The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

It depends on you.. and him. You essentially have 2 options, 1: have a relationship with an end date (which if i'm honest i wouldn't do as it means you could fall for someone and just end up getting hurt) 2: Have an international LDR (it is doable and there are many people here that have done it but as you say it will take a lot of strength to go a year without seeing them, however you could always go over there for a couple of months and work so would get to see them for a while). The only issue with option 2 is that eventually one of you will have to move if the relationship is to work long term, its not something i'd worry about too much now but it is something to keep in mind because if neither of you would be willing to move to the other person's country then the relationship will never have any future.

I would get a grasp on what he wants and talk about it

It depends on you.. and him. You essentially have 2 options, 1: have a relationship with an end date (which if i'm honest i wouldn't do as it means you could fall for someone and just end up getting hurt) 2: Have an international LDR (it is doable and there are many people here that have done it but as you say it will take a lot of strength to go a year without seeing them, however you could always go over there for a couple of months and work so would get to see them for a while). The only issue with option 2 is that eventually one of you will have to move if the relationship is to work long term, its not something i'd worry about too much now but it is something to keep in mind because if neither of you would be willing to move to the other person's country then the relationship will never have any future.

I would get a grasp on what he wants and talk about it

Hey guys, this could be long, I apologise in advance if I ramble on.

Basically I need a different perspective because I can't seem to think about this properly anymore...I'll set the scene first

I'm 22 and am in year 3 of medical school. My boyfriend is 25 tomorrow. We have been going out for nearly 4 years (in May). I don't think I can be in this relationship anymore.

I feel my boyfriend is so worthless and has nothing I can be proud of. He used to work as a builder but stopped two years ago because he started getting cluster headaches. He is now on benefits for not being able to work. However, I am now thinking that he has become lazy and is just enjoying having his benefit all the time. He has no dress sense and he can be so dumb sometimes. He spends his time at home asleep or watching TV and then on Friday evening to Sunday afternoon, he spends time with his friend ( so we don't usually talk in this time)

He tells me that he is looking for jobs but I'm sure he isn't. I have given up asking about it because when I used to he would snap at me and say there arent any jobs. I even looked for jobs for him and helped him make a niceish CV with the little qualifications that he has.
I even suggested that he do a course at college or something so that while he is not eorking, at least he could be doing something, or even volunteering. But he tried volunteering for a few weeks and said it was boring. He didnt try the course.

I was going to have a chat with him today but I dont want to ruin his birthday tomorrow. I live in Southampton and he lives in Birmingham so we see each other very little (last time I saw him was a month ago, I'm supposed to see him on Friday)

Other issues are
*he spent a year and half lying to me about something really big (too long to explain)
* I think his family are tacky (both younger sisters got pregnant by age 16, mother was caught cheating on his dad, stepfather doesnt work - on benefits, mother doesnt work - on benefits)
* his mother and step father are racist (I'm Black and he's White)
* I haven't met his family or friends in all the time we have been going out
* now whatever he says to me is just words really

I think we have stayed together this long because of the sex (when we don't see each other we miss each other in that way)

Its not like I haven't talked to him about it. We have broken up a few times in the past but not permanently and we have tried to patch things up but I feel we are now beyond patching up.

Now we don't talk much in the day. We talk for about an hour then he says lets talk later and "later" is a couple of hours before bed. I know he's not cheating because he is definitely bit like that, he is probably watching TV tbh.

I feel I make so much effort for him. Being a student, I don't have much money but I work part time whenever I can.

And he is a nice bf sometimes - like he lets me examine him before clinical exams but thats it really. I don't know whether everything seems dire in my head or it really is dire. I'm just fed up really of the whole thing and I'd quite like to be away from him for a while, at least until he makes something of himself. I feel soooooooooo ashamed of him, especially when people I know have medics for bfs or solicitors or people who have generally worked hard in life and are worth something.
I'm pretty sure he will make someone else like him (not been to uni, left school with no qualifications, has stayed in the same place since birth) happy, but I think I have higher aspirations for a man. The fact that he loves me a lot is not enough for me. I know its bad, but thats how I honestly feel.

What would you do in my situation?

Thank you for reading

Hey guys, this could be long, I apologise in advance if I ramble on.

Basically I need a different perspective because I can't seem to think about this properly anymore...I'll set the scene first

I'm 22 and am in year 3 of medical school. My boyfriend is 25 tomorrow. We have been going out for nearly 4 years (in May). I don't think I can be in this relationship anymore.

I feel my boyfriend is so worthless and has nothing I can be proud of. He used to work as a builder but stopped two years ago because he started getting cluster headaches. He is now on benefits for not being able to work. However, I am now thinking that he has become lazy and is just enjoying having his benefit all the time. He has no dress sense and he can be so dumb sometimes. He spends his time at home asleep or watching TV and then on Friday evening to Sunday afternoon, he spends time with his friend ( so we don't usually talk in this time)

He tells me that he is looking for jobs but I'm sure he isn't. I have given up asking about it because when I used to he would snap at me and say there arent any jobs. I even looked for jobs for him and helped him make a niceish CV with the little qualifications that he has.
I even suggested that he do a course at college or something so that while he is not eorking, at least he could be doing something, or even volunteering. But he tried volunteering for a few weeks and said it was boring. He didnt try the course.

