Turn on thread page Beta

The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre watch

    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's really upsetting that my boyfriend isn't fussed about the last time we're going to see each other. It really hurts. :cry2:
    Hey, boys don't show emotions like we do. I bet he is- my boyfriend managed to keep his cool until I threw a surprise meal for him with a group of our friends, he had a great time and was really grateful but afterwards said it really hit home that he was actually leaving. He found the thought upsetting so blocked it out until the last minute. Maybe he doesn't want to worry you by seeming upset, or by pretending he's not fussed he can forget about how scary it's going to be living on his own and stuff! Also, you're doing what I did! With any luck this isn't your LAST time, at all! Think about the next time you see each other to cheer you up!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sts123)
    Hey, boys don't show emotions like we do. I bet he is- my boyfriend managed to keep his cool until I threw a surprise meal for him with a group of our friends, he had a great time and was really grateful but afterwards said it really hit home that he was actually leaving. He found the thought upsetting so blocked it out until the last minute. Maybe he doesn't want to worry you by seeming upset, or by pretending he's not fussed he can forget about how scary it's going to be living on his own and stuff! Also, you're doing what I did! With any luck this isn't your LAST time, at all! Think about the next time you see each other to cheer you up!
    Totally agree with this! My bf didn't seem fussed at all about leaving for uni and us being apart in the weeks leading up to it, and I knew he was excited to be moving and meeting people. But when I left him he got really quiet and pulled his sad face Boys like to act brave and tough and be manly and strong and they don't like to show when they're feeling sad. Chances are he's feeling some pretty mixed emotions right now about moving and leaving. Don't worry too much, just focus on enjoying the time you have left and let him go with some great memories of you


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Totally agree with the emotions. I've sometimes been so tempted to just shout 'SHOW SOME EMOTION! PLEASE.'

    Will not check my phone....will not check my phone....I can't stop checking my phone and sending him random texts D: Even though I know he's too busy to answer them
    • #467
    #467

    (Original post by Sweet_Heart)
    I'm sorry to hear all of that You can't carry on the way you are. You need to be very clear, both of you, exactly where you stand. You still have feelings for her, and trying to be friends with her right now will destroy you; by all means keep in contact and salvage the friendship when you're both over it, but you categorically cannot be her friend if you are still treating it as a relationship. Personally, I think it's a little selfish of her to break up with you, but still be contacting you and sleeping with you. You need to have a very frank conversation with her, explain how upset this has made you and ask if there is anyway she would consider trying to salvage the relationship. If she says no, you need to tell her that you will not sleep with her again, and that you are going to cut contact for a while until you can get over her. Staying this close is only messing with your head.

    As for whether the relationship can be saved or not, I'm not sure, I think you're asking the wrong people - only she knows how she feels. Although I will say that the fact that she is still being quite intimate with you both physically and emotionally suggests that she doesn't want to lose you, but unfortunately she needs to realise that she can't be single with the perks of a relationship, because that's not fair to you. When she does realise what she is giving up, then you shall see how she really feels about everything, because at this moment in time she's having her cake and eating it too. It might be different when she's made aware of what she's losing, or it might not, but either way you need to have that talk, for both your sakes.

    I think it's absolutely fantastic by the way that you're trying to end it in the best possible light - by talking it through and by clearing the air when gossip happens. It's definitely the best way forward, but unfortunately I think that you need to keep the contact at just that, purely business matters, until you are capable of a proper friendship.

    Hope that helped
    That's really helpful of you! I should clarify it's not a break up atm tho I offered her that option when we talked the other weekend, atm it's just a break.
    And because of your advice I'm going to play things cool the next couple days, leave it to her to contact me etc as it's too painful atm and next week I'll play her birthday real cool, let her instigate if that's the way it will go and then the following week just say I really enjoyed seeing her and spending time together but it's left me more confused of where we stand and that I love her and will wait for her to decide where she wants to take the relationship but that she has to think things through and really be able to provide me with an answer to whatever she decides on and until then I won't contact her because of the pain and the uncertainty in the relationship messing with my head.

