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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Been in a long distance relationship with a girl for almost 4 years and she lives in america, we met online at the most weird circumstances that would statistically I guess count as fate.We have pretty much grown up together along the way too. We have been through really hard times and really good times, we've almost broken up but never actually have and we fixed those problems and any other problems with it and sorted out all things that would get in our way. We've had the prejudice and being made fun of by others. I have had doubts yes and I have considered ending things for the physical relationship that im missing but haven't because I guess im really patient, we both are. We have never met though we do skype and talk pretty much everyday and you can feel the love/attraction there so its not just a pointless facade. We are two entirely different people should you look at us together but we're also the same, she's two years older and is in Uni/college as am I. Balancing all these things have been difficult and it is not easy whatsoever but it CAN be done, I am one of the many people that can be considered proof.
The whole point of this is for no matter boy or girl, whatever you dig sexuality wise, things will get better and if you can say to yourself honestly that you love that girl/guy then it'll work out, even against all odds. Fight for it, be patient and i admire all the ones in a long distance relationship so you guys get a thumbs up. Yes you will miss them, Yes you will doubt yourself, Yes it is hard as hell to not be with them. But it won't last, it'll get better and in the end you'll feel the rewards of those who wait. But aye keep that in mind and stay strong and feel good about yourselves!! xP

Reply 8481

Dave Jones

Also if you have any questions or advice needed on a situation, just ask and i'd be happy to try and help out ^^

Reply 8482

FuzzySheep

15

Hey guys. I think I need to just get some things off my chest.

Me and my bf are already LDR of about two hours, and as of yesterday because I'm going to Bristol, the distance will be even bigger. At the moment we're lucky enough to see each other every fortnight, but now I know that it's going to be less than that, I just feel so sad. I'm going to miss him so much and I'm just crying at the idea of it. I want to really give it a go, and I believe we can work through it, but I just feel sad. :cry:

Another thing is that I want to switch my degree to languages. But I'm scared of what a year abroad will do, and I'm worried whether it will have an impact on friends, family, my relationship, everything. I know I'm probably being silly, but it seems a really scary thing to do a year abroad, I feel like I'll have nothing when I come back, if that makes sense.

Sorry for being so whiny :frown:

Reply 8483

CupcakeFaerie

1

Original post by FuzzySheep

Hey guys. I think I need to just get some things off my chest.

Me and my bf are already LDR of about two hours, and as of yesterday because I'm going to Bristol, the distance will be even bigger. At the moment we're lucky enough to see each other every fortnight, but now I know that it's going to be less than that, I just feel so sad. I'm going to miss him so much and I'm just crying at the idea of it. I want to really give it a go, and I believe we can work through it, but I just feel sad. :cry:

Another thing is that I want to switch my degree to languages. But I'm scared of what a year abroad will do, and I'm worried whether it will have an impact on friends, family, my relationship, everything. I know I'm probably being silly, but it seems a really scary thing to do a year abroad, I feel like I'll have nothing when I come back, if that makes sense.

Sorry for being so whiny :frown:

*big hugs* Don't worry I think a lot of couples were slightly heartbroken yesterday when they found out their other halves were moving away :smile:

It's difficult to be happy for them when you know you're not going to be seeing them for a little bit. My boyfriend's moving to Manchester which is about 5 hours away from where I live - but I'm hoping to see him every other weekend or so.

If you both believe it can work - it'll work :smile:

Don't listen to what other people say, everyone in this thread are proof that an LDR can work :smile:

Text everyday, even if it's just a good morning/good evening text. That little bit of contact makes it better :smile:

Also arrange times to phone each other or skype. Just because he's moving away doesn't mean he's going to love you any less, he's going to miss you lots too - don't worry I know guys are sometimes a bit crap about showing their emotions :tongue:

But doesn't mean he doesn't have any :smile:

Sorry I know that probably didn't help :tongue:

Believe me I was crying my eyes out yesterday :tongue:

But message if you ever need a chat :smile:

(btw sorry about the overuse of smileys :P :smile:

xD )

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8484

conniebee

I know it seems hard, especially if you've just heard that your partner is going to Uni in a couple of weeks, to even think of the near future without your partner sat next to you everyday, but it's totally do-able.

