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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre watch

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    I feel ultimately dead. I am now emotionless.
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    (Original post by ct2k7)
    I feel ultimately dead. I am now emotionless.
    ????


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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    ????


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    It has now officially been one month and 2 days since we last chatted.
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    (Original post by NihilisticMystics)
    Entered an LDR for the summer, as we're a uni couple. I'm starting to really appreciate that I have him around most of the time, we're so much luckier than so many others.
    He's just gone off travelling for a bit, and even though I want him to have the most amazing time I have to admit I'm feeling really down. I can't get in touch with him and he said he'd call today at some point before his flight. He didn't get in touch in the end but I'm not annoyed- check in can be really hectic. Just a bit gutted because I won't hear his voice for about a month (thank goodness it's only a month!) and Im starting to feel like I should have sent a 'hope you have a safe journey' text but instead just passively waited on his call, which is really rubbish of me.
    I feel so sad, it's awful. I know it's made worse by the fact that I'm at my uni house for another 3 weeks by myself due to having shifts, and it will get a bit better when I see my friends and family. But even if I keep myself busy I can't stop feeling like this. Also, and this sounds awful, a part of me is terrified he'll have such a good time and kind of just... get over me? Especially because I simply lost feelings for my ex (while we were still together) with the excitement of coming to uni.

    Sorry, I know I'm in a relatively fortunate position and there's people who have it so much worse, but I've not had anyone to speak to all day and just needed to offload. Not even looking for sympathy really, literally just wanted to be able to share with somebody.
    I had a similar experience on my gap year, the boy went abroad for the year and I stayed at home working to earn money for uni. My advice is to firstly write him little letters and not send them but give them to him when he gets back as its a nice little momento for him and allows you to speak to him of sorts even when you wont be able to hear from him. Is there no chance of a quick email?

    Also my other advice is to keep busy.. even if it's taking up a new hobby or reading a book anything to keep you busy. I know how much harder it is when your friends aren't around but I started swimming lessons which helped me to keep busy. But even little things like cross-stitching can help.

    And of course feel free to post in both the advice thread and the chat thread, I'll be honest I'd never have got through my LDR without it.
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    (Original post by Clurston)
    Oh hi! I'm not sure if this is the place to be posting or not, should I be adding to this super long thread? I came across TSR again (s' been years!) while googling long distance relationships (as you do).

    I've just finished university, and will be moving away on placement for a year in September. The boy and I have been together nearly a year now, and have been best friends since my first year here. He's a little older than me, I met him through church rather than at university. We see each other most days here, and I'm a bit terrified about not seeing him every day (I'll be living about an hour away but we'll both be full-time, and I'll have placement stuff to do some weekends) and that I might just turn into a massive blubbering mess.

    So umm... help?
    Of course you can post here, its what its here for, as is the chat thread as well.

    My main tips is to firstly keep busy which tbh your placement will help with, to keep your mind off missing him.

    make time to talk; this doesn't have to be everyday as every couple has their own rhythms but make time to have a proper convo either on the phone or skype (love skype so much!). I found fb/texting worked well most days and then a long skype date on the weekends when we both had more time.

    Finally, plan when you're going to see each other in advance as it helps give you something to look forward to. Plus it means you can get cheaper transport.

    Hope that helps.
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    Missing the boy soo much :sad: I can't wait to talk (or hopefully skype if he isnt too tired) to him when he's back
    • #421
    #421

    How do you know if ending a long distance relationship is a mistake?

    I mean, we're only young. But he doesn't talk to me, he won't even text me. i haven't seen him since the eleventh of april. He says i won't see him until september, and i'll only see him then because i'm moving to go to university in his city (not for him, it's the best medical school in the country).
    Problem is, i know i'd have a much better summer if i was without him, and i'm never ever happy when we are apart. When we're together i'm usually happy, except he gets snappy and he irritates me eventually.

    But i know the break up will hurt me. I don't know about him. He did go to my school. and i liked him for over a year before we were together- we started being official at the end of last year.

    I spoke to him about how we need to talk more. He then lied to me about why we can't. He even missed my birthday, but did say happy birthday, on Facebook, five days early so he doesn't have to worry about actually contacting me on my birthday- internet was going to be a problem. And using his phone was out of the question, as it always is...

    He knows i will not go on talking for a few sentences every 4 - 9 days. He hasn't done anything to resolve the situation.

    Does anybody have any ideas at all?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How do you know if ending a long distance relationship is a mistake?

    I mean, we're only young. But he doesn't talk to me, he won't even text me. i haven't seen him since the eleventh of april. He says i won't see him until september, and i'll only see him then because i'm moving to go to university in his city (not for him, it's the best medical school in the country).
    Problem is, i know i'd have a much better summer if i was without him, and i'm never ever happy when we are apart. When we're together i'm usually happy, except he gets snappy and he irritates me eventually.

    But i know the break up will hurt me. I don't know about him. He did go to my school. and i liked him for over a year before we were together- we started being official at the end of last year.

    I spoke to him about how we need to talk more. He then lied to me about why we can't. He even missed my birthday, but did say happy birthday, on Facebook, five days early so he doesn't have to worry about actually contacting me on my birthday- internet was going to be a problem. And using his phone was out of the question, as it always is...

    He knows i will not go on talking for a few sentences every 4 - 9 days. He hasn't done anything to resolve the situation.

