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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre watch

    • #336
    #336

    (Original post by snowfall and 45s)
    I can see your logic to that, honestly, and it's a shame it didn't work out for you,but I can't cut contact altogether. It's not because I'm clinging on, but because we were friends before even going out, and I can't imagine losing that friendship.
    yeah so were we, good friends.

    My advice would be get back together soon or leave it and move on. Sounds a bit harsh but in my eyes it's got to be black and white, the grey area is just too messy and painful.
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    Sound advice.
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    (Original post by besarlalluvia)
    my bf lives in spain but he's decided he wants to move back to his home country in another continent.. i don't know if we'll ever be with eachother again. i don't even know whether or not to call him my boyfriend. we met for the first time before and were together for three days until i came back home, and we've spoken everyday ever since. we know so much about each other already and he's told me he has feelings for me..but that's all
    everything else he keeps hidden inside his head and covers it with a smile. he keeps avoiding my questions about him going back home so i don't know what to feel. why is my first relationship like this?

    i don't even expect anyone to reply to this, i just need to take it out my head before i explode.

    This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100
    To be honest, if he already lives in Spain, and is moving to another continent, unless you have loads of money for flights then this will either not work or you'll wait years for him to be in the same place. Sorry, but I wouldn't call him your boyfriend. I'm not saying he doesn't have feelings, just saying it doesn't sounds like a boyfriend/girlfriend situation.
    • #490
    #490

    Hi People - anon please, because im using a friend's account as i dont have one yet..

    so, im in a Long distance story and ive been for the past year and a half. We are now in the same country, although we are 5 hours afar from each other. I am confused right now, because all my boy wants to do is travel. He took a jöurney to see a girl friend last week, will go to some other place this weekend and has more travels planned,including an international Trip. And he has made friends there and he sees every weekend or more.
    Im sad and disappointed because i think he should want to See me more than anything, instead he's just throwing his money around for himself and then im sure he will say that he hasn't got enough money to see me before christmas.

    Am I wrong tobe sad? What do you think? And what should I do about this boy? Thank you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi People - anon please, because im using a friend's account as i dont have one yet..

    so, im in a Long distance story and ive been for the past year and a half. We are now in the same country, although we are 5 hours afar from each other. I am confused right now, because all my boy wants to do is travel. He took a jöurney to see a girl friend last week, will go to some other place this weekend and has more travels planned,including an international Trip. And he has made friends there and he sees every weekend or more.
    Im sad and disappointed because i think he should want to See me more than anything, instead he's just throwing his money around for himself and then im sure he will say that he hasn't got enough money to see me before christmas.

    Am I wrong tobe sad? What do you think? And what should I do about this boy? Thank you
    Hi,
    I don't think you're wrong to feel sad. That would make me sad because you clearly want to spend time with him but he doesn't seem so keen. I would speak to him about how you're feeling. Then see if it makes any difference. If it doesn't, I think you maybe need to consider whether he is right for you. I hope it turns out well though!
    xx
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    Thank you for your ..advice? What you said is what I'm scared of...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi People - anon please, because im using a friend's account as i dont have one yet..

    so, im in a Long distance story and ive been for the past year and a half. We are now in the same country, although we are 5 hours afar from each other. I am confused right now, because all my boy wants to do is travel. He took a jöurney to see a girl friend last week, will go to some other place this weekend and has more travels planned,including an international Trip. And he has made friends there and he sees every weekend or more.
    Im sad and disappointed because i think he should want to See me more than anything, instead he's just throwing his money around for himself and then im sure he will say that he hasn't got enough money to see me before christmas.

    Am I wrong tobe sad? What do you think? And what should I do about this boy? Thank you
    You do have a right to be sad because obviously you want to see him. At the same time, you have to respect the fact that he's going to want to travel if he has the money, and that you can't always be his first priority.

