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    Ahh, I should have found this thread before my LDR went horribly wrong.
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    (Original post by Sweet_Heart)
    Went out last night and a girl was talking to me about me having a boyfriend and saying that one of our mutual male friends had a crush on me. She was very drunk so probably didn't realise what she was saying, it was things like 'Your boyfriend isn't actually going to know if you get with anyone whilst you're over here though, is he?' and 'You're going to break up. I'm sorry, but these things don't last.' At the time I took it with a pinch of salt, but looking back I feel really upset about the whole thing. I've been trying to convince myself that it will work, so to have someone say that to me really hurt. I also don't know what to do about the mutual friend, he was there when she said all this to me but I just brushed off the fancying comment for his sake. He doesn't know me very well but I do chat to him, is there anything I should be doing to make it clear nothing will happen? I'm quite a naturally flirty person, I don't really realise what I'm doing half the time, especially after a drink. And for the record, I'm not going to cheat, I just feel a bit weird about what was said.
    LDRs can work - me and le BF are coming up to our two year anniversary at the end of October and we've been LDR for about 75% of that time. To the outside (especially uni) it seems really odd that an LDR works; after all you're at uni and uni students go out, get pissed and pull people, right? If you're dedicated to each other and honest and open with each other it works.

    TBH I don't drink much any more because of other reasons but I decided when I went back this time I wouldn't drink more than one and go out to a night club as I tend to try and make everyone my best friend when I'm clubbing which sends off the wrong signals.
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    Seeing my OH in less than 2 weeks and I am beyond excited! I feel so much closer to him now and I definitely appreciate him so much more. Hopefully these 2 weeks go fast!!


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And I think you are being totally unreasonable.
    You "didn't want him alone with another girls for a long period of time". Well what about female friends and such? Or are you one of those nutters who bans their bf from having female friends?
    I don't have a problem with you disagreeing me - and trust me I hate how insecure I am. I said I didn't want him ALONE with other girls for an long period of time, i.e. I didn't want him cosying up for a one-to-one chat in his room with the same girl every night. If he has a group of friends round, I'm not going to tell him to say the guys can't come in and the girls can't, likewise I would never, ever say he couldn't go out just because there are girls going.

    I don't ban him from female friends, certainly not. Virtually all of his friends are female at uni, and yes it hurts when I see photos of them together, yes it makes me feels sick when I know they get to spend time with him and I don't, but I don't stop him hanging out with them. I just ask him not to spend hours alone with one particular girl, particularly in his or her rooms. When I say I asked, it was a mutual agreement that neither of us would do it.

    I'm not going to lie and say I feel 100% okay with him being friends with other girls, because believe me being cheated on once before makes my mind work overtime. But he can have female friends, he can go out with them as much as he chooses, but I wouldn't want one to stay over in his room. Maybe thats cos I know how small it is, and know that there's no way either would be on the floor.

    You might see me as a 'nutter' but I know that my boyfriend does definitely not feel controlled in any way, and I'm in a happy loving relationship that is based on trust because we have these mutual agreements.
    • #420
    #420

    Feel pretty awful today. Find it hard sometimes to keep the magic alive when so far away, and when we're both so busy with university and living separate lives. We always try to fit each other in but that just makes it depressing, that we are always like 'we can talk for 10 minutes now then have to go quickly'. Also I do nice things like sending gifts and emails but the happiness between us they generate is only temporary. Wish I could just see her and it'd all be ok
    • #477
    #477

    Hey, so this is my first post on this site, so apologies for any mistakes! I actually joined because I saw this thread and would really like some of your advice, and just to talk to people going through the same thing. I'm sorry if it ends up being a really long post, I really appreciate it if you read it!

    So, as you may have guessed, I am too in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend is a year older than me, and left for university this September. We've been together from the beginning of this year, and it has been amazing, the best months of my life. So I was pretty upset when he left last month, to a uni over three hours away, which takes £60 to get to on the train, and I can't drive. We spent a lot of time together, I would see him pretty much 5 or 6 days a week, so I became used to having him around all the time, so it was so strange to suddenly not be able to see him at all.

