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    (Original post by codle)
    We won't actually have the 14th together, but we're meeting up on the 13th to do a pancake day/valentines thing I was thinking of cutting the pancakes into heart shapes - and maybe using red food colouring! So excited about it


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    Aww that is so so sweet
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    She broke it off with me, saying that she didn't feel the same though she still has feelings for me


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    (Original post by ct2k7)
    She broke it off with me, saying that she didn't feel the same though she still has feelings for me


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    sorry, chin up
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    (Original post by gallers)
    Hi, im 19 years old and I have never been in a long distance relationship before, and I am not in one yet. But the girl who i am serious about lives 2 and a half hours away from me. Fuel costs £60 round trip to get there and i work most evenings so i can not stay over for more than one night...I have never been more serious about a girl before though and i dont know what to do. I dont want to end up falling in love with her and missing her so much it hurts. But at the same time all i want to do is TO fall in love with her. My head is a mess, any thoughts appreciated.
    I'm taking a gap year and working 10 days a fortnight whilst my bf studies at university 5 hours away (by train). It can definitely work, and I'd recommend things like travelling by train as if you book in advance it can be a lot cheaper, especially if you have a railcard :-) Good luck!
    • #507
    #507

    Hi guys, wondering if anyone can offer me any advice on this. I get off for summer in two months time saying I don't have any exams, I'm at university in England while my girlfriend is back in Ireland. We've been in an LDR since mid-November and since then we've managed to see each other every month. Because I get off for summer relatively soon she's started asking if I know when I'll be back. The thing is, I went back for summer last year, couldn't get a summer job and ended up spending the summer miserable because I couldn't do anything. My prospects for finding a job this year aren't much better, unemployment in my area is way worse than it was last year. My girlfriend and I also live a £20 bus journey away from each other when I'm at home so if I can't get a job I seriously doubt I'll be able to go see her much at all. She's also been out of work for a couple of months and while she'll have money from the dole every two weeks I would feel extremely guilty that it was always her having to do the travelling. There are quite a few jobs going in my Uni town that I'd be inclined to take because it means I'll have money over summer when my loan runs out and it'll be something to have next year. I've tried talking to her about it but it's as if she doesn't want to know. I know it's extremely selfish of me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guys, wondering if anyone can offer me any advice on this. I get off for summer in two months time saying I don't have any exams, I'm at university in England while my girlfriend is back in Ireland. We've been in an LDR since mid-November and since then we've managed to see each other every month. Because I get off for summer relatively soon she's started asking if I know when I'll be back. The thing is, I went back for summer last year, couldn't get a summer job and ended up spending the summer miserable because I couldn't do anything. My prospects for finding a job this year aren't much better, unemployment in my area is way worse than it was last year. My girlfriend and I also live a £20 bus journey away from each other when I'm at home so if I can't get a job I seriously doubt I'll be able to go see her much at all. She's also been out of work for a couple of months and while she'll have money from the dole every two weeks I would feel extremely guilty that it was always her having to do the travelling. There are quite a few jobs going in my Uni town that I'd be inclined to take because it means I'll have money over summer when my loan runs out and it'll be something to have next year. I've tried talking to her about it but it's as if she doesn't want to know. I know it's extremely selfish of me.
    I can see where you are coming from, theres no point going home if you cant see her very often and you cant get a job. Would she be able to come over and stay with you for a bit over the summer? She could get some casual.work to keep her busy while youre gone and you can see each other? She'll just be upset because she will have been expecting to see you over the summer. Make sure that she knows that you understand why she is upset and/or angry before you try talk to her again, just say what you did there. You have good reasons for wanting to stay over the summer. I hope that kind of helps and that you get it sorted
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guys, wondering if anyone can offer me any advice on this. I get off for summer in two months time saying I don't have any exams, I'm at university in England while my girlfriend is back in Ireland. We've been in an LDR since mid-November and since then we've managed to see each other every month. Because I get off for summer relatively soon she's started asking if I know when I'll be back. The thing is, I went back for summer last year, couldn't get a summer job and ended up spending the summer miserable because I couldn't do anything. My prospects for finding a job this year aren't much better, unemployment in my area is way worse than it was last year. My girlfriend and I also live a £20 bus journey away from each other when I'm at home so if I can't get a job I seriously doubt I'll be able to go see her much at all. She's also been out of work for a couple of months and while she'll have money from the dole every two weeks I would feel extremely guilty that it was always her having to do the travelling. There are quite a few jobs going in my Uni town that I'd be inclined to take because it means I'll have money over summer when my loan runs out and it'll be something to have next year. I've tried talking to her about it but it's as if she doesn't want to know. I know it's extremely selfish of me.
    Do you have accommodation for the whole of summer? I'd imagine that could get expensive!