    Having said that, if he can find the money to do all this travelling, plus see female friends, then he can certainly find time to spend money on seeing you. You can't expect him to spend all of his time and money seeing you, but you can expect a couple of trips if he has the means to. I would just say, in conversation 'So when are you coming to see me between all this jet setting you're doing then? :P' - and hopefully that should make the point to him. If not, you might need to be more direct. As long as you aren't expecting him to see you every weekend and spend no time travelling, I think you're perfectly reasonable to want him to make the time to see you.
    • #468
    #468

    Hello guys. Just wanted some advice really.
    My boyfriend is at university and recently the whole spontaneity, appreciation.. and affection stuff as dwindled.. as if he is trying purposely to forget about any emotional ties he has with me. I may be over analysing.. I just don't know.. I think this is how he deals with stress of uni work, new friends and his new life.. but I have definitely slipped down his list of priorities since the beginning of this ldr. We always speak daily and I know he loves me.. I have no doubt in my mind. I love him like crazy too. I guess I just need reassurance of the fact he 'misses me' too, however stupid and selfish that is. I just can't seem to speak about 'us' without an argument, even if I approach it in a calm manner. Maybe it's because we need to speak in depth about it in person not over skype/phone.
    I want to make clear that he isn't being 'off' so to speak, it just almost feels like it's a chore for him to talk to me. My fear is that he's blocking me from his mind, eventually his feelings for me will become blocked too.
    Not sure if that made much sense. If anyone has any advice/ reassurance.. I'd love to hear it .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello guys. Just wanted some advice really.
    My boyfriend is at university and recently the whole spontaneity, appreciation.. and affection stuff as dwindled.. as if he is trying purposely to forget about any emotional ties he has with me. I may be over analysing.. I just don't know.. I think this is how he deals with stress of uni work, new friends and his new life.. but I have definitely slipped down his list of priorities since the beginning of this ldr. We always speak daily and I know he loves me.. I have no doubt in my mind. I love him like crazy too. I guess I just need reassurance of the fact he 'misses me' too, however stupid and selfish that is. I just can't seem to speak about 'us' without an argument, even if I approach it in a calm manner. Maybe it's because we need to speak in depth about it in person not over skype/phone.
    I want to make clear that he isn't being 'off' so to speak, it just almost feels like it's a chore for him to talk to me. My fear is that he's blocking me from his mind, eventually his feelings for me will become blocked too.
    Not sure if that made much sense. If anyone has any advice/ reassurance.. I'd love to hear it .
    Makes perfect sense.

    How far away is he? Is there a way to see him anytime soon, like around Christmas? Seeing each other might do you both some good as well as be a good way for you to talk to him about it. Might also be good for him to see you and remember what he has and how much you mean to him etc.

    IF you're not going to see each other anytime soon, I'd try and wait it out and see if it's just a phase. If you think it's just the stress perhaps try and talk through that with him, rather than directly initiating discussions about 'the relationship', and help him work through some of those issues. If there's less stress and he settles into uni and his new life more then your relationship is likely to improve.

    It might ultimately just be a case of waiting it out and hopefully this period will pass.
    • #354
    #354

    Eek, got home and my room smelled exactly like him, was not a nice feeling considering he's just gone home I'm actually much better at goodbyes now (it's easier knowing it's not long until the next visit) but that still was just not fun!
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    Eek, got home and my room smelled exactly like him, was not a nice feeling considering he's just gone home I'm actually much better at goodbyes now (it's easier knowing it's not long until the next visit) but that still was just not fun!

    (Ignore the post above... it's me failing at using TSR :sigh:)
    • #491
    #491

    Bit of an unusual one. So last year I took a gap year and this time last year I met a boy who lived in Sydney, we fell madly in love and lived together for five months before I had to leave. Since then, he has been over for a month and I have just got back from being over there. Luckily we have only had to spend a maximum of seven weeks apart at one time which is pretty good since we're over 10,000 miles away.
    I know we're both still pretty young but we are so great together and both 100% committed to making this work. So in three weeks, he is moving to England with a two year visa to come live with me.

    I have taken a second year out as I wasn't sure on what I wanted to study - also worked out well for both of us. However, come September I will hopefully be at Uni. But at the same time, he has currently had to postpone his Uni degree to come over. Not something either of us took lightly but what he really wanted.

    So my concern is, come September when I start a 3 year degree and possibly continue living with him rather than halls, am I being completely selfish in postponing his Uni degree to be with me even though he says it's completely fine!
    Sorry for the length!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Bit of an unusual one. So last year I took a gap year and this time last year I met a boy who lived in Sydney, we fell madly in love and lived together for five months before I had to leave. Since then, he has been over for a month and I have just got back from being over there. Luckily we have only had to spend a maximum of seven weeks apart at one time which is pretty good since we're over 10,000 miles away.
    I know we're both still pretty young but we are so great together and both 100% committed to making this work. So in three weeks, he is moving to England with a two year visa to come live with me.

