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    hi all,
    gay man here going to london for a master program in fall 13.
    i have had a bf for the last 2 years. we have been going through good and bad times like everybody. now, we are facing me going away for a year.
    i have different thoughts 1) i'm young (24yo) and wants to have fun 2) i love him and i am willing to commit. when we go through good time i feel i want to commit to this relationship and try this LDR. however, when we go through bad times (which is more common lately) i just want to give up and be young.

    opinions are very welcome.

    thanks!
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    (Original post by diemelvas)
    hi all,
    gay man here going to london for a master program in fall 13.
    i have had a bf for the last 2 years. we have been going through good and bad times like everybody. now, we are facing me going away for a year.
    i have different thoughts 1) i'm young (24yo) and wants to have fun 2) i love him and i am willing to commit. when we go through good time i feel i want to commit to this relationship and try this LDR. however, when we go through bad times (which is more common lately) i just want to give up and be young.

    opinions are very welcome.

    thanks!
    Hi there
    Have you considered that going through bad times more often lately might be related to the stress caused by you leaving? It could be that you're both stressed and need to sort this out first.

    LDR means commitment, patience, will to set aside some time on a daily basis to stay in touch with each other, keep each other's mood up and support each other, but leave each other space to live your lives and get the full uni experience (which also means not getting upset/regretful when the other goes out to have fun and you're home alone).
    And of course, trust, A LOAD OF TRUST, and it can be particularly difficult if your OH is an outgoing, funny person who makes friends easily.
    Finally, you need to be ready to plan each other's visits (helps a lot to see when you'll see them) and be ready to sacrifice some fun to set the money aside.

    You can be young and have fun even if you are in a LDR. But of course, if you're not feeling committed and want to fool around and sleep with other people, then don't even start an LDR and spare yourself/yourselves ves the pain.
    My two cent's
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    aww
    thanks for your time and words!
    i love your post!
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    (Original post by diemelvas)
    hi all,
    gay man here going to london for a master program in fall 13.
    i have had a bf for the last 2 years. we have been going through good and bad times like everybody. now, we are facing me going away for a year.
    i have different thoughts 1) i'm young (24yo) and wants to have fun 2) i love him and i am willing to commit. when we go through good time i feel i want to commit to this relationship and try this LDR. however, when we go through bad times (which is more common lately) i just want to give up and be young.

    opinions are very welcome.

    thanks!
    Oh, I know all about the bad times being more common at times... But really, that is often just a phase, no matter how long. I'm turning 18 in a couple of months and will have been with mine for 2 years come september (when I leave). I know what you mean about wanting to be young and everything, that really differs from person to person, I know I thought that, but seeing as my boyfriend is pretty much all I'd want from a serious partner, I'm happy to keep it that way.
    I suppose what you really need to think about is whether you can see yourself staying with him or if you're still wanting more, after all, you're still young.
    Also something I thought of the other day - who says having fun has to mean multiple partners? If you can have a great time with your boyfriend and have a best friend in him too, that's all anyone can ask for really
    Best of luck to you both!
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    (Original post by Caits7)
    Oh, I know all about the bad times being more common at times... But really, that is often just a phase, no matter how long. I'm turning 18 in a couple of months and will have been with mine for 2 years come september (when I leave). I know what you mean about wanting to be young and everything, that really differs from person to person, I know I thought that, but seeing as my boyfriend is pretty much all I'd want from a serious partner, I'm happy to keep it that way.
    I suppose what you really need to think about is whether you can see yourself staying with him or if you're still wanting more, after all, you're still young.
    Also something I thought of the other day - who says having fun has to mean multiple partners? If you can have a great time with your boyfriend and have a best friend in him too, that's all anyone can ask for really
    Best of luck to you both!
    hey! awesome post! finally somebody who understands me hahaha its hard to be commited to a long term relationship especially at our age. relationships are hard work but worth it at the end.
    i hope yours is going pretty well. are u in london?
    • #514
    #514

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year, and I'm worrying about how hard it'll be when we both go to uni. Chances are I'll be going Newcastle, and she'll be in Birmingham. I want to stay with her, but I think that it'll be really difficult. I don't think we'll be visiting each other much, as the workload will be tough for us both. I'm worried that it's not going to work out, no matter how much we both want it too Is it worth staying in a LDR, and what can you do to make it easier?

    Thank you to anyone who read this!!
    I've been in a LDR since the start of uni. Now in my final year. We're in different parts of the country. Takes us around 3 hours to get to each other, which is a similar distance between b'ham and Newcastle.

    A LDR is not easy, there's no way around it. It will be tough. During first year, it was heartbreaking when I first started uni, and it continued to be heartbreaking every time we said goodbye after visiting. We visited each other every 2-3 weeks.

    I didn't want to be long distance, but my boyfriend didn't want to let me go. So we gave it a go. It was hard, there were a lot of arguments everytime one of us couldn't get hold of the other, when facebook photos surfaced of nights out. But by second year, things got MUCH easier. It became routine to just see each other once a fortnight, and then spend all of Christmas/Easter/summer back together.