    How does that sound to you?
    • #416
    #416

    Just over 24 hours after being told we are on a "break" (which IMO means its probably over for good) and I still feel like total crap.
    Life sucks.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I'm technically in a LDR, but not as long distance as for many of you. My fiance is 27 and he's back where I live, in full-time work. We've been together nearly two years and I've just started at university around two hours away from him, which doesn't sound like much but when petrol/bus fare money is expensive, it's a lot :sad: as you can probably tell by the fact that we're engaged, we have a pretty intense relationship - we know what we want in the future and we've planned it in detail, so we're not exactly in any danger of breaking up!
    I think I'm handling the distance better than he is, he sees Facebook pictures of me partying and drinking and feels left out, but he's said he never wants me to not go out or miss anything for fear of how it would affect him - he's incredibly selfless and always puts others first, which can sometimes result in him being left out. I text him so often, we call each other every day and video chat frequently too, which makes it a little easier, but I do miss him - I used to see him so often that even the past two weeks it's been really difficult, because the distance feels a lot more than it is. We know we're going to get through it - the whole reason I'm at uni is so that I can get a job and we can support a family! - but I hope I'm ok to post in here... I think having somewhere to rant about the distance will help
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by emahwoowoo)
    Totally agree with this! My bf didn't seem fussed at all about leaving for uni and us being apart in the weeks leading up to it, and I knew he was excited to be moving and meeting people. But when I left him he got really quiet and pulled his sad face Boys like to act brave and tough and be manly and strong and they don't like to show when they're feeling sad. Chances are he's feeling some pretty mixed emotions right now about moving and leaving. Don't worry too much, just focus on enjoying the time you have left and let him go with some great memories of you


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

    (Original post by CupcakeFaerie)
    Totally agree with the emotions. I've sometimes been so tempted to just shout 'SHOW SOME EMOTION! PLEASE.'

    Will not check my phone....will not check my phone....I can't stop checking my phone and sending him random texts D: Even though I know he's too busy to answer them
    I can vouch for this, with my girlfriend I tried to hold back the emotion till the day I had to say goodbye and the tears came flooding. Have to try so hard to be brave, so as to reassure her and make sure she sees that if I am strong she can be too. Guess a balance is needed between being strong and showing emotion, but don't doubt that he'll be having mixed emotions.

    I am doing exactly the same CupcakeFaerie :\
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by newworld)
    How can one deal with a long distance relationship. i want to know how it works

    skynplanet.com
    Funny, I just posted a similar thing on another thread

    Before I say I think you should bare in mind (in most cases, Long distance, doesn't work) however, this is not to say there aren't exceptions.

    1. Speak as regular as possible & keep in contact so: phone calls, skype, texts
    2. Try arrange times when you can meet if she is going somewhere near you or vice verse
    3. You need that trust having arguments over stuff like who were you with especially when you can't talk face to face to resolve it are usually the start of a bitter ending.

    That is really all there is to it, its hard but as long as you communicate ..communicate...communicate it may only just strengthen your relationship when you get back together.
    • #354
    #354

    (Original post by madders94)
    I'm technically in a LDR, but not as long distance as for many of you. My fiance is 27 and he's back where I live, in full-time work. We've been together nearly two years and I've just started at university around two hours away from him, which doesn't sound like much but when petrol/bus fare money is expensive, it's a lot :sad: as you can probably tell by the fact that we're engaged, we have a pretty intense relationship - we know what we want in the future and we've planned it in detail, so we're not exactly in any danger of breaking up!
    I think I'm handling the distance better than he is, he sees Facebook pictures of me partying and drinking and feels left out, but he's said he never wants me to not go out or miss anything for fear of how it would affect him - he's incredibly selfless and always puts others first, which can sometimes result in him being left out. I text him so often, we call each other every day and video chat frequently too, which makes it a little easier, but I do miss him - I used to see him so often that even the past two weeks it's been really difficult, because the distance feels a lot more than it is. We know we're going to get through it - the whole reason I'm at uni is so that I can get a job and we can support a family! - but I hope I'm ok to post in here... I think having somewhere to rant about the distance will help
    Just saying, I live two hours away from my boyfriend too and definitely consider it to be an LDR better off than a lot of LDR couples but it's still difficult! When it costs £25+ for example to see each other, or just generally when you can't see each other at regular intervals then it's not a normal relationship - distance is affecting how often you see each other, so

    Don't feel bad at all about posting here, really no one should be bothered about the "validity" of your LDR, that'd just be really petty and from what I've experienced with this thread already, then no one will be bothered!
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    :sigh: ^ that was me I always forget to click off anon.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I had 3500 miles. And different continents between my husband and I for a year.

    It's hard.

    Especially when a woman decided to pursue him and then started sending him Facebook messages, then emailing him pictures!

    She was nothing short of shocked when she found out I'd been reading everything all along!
    • #336
    #336

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's really upsetting that my boyfriend isn't fussed about the last time we're going to see each other. It really hurts. :cry2:
    just to reinforce what other people have said he probably does care. I was feeling sad a couple of weeks before we parted but i didn't really let on, kept a brave face for her and just tried to make the last few weeks feel like normal.

    She came round in the morning ( i was leaving in the afternoon) and we both just burst into tears. chances are he's probably upset but putting on a brave face, on the day you say goodbye he'll be feeling it even if he chooses not to show it. If he's not showing it it's cos he's trying to make it easier for you
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    I must have one of the only guys who shows his emotions really easily. We had a bit of a cry a few times leading up to when I left, and the day we said goodbye he was in a worse state than me, which made me worse.

