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Morning guys! How is the LDR family doing in the summer? :smile:

Sorry if I haven't been on that much...was busy with exams + graduation
Anyway, I'm still with my boy, still in a LDR and will hopefully see him in October. Ahm. Realistically. November :erm:

In a bit of a "down" phase atm as we had a bad conversation 3 days ago. So, starting October he'll be working in medicine internship, while I'll be studying. He's been saying again and again that he'll be on a short budget so when I brought the "When will we see each other again" talk up he went on with that again.
And that pissed me off because he could have put something aside by now if he hadn't spent in on games and with his friends...also he owes me money that could have been spent to see each other. And he got upset because I'm talking about seeing me when instead he'll have to make ends meet to survive.

And now he's been edgy and also distant for the past 3 days...whenever there's a problem with us, he runs away. I don't know what to do with him. Also he should want to see me, not do it to make me happy. Am I wrong here? :erm:



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Reply 8401
Avatar for ct2k7
ct2k7
13
This LDR is dragging the hell out of me.
Reply 8402
Avatar for weinihao
weinihao
Dear All,

New to this whole thread. However, got some questions on how to cope with 'relationships with expiration dates.' Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year now and its been amazing. Met at the beginning of me entering my masters degree here in London, but it is about to finish up.

I'm dreading the 'last goodbye.' By end of August I need to get my act together and move to China, which has been my plan throughout university, and then hopefully establish my life there. And I'm not the person to put my life aside for a guy (done it too many times), but its easier said than done when in this situation, since everything is really really good between us.

Both me and bf came to the conclusion that it would be better to end the relationship rather than doing long distance. Partly because he's off to do his masters degree and I don't want to spoil the experience for him, coupled with me living in China. The distance and the time difference is just too big.

So to my questions - have anyone been through a similar experience? Do you have any tips for 'healing process'? I've been thinking to myself that it would be so much easier if we ended it because we fell out of love etc., but it I wouldn't be moving we would have sticked it out.

Plus he's gone for a few weeks doing research and I have been missing him like crazy. I'm getting really scared since if I miss him this much now - how much won't I miss him afterwards? Also, the likelihood that I will come back to England is very small (not UK citizen) so basically, the last goodbye actually means the last goodbye.
Reply 8403
Avatar for 22KT22
22KT22
15
Original post by weinihao
Dear All,

New to this whole thread. However, got some questions on how to cope with 'relationships with expiration dates.' Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year now and its been amazing. Met at the beginning of me entering my masters degree here in London, but it is about to finish up.

I'm dreading the 'last goodbye.' By end of August I need to get my act together and move to China, which has been my plan throughout university, and then hopefully establish my life there. And I'm not the person to put my life aside for a guy (done it too many times), but its easier said than done when in this situation, since everything is really really good between us.

Both me and bf came to the conclusion that it would be better to end the relationship rather than doing long distance. Partly because he's off to do his masters degree and I don't want to spoil the experience for him, coupled with me living in China. The distance and the time difference is just too big.

So to my questions - have anyone been through a similar experience? Do you have any tips for 'healing process'? I've been thinking to myself that it would be so much easier if we ended it because we fell out of love etc., but it I wouldn't be moving we would have sticked it out.

Plus he's gone for a few weeks doing research and I have been missing him like crazy. I'm getting really scared since if I miss him this much now - how much won't I miss him afterwards? Also, the likelihood that I will come back to England is very small (not UK citizen) so basically, the last goodbye actually means the last goodbye.


In all honesty I don't see the point of relationships with expiry dates and if you're going to break up may as well make it now as that way the healing will start now rather than when you're on your own in a country with no friends etc. I'm aware this sounds harsh but the longer you stay together the deeper you'll fall for them and the harder it will be.

For healing process I would say keep busy, meet up with your friends, take up a hobby and block all methods of contact until you're over them and can be friends if thats what you want.
Original post by 22KT22
In all honesty I don't see the point of relationships with expiry dates and if you're going to break up may as well make it now as that way the healing will start now rather than when you're on your own in a country with no friends etc. I'm aware this sounds harsh but the longer you stay together the deeper you'll fall for them and the harder it will be.


