes over your life. I want him to be happy and do what he wants to do, but I want a normal life, too. :p:
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    (Original post by jeh_jeh)
    No, he's English. It was horrible, though, because we met at a friend's birthday in the May, we started going out in the July and then I had to go to Italy in the September. It was all so quick! And, obviously, when you're in the honeymoon phase and you want to spend all your time together in the beginning, it's a bit hard when you're in different countries. :sad:

    I love Brescia as a place, but I was pretty unhappy because I lived in collegio, and I thought it would be like halls in England... but it wasn't. It was run by nuns, I had an 11pm curfew, and I wasn't allowed guests. I'd love to take the boy back there one day, though, and make him eat lots of ice cream!

    I'm sorry about your boyfriend! Mine's kind of the same. He's at medical school at the moment (which in itself is a pretty big commitment), and it takes over your life. I want him to be happy and do what he wants to do, but I want a normal life, too. :p:
    I see! I was in one of those during my first year too..hated it -.-''' especially cause you can't invite people over. Takes the fun away. But it's awesome that you made it through that time! I can relate, the same happened to me when I went back to Rome but I'm very very crappy with the distance! I would like to see him every month or two months, but it has never happened so far, due to committment and money issues.

    Mine doesn't seem to understand this :rolleyes: whenever I say that, he says that our relationship is just as serious as others. I agree with this, of course we are serious! but it's different when you can actually see each other (almost) every day, no? :rolleyes:
 
 
 
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