    He's been really good about it, we speak whenever he's not busy which I do understand isn't often as he has a lot of work. We speak on the phone almost everyday and use Skype too, and I got the train down to see him just over a week ago and I'm going down again in another week. So although it's been hard, him making the effort to speak to me made me feel better.

    However, he goes out drinking with his flat mates and new friends quite a few nights a week, and I found out a few weeks ago from a friend that a girl that lives in the flat above him basically offered him sex whilst they were drunk one night, she got in his bed and everything. He kicked her out of his room but she took a picture of him off the board in their kitchen and apparently slept with it in her knickers and then put it on her wall... I know, weird. And, she broke up with her boyfriend the other day, so I'm pretty panicked. My boyfriend assured me that nothing is going on at all and I have nothing to worry about, but she put pictures on Facebook with my boyfriend on a night out with them and I just feel so paranoid about it all. It's not that I don't trust him, I do. But I know what it can be like, especially when drunk and I'm just scared of losing him to some girl that he can see everyday, instead of being tied to me, all these miles away. I just miss him a lot I guess, and that makes me jealous and uncomfortable in a way of all the people he's with whilst I'm not there. He's an amazing person and I love him a lot, so I don't want to feel like this, or ruin anything by obsessing over stupid things.

    So, maybe I am just being silly. But I'm finding it really hard at the minute, and want to make it work so much. Thanks for reading or any advice!
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    One week down, three weeks until I next get to see her. Roll on
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    I am in a relationship that will turn into a LDR soon.. I am going to study abroad while my OH is still in school. He really doesnt like it and tries to make me do a gap year. Something that I really dont want to do and he knows that, because school is quite important for me.
    We see each other every day and spend a lot of time together as we are both in boarding school.
    I hope that it will work out. But I think it will as there still is skype and whatsapp. Moreover I know he really loves me, because he cries every time I bring it up and says I shouldnt go.
    • #420
    #420

    The level of trust an LDR takes is amazing.
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    (Original post by BabyfacedDom)
    It should get easier hopefully i've been fine with it but the last few days contact has dropped and that's when i feel horrible about it.
    That's really irritating, I'd hate that. I do get to talk to my OH mostly every day, but it's quite useless when he doesn't tell me things and then I get worried and feel quite lost. I don't know what to say, I'm trying to understand that he's busy, he'll want to go out and do things, but at the same time I would like the conversation not to die so soon. I totally get it, I feel quite easily hurt at the moment. You put yourself in a vulnerable place when you enter a relationship like this and it takes time to adjust to the change in personality. However the reluctance to tell me things has always been there, it's just emphasised when I can't talk to him very much and it's all I want.

    rant over. in short, I think you need to ask him to perhaps be a little more regular? maybe put it as a routine thing that occurs, you skype or have a phone call?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, so this is my first post on this site, so apologies for any mistakes! I actually joined because I saw this thread and would really like some of your advice, and just to talk to people going through the same thing. I'm sorry if it ends up being a really long post, I really appreciate it if you read it!

    So, as you may have guessed, I am too in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend is a year older than me, and left for university this September. We've been together from the beginning of this year, and it has been amazing, the best months of my life. So I was pretty upset when he left last month, to a uni over three hours away, which takes £60 to get to on the train, and I can't drive. We spent a lot of time together, I would see him pretty much 5 or 6 days a week, so I became used to having him around all the time, so it was so strange to suddenly not be able to see him at all.

    He's been really good about it, we speak whenever he's not busy which I do understand isn't often as he has a lot of work. We speak on the phone almost everyday and use Skype too, and I got the train down to see him just over a week ago and I'm going down again in another week. So although it's been hard, him making the effort to speak to me made me feel better.