I'm the reverse to most of you, I live with my boyfriend at Uni and then part for holiday. It was so hard having to walk away and move out at the end of the year. But remember, they're doing this to have a better future, support them in their choice even though you're finding it hard. Try not to bombard them with contact continuously all day, but make sure you allow for Skype dates/texting/calls/email etc. It's totally do-able and I have seen friends manage LDR relationships over the course of the past year. If and when you can, arrange a trip to see them at Uni for a weekend. But most of all, trust them. It'll be hard, but it'll work if you trust one another and keep in contact.

:smile:

Reply 8485

Willum Infanta

Original post by ktlaurenroe

Ahhhh

my boyfriend's on holiday so we haven't got to talk in about 4 days, and I'm starting to just reeeally really miss him, should be seeing him early next week though :redface:

slightly worried I won't have enough money but I should be able to get enough really. Aghhhh, one of the worst parts of the distance is the cost of trains and buses, they're actually ridiculous. Hate worrying that I'm not gonna be able to afford it too :cry2:

I be backkkkkkk, dunt worrryyyy :h:

I shall be uploading all photo's onto facebook :teeth:

Reply 8486

Anonymous #354

Original post by Willum Infanta

I be backkkkkkk, dunt worrryyyy :h:

I shall be uploading all photo's onto facebook :teeth:

Yaaaay

eeee can't wait to see them (and you too ofc :gah:

)

Reply 8487

ktlaurenroe

13

... ignore the above post.

Original post by Willum Infanta

I be backkkkkkk, dunt worrryyyy :h:

I shall be uploading all photo's onto facebook :teeth:

Yaaaay

eeee can't wait to see them (and you too ofc :gah:

)

Reply 8488

hbandtr4eva

2

Original post by FuzzySheep

Hey guys. I think I need to just get some things off my chest.

Me and my bf are already LDR of about two hours, and as of yesterday because I'm going to Bristol, the distance will be even bigger. At the moment we're lucky enough to see each other every fortnight, but now I know that it's going to be less than that, I just feel so sad. I'm going to miss him so much and I'm just crying at the idea of it. I want to really give it a go, and I believe we can work through it, but I just feel sad. :cry:

Another thing is that I want to switch my degree to languages. But I'm scared of what a year abroad will do, and I'm worried whether it will have an impact on friends, family, my relationship, everything. I know I'm probably being silly, but it seems a really scary thing to do a year abroad, I feel like I'll have nothing when I come back, if that makes sense.

Sorry for being so whiny :frown:

I was in an LDR through uni and it didn't work. I too should have been doing a year abroad but changed my degree for him so we didn't have to go through a year abroad and then we split up anyway. I want to teach languages more than anything but I don't have the experience or the fluency to go straight onto a PGCE. I won't get onto a PGCE without a year abroad and I'm now in the position of not being able to afford it as well as having other commitments (boyfriend, cat etc). Please don't let your boyfriend hold you back. If you're meant to be together then it will work out. I was supposed to go to Germany next week for a year but then the funding got cut so now I can't go and my current boyfriend understood that that was something I needed to do to have the job I want in the future. If he cares about you then he will understand that it's something you have to do.

Reply 8489

Anonymous #428

Original post by CupcakeFaerie

*big hugs* Don't worry I think a lot of couples were slightly heartbroken yesterday when they found out their other halves were moving away :smile:

It's difficult to be happy for them when you know you're not going to be seeing them for a little bit. My boyfriend's moving to Manchester which is about 5 hours away from where I live - but I'm hoping to see him every other weekend or so.

