Turn on thread page Beta

The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre watch

    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP, ENDS ON V DAY!
    I really need to vent.
    So to cut a long story short, I was with my (now) ex-boyfriend for a year and three months. Since we got together, I've had a lot of 'issues' with finance and emotional trauma following someone attempting to mug me, which completely changed my life for the worst. I've found it difficult to motivate myself into being myself again, and I've almost lost who I am because of it, I've never quite been able to get over it.
    However, I met this guy through mutual friends and we hit it off straight away, except it was going to be a LDR as he was at uni, something I'd never done before.
    We had so much fun together, and completely fell head over heels for one another. We made plans to move in together after he graduated and talked about marriage etc. I admit I became quite needy and relied on him emotionally and financially, which was wrong, and I should have really sought help for my issues.

    Back in September, he went into his final year at university, and since he went back he completely changed, into this workaholic who became distant and easily irritated. His workload has been manic and he's taken on other responsibilities (course related) that take his time up and slowly our relationship has completely broken down, as I've been texting him too much and it has caused arguments.

    Last week he broke up with me, and I cried so hard and told him I was there for him as he said he was struggling to manage our relationship and uni. So I said I would give him space and we agreed to a break in the hope that we could work things out and get through the next few months until he graduates.

    Except, it's been hard because it's like speaking to a guy I don't know anymore. His texts have completely changed towards me, it's like he doesn't even love me anymore. He avoids certain subjects, and says I make it awkward when I say I miss him. He was supposed to be coming home next week, as we haven't seen each other in nearly three weeks now.
    But he broke up with me last night because I told him how I felt about him being distant and said I feel like he doesn't want me. He said it's not working and there's no point trying and failing with someone who's a 100 miles away. It's just not meant to be anymore.

    This coming from a guy who last week told me the only reason he'd ever leave us is because he'd be dead, and that he wants me forever, he just needs to get through these last few months at uni.

    I'm completely heartbroken.

    I love him so much. So I've deleted his number, so I don't keep texting and I'm trying to pick myself up and sort my life out. I'm just terrified that he won't miss me, and he won't come back. Can anyone read between the lines, maybe I'm missing something huge. I know I'm a needy idiot that needs to sort herself out, but does he love me enough to maybe work it out in the future?
    Has anyone been in this situation?
    Any advice?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MadiP)
    Just discovered this thread, and wish I'd seen it sooner.
    I've been in a LDR since September, when my boyfriend moved to NYC for 3 years to go to college. It's been difficult, and we've had our ups and downs, but things are good at the moment, and he has just surprised me, by flying back to the UK for Valentines to take me out for dinner!
    that is so sweet! have a lovely time
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 68beats)
    Hope I've somewhat helped you. I know that it is really hard to be in a LDR, trust me I've been in one for the last year. It has its' ups and downs but if the person is worth it, then everything is worth it.
    I also read that you've mentioned the age gap, I can only judge how things are with my guy and I as he is 7 years older than me. Most of his friends are in their thirties, all of them in good jobs and such while I am just graduating. Some couples can make it work, others can't but I know that patience always helps a lot.
    Ah, good to hear from others in a similar relationship to mine. I've never been out with anyone significantly older than me so didn't forsee the challenges that would bring. It's only been 6 months so I'm still getting used to it. In many ways there are positives, as he has a decent wage he can afford to take me out to nice restaurants and buy me nice things. It just means I have to put up with not hearing from him a lot as he's so busy with work and stuff. Pretty sure he's worth it though
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Peri-Peri)
    LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP, ENDS ON V DAY!
    I really need to vent.
    So to cut a long story short, I was with my (now) ex-boyfriend for a year and three months. Since we got together, I've had a lot of 'issues' with finance and emotional trauma following someone attempting to mug me, which completely changed my life for the worst. I've found it difficult to motivate myself into being myself again, and I've almost lost who I am because of it, I've never quite been able to get over it.
    However, I met this guy through mutual friends and we hit it off straight away, except it was going to be a LDR as he was at uni, something I'd never done before.
    We had so much fun together, and completely fell head over heels for one another. We made plans to move in together after he graduated and talked about marriage etc. I admit I became quite needy and relied on him emotionally and financially, which was wrong, and I should have really sought help for my issues.

    Back in September, he went into his final year at university, and since he went back he completely changed, into this workaholic who became distant and easily irritated. His workload has been manic and he's taken on other responsibilities (course related) that take his time up and slowly our relationship has completely broken down, as I've been texting him too much and it has caused arguments.

    Last week he broke up with me, and I cried so hard and told him I was there for him as he said he was struggling to manage our relationship and uni. So I said I would give him space and we agreed to a break in the hope that we could work things out and get through the next few months until he graduates.