    I have taken a second year out as I wasn't sure on what I wanted to study - also worked out well for both of us. However, come September I will hopefully be at Uni. But at the same time, he has currently had to postpone his Uni degree to come over. Not something either of us took lightly but what he really wanted.

    So my concern is, come September when I start a 3 year degree and possibly continue living with him rather than halls, am I being completely selfish in postponing his Uni degree to be with me even though he says it's completely fine!
    Sorry for the length!
    Woah, how old are you!?
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    What's the best thing to do to pick yourself up when you're feeling really homesick/ missing your long distance boyfriend? Over the last few weeks every day has dragged and I keep getting real lows which really sucks because there's nothing wrong with where I am and I should just be enjoying it! There's no particular reason for it other than that I miss home and him I guess! I try going out etc, but it's a pretty temporary fix. Do you reckon after a couple of weeks at home for christmas i'll feel okay again or will it be even harder to come back? :/
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    (Original post by Flutterby01)
    What's the best thing to do to pick yourself up when you're feeling really homesick/ missing your long distance boyfriend? Over the last few weeks every day has dragged and I keep getting real lows which really sucks because there's nothing wrong with where I am and I should just be enjoying it! There's no particular reason for it other than that I miss home and him I guess! I try going out etc, but it's a pretty temporary fix. Do you reckon after a couple of weeks at home for christmas i'll feel okay again or will it be even harder to come back? :/
    Could you maybe take up a new hobby? Something to really focus on and become engrossed in, that could divert your attention away from missing him so much and feeling really homesick? Because it's possible when you do leave again after Christmas it'll be even worse on you, so having something to absorb yourself in could be good.

    Sorry you feel that way. x
    • #491
    #491

    (Original post by MattyJo)
    Woah, how old are you!?
    We're both 20 - yes still fairly young. But without sounded pretentious or up myself, we're both pretty mature for our age. Already been through two long term relationships, so I feel I've learnt a lot. Though well aware I still have a lot to learn and it may not work out, but currently both 100% want to make it work so I don't see why our ages should put a stop to it. Helps having full support from everyone I know!
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    (Original post by Flutterby01)
    What's the best thing to do to pick yourself up when you're feeling really homesick/ missing your long distance boyfriend? Over the last few weeks every day has dragged and I keep getting real lows which really sucks because there's nothing wrong with where I am and I should just be enjoying it! There's no particular reason for it other than that I miss home and him I guess! I try going out etc, but it's a pretty temporary fix. Do you reckon after a couple of weeks at home for christmas i'll feel okay again or will it be even harder to come back? :/
    I feel the same and because of my hugely busy timetable and part time job the usual 'get a hobby/join a society' doesn't work for me - physically can't fit it in! No idea how to stop feeling like this really :/ I try to cheer myself up by meeting up with friends when I feel low, even if its just going round theirs to cook and eat (my kitchen is disgusting so I prefer to cook elsewhere), skyping my man, or ring my mum :P Or curl up in bed with a hot chocolate and cookies to dip if I'm really down...and an early night always seems to help!
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    How far away does one have to live to make it an LDR? Or is it more complicated than that, including more things like how easy it is to get there or how often you see them? Thoughts?
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    (Original post by ninegrandstudent)
    I feel the same and because of my hugely busy timetable and part time job the usual 'get a hobby/join a society' doesn't work for me - physically can't fit it in! No idea how to stop feeling like this really :/ I try to cheer myself up by meeting up with friends when I feel low, even if its just going round theirs to cook and eat (my kitchen is disgusting so I prefer to cook elsewhere), skyping my man, or ring my mum :P Or curl up in bed with a hot chocolate and cookies to dip if I'm really down...and an early night always seems to help!
    It's hard isn't it - how often do you get to see him? I'm the same as you, I find that nights out in town don't help a lot tbh (more trouble than they're worth!) and I'm much happier having a night in or going out for dinner or something. It's also kinda difficult because I'm the one that's gone away so I'm still making friends here - I've started to make some better friends but i'm still not really at that close stage with people so when I feel down I kind of just have to get through it on my own :/ On a positive note it's only a temporary thing as I'm moving back to the UK next June/July
 
 
 
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