    Me and my boyfriend had been together for about 8 months when we started our LDR.

    If you love this girl, then fight to stay with her. It's better to give it a go and perhaps it won't work out, rather than just letting go of her without trying.

    It's not going to be easy anytime soon, but it does get easier. Just make sure you have things to do while she's not around cause trust me, there will be nothing worse than sitting around missing your other half.

    And maybe arrange an hour every few days where you skype. Timetable it in so that you KNOW that you can definitely get hold of them at that point. Make sure you keep in touch regularly, but don't suffocate the other. And be patient, it's hard when you feel as though you can't get hold of someone, but there is always a perfectly reasonable explanation.

    Good luck and I really hope you make the right decision for both of you.
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    I'm in an ldr too me and my boyfriend had been together three nearly four years before I left for uni in September.
    I drive back every weekend to see him which causes lots of arguments! Aha.
    I find because I see him every weekend he gets a bit complacent and doesn't really make an effort to do anything or make it special when he see's me how can I change that?




    Posted from mars
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    (Original post by charliiy)
    I'm in an ldr too me and my boyfriend had been together three nearly four years before I left for uni in September.
    I drive back every weekend to see him which causes lots of arguments! Aha.
    I find because I see him every weekend he gets a bit complacent and doesn't really make an effort to do anything or make it special when he see's me how can I change that?




    Posted from mars
    Tell him or see him less? i didnt even see my boyfriend every weekend when i was home :P
    • #515
    #515

    Hey all...
    So i'm 6 months into my year abroad and thankfully I get to see the other half quite a bit from now until I come back to the UK for good so i'm feeling pretty happy about that but I wanted your opinions on something...is it normal to have doubts about your relationship purely because it's long-distance? As in, does is mess with your heads too sometimes? haha.
    We've been together over 3 years and the first couple of years were absolutely amazing but then I guess we started to have the year abroad hanging over us and maybe I kind of subconsciously started trying to find faults with him because I didn't want to miss him too much! We were still happy but every now and then I would get a little niggle.
    Now I think there are a few things going on...1) I've been feeling pretty lonely here and and worried that i'm gonna be too dependent on him when I go back to the UK (especially cos a lot of friends will have moved on). I want to be with him for the right reasons 2) After a good few weeks away sometimes I start to forget how I feel when i'm with him and what I love about him, sounds bad but skype isn't always the same, how do you work out what you really feel?! I know that I love him as a friend 100% but how do you determine your romantic feelings? 3) I think i've become a bit less physically attracted to him over time and as we've both changed (however I definitely don't find him unattractive and it's partly to do with how familiar he is to me now, even after time apart). I still think he has an amazing personality and I can't imagine clicking with anyone like I click with him. 4) Due to all these conflicting thoughts sometimes I get really nervous about seeing him, 'how will I feel?' etc. To the point where he came to visit me one time over a month ago and it took me a good couple of days to adjust to him being here and I think i'd actually convinced myself that I wouldn't be attracted to him anymore. To put this in perspective the last time I saw him was amazing and I was so upset to leave.
    So basically...is it normal to feel hot and cold, to have the odd doubt, to be a bit uncertain about being reunited for good?
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    (Original post by diemelvas)
    hey! awesome post! finally somebody who understands me hahaha its hard to be commited to a long term relationship especially at our age. relationships are hard work but worth it at the end.
    i hope yours is going pretty well. are u in london?
    Yeah mine's going great actually, and as for London I'm not sure yet! Trying to decide between UCL and Warwick at the moment, so not sure where I'll be in September where are you going to study?
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    (Original post by Care-Free)
    Tell him or see him less? i didnt even see my boyfriend every weekend when i was home :P
    I've told him how I feel and it just ends up in bad feelings or him saying sorry he will change and then it doesn't really. We've always seen each other every day so it would be weird and pretty boring not to see each other just for the sake of not seeing each other. Everyone says we're inseparable :/ and we live together on the weekends


    Posted from mars
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    (Original post by Caits7)
    Yeah mine's going great actually, and as for London I'm not sure yet! Trying to decide between UCL and Warwick at the moment, so not sure where I'll be in September where are you going to study?
    im going to kings college in london. im excited! i live close to LA. you?
    • #516
    #516