If you both believe it can work - it'll work :smile:

Don't listen to what other people say, everyone in this thread are proof that an LDR can work :smile:

Text everyday, even if it's just a good morning/good evening text. That little bit of contact makes it better :smile:

Also arrange times to phone each other or skype. Just because he's moving away doesn't mean he's going to love you any less, he's going to miss you lots too - don't worry I know guys are sometimes a bit crap about showing their emotions :tongue:

But doesn't mean he doesn't have any :smile:

Sorry I know that probably didn't help :tongue:

Believe me I was crying my eyes out yesterday :tongue:

But message if you ever need a chat :smile:

(btw sorry about the overuse of smileys :P :smile:

xD )

thank you for all of that! I had a huge cry when I was with him yesterday, but he told me the same thing that you did, that it will all be okay because we're sure about doing an LDR. I think you're right and that's the key part of it. Uni terms are shorter and the holidays are longer so it won't be too bad! 5 hours to Manchester will be totally worth it when you're there :hugs:

Thank you for the offer of a PM, and do feel free to PM me whenever you need a rant or anything. Thank you for your post :hugs:

Original post by hbandtr4eva

I was in an LDR through uni and it didn't work. I too should have been doing a year abroad but changed my degree for him so we didn't have to go through a year abroad and then we split up anyway. I want to teach languages more than anything but I don't have the experience or the fluency to go straight onto a PGCE. I won't get onto a PGCE without a year abroad and I'm now in the position of not being able to afford it as well as having other commitments (boyfriend, cat etc). Please don't let your boyfriend hold you back. If you're meant to be together then it will work out. I was supposed to go to Germany next week for a year but then the funding got cut so now I can't go and my current boyfriend understood that that was something I needed to do to have the job I want in the future. If he cares about you then he will understand that it's something you have to do.

I'm really sorry to hear about how things have worked out, I have my fingers crossed for you that you'll have more opportunities to get onto a language course and go abroad. You sound really dedicated and motivated so I'm sure you'll find a way, you can do it :hugs:

I do see what you're saying though, thank you for sharing your experience - I'm still just thinking about changing courses and will do it when I get there if I feel like I absolutely want to, I'm just doing some research now. You're right, these things will work out and so will LDRs if both people are understanding. Thank you for your post, and best of luck with everything :smile:

Reply 8490

andrea13

i am so fed up and confused... me and my long distance bf of 7 months broke up last week. many reasons but the distance being the main one, along with the fact that i went travelling for a month and so we drifted apart and felt really weird when we were back together due to trust issues etc. we're back on speaking terms now and want to see each other for either a goodbye or, we're both hoping, a rekindling of how things were before i went away. is this a bad idea and should we accept that its over? i feel like the relationship was too good (before i went away) to let it fall apart when we can fix it. the main issue is that we're always going to be 4ish hours apart and its going to have to end someday. :frown:

dont know if this is really a problem worth attempting to solve, just wanted to share it x

Reply 8491

Care-Free

15

Anyone have any advice on how to reassure my boyfriend when i leave? we both trust each other with our lives, cheating isnt a worry at all. it's more just trying to make the necessary changes to make us work without changing the whole dynamic of the relationship.

We've already had a little argument because when he found out i was going (4 hours away) he just said "oh right" i didnt get a single "well done" or "im proud of you" and i just worried that we couldnt have a long distrance relationship if he didnt really understand why, if he just thought i was the mean girlfriend moving away for the sake of it.

I obviously cant promise him that we'll be fine, because we might not be, i cant say it'll be easy because we both know it wont be so i just dont know what to say to him...we're struggling to really see each other point of view, i understand he's upset but i dont understand why he cant be happy for me and he just thinks im being harsh and putting my education before him because im a bitch rather than because i want to make a life...

We both want to try the LDR, that's non-negotiable, we've both downloaded skype and agreed to phone each other just as much as we usually do, i just dont know how to talk to him about it and it's already affecting us because i feel like i cant get excited about a new stage in my life =/

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8492

username47781

20

I can't believe the negativity here about having an LDR, so many people are like break up it's not worth it. Bull**** it can work if you both want it to and are willing to make the effort. It amazes me how many people just give up without even trying.

Reply 8493

Ferrus

19

The only who relationships in my life (and for that matter a half-score of minor flirtations) were all, as it were geographically challenged.

Believe me, the internet gives a false impression of your social prowess. It either ends in disappointment corporally or by a slow dissolution of discursive effort.

It is distinctly not worth it, although there is merit in having been disabused once or twice.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8494

likeasong

I'm moving to Aberystwyth next month and I live in London, twenty minutes away from my boyfriend.
He's not going to university next year, he has a full time job.
We've been together for six months and I know it's not a long time but we have a really strong relationship and we are each others best friends.