I wanted to say this but couldn't think of a nice way to say it, so well done^^
Hey, currently in a temporary LDR with my boyfriend from uni (we live about 6 hours apart but he's in Denmark for a couple of weeks which means even less contact than usual :frown: ). We've been together ten months or so and the time apart, for me, at least, is really getting me down.

So my first question is how do you guys do this on a regular basis?! I thought it would be easy, but it's really not and I just have so much respect for people who manage a longterm relationship with such distance. Really, it's quite admirable.

Secondly, I was wondering if anyone ever gets a bit paranoid about how much they miss their other half? Since I'm back at home I'm having to deal with a couple of family problems and the other day I just broke down about how much I missed my boyfriend and then immediately after got quite scared about how much I evidently miss him. Does this make sense? Is this normal? I know part of it is because usually he'll be there to support me at my low points, as I am with him at his low moments, but somehow it feels more than that.

Thanks everybody, it really does feel encouraging reading through some of these posts. :smile:
Original post by who.the.heck
Hey, currently in a temporary LDR with my boyfriend from uni (we live about 6 hours apart but he's in Denmark for a couple of weeks which means even less contact than usual :frown: ). We've been together ten months or so and the time apart, for me, at least, is really getting me down.

So my first question is how do you guys do this on a regular basis?! I thought it would be easy, but it's really not and I just have so much respect for people who manage a longterm relationship with such distance. Really, it's quite admirable.

Secondly, I was wondering if anyone ever gets a bit paranoid about how much they miss their other half? Since I'm back at home I'm having to deal with a couple of family problems and the other day I just broke down about how much I missed my boyfriend and then immediately after got quite scared about how much I evidently miss him. Does this make sense? Is this normal? I know part of it is because usually he'll be there to support me at my low points, as I am with him at his low moments, but somehow it feels more than that.

Thanks everybody, it really does feel encouraging reading through some of these posts. :smile:


It's totally normal! I took my boyfriend to the station on Sunday and for the first time since I lived abroad I cried when he had to leave! Even though I'm seeing him on sat (pathetic I know and even worse considering I've done 5or 6 weeks apart!) but don't worry! It's totally natural to miss your other half! And tbh I think I'd hate your situation more because you get so used to having them around and then all of a sudden they're not there! At least I know that's how it always has to be :smile: lots of :hugs: stay strong and keep busy and it'll be over before you know it! :hugs:


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I really do not like long distance relationships! Am currently sort of in one but it's proving to be really difficult. He moves to the UK this September for uni, but of course, he's going to Scotland whereas I'll be in Cardiff and the train journeys are ridiculous!! What's really bad is that I don't ever know where I stand as he changes his mind all of the time - whether he's coming over to England or not etc. Saying this, he's not like anyone else I know! :-(
Reply 8408
Avatar for weinihao
weinihao
Original post by 22KT22
In all honesty I don't see the point of relationships with expiry dates and if you're going to break up may as well make it now as that way the healing will start now rather than when you're on your own in a country with no friends etc. I'm aware this sounds harsh but the longer you stay together the deeper you'll fall for them and the harder it will be.

For healing process I would say keep busy, meet up with your friends, take up a hobby and block all methods of contact until you're over them and can be friends if thats what you want.