I was going to have a chat with him today but I dont want to ruin his birthday tomorrow. I live in Southampton and he lives in Birmingham so we see each other very little (last time I saw him was a month ago, I'm supposed to see him on Friday)

Other issues are
*he spent a year and half lying to me about something really big (too long to explain)
* I think his family are tacky (both younger sisters got pregnant by age 16, mother was caught cheating on his dad, stepfather doesnt work - on benefits, mother doesnt work - on benefits)
* his mother and step father are racist (I'm Black and he's White)
* I haven't met his family or friends in all the time we have been going out
* now whatever he says to me is just words really

I think we have stayed together this long because of the sex (when we don't see each other we miss each other in that way)

Its not like I haven't talked to him about it. We have broken up a few times in the past but not permanently and we have tried to patch things up but I feel we are now beyond patching up.

Now we don't talk much in the day. We talk for about an hour then he says lets talk later and "later" is a couple of hours before bed. I know he's not cheating because he is definitely bit like that, he is probably watching TV tbh.

I feel I make so much effort for him. Being a student, I don't have much money but I work part time whenever I can.

And he is a nice bf sometimes - like he lets me examine him before clinical exams but thats it really. I don't know whether everything seems dire in my head or it really is dire. I'm just fed up really of the whole thing and I'd quite like to be away from him for a while, at least until he makes something of himself. I feel soooooooooo ashamed of him, especially when people I know have medics for bfs or solicitors or people who have generally worked hard in life and are worth something.
I'm pretty sure he will make someone else like him (not been to uni, left school with no qualifications, has stayed in the same place since birth) happy, but I think I have higher aspirations for a man. The fact that he loves me a lot is not enough for me. I know its bad, but thats how I honestly feel.

What would you do in my situation?

Thank you for reading

Hey people...

I think it's a well know fact in my relationship that I am the more needy one, but I'm worried it's starting to get on my boyfriends nerves when we are apart. I don't bombard him with texts or phone calls.. but what I do find myself doing is asking him a lot if he's texting on skype or doing something with his friends in the evening 'who are you with' or 'what are you up to'.. and if he's speaking to a girl I can't help but sound accusational or dissapointed.
Before we were LDR he hardly had girl friends so I wasn't really like this .. it's driving me mad, I trust him but I'm making it seem like I don't, it makes him feel belittled as he has never given me a reason to distrust him and I want to stop this behaviour so badly.. it's like a bad habit..

any advice? I realise I sound pretty crazy..

So, who else won't be spending valentines with their beloved? I'm kind of bummed that I'm not..

So, who else won't be spending valentines with their beloved? I'm kind of bummed that I'm not..

We won't actually have the 14th together, but we're meeting up on the 13th to do a pancake day/valentines thing I was thinking of cutting the pancakes into heart shapes - and maybe using red food colouring! So excited about it


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We won't actually have the 14th together, but we're meeting up on the 13th to do a pancake day/valentines thing I was thinking of cutting the pancakes into heart shapes - and maybe using red food colouring! So excited about it


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

She broke it off with me, saying that she didn't feel the same though she still has feelings for me


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Hi, im 19 years old and I have never been in a long distance relationship before, and I am not in one yet. But the girl who i am serious about lives 2 and a half hours away from me. Fuel costs £60 round trip to get there and i work most evenings so i can not stay over for more than one night...I have never been more serious about a girl before though and i dont know what to do. I dont want to end up falling in love with her and missing her so much it hurts. But at the same time all i want to do is TO fall in love with her. My head is a mess, any thoughts appreciated.

Hi guys, wondering if anyone can offer me any advice on this. I get off for summer in two months time saying I don't have any exams, I'm at university in England while my girlfriend is back in Ireland. We've been in an LDR since mid-November and since then we've managed to see each other every month. Because I get off for summer relatively soon she's started asking if I know when I'll be back. The thing is, I went back for summer last year, couldn't get a summer job and ended up spending the summer miserable because I couldn't do anything. My prospects for finding a job this year aren't much better, unemployment in my area is way worse than it was last year. My girlfriend and I also live a £20 bus journey away from each other when I'm at home so if I can't get a job I seriously doubt I'll be able to go see her much at all. She's also been out of work for a couple of months and while she'll have money from the dole every two weeks I would feel extremely guilty that it was always her having to do the travelling. There are quite a few jobs going in my Uni town that I'd be inclined to take because it means I'll have money over summer when my loan runs out and it'll be something to have next year. I've tried talking to her about it but it's as if she doesn't want to know. I know it's extremely selfish of me.