    However, he goes out drinking with his flat mates and new friends quite a few nights a week, and I found out a few weeks ago from a friend that a girl that lives in the flat above him basically offered him sex whilst they were drunk one night, she got in his bed and everything. He kicked her out of his room but she took a picture of him off the board in their kitchen and apparently slept with it in her knickers and then put it on her wall... I know, weird. And, she broke up with her boyfriend the other day, so I'm pretty panicked. My boyfriend assured me that nothing is going on at all and I have nothing to worry about, but she put pictures on Facebook with my boyfriend on a night out with them and I just feel so paranoid about it all. It's not that I don't trust him, I do. But I know what it can be like, especially when drunk and I'm just scared of losing him to some girl that he can see everyday, instead of being tied to me, all these miles away. I just miss him a lot I guess, and that makes me jealous and uncomfortable in a way of all the people he's with whilst I'm not there. He's an amazing person and I love him a lot, so I don't want to feel like this, or ruin anything by obsessing over stupid things.

    So, maybe I am just being silly. But I'm finding it really hard at the minute, and want to make it work so much. Thanks for reading or any advice!
    Firstly, welcome welcome! don't ever worry about being silly. Any problem you have you can guarantee some has been through or is going through the same thing!

    I've been in an LDR for a year now, and the best advice I can give you is to focus on what your other half is telling you, and not what Facebook, or friends or anyone else is telling you. Communication is absolutely key in an LDR. The arguments between my boyfriend and I have happened when either of us have freaked out or got irritated by something someone else has said. As soon as we learnt to stop listening to what everyone else was saying and focused on what the other person was saying, we found LDR a whole lot easier.

    The next bit of advice is one that I am still learning! And that is to trust the other person as much as you can. I'm in my third year of uni and my boyfriend has just started his first year. I found the last couple of weeks pretty hard, mainly because I kept seeing things on Facebook. I'd feel fine as soon as I heard from him and spoke to him, because he was just his usual self, and wasn't doing anything bad (which was what Facebook had twisted my mind into thinking!). As soon as I began to lighten up (and stopped looking at Facebook) and kept busy with my own stuff, I started feeling a lot better. I also went to visit and met all of the people he was hanging out with, which was reassuring because then to his housemates I wasn't a ghostlike figure who may or may not exist, and it also helped me to see that I was merely being paranoid!

    You know your other half better than anyone. Trust in your relationship and trust in him, and don't stop talking. Try not to pressure or hound him. Don't hesitate to let him know if you're having a bad day, but don't dwell on it. You'll have days when you feel lousy, but accept that they're gonna happen! And never hesitate to come here! Having people who are going through the same thing helps enormously


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    Made plans for my bf to fly out for two to three weeks after Christmas and into the New Year. Majorly excited to go travelling with him and show him my college .

    It's nice having that to look forward to! Him and my best friends also sent me a really odd care package yesterday which was very sweet.
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    I'm so happy to have found this thread. Been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half and it has recently become an LDR. First couple of weeks were hell, wish I'd have had this kind of support sooner! Learning to cope better, now, but will definitely be posting here. :-)
    • #420
    #420

    Have a countdown app on my phone which keeps on getting closer and closer! Just over two weeks now till I see my OH, not too long. Has already been 4 weeks!
    • #478
    #478

    Hey everyone. I've been lurking on this thread for the last few weeks, ever since my 2 year relationship turned into an LDR. There's some really helpful advice on here, thank you But I'm finding this new LDR situation a lot harder than I was expecting. I hope you don't mind a long post, but I kind of just want to articulate what I'm feeling right now.

    We've been seeing each other for 2 years now, and for the past year/year and a bit, we've been pretty much living together, and also spent a couple of months travelling together. Now we've both started univeristy, with me studying abroad, we've gone from spending pretty much all our time together to, well, an LDR. And I'm just really worried about our relationship now - we're only 3 weeks in, but I already feel like it's becoming strained. I went back to the UK and spent the weekend with her, but it wasn't all I'd been looking forward to for the past 3 weeks. We had a couple of arguments, which we don't normally have, one quite a serious one. It was all fine in the end, and we had a really lovely time, but it's left me feeling so worried that we might not make it through.