I do see where you're coming from and yes I agree with you. In the beginning, my intentions wasn't to fall in love. I've been moving around a lot over the years, and got used to having relationships with 'expiration dates' - the crux is just not to fall in love. You can like them and what not, but not go over to the fine line of 'love.' I guess why I did so well prior this was because I wasn't never in love, the other ones wasn't the 'right thing.' Kinda learnt my lesson! Haha.
In 2008, I met this girl on holiday and we fell madly in love. Once, we come back home, we saw each other a few times, and things just escalated from there. Unfortunately, we were only young and lived about an hour away, so I had to break up with her. Breaking up with her was easily the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I know it sounds pathetic, but it took me over 2 weeks to build up enough courage to tell her. We stayed friends and chatted and skyped regularly. 4 years later and neither of us have gone out with anyone else. I tried forgetting about her, but It is literally impossible. I feel like I have been really disrespectful to her over the years in the ways I have tried to forget and ignored her. It has now come to the stage where we our both driving, so we could see each other more often. But, now I can’t build up the courage to meet up with her, incase she doesn’t like me in the same way she did when we first met. Over the past month, we have chatted and texted a lot. But, it just feels like she’s not as interested anymore because I feel like im the only one trying. I have left it 6 days to see whether she would text or ring me. But, I haven’t heard a thing. I’m really not sure what to do
Original post by Anonymous
In 2008, I met this girl on holiday and we fell madly in love. Once, we come back home, we saw each other a few times, and things just escalated from there. Unfortunately, we were only young and lived about an hour away, so I had to break up with her. Breaking up with her was easily the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I know it sounds pathetic, but it took me over 2 weeks to build up enough courage to tell her. We stayed friends and chatted and skyped regularly. 4 years later and neither of us have gone out with anyone else. I tried forgetting about her, but It is literally impossible. I feel like I have been really disrespectful to her over the years in the ways I have tried to forget and ignored her. It has now come to the stage where we our both driving, so we could see each other more often. But, now I can’t build up the courage to meet up with her, incase she doesn’t like me in the same way she did when we first met. Over the past month, we have chatted and texted a lot. But, it just feels like she’s not as interested anymore because I feel like im the only one trying. I have left it 6 days to see whether she would text or ring me. But, I haven’t heard a thing. I’m really not sure what to do


Bite the bullet and bring it up gently. If it's a no, at least you can move on with your life instead of just wondering.
(edited 11 years ago)
Recently got into a LDR with someone, it's not too far, about 2.5 hours by car but the train journey is like 6 hours as there is no direct route. :mad:

I've been in a LDR before and that lasted 4 years, however, I knew how to cope with that because despite it not working out (nothing to do with the distance) there was always a reasonable chance of us working out long term.

However, in this new LDR I can't see how it will work as easily. I'm moving away to go to uni, which does shorten the distance to 2 hours but I don't see when I will be able to afford to see him (train fair is about £60).

Also, I'm a little sceptical of it working out as he has a couple of a girls that like him, and despite how he denies it, he is a flirt. I'm worried that coupling those two factors means he won't stay faithful. Then again, we've never really discussed boundaries, because neither of us are really a 'relationship'-type people, it's hard to just discuss these things.

I don't know what I'm trying to ask really, and I know I've not worded it well, but... :redface: I've never met someone I get on with so easily and have so much in common with before, I don't want this to mess up.
Original post by Jellybean91
It's totally normal! I took my boyfriend to the station on Sunday and for the first time since I lived abroad I cried when he had to leave! Even though I'm seeing him on sat (pathetic I know and even worse considering I've done 5or 6 weeks apart!) but don't worry! It's totally natural to miss your other half! And tbh I think I'd hate your situation more because you get so used to having them around and then all of a sudden they're not there! At least I know that's how it always has to be :smile: lots of :hugs: stay strong and keep busy and it'll be over before you know it! :hugs:


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Thank you for being so lovely! And it's really reassuring to know other people feel the same way, it feels less like I'm overreacting :tongue:

It's really sweet though, that you miss your boyfriend that much - and you've got a point, it never seems to get easier (we've been apart for 6 weeks before and it's only a couple of weeks since I last saw him and I miss him so much!) Hope you have a great time seeing him on Saturday :smile:
i never actually thought that i would try this out, neither did i think it would be this difficult and tiring, but this year..it just happened.
infact to make matter worse he was in a different country. i couldn't really figure whether i was talking to him because i was in love with him or because i was feeling so empty, either way he was a part of my life. it was so so hard for me...wanting to hear him, feel him, touch him..and him being so far away. and me being so healous wasnt making anything better. the problem is thought either way there's no end to this and i was constantly worrying over him..what if he just met this girl and left me? high possibility it could happen afterall. I know this could still happen when we were actually physically togeher but it's much more risky like this.
i dont reccoment this kind of relationship to anyone. you're just going to feel worn out.
Is there any chance at all that I could PM someone? In quite desperate need of advice so would really appreciate it.
Original post by Molsaka G
Is there any chance at all that I could PM someone? In quite desperate need of advice so would really appreciate it.


