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    (Original post by ninegrandstudent)
    I'm not great at giving advice about this stuff, but I might be able to help...

    The bit I've put in bold is a huge, huge worry of mine too, but really the advice on the previous page given to me when I spoke about this (and its quoted in the post above this I believe) is some of the most helpful I've read.
    Thanks, I just read the post above, it rang very true. After all, surely it would be easier for him to end it before he went if he didn't care! And I know he is definately not a cheater, I need to have more trust in him, I guess...

    And sorry that you feel the same way as I do, it sucks but we just need to hold onto the little things that show us the truth! Not 5 minutes ago he mentioned how he'd taken an extra blanket to his halls for when I stay over as he knows I get very cold... why would he go to that effort if he didn't want me to visit and see him?? Bah, silly head making things more complicated!!
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    (Original post by Dark_angel_hime)
    I feel pretty alone I can't tell him it's only just dawned on me now that he won't be walking with me home on Monday, or come and meet me for lunch or go to Costa with me after my day is done... I feel really stupid because I haven't even considered what it would be like really until today, when he left to go to university in the Midlands. I know I shouldn't bother him not today... probably not even this week because it's Freshers week for him and I'm not really expecting much contact during this.

    Hey there, I'm new to this too, but over the course of mine and my bfs relationship we've had different things that we do together, like me walking him to his bus stop when he had college, and I cherished these times. Then things changed and he worked for a year, so I really missed that, but instead we found new and exciting things to do together.

    So whilst we didn't have the same things as before, and it took a while to get used to, we still spoke a lot (even if we didn't see each other).

    I'm just trying to get used to doing that process all over again with him at uni, its his freshers fortnight!! so I'm not sure when he'll be able to talk, and I'm struggling with this, I would advise you to maybe drop him a text or something - so that he doesn't have to respond right away, and just let him know you're thinking of him and hoping he's having a great time (because he's probably nervous as hell about meeting new people and living somewhere different).

    It'll help you feel connected, whilst giving him time and space to adjust.

    (I would also advise you keeping busy, it helps keep your mind off of things, read a book, maybe try cross stitch or knitting - they are my personal favourites, and I swear I'm not an old granny!!)

    And in time, you'll settle into routines, or at least know what to expect. (I'm hoping to take this on baord myself lol!)

    I hope something here has been useful for you
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    (Original post by tigersgoraar)

    I hope something here has been useful for you
    It's all been useful for me thank you so much, I'm finding it really difficult to adjust to all this I'm going to university next year myself (she says hopefully) and I know that'll put a strain on our relationship too. I know I need to keep busy and I did actually consider knitting!... the cold being the reason. I don't really want to be bothering him so thank you I may consider just dropping him a text every now and then, or just throw my phone on the other side of my room so it's out of sight and out of mind aha (I am under the impression it might be a fortnight of freshers for him too now) we'll have time for us when he comes back, at the end of October for a belated birthday dinner (I'm not sure he can come down to London for my birthday and I won't ask him to) so I'll just be positive I guess, and look forward to that thank you again it's nice to know it's not meant to be easy, and that it is supposed to be hard. I'm sure you're going to get into a routine with yours and everything will be easier you seem really determined to make this work and I really admire that. Thank you again
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    Just saw my boyfriend off on a train back to his uni. Before he left we both cried about being apart again to all you guys starting LDRs, we've been in one for a year and yep, it's really hard at times, but remember it's tough on both of you. I always forget my guy misses me just as much as I miss him and hates being apart just as much as I do. Everyone saying it gets easier are right, it does, but don't think you won't have your moments!

    Much love x


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    • #362
    #362

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, could do with a bit of advice. I've been with my boyfriend for one and a half years, most of which has been long-distance. At the moment we are two hours apart while I'm doing my last year of uni, but we spent 10 months in different countries.

    I came home from abroad just over a month ago, and ever since, things have gotten very messed up. He told me that even though we are closing the distance, he doesn't feel that I am commited enough for him to spend another year apart from me while I'm at uni. He also pointed out that we have almost completely separate lives, and the only thing we have in common is each other. He has done some things to hurt me in the past too, and he feels guilty and thinks that we may both deserve a fresh start.

    We broke up a month ago, but we are still very much in love and missed each other, so that we are now in the situation of 'seeing each other'. This includes me looking after him while he was off work for 2 weeks with a back injury! Since we talked things over I think we have both been enjoying the time with each other more. But I feel sad whenever we're apart because I no longer have that commitment and security we had before. He doesn't want to talk about it anymore, and keeps saying he wants to 'see how it goes'.

    At the same time he's also promised that he won't mess me around, and that he does want to give us a try, but not to force the relationship if it's not a good fit. I know there's no point talking about it any more than we have, and all I can do is wait and see how things turn out.