    Except, it's been hard because it's like speaking to a guy I don't know anymore. His texts have completely changed towards me, it's like he doesn't even love me anymore. He avoids certain subjects, and says I make it awkward when I say I miss him. He was supposed to be coming home next week, as we haven't seen each other in nearly three weeks now.
    But he broke up with me last night because I told him how I felt about him being distant and said I feel like he doesn't want me. He said it's not working and there's no point trying and failing with someone who's a 100 miles away. It's just not meant to be anymore.

    This coming from a guy who last week told me the only reason he'd ever leave us is because he'd be dead, and that he wants me forever, he just needs to get through these last few months at uni.

    I'm completely heartbroken.

    I love him so much. So I've deleted his number, so I don't keep texting and I'm trying to pick myself up and sort my life out. I'm just terrified that he won't miss me, and he won't come back. Can anyone read between the lines, maybe I'm missing something huge. I know I'm a needy idiot that needs to sort herself out, but does he love me enough to maybe work it out in the future?
    Has anyone been in this situation?
    Any advice?

    I am so sorry honey!
    I can only imagine how horrible the situation you are in really feels. My only advice is, keep him out of your life for good. If you are really meant to be together the best thing you can do is give one another space and maybe who knows, try to work things out again in the future. A LDR and a busy lifestyle are hard to manage and it can be rather stressful at times.

    Just focus on yourself and look at the world with bright eyes.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    ...
    • #430
    #430

    (Original post by thediamondsky)
    I sent my girlfriend something special in the post even though we can't be together today, but she hasn't done anything at all for me :\
    Doesn't matter, really really doesn't matter. If you didn't talk about it she probably assumed you weren't doing it. Definitely not an indication of how she feels about you.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Doesn't matter, really really doesn't matter. If you didn't talk about it she probably assumed you weren't doing it. Definitely not an indication of how she feels about you.
    Thank you, just upsetting when you put in an effort and don't see it back. But I can certainly see what you mean.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by thediamondsky)
    I sent my girlfriend something special in the post even though we can't be together today, but she hasn't done anything at all for me :\
    I did that and got nothing back from my boyfriend, was kind of expecting it though, he's usually very romantic when I'm with him but he is crap with long distance. Just try on see the funny side of it. At least your gf will have appreciated hers! My boyfriend is refusing to open it! Makes you wonder why you bother sometimes.
    Hope you're not feeling too down about it
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Good morning TheStudentRoom! I've just set up my account on here.

    I'm starting my degree in September and unfortunately I'm massively falling for someone where I'm located at present. We get along so well and things are near to perfect. Well, I'm moving almost 200 miles away in September and I don't know whether to carry on what we've got going and see what happens or very sadly end it because I'm off to uni.

    Any advice people? It's playing on my mind!

    x
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by laura.bean92)
    Good morning TheStudentRoom! I've just set up my account on here.

    I'm starting my degree in September and unfortunately I'm massively falling for someone where I'm located at present. We get along so well and things are near to perfect. Well, I'm moving almost 200 miles away in September and I don't know whether to carry on what we've got going and see what happens or very sadly end it because I'm off to uni.

    Any advice people? It's playing on my mind!

    x
    I can advice you the same thing I advised myself a year ago. Don't put any boundaries to your feelings just because you will be 200 miles away from the person you are in love with. LDR relationships require lots of patience but if he is the right guy and you just click together, then why bother ending it and regretting it later on. Just give your love a chance if it works, perfect.. if it doesn't, it just wasn't meant to be but it won't be because you didn't at least give it a try.
    • #504
    #504

    (Original post by LLion)
    I'm not going to be in an LDR for at least 5 months, but I'd like to hear from people who have been in transatlantic relationships, or relationships of a similar distance.
    How do you cope with such a distance and lack of visits?

    Surprisingly, I haven't found it that difficult. I'm in England and my boyfriend is in Australia which is an 11 hour time difference. We haven't been with each other in around 5 months now and it will be a total of 8 months by the time I see him again. Communication is just the way to get through it. We talk everyday, we text/whatsapp/imessage all the time and we're always posting funny things to each other over facebook just to keep it light-hearted. We text everyday but manage a phone call or skype once every couple of days and these tend to last a couple of hours. Sometimes we'll put the same film on over skype and watch it together. We're quite bad in that each of us will sometimes stay up pretty late just to talk to the other, especially when it's not term-time for me - at Christmas there were days when I'd stay up till 6am texting him. There have been times when I haven't been able to reach him or he's been busy but I tend to just acknowledge the time difference, the fact he's out with friends or just having a busy day.