I'm really worried about being six or seven hours away from him. We trust each other completely, so that's not a problem. It's just that I know that we're really going to miss each other as we speak everyday and see each other about four times a week at least.

We've agreed to speak and see each other as much as possible. He's got no problem with money, it's just getting days off work to come and see me.

We really don't want to leave the relationship and I just wondered if anyone had anyone had any advice on people moving away for university etc :smile:

Reply 8495

Anonymous #382

Original post by Rock Fan

I can't believe the negativity here about having an LDR, so many people are like break up it's not worth it. Bull**** it can work if you both want it to and are willing to make the effort. It amazes me how many people just give up without even trying.

I totally agree with you. Unfortunately it was the other way round for me, my ex of 1 year broke up with me because he said he didn't want to be in a long distance relationship, he didn't even want to try and see how it goes.

It annoys me because if you care about that person enough, you're willing to make it work and that person is worth still seeing, whether it's once a month or once every 3 months. For me after my boyfriend broke up with me, I felt like I wasn't worth enough to him to want to make it work.

Reply 8496

username47781

20

Original post by Anonymous

I totally agree with you. Unfortunately it was the other way round for me, my ex of 1 year broke up with me because he said he didn't want to be in a long distance relationship, he didn't even want to try and see how it goes.

It annoys me because if you care about that person enough, you're willing to make it work and that person is worth still seeing, whether it's once a month or once every 3 months. For me after my boyfriend broke up with me, I felt like I wasn't worth enough to him to want to make it work.

I've noticed it is more the guys than the girls who are more willing just to call it off without second thought, sorry to hear though, you deserve better.

Reply 8497

Sazzy890

18

Original post by Rock Fan

I can't believe the negativity here about having an LDR, so many people are like break up it's not worth it. Bull**** it can work if you both want it to and are willing to make the effort. It amazes me how many people just give up without even trying.

Ditto! To put some positivity into the thread: Me and my boyfriend have been LDR for just under a year now (I know it's not as long as some of you, but still long enough!), and we have decided recently to move in together. We've just got our own flat now, he moved in on Saturday which I was a part of. However I haven't been able to move in yet until I can get a job in the area, and that's proving to be a big challenge, so we're still LDR for the time being unfortunately. However, we have made it work, no matter how long it will take for me to get a job there he will be waiting because we both know that it's worth it in the long term, and we love each other a lot. The most important part to making an LDR work is being such a big part of each others lives and communicating regularly so that it almost seems like there is no distance between you. We speak everyday in the evening, it's like we're never apart :smile:

Good luck to every one in an LDR and please don't be negative. LDR's can work, you just need to believe in that and remember that if that person is important to you, distance is no barrier.

Reply 8498

miraclemile

Original post by Sazzy890

Ditto! To put some positivity into the thread: Me and my boyfriend have been LDR for just under a year now (I know it's not as long as some of you, but still long enough!), and we have decided recently to move in together. We've just got our own flat now, he moved in on Saturday which I was a part of. However I haven't been able to move in yet until I can get a job in the area, and that's proving to be a big challenge, so we're still LDR for the time being unfortunately. However, we have made it work, no matter how long it will take for me to get a job there he will be waiting because we both know that it's worth it in the long term, and we love each other a lot. The most important part to making an LDR work is being such a big part of each others lives and communicating regularly so that it almost seems like there is no distance between you. We speak everyday in the evening, it's like we're never apart :smile:

Good luck to every one in an LDR and please don't be negative. LDR's can work, you just need to believe in that and remember that if that person is important to you, distance is no barrier.

That's so exciting! Fingers crossed that you can get a job soon and move in! <3

Reply 8499

Truehearts

Recently my boyfriend took up an offer to study aboard. He seems to be fine with it because he did not show much concern of this whole LDR thing, as for me I'm getting all emotional and upset, not because I worry about not able to work things out, but the fact of being away from him is the hardest part. We will be 7 hours apart because of time difference, and I'm not talking about 7 hours drive, but one at uk and another at the other side of the world. It sucks and we have to arrange time to Skype with each other everyday, that's our promise to each other in order to make this LDR work. So I'll cross my fingers and hope nothing goes wrong :frown:

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