    Not sure how I'm going to cope with another two weeks tbh
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotalLifeForever)
    I can vouch for this, with my girlfriend I tried to hold back the emotion till the day I had to say goodbye and the tears came flooding. Have to try so hard to be brave, so as to reassure her and make sure she sees that if I am strong she can be too. Guess a balance is needed between being strong and showing emotion, but don't doubt that he'll be having mixed emotions.

    I am doing exactly the same CupcakeFaerie :\
    Ahh it's really hard though! Cause texting is just not the same as seeing someone face to face Had a really nice skype session the other day and we spoke loads about missing each other and how we can get through this, and how its not long before we see each other again Only problem is he only does this through skype or when we're seeing each other. I never know how he's feeling through text And we only skype about once or twice a week >.<

    Hope you're feeling ok though x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CupcakeFaerie)
    Ahh it's really hard though! Cause texting is just not the same as seeing someone face to face Had a really nice skype session the other day and we spoke loads about missing each other and how we can get through this, and how its not long before we see each other again Only problem is he only does this through skype or when we're seeing each other. I never know how he's feeling through text And we only skype about once or twice a week >.<

    Hope you're feeling ok though x
    No it really isn't, but at least you can have those Skype sessions every so often. Doing the same with my girlfriend and it really does help put us both in a happy smiley mood, being able to see each other and chat properly. I can only echo what I read above which was good advice, he isn't his phone, and chances are that he is missing you loads and thinking about you even if not texting those feelings! It's not easy but that's an LDR I guess, sounds like he wants it to work

    Thanks I am, and you! x
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Hello everyone! I've been on this thread before and my LDR relationship didn't work out so I was hoping that I wouldn't be back on here, but alas, I stupidly fell in love with a royal marine.

    We've been together for just over a year and things have been great - I was at uni last year nearby where he was based and we spent pretty much every weekend together, plus whenever he got leave.

    However, 3 weeks ago he was deployed to Afghanistan for a seven month tour. I knew about it the whole time we were dating but I really didn't anticipate how hard it would be. Not only is it long distance, but the times we can contact each other and by what means are so limited. I send him a letter every day and he calls me once or twice a week but that's it. It's horrible.

    Also, I am going back for my second year of uni tomorrow and I am dreading it. I associate that place with him as we spent a lot of time there together. Plus, the people I am living with are very *****y girls who I fell out with over the summer so am not particularly looking forward to going back. Also, I am worried about leaving my family as they have been vital the last couple of weeks getting me through adjusting to him being gone. So I am very nervous and scared about going back to uni.

    And in addition to all of this, he may be killed at any minute! I know that it's still very unlikely and in most cases the troops return home unscathed but I know that he is in the most dangerous place out there and its easy to think the worse and so many what ifs.

    I will scour this thread to see if I can find some similar experiences but otherwise any advice is welcome! I just feel very lost right now and a bit hopeless. How do people cope with something like this?


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    • #394
    #394

    (Original post by Arielle)
    Hello everyone! I've been on this thread before and my LDR relationship didn't work out so I was hoping that I wouldn't be back on here, but alas, I stupidly fell in love with a royal marine.

    We've been together for just over a year and things have been great - I was at uni last year nearby where he was based and we spent pretty much every weekend together, plus whenever he got leave.

    However, 3 weeks ago he was deployed to Afghanistan for a seven month tour. I knew about it the whole time we were dating but I really didn't anticipate how hard it would be. Not only is it long distance, but the times we can contact each other and by what means are so limited. I send him a letter every day and he calls me once or twice a week but that's it. It's horrible.

    Also, I am going back for my second year of uni tomorrow and I am dreading it. I associate that place with him as we spent a lot of time there together. Plus, the people I am living with are very *****y girls who I fell out with over the summer so am not particularly looking forward to going back. Also, I am worried about leaving my family as they have been vital the last couple of weeks getting me through adjusting to him being gone. So I am very nervous and scared about going back to uni.

    And in addition to all of this, he may be killed at any minute! I know that it's still very unlikely and in most cases the troops return home unscathed but I know that he is in the most dangerous place out there and its easy to think the worse and so many what ifs.

    I will scour this thread to see if I can find some similar experiences but otherwise any advice is welcome! I just feel very lost right now and a bit hopeless. How do people cope with something like this?


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    :hugs: Hello.

    My Dad's been in the RAF since before I was born so he's always been off about somewhere - Afghanistan, Iraq, Egypt, The Falkands. The best thing is to keep communicating and just take it day by day. Turn off the news and don't watch it when they talk about soldiers etc. because it's just not helpful and will only upset and worry you.

    Get your head down with uni work and time will fly :console:
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Eurgh, sorry. That was me.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I haven't been on here in along time, me and my Ex split up over 3 months ago ;O
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    If someone is kind enough to not object to an uncontrolled rant, I really would like to talk to someone about what's going on with my LDR. Is there a possibility that I could PM someone? :erm:
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 9, 2013
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.