    From my view, i think seeing each other only a few times is better than not seeing them at all. It would just be a bit crap really being away for all summer as well. That said, it is your decision and if you think it's best then go for it.

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    Though not in a permanent LDR my boyfriend is away travelling for 12 weeks. I think we'll be ok, however we have very little contact as he is in pretty remote areas. He gets back the day after I go to Africa for a fortnight.

    Things are going fine (I think/hope/keep telling myself) but the other day he texted to say 'Just thought I'd text to say I love you'. We really aren't a romantic couple at all and now I am worried probably irrationally I know, but I won't hear from him for 2 weeks now and it is really nagging at me.

    Anyone got any tips for pushing your other half out your mind? It's not helping with the whole productive focus on work thing.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Though not in a permanent LDR my boyfriend is away travelling for 12 weeks. I think we'll be ok, however we have very little contact as he is in pretty remote areas. He gets back the day after I go to Africa for a fortnight.

    Things are going fine (I think/hope/keep telling myself) but the other day he texted to say 'Just thought I'd text to say I love you'. We really aren't a romantic couple at all and now I am worried probably irrationally I know, but I won't hear from him for 2 weeks now and it is really nagging at me.

    Anyone got any tips for pushing your other half out your mind? It's not helping with the whole productive focus on work thing.
    I can give you the advice I gave myself awhile ago. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, spending most of the time miles away from one another. There were days before when I was just so wrapped up into the idea of demanding his attention, whining when he couldn't make it to our nightly skype chat. But I realized it's pointless because the man loves me enough and I trust him enough to know that some quality time apart won't be that bad. Actually, it kinda makes him adoring and missing me more. Go figure! lol
    My point is, just leave him missing you for those two weeks and believe me, when you are together again it will be amazing. As for the text, I think he just wanted to make you smile. Go ahead, tell him that you love him.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Though not in a permanent LDR my boyfriend is away travelling for 12 weeks. I think we'll be ok, however we have very little contact as he is in pretty remote areas. He gets back the day after I go to Africa for a fortnight.

    Things are going fine (I think/hope/keep telling myself) but the other day he texted to say 'Just thought I'd text to say I love you'. We really aren't a romantic couple at all and now I am worried probably irrationally I know, but I won't hear from him for 2 weeks now and it is really nagging at me.

    Anyone got any tips for pushing your other half out your mind? It's not helping with the whole productive focus on work thing.
    It's a good thing, In an LDR you need to put a little bit more effort in to show you're still happy, you dont have each others body language to go off anymore, me and my boyfriend became so much more affectionate when i moved away, its important to to outright tell each other how you feel because you cant really show it anymore, especially not if you wont hear from him again for two weeks.
    Try keep yourself busy and surrounded by people, but if you need to be alone and just have "me time" (sounds dirty ) then you should get it out your system, it stops you being moody with other people, usually im fine but i have moments when i'd rather be locked up in my room feeling sorry for myself while everyone else gets to be with their partners...envy's a sin i know but i dont care. Maybe find yourself a little project to do

    LDR's are hard but everyone thinks it's in the "you'll get bored/lose feelings/break up" kind of way, i've personally found it hard because of how much i miss him and realise just how strong the feelings are...and i cant show him. At least you know its temporary and you have something to look forward to
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    (Original post by 68beats)
    I can give you the advice I gave myself awhile ago. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, spending most of the time miles away from one another. There were days before when I was just so wrapped up into the idea of demanding his attention, whining when he couldn't make it to our nightly skype chat. But I realized it's pointless because the man loves me enough and I trust him enough to know that some quality time apart won't be that bad. Actually, it kinda makes him adoring and missing me more. Go figure! lol
    My point is, just leave him missing you for those two weeks and believe me, when you are together again it will be amazing. As for the text, I think he just wanted to make you smile. Go ahead, tell him that you love him.
    Thanks I guess I am just a major worrier! Because we only get the odd text/email nothing gets clarified and when this sort of thing happens I'm like 'aaaaah what if he is sad and not enjoying himself?!?!?'. Guess I need to learn to relax a little! Normally we spend most of our time being jokingly abusive, it's not like him to be actively say this sort of thing except when he is sad so hence the worry.
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    (Original post by Care-Free)
    It's a good thing, In an LDR you need to put a little bit more effort in to show you're still happy, you dont have each others body language to go off anymore, me and my boyfriend became so much more affectionate when i moved away, its important to to outright tell each other how you feel because you cant really show it anymore, especially not if you wont hear from him again for two weeks.
    Try keep yourself busy and surrounded by people, but if you need to be alone and just have "me time" (sounds dirty ) then you should get it out your system, it stops you being moody with other people, usually im fine but i have moments when i'd rather be locked up in my room feeling sorry for myself while everyone else gets to be with their partners...envy's a sin i know but i dont care. Maybe find yourself a little project to do
    Hawell I'm more than busy enough with my uni work atm (12 hour work days, my fave) but it does mean I dwell on it more than I should as I'm spending a lot of the day on my own at a computer.