    I miss him all the time, but I feel scared of investing too much more of myself in this relationship in case he turns around and says he doesn't want to be with me after all. How can I cope with this state of limbo?
    Just thought I'd repost as no one replied
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just thought I'd repost as no one replied
    sounds like he just wants to use you as a fall back option.
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    I need advice. I left for university on Thursday, and my boyfriend is a bit of a mess. Well, I say a bit. He hasn't been to college yet, he isn't sleeping properly, or eating. I mean, I miss him, but not this much, this quickly. I think it's just a bit of a shock to him that I'm so far away. He won't even skype with me cause he's scared he'll get too upset. He worded it as "there's too many emotions," i just have no idea what to do i can't let him get on with life cause he always says that he feels as if i'm slipping away, but then, everytime I speak to him, I just feel so guilty for leaving him. I need him to be more positive, but he's just gone into instantaneous depression... Any advice?
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    (Original post by katehlouise)
    I wish I had some work to start on. I have way too much time to think about things.
    that is exactly how i feel he's at uni and i'm ona lonely gap year :'(
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    (Original post by Magikus)
    I need advice. I left for university on Thursday, and my boyfriend is a bit of a mess. Well, I say a bit. He hasn't been to college yet, he isn't sleeping properly, or eating. I mean, I miss him, but not this much, this quickly. I think it's just a bit of a shock to him that I'm so far away. He won't even skype with me cause he's scared he'll get too upset. He worded it as "there's too many emotions," i just have no idea what to do i can't let him get on with life cause he always says that he feels as if i'm slipping away, but then, everytime I speak to him, I just feel so guilty for leaving him. I need him to be more positive, but he's just gone into instantaneous depression... Any advice?
    reassuring him is probably the best thing to do.
    • #212
    #212

    The first few times are tough, but you adjust, settle into a pattern and it gets a lot easier!
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    I've known my girlfriend for 8 months and have been with her for 3. She started off as a friend and we became best friends. We're now together and I truly love her. Our relationship is going really well despite ups and downs. We talk everyday on Skype and are in the same year. In September we will both be going to University. I will either be going Brunel or UCL and she will be going UCL or Coventry (Four hour drive). I'm worried for the typical reasons (Dullness in relationship, falling for another person etc). I know we do love each other and I know I do because she was the complete opposite from my "type" to begin with, despite many others finding her attractive. It was her personality.

    Do I have much to worry about if we're both in London? Can you give the best advice for someone like me please?

    Thanks
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    I've known my girlfriend for 8 months and have been with her for 3. She started off as a friend and we became best friends. We're now together and I truly love her. Our relationship is going really well despite ups and downs. We talk everyday on Skype and are in the same year. In September we will both be going to University. I will either be going Brunel or UCL and she will be going UCL or Coventry (Four hour drive). I'm worried for the typical reasons (Dullness in relationship, falling for another person etc). I know we do love each other and I know I do because she was the complete opposite from my "type" to begin with, despite many others finding her attractive. It was her personality.

    Do I have much to worry about if we're both in London? Can you give the best advice for someone like me please?

    Thanks
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    Sorry it posted twice. My internet went a bit funny.
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    (Original post by supershinigami)
    I've known my girlfriend for 8 months and have been with her for 3. She started off as a friend and we became best friends. We're now together and I truly love her. Our relationship is going really well despite ups and downs. We talk everyday on Skype and are in the same year. In September we will both be going to University. I will either be going Brunel or UCL and she will be going UCL or Coventry (Four hour drive). I'm worried for the typical reasons (Dullness in relationship, falling for another person etc). I know we do love each other and I know I do because she was the complete opposite from my "type" to begin with, despite many others finding her attractive. It was her personality.

    Do I have much to worry about if we're both in London? Can you give the best advice for someone like me please?

    Thanks
    My first advice is to not worry about it yet... you have another year or so to go before that's even something that's going to happen so enjoy the relationship for what it is. I'm not going to deny that going to uni means big changes and these can obviously affect relationships because they can't adapt with this change but you'll never know if you don't try. As for distance if it is London to Coventry, get a railcard, book in advance and you'll cut the costs down massively. If i book in advance i can get my train down to 15 pound from Lancaster to Southampton with a railcard. Also coaches may be cheaper so I'm sure you'll find a way to make it round the distance. As for know, make the most of the relationship, don't sway each other into picking unis closer as you'll only end up resenting each other for it. Hope that helps, I know it may sound harsh.

    (Original post by Magikus)
    I need advice. I left for university on Thursday, and my boyfriend is a bit of a mess. Well, I say a bit. He hasn't been to college yet, he isn't sleeping properly, or eating. I mean, I miss him, but not this much, this quickly. I think it's just a bit of a shock to him that I'm so far away. He won't even skype with me cause he's scared he'll get too upset. He worded it as "there's too many emotions," i just have no idea what to do i can't let him get on with life cause he always says that he feels as if i'm slipping away, but then, everytime I speak to him, I just feel so guilty for leaving him. I need him to be more positive, but he's just gone into instantaneous depression... Any advice?
    Have you planned when you're going to see him next? May be worth doing so he has a date to look forward to, also my advice to him is to try to keep busy as sitting dwelling on it is doing neither of you any good. As for advice for you; set times to talk so he knows he will hear from you, reassure him that you still love him, that you're still there for him even if its not physically atm. Its hard when you're the one leaving as well since you end up feeling guilty for upsetting the other one. :hugs:

    (Original post by emahwoowoo)
    Just saw my boyfriend off on a train back to his uni. Before he left we both cried about being apart again to all you guys starting LDRs, we've been in one for a year and yep, it's really hard at times, but remember it's tough on both of you. I always forget my guy misses me just as much as I miss him and hates being apart just as much as I do. Everyone saying it gets easier are right, it does, but don't think you won't have your moments!