Go for it


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Aaah, not long now until I vamoosh to the U.S. for a year.

My boyfriend's staying with me at home for a couple of weeks before going back up to Scotland. I'm dreading the day he leaves, I think I'm going to be a big, blubbering mess :frown:.

We're hoping to fix dates when he can come over and visit so there's at least something to focus on and keep us going. Just worried about the time difference and finding the time to keep up to date with each other - especially with him starting his Masters programme.

Bloody terrified.
Original post by Molsaka G
Is there any chance at all that I could PM someone? In quite desperate need of advice so would really appreciate it.


go for it. :smile:
Hi, it's my first time posting here. I just need to get it off my chest and ask for some advice, really.

Been with my boyfriend for almost nine months. We met at uni. He's Italian so he goes back there for each holiday period that we get off. Obviously, summer is the hardest because we're apart from May - September. I went to Italy and visited him but his parents do not like me and do not approve of our relationship. I was due to go there again this month but obviously, that's not going to happen. It's really taking its toll on me. He can't come to England because he doesn't want to miss 'party season' in Italy, which is mid-August to the beginning of September. He really does love me and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me but it is really upsetting because my life at home is quite rough. I moved back with my parents because we'd assumed that I would be going to Italy again in August for a month, so I would only be in England for about 6 weeks.

I guess I want to ask...how do you guys keep it fresh? What do you do when you're apart for so long? All my previous boyfriend have been really local to me. I'm finding it hard to keep myself occupied and I'm constantly missing him. We do talk on Skype a couple of times a week, but it just doesn't feel good. I want to be there with him. I want him to hold me and I miss actually being physically there with him. x
Original post by jazzykinks
Hi, it's my first time posting here. I just need to get it off my chest and ask for some advice, really.

Been with my boyfriend for almost nine months. We met at uni. He's Italian so he goes back there for each holiday period that we get off. Obviously, summer is the hardest because we're apart from May - September. I went to Italy and visited him but his parents do not like me and do not approve of our relationship. I was due to go there again this month but obviously, that's not going to happen. It's really taking its toll on me. He can't come to England because he doesn't want to miss 'party season' in Italy, which is mid-August to the beginning of September. He really does love me and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me but it is really upsetting because my life at home is quite rough. I moved back with my parents because we'd assumed that I would be going to Italy again in August for a month, so I would only be in England for about 6 weeks.

I guess I want to ask...how do you guys keep it fresh? What do you do when you're apart for so long? All my previous boyfriend have been really local to me. I'm finding it hard to keep myself occupied and I'm constantly missing him. We do talk on Skype a couple of times a week, but it just doesn't feel good. I want to be there with him. I want him to hold me and I miss actually being physically there with him. x


Oh no :frown: I'm really sorry it didn't work out with his parents, I really am :frown: I've had bad experiences with parents before so I know how you feel. Could you not both find a cheap hotel in Italy near his home if you wanted to visit him again? My boyfriend (who's German and lives there currently) couldn't stay at my family home in February so we stayed at a Travelodge. I know it would be too expensive for a whole month but even a few days is better than nothing.

I speak from experience when I say you HAVE to keep yourself busy. I've found that I'm missing him not *that* much lately because I've been out having a life, going to the gym, meeting up with friends when before I wouldn't due to college etc, but having a life and being out and about helps. Obviously not all the time, and yesterday in fact I completely broke down over Skype simply because I missed him painfully :frown: I know some people say they don't like Skype but it's kind of your only option. I'd recommend Localphone if neither of you have access to a computer or if you just want a quick goodnight phone call. Do you write to each other constantly throughout the day? My boyfriend and I communicate via email as text would be too expensive.

Why don't the parents like you? Is there any way at all you could win back their sympathy? Could he not speak to them and reach a compromise at all? Easier said than done, I know, but if you spent more time with them or maybe communicated in some way then it'd improve. Do you speak the language? If yes then you might consider writing a letter to them, and if not...well, that's definitely something to keep yourself occupied with and then impress everyone with. You really do have to fill your days so that even if they don't fly by, they're at least tolerable.

I know how you feel. :hugs:

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