    I just feel like he should be off enjoying himself and not worrying about me (well other than not running off with someone else that is :P)

    LDR's are hard but everyone thinks it's in the "you'll get bored/lose feelings/break up" kind of way, i've personally found it hard because of how much i miss him and realise just how strong the feelings are...and i cant show him. At least you know its temporary and you have something to look forward to
    Agreed! I was in a state when he left Plus I am off again for 8 weeks in the summer! We need to coordinate our travels better in the future I think. The worst bit is not being able to speak to him for long periods, more than not being able to see him, because we are like best friends so I feel a bit lost sometimes. I'm like, oh I need to tell him that...oh wait....
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Thanks I guess I am just a major worrier! Because we only get the odd text/email nothing gets clarified and when this sort of thing happens I'm like 'aaaaah what if he is sad and not enjoying himself?!?!?'. Guess I need to learn to relax a little! Normally we spend most of our time being jokingly abusive, it's not like him to be actively say this sort of thing except when he is sad so hence the worry.
    Not a problem.
    I am a major worrier as well and if you are at least a little bit like me, worrying without a reason and doubting him are just going to make you seem like a witch to your guy. Trust me! LOL
    Just do your thing, don't make him feel like he is not loved, hence text him back some "i love you"s just because even though you aren't normally the romantic type we all need a bit of romance sometimes.

    Good luck, hun! I know that sometimes it can be really hard but with the right person it's worth it! PM me if you need someone to talk to.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Hawell I'm more than busy enough with my uni work atm (12 hour work days, my fave) but it does mean I dwell on it more than I should as I'm spending a lot of the day on my own at a computer.

    I just feel like he should be off enjoying himself and not worrying about me (well other than not running off with someone else that is :P)



    Agreed! I was in a state when he left Plus I am off again for 8 weeks in the summer! We need to coordinate our travels better in the future I think. The worst bit is not being able to speak to him for long periods, more than not being able to see him, because we are like best friends so I feel a bit lost sometimes. I'm like, oh I need to tell him that...oh wait....
    Socialising helps, with people you're kind of forced to be distracted and put on a happy face...unless they're in couples and you wanna stab them in the throat, two of my friends have just got together and im happy for them but i want to pull their eyes out at the same time :P

    He can have all the fun in the world and still be missing you, the feelings aren't mutually exclusive, Don't feel guilty, you're not reducing the quality of his travels, he's probably realising all his feelings for you just as you are for him, it'll be wonderful when you see each other

    Write down everything you want to say when he's gone, or right a little diary and give it to him, its not quite the same as him immediately knowing but im sure he'll like to see that you're struggling as much as he no doubt is. And if you have everything you feel when he's gone written down on paper you wont forget how that feels while he's with you, it'll serve as a reminder of your feelings when you go through rough patches

    It gets easier eventually but sometimes a little wave of miserable world hating angst comes over, just let it out and carry on, knowing there's an expiry date to the distance and you'll see him soon
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    (Original post by 68beats)
    Not a problem.
    I am a major worrier as well and if you are at least a little bit like me, worrying without a reason and doubting him are just going to make you seem like a witch to your guy. Trust me! LOL
    Just do your thing, don't make him feel like he is not loved, hence text him back some "i love you"s just because even though you aren't normally the romantic type we all need a bit of romance sometimes.