    Much love x

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    Couldn't agree more with this! Been long distance for 4 years now (together 5.5) and although we have now settled into our routines of how to adapt to it and commuincation and visits which does make it easier. It doesn't stop there being the odd tear shed at the station or in our rooms before we have to say goodbye. Often us girls think that just because our bfs don't say it they don't miss us but quite often they are trying to be strong for our benefit as they don't want us to feel worse. So keep that in mind when you're missing OHs that they are probably missing you just as much!

    (Original post by ninegrandstudent)
    Thanks for the replies - now I know the girls/guys on the other thread are older that makes sense, I just felt a bit like a silly schoolgirl whining and although they didn't make me feel like that, I did feel I was having to justify myself a bit more.

    I'm at Kent university, and he's somewhere in the midlands (not too keen on posting exactly where) but google says its 200 miles between us :P I know that mobiles and all that are on our side, we've had two phone calls in the last week (we're not really a phone-y couple, never have been) and I've never used Skype but I'll think we'll give that a go when he's settled in a uni.

    I'm feeling a lot more positive today, yesterday was my really bad day. Still hurts when I see couples walking about (was in Tescos earlier and reallyyyy missed him, we'd done weekly shops together for our families over the last few weeks and I suddenly missed that) but I've made it through the first week.

    My 'worry' is that he is quite a huggy person, he was with me before we got together, and with a few other of our friends. So I'm worried that (1) girls will read into this the wrong way and (2) me or family will come across pictures of him and someone else hugging on facebook. He has said he'll try not to be so huggy til I'm settled, and I know realisically they don't mean anything, but it still hurts sometimes.
    I still get the odd twinge of jealousy when i see couples holding hands, especially if its been a few weeks since I last saw my OH. Glad you've been feeling more positive, hope you manage to keep busy until Oct Skype is awesome, one its free and two you get to 'see' your Oh which can definitely make the difference although obviously will never compare to actually getting to see them!

    As for the last paragraph, my main advice is to ignore your family especially if they have a tendency to make unhelpful comments, least the boy is making a conscious effort to be more thoughtful in his actions and thats definitely something he should be commended on as he is trying to make it easier for you at least. If you ever need to talk feel free to chat her, pm me or the chat thread (believe me no one would look at you as a whiny child, we've all got different distances but in the end its all relative to what you're used to.. in my mind a relationship is LDR when there is any distance between you that prevents you being able to see your OH as much as you're used to or in fact would like, for some it's international for others its a few hours on the train but doesn't stop either of them being difficult).
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    Progress! I just had my first phonecall with my boyfriend where I wasn't crying! xD
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    hey guys.. me and my boyfriend have been together for about 8 months.. he's been to uni for just over a week and I was just getting used to the distance and today I got a message saying its over I never really understood the reason but it involved him missing me too much and feeling low and wanting to see me most weekends when we can't.. it's so strange because before he went I was the one with doubts and now he's gone and done this just one week into uni?! I'm so confused and upset this happened to anyone else?


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    I am absolutely terrified of my boyfriend leaving for uni next weekend. I'm going up with him and his parents to settle him in and am dreading saying goodbye.
    I know we'll be fine and that he loves me, but I can't shake this fear that he'll find someone much more suited to him than me. It doesn't help that he always has loads of girls interested in him because he's such a lovely, funny guy, but sometimes I think that comes off as a bit flirty and I'm worried someone might take that as an invitation? I know he's 100% faithful to me, and I know he will be, but I can't shake these feelings of paranoia.
    Having no idea of when I'll see him again isn't helping either, but it's so difficult to get him to plan anything (he's a useless planner), and I don't want to pressure him or interrupt his uni life etc. I want him to have the best uni experience possible and I'm also worried that being in a relationship will stop him being able to do that...he's said that our relationship comes first but I want him to be out having fun, not putting things on hold for me. Yet I'm contradicting myself by saying that I'm scared of him going out and meeting other girls and something happening.
    My head is all over the place, and I'm being so needy and I hate it! I'm so proud of my boyfriend for what he's achieved and for getting into his dream uni, and I want to make sure that he knows this and isn't getting frustrated at my constant worries.


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    I'm terrified: my LDR is over tomorrow and I've forgotten how to have a normal relationship. A whole new minefield awaits us.


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    (Original post by such_a_lady)
    I'm terrified: my LDR is over tomorrow and I've forgotten how to have a normal relationship. A whole new minefield awaits us.


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    *sneaks in* :ninja:

    Good luck!
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    (Original post by punctuation)
    *sneaks in* :ninja:

    Good luck!
    Thank you!!!


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