    Does anybody have any ideas at all?
    I dont want to judge but you certainly need to find out why its so impossible for him to communicate with you, hes having you jump through hoops and its not fair.

    Why is his phone out of the question?
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    HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER

    I have less than a week till i uproot my entire life and move country. For ever

    Alternating between cant wait and terrified about how much i still have to do and pack and sort out
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER

    I have less than a week till i uproot my entire life and move country. For ever

    Alternating between cant wait and terrified about how much i still have to do and pack and sort out
    Felt the exact same when I woke up today seems to be finally sinking in
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    Good luck guys


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    So happy for you guys! I'm sure you'll be fine

    I came over to Dublin two days ago to stay here for 2 months and a half during which I hope to see my boyfriend almost everyday!! we deserve it :rolleyes::rolleyes:
    • #421
    #421

    (Original post by silverbolt)
    I dont want to judge but you certainly need to find out why its so impossible for him to communicate with you, hes having you jump through hoops and its not fair.

    Why is his phone out of the question?
    because he has to pay to use it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    because he has to pay to use it.
    we all pay to use our phone its called credit/contract

    ok but how about free services, like skype or even facebook chat? Hell you can email back and forth if you want

    its 2012 not getting to a phone is not a good enough excuse anymore
    • #421
    #421

    (Original post by silverbolt)
    we all pay to use our phone its called credit/contract

    ok but how about free services, like skype or even facebook chat? Hell you can email back and forth if you want

    its 2012 not getting to a phone is not a good enough excuse anymore
    Yeah he doesn't like topping it up.

    Ha, he's online every now and then. We've skyped twice in 6 months.

    I guess.

    You think its a really unbalanced relationship, too? I've been thinking about ending it for ages. But what if it's a mistake?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah he doesn't like topping it up.

    Ha, he's online every now and then. We've skyped twice in 6 months.

    I guess.

    You think its a really unbalanced relationship, too? I've been thinking about ending it for ages. But what if it's a mistake?
    I used to be in a relationship like yours. Skype once, twice a month if lucky, used to cancel on me all the time, used to play games and ignore me. After me getting upset he agreed to email me every day but it was basically a short diary entry about his life. Made me so sad because I loved him so much in the end I regretted not ending it sooner. I'm in another LDR but we're in contact every day and try and Skype or phone twice a week. He's not worth your time.


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    I'm living at home at the moment, going to Uni in september, and my boyfriend's family relocated to Kent a year ago.. taking my boyfriend with them (I live in North London).
    I don't claim to be an expert on the subject but I find that the fact he's so far away has made us a lot stronger in a way; we used to argue by text/BBM ALL the time and eventually I told him if he wanted to speak to me he could call me because I was sick of hiding behind phones, and now we don't argue, we 'discuss' (as it were!)
    I'd be lying if I said it wasn't horrible.. at the moment I've not seen him for two weeks and I won't see him for another week and a half, but it's not as awful as I originally thought. We don't see each other much as our jobs conflict - he has weekends off and I work weekends - but we text every day, call at least twice a week and we send each other stupid little links and messages on twitter and Facebook.
    I guess if I had any advice for anyone it would be to think about how committed you are. Would you honestly give up going out with your flatmates to stay in and Skype with him/her? Would they do the same for you? And if so you have to be willing to put the work in because it is a lot of work.
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    I met this girl on New Years Day in 2010, and we clicked instantly. Almost everything she liked I liked and vice versa. We talked for like, 8-12 hours a day for months. Eventually we did that whole internet dating thing but she stopped it because she didn't trust me to come visit her, and seeing me as not being responsible or adult-ish enough to strive for us eventually living together. Which was a rootin' tootin' shame because she was awesome, like, her idea to spend Valentines Day was watching one of her favourite movies, Alien.

    But it wasn't that we just liked stuff, she actually made me a better and more confident person. I didn't care micing to people online or anything like that, but I did it for her and found out I liked it. And I tried harder to get jobs and be more adult-like to prove to her she can trust me, but we both had been *******s to each too many times and eventually I stopped talking to her, which I now see was the biggest mistake I could have made.

    I actually got us talking again a few weeks ago, and again I'm trying to prove to her that she can trust me to visit her and actually move to her. I don't expect miracles and crap, and I know she won't believe it until I eventually do it, but I don't want to visit her for like one or two weeks, I want it to be a month or two and getting the money and planning for that takes a long ass time.

    In conclusion, if anyone has a long-distance relationship and think they can't make it work (or your significant-internet-other won't visit you) you gotta trust them. You can't do this crap overnight, you either work hard at it or don't work at all.
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    During the last few weeks of uni I started hanging out with this girl, it went from just revision to watching films together, texting, basicly just the usual friend stuff. Then about 3 days before we were to go back home for summer I told her that I liked her (I'd put it off for a few weeks), then she said she liked me too! (I know my timing was pretty lame on my behalf!). So on the last day we hung out together, went for dinner and I helped her with her stuff, taking it to the train station, were I got my first kiss with her.

    Things were going ok at first, regular contact, promising to meet up over summer. But about two weeks later she tells me she's really busy and doesn't have time. I don't know what to make of, is she busy or just having second thoughts?
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    So, there is a small possibility I might be going back to international long-distance. Oh, the crazy things I do!
 
 
 
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