    Good luck, hun! I know that sometimes it can be really hard but with the right person it's worth it! PM me if you need someone to talk to.
    Oh I don't doubt him at all! I'm just worried about him more than anything!
    haha I told him that he is obviously trying to keep me sweet to get the football scores out of me but that I loved him too, I'm not one for outright soppyness.

    Thankyou
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    (Original post by Care-Free)
    Socialising helps, with people you're kind of forced to be distracted and put on a happy face...unless they're in couples and you wanna stab them in the throat, two of my friends have just got together and im happy for them but i want to pull their eyes out at the same time :P
    I only really get this with totally ott PDA-ing couples, had two couples of friends staying with me last weekend and it didn't really get to me at all. Mind you they are long distance anyway. Mind you I hate ott PDA-ing couples at the best of times in all honesty, it is just awkward =/

    He can have all the fun in the world and still be missing you, the feelings aren't mutually exclusive, Don't feel guilty, you're not reducing the quality of his travels, he's probably realising all his feelings for you just as you are for him, it'll be wonderful when you see each other

    Write down everything you want to say when he's gone, or right a little diary and give it to him, its not quite the same as him immediately knowing but im sure he'll like to see that you're struggling as much as he no doubt is. And if you have everything you feel when he's gone written down on paper you wont forget how that feels while he's with you, it'll serve as a reminder of your feelings when you go through rough patches
    Haha this is exactly what I am doing! I write every day, trying to limit it to 1 A4 page per day which is a bit of a task. We must talk an awful lot normally I have realised =/ Will drop it off at his house with a new ipod (his has broken) and few things of his that he has lent me before I head off so he can come home and read it when he gets back.

    It gets easier eventually but sometimes a little wave of miserable world hating angst comes over, just let it out and carry on, knowing there's an expiry date to the distance and you'll see him soon
    It's not as bad as it was at the start but I am at that horrible point where I'm 5 weeks down and still 9 to go! Seems like forever.

    Although its probably good he is away atm because I am so busy! That thought does keep me positive.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    I only really get this with totally ott PDA-ing couples, had two couples of friends staying with me last weekend and it didn't really get to me at all. Mind you they are long distance anyway. Mind you I hate ott PDA-ing couples at the best of times in all honesty, it is just awkward =/



    Haha this is exactly what I am doing! I write every day, trying to limit it to 1 A4 page per day which is a bit of a task. We must talk an awful lot normally I have realised =/ Will drop it off at his house with a new ipod (his has broken) and few things of his that he has lent me before I head off so he can come home and read it when he gets back.



    It's not as bad as it was at the start but I am at that horrible point where I'm 5 weeks down and still 9 to go! Seems like forever.

    Although its probably good he is away atm because I am so busy! That thought does keep me positive.
    You're better than me then :P i want to strangle anyone..apart from the couples who are also in LDR's then i have a mix of happiness and murderous thoughts...

    You sound like you know how to cope already, everyone deals in different ways, i wouldn't be doing nearly as well as you with such long periods between talking, we skype 3 days a week when he's not working nights.

    I know what you mean, my partners coming up in two weeks and im just getting impatient now, it's that "so close but so far" feeling that is just frustrating.
    I agree, i'd love to see my boyfriend but i've got so much coursework and stuff to do that i'll probably just feel like my attention is being stretched and i'll just get pissy :P

    You'll be fine, keeping busy will make the time fly, you know you'll be seeing him soon and just focus on that when you get down about it, both of you will have realised how strong your feelings are, it should make the relationship stronger too
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    (Original post by Care-Free)
    just feel like my attention is being stretched and i'll just get pussy :P
    cyberz the waay togo on skype,
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    (Original post by cul-de-sac)
    cyberz the waay togo on skype,
    ...apart from the fact i said "pissy"...and im with a guy...none of that for me
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    Hello, i've never used this thread before but think it looks good

    i've been in a LDR with my boyfriend for about 5 months- and its pretty much set to stay that way as i'm a student and he lives back home (about 120 miles away) where he works in a hotel.

    I'm finding the whole thing overwhelming. It feels like i've reached breaking point and just want out. Never felt so in love yet so heartbroken at the same time. I cannot keep doing this to myself. Everyone says 'think positive' but its the most useless piece of advice ever.

    I hate to put a downer on this thread, sorry. I just don't know what to do any more. I'm so close to ending it with him and feel devastated. He's gonna be totally hearbroken, as am I, even though we've seen this break up coming for a while.

    Just had to put it out there.
 
 
 
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