    I love this girl, so much, and I've always known she felt the same way about me. Now I'm not so sure. We always talked about spending the rest of lives together, now we talk about taking one step at a time. I'm finding it really difficult to adjust to this LDR, and I've missed her so much it's been painful, but I feel like I've found the transition incredibly hard, but that she hasn't. Or at least, I feel like I'm missing her more than she's been missing me.

    I think one of the issues is that she's settled into uni more than I have. She's already found a close group of friends, whilst I'm feeling lost. I've made friends here, and I get on really well with my flat mates at halls, but I don't really feel like I belong anywhere. Seeing her this weekend, settling in really well, coping well with work, already having really close friends, made me feel really upset about my own uni life and feeling like I didn't want to go back. But this is completely awful, because then I worry that I'm making her feel bad for settling in more than I have, which would be completely wrong of me. There's other things too though. I feel like communication was going to be important part of this new LDR, and that, whilst it was important for us to lead new independant lives, it was important for us to make time to talk to each other regularly. That hasn't really happened. She says this is because she doesn't really like her halls house too much, so she's been spending a lot of time with her group of friends at other halls which has meant she couldn't use skype. I don't want to make skyping me a chore, but at the same time I want to talk to her every day!

    I feel like being in an LDR is an incredibly hard balancing act. I also feel now that perhaps I can't talk to her about how I'm feeling and what I'm worrying about, as they might push her away from me, whereas before it would always be her I'd talk to.

    I guess I'm just upset that it's been even harder than I'd ever imagined, and upset that only 3 weeks in and it's strained things so much. We're already talking about our future in a different way to how we were. I guess I just want to know it might get better.
    • #420
    #420

    (Original post by LittleRedhead)
    I'm so happy to have found this thread. Been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and a half and it has recently become an LDR. First couple of weeks were hell, wish I'd have had this kind of support sooner! Learning to cope better, now, but will definitely be posting here. :-)
    Welcome good to hear it is getting better!
    • #479
    #479

    I just got broken up with
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    (Original post by Sweet_Heart)
    How often does everyone speak to their OHs? I'm abroad so me and my boyfriend have agreed not to text because it's too expensive, but I'm still giving him the occasional text every day or giving him a few messages on Facebook about my day, but he rarely responds, and when he does it doesn't sound like he's overly bothered to talk to me. He's always enthusiastic about Skype, but as we only do that a couple of times a week because of busy schedules it means that sometimes I go a couple of days without hearing from him at all, when before the LDR we were texting every day pretty much non-stop. I don't expect long messages because I know he's busy, but I really worry about being forgotten about if we don't keep in regular contact, and I don't want to tell him that in case I seem like I'm being clingy/nagging. Someone above posted about texting their OH all the time, and long Facebook messages on top of that. I was just wondering what the average amount of contact is? Is a couple of Skypes a week too little? Neither of us are overly dependant but I do think I'm feeling the separation more than he is.

    I should add that he's not lacking in affection when I do talk to him - he always tells me he misses me loads and that he can't wait until I'm home.
    Do you have whatsapp? I was in an international LDR (no longer! Now just LDR!) and that took the place of texting. 69p to download but then it costs nothing! V. useful.


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    Came back from seeing him on Sunday I have to say after meeting all his friends and seeing where he lives I feel SO much better! They were all really lovely and we went out for drinks on the Saturday - but me and him also had some alone time which was good
    Have to wait another 2 weeks now >.< Oh well it'll go quick Hope anyone here who saw their other halves on the weekend had a nice time too ^^ I know a few people did
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    (Original post by CupcakeFaerie)
    Came back from seeing him on Sunday I have to say after meeting all his friends and seeing where he lives I feel SO much better! They were all really lovely and we went out for drinks on the Saturday - but me and him also had some alone time which was good
    Have to wait another 2 weeks now >.< Oh well it'll go quick Hope anyone here who saw their other halves on the weekend had a nice time too ^^ I know a few people did
    I just did this too, I feel a lot more at ease now that I'm not just making stuff up in my head! I also have 2 weeks to wait, which I'm fine with, especially now
 
 
 
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