    Sometimes the conversation can get quite stagnant, it just becomes a repetition of "I miss you" or "wish you were here" and when that happens I just tend to turn the conversation around. Rather than focusing on the fact that neither of us are together right now, I tend to ask what plans we can make for when I go and visit him and things like that

    Definitely plan things in advance, if you're going to be making a visit to wherever he is discuss it and talk about it, look into flight prices - it will show that you're serious. I bought flights to go and see him around 2 weeks after he left, it's given us both something to look forward to together and a reason to stay together knowing that you're eventually going to see them.

    We've been together nearly 6 months now after only spending a very short amount of time physically together. I realise I'm making this look very easy but it has been difficult not actually being able to be there with him and there are down days. There's only been one rough patch which was basically down to a misunderstanding and miscommunication on both ends but we straight up said what we had to say and through communication we managed to get that all sorted out within the week. On the whole though it's been pretty simple, no arguments, no fights just very fun
    • #510
    #510

    Hey everyone, (anon as people from my subject forum know me!)

    Me and my bf will have been together 18 months by the time we go to uni this year. It's definitely possible to keep going, and not even THAT long distance (an hour or 2 on the train).

    What worries me is that my course is very intense, plus it requires placements in the holidays, but also...

    My boyfriends family are moving away once he goes to uni, so he will be living at uni permanently, we won't be closer together when i come home in the holidays. What little holiday I get without having to do placements, I would obviously like to spend some at home - I have a lot of responsibilities here, with elderly relatives and a family business etc. - I cannot just uproot and live with him in the holidays.

    My course is also 5 years so I'm preparing myself for the fact that it's unlikely we will last that long and have a future together. It's all adding up to make me think that I don't know what to do

    Sorry, just needed to vent that, everything is so perfect atm I don't want to bring it up.
    If anyone has any advice, or reassurance, or anything they want to say, please do.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey everyone, (anon as people from my subject forum know me!)

    Me and my bf will have been together 18 months by the time we go to uni this year. It's definitely possible to keep going, and not even THAT long distance (an hour or 2 on the train).

    What worries me is that my course is very intense, plus it requires placements in the holidays, but also...

    My boyfriends family are moving away once he goes to uni, so he will be living at uni permanently, we won't be closer together when i come home in the holidays. What little holiday I get without having to do placements, I would obviously like to spend some at home - I have a lot of responsibilities here, with elderly relatives and a family business etc. - I cannot just uproot and live with him in the holidays.

    My course is also 5 years so I'm preparing myself for the fact that it's unlikely we will last that long and have a future together. It's all adding up to make me think that I don't know what to do

    Sorry, just needed to vent that, everything is so perfect atm I don't want to bring it up.
    If anyone has any advice, or reassurance, or anything they want to say, please do.
    It does sound like a difficult situation. I was with my bf for a year and a bit before he went off to uni two and a half hours away, and I'll be starting an intense six year course this year, albeit with short terms but also with heavy amounts of work placements in the holidays. It is seriously depressing thinking about the amount of time it'll be before this won't be a LDR anymore.

    The only advice I can really give is to be honest about your concerns with him, talk it through and go from there. I know how it feels not to want to ruin how great everything is by talking about it, but it honestly helped me.
    I'd say that, if you are both committed to it, staying together is definitely worth a shot - even if it doesn't work out, it's better to have tried it than to always wonder whether or not it would have worked out.
    Good luck xxx
    • #510
    #510

    (Original post by Kysa)
    It does sound like a difficult situation. I was with my bf for a year and a bit before he went off to uni two and a half hours away, and I'll be starting an intense six year course this year, albeit with short terms but also with heavy amounts of work placements in the holidays. It is seriously depressing thinking about the amount of time it'll be before this won't be a LDR anymore.

    The only advice I can really give is to be honest about your concerns with him, talk it through and go from there. I know how it feels not to want to ruin how great everything is by talking about it, but it honestly helped me.
    I'd say that, if you are both committed to it, staying together is definitely worth a shot - even if it doesn't work out, it's better to have tried it than to always wonder whether or not it would have worked out.
    Good luck xxx
    I think we're doing the same course from your profile :P well I'm 5 years but you get me...

    Thanks so much, that's made me feel better, need to have a chat when I see him properly next. But you're right we should probably give it a shot.
    Thank you xxx
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think we're doing the same course from your profile :P well I'm 5 years but you get me...

    Thanks so much, that's made me feel better, need to have a chat when I see him properly next. But you're right we should probably give it a shot.
    Thank you xxx
    Yeah I sort of figured but didn't want to guess in case I was way off.
    Good luck! Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk xx
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Hi guys, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now, he moved 200 miles away in September for uni and even though we love each other to bits, we are always miserable because of the distance between us.
    On valentines day after skyping for 3 hours he said that he doesn't want to talk to me for a while as talking to me just reminds him that I'm not there. But I need the communication, as to all LDRs, I am trying to give him the space he needs and haven't spoken to him since then, but how can we stay together if he stops trying when it gets hard? He didn't even open the valentines day card I sent him and I just have no idea on how to make him see that he needs to try in order to make the relationship work. I just feel like I'm the only one making a real effort-and I have told him this, he gets better at talking for 2 weeks and then goes back to being really sad and moody, and takes it out on me.
    I'm just at a loss of what to do really.
    We are both very open about how hard we find it, and are both aware that we stay together because we can't live without each other, even if being together makes us sad all the time. And it's only going to get harder, I'll probably to going to a uni which will increase the distance between us and he is studying medicine so it will be a LONG time before we can ever live together.
    I just need some impartial advice as I have no idea how to make him see that he isn't behaving how he should be if he wants us to work.
    • #510
    #510

    (Original post by Kysa)
    Yeah I sort of figured but didn't want to guess in case I was way off.
    Good luck! Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk xx

    (Original post by redcider5)
    Hi guys, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now, he moved 200 miles away in September for uni and even though we love each other to bits, we are always miserable because of the distance between us.
    On valentines day after skyping for 3 hours he said that he doesn't want to talk to me for a while as talking to me just reminds him that I'm not there. But I need the communication, as to all LDRs, I am trying to give him the space he needs and haven't spoken to him since then, but how can we stay together if he stops trying when it gets hard? He didn't even open the valentines day card I sent him and I just have no idea on how to make him see that he needs to try in order to make the relationship work. I just feel like I'm the only one making a real effort-and I have told him this, he gets better at talking for 2 weeks and then goes back to being really sad and moody, and takes it out on me.
    I'm just at a loss of what to do really.
    We are both very open about how hard we find it, and are both aware that we stay together because we can't live without each other, even if being together makes us sad all the time. And it's only going to get harder, I'll probably to going to a uni which will increase the distance between us and he is studying medicine so it will be a LONG time before we can ever live together.
    I just need some impartial advice as I have no idea how to make him see that he isn't behaving how he should be if he wants us to work.
    What is it with our course and LDR!
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    Hello everyone! I finally need some LDR advice from you superheros in LDR relationships. I am normally the one giving advice considering my balanced and loving relationship but this morning I feel kinda torn so I decided to drop a line here.
    Okay, so boyfriend and I have been together for a year and truth to be told it's been great. We live in different time zones (I am two hours ahead) and manage to see one another every 3 to 5 months. Thankfully, this will change in September as I am moving to Britain for university.
    Let me go straight to what's making me feel a bit uneasy before writing some more irrelevant stuff about our relationship. Boyfriend went to a birthday party last night which I don't mind as he rarely does and besides I'd want him to have a good time. I texted him to tell him that - I am heading to bed, hope he is having a good time and that I love him - at midnight my time (10pm his time) and he didn't text me back until 2am my time, the part that's worrying me the most is that he basically said - Still at the party love. Hope you are having a peaceful sleep. xo - no I love you, not even a trace. I think I am being a bit paranoid for no reason but it's just not like him. Should I raise a question and tell him it seemed a bit weird to me or just let it go? Thanks ladies, I do realize I might sound like a crazy person right now LOL
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 68beats)
    Hello everyone! I finally need some LDR advice from you superheros in LDR relationships. I am normally the one giving advice considering my balanced and loving relationship but this morning I feel kinda torn so I decided to drop a line here.
    Okay, so boyfriend and I have been together for a year and truth to be told it's been great. We live in different time zones (I am two hours ahead) and manage to see one another every 3 to 5 months. Thankfully, this will change in September as I am moving to Britain for university.
    Let me go straight to what's making me feel a bit uneasy before writing some more irrelevant stuff about our relationship. Boyfriend went to a birthday party last night which I don't mind as he rarely does and besides I'd want him to have a good time. I texted him to tell him that - I am heading to bed, hope he is having a good time and that I love him - at midnight my time (10pm his time) and he didn't text me back until 2am my time, the part that's worrying me the most is that he basically said - Still at the party love. Hope you are having a peaceful sleep. xo - no I love you, not even a trace. I think I am being a bit paranoid for no reason but it's just not like him. Should I raise a question and tell him it seemed a bit weird to me or just let it go? Thanks ladies, I do realize I might sound like a crazy person right now LOL
    correct.

    my guess was that the party was so busy that he didn't have time to check his phone and when he did he just gave it a quick reply without thinking to much.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by blue n white army)
    correct.

    my guess was that the party was so busy that he didn't have time to check his phone and when he did he just gave it a quick reply without thinking to much.
    Truth to be told, this was my guess as well. Thanks!
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 9, 2013
Poll
Have you ever experienced bullying?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.