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey all...
    So i'm 6 months into my year abroad and thankfully I get to see the other half quite a bit from now until I come back to the UK for good so i'm feeling pretty happy about that but I wanted your opinions on something...is it normal to have doubts about your relationship purely because it's long-distance? As in, does is mess with your heads too sometimes? haha.
    We've been together over 3 years and the first couple of years were absolutely amazing but then I guess we started to have the year abroad hanging over us and maybe I kind of subconsciously started trying to find faults with him because I didn't want to miss him too much! We were still happy but every now and then I would get a little niggle.
    Now I think there are a few things going on...1) I've been feeling pretty lonely here and and worried that i'm gonna be too dependent on him when I go back to the UK (especially cos a lot of friends will have moved on). I want to be with him for the right reasons 2) After a good few weeks away sometimes I start to forget how I feel when i'm with him and what I love about him, sounds bad but skype isn't always the same, how do you work out what you really feel?! I know that I love him as a friend 100% but how do you determine your romantic feelings? 3) I think i've become a bit less physically attracted to him over time and as we've both changed (however I definitely don't find him unattractive and it's partly to do with how familiar he is to me now, even after time apart). I still think he has an amazing personality and I can't imagine clicking with anyone like I click with him. 4) Due to all these conflicting thoughts sometimes I get really nervous about seeing him, 'how will I feel?' etc. To the point where he came to visit me one time over a month ago and it took me a good couple of days to adjust to him being here and I think i'd actually convinced myself that I wouldn't be attracted to him anymore. To put this in perspective the last time I saw him was amazing and I was so upset to leave.
    So basically...is it normal to feel hot and cold, to have the odd doubt, to be a bit uncertain about being reunited for good?
    I'm having the exact same feelings now with my LDR. I seem to forget how I feel about him, and when I'm not with him I think I'd rather be with someone closer, but then don't think this when I'm with him again. It's upsetting.
    • #507
    #507

    Hi guys, little bit of advice needed. I love my girlfriend very much and she is literally like one of my best friends. I've been having trouble with the whole long distance thing since I came back to Uni after Christmas, my girlfriend came to visit me for a week at Valentines and everything was fine but as soon as she left I went right back to being miserable again. I haven't made it a secret that I hate the distance but it's just lately I've been wanting to end things because I'm finding it too hard. I go home for Easter at the end of this month and I really can't wait to see her and spend time with her but we live a two hour bus journey away so the distance will still be there. I want to wait till Easter to make any sort of decision but I really don't think things will change , even though I hope it will, and I'm scared that pretending everythings fine will be leading her on
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    (Original post by diemelvas)
    im going to kings college in london. im excited! i live close to LA. you?
    Oh I'm from near London, so not too bad for me! I assume your boyfriend's staying over in the US?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guys, little bit of advice needed. I love my girlfriend very much and she is literally like one of my best friends. I've been having trouble with the whole long distance thing since I came back to Uni after Christmas, my girlfriend came to visit me for a week at Valentines and everything was fine but as soon as she left I went right back to being miserable again. I haven't made it a secret that I hate the distance but it's just lately I've been wanting to end things because I'm finding it too hard. I go home for Easter at the end of this month and I really can't wait to see her and spend time with her but we live a two hour bus journey away so the distance will still be there. I want to wait till Easter to make any sort of decision but I really don't think things will change , even though I hope it will, and I'm scared that pretending everythings fine will be leading her on
    Well it sounds like you really really love her, and I genuinely think you would regret it so much if you let her go. However, I understand the distance might make things really intolerable at times.
    What's the situation? Is she at uni too? Where is she and will it still be the same next year?
    If nothing will change next year and there is no possibility of being able to see her more in the future then talk to her, let her know how you feel about it.
    If you can work something out between you, so maybe (if possible) make an effort to see her every other weekend or something, if that's not practical make regular skype dates or phone calls. Skype is my saviour when I'm away from mine ^_^
    Best of luck to you two!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi guys, little bit of advice needed. I love my girlfriend very much and she is literally like one of my best friends. I've been having trouble with the whole long distance thing since I came back to Uni after Christmas, my girlfriend came to visit me for a week at Valentines and everything was fine but as soon as she left I went right back to being miserable again. I haven't made it a secret that I hate the distance but it's just lately I've been wanting to end things because I'm finding it too hard. I go home for Easter at the end of this month and I really can't wait to see her and spend time with her but we live a two hour bus journey away so the distance will still be there. I want to wait till Easter to make any sort of decision but I really don't think things will change , even though I hope it will, and I'm scared that pretending everythings fine will be leading her on
    the way i see it is you feel miserable because you can't be with her in person as much as you'd like to, you can't hug her, kiss her take her out etc. If you dump that means you would permanently be in the position of not being able to do all those things and i'd say that was worse. But that's just how i see it.

    How permanent is the long distance situation? I get really miserable some days but i know it's only for another 5 or 6 months so i can just suck it up and get on with it, i might feel differently if it was a couple of years like this.
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    Hey everyone!
    Boyfriend is going through a pretty rough patch with his family and I feel as if I can't do anything because of all the distance. He feels so hurt and betrayed, my heart is breaking for him every time I see his face on skype or think about what they did. I am giving him all of my love and support but it feels as if it isn't enough at the moment. Thankfully, we will see one another in a month. Until then, I don't know what to do. I feel useless when he needs me the most. Any advice?
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    (Original post by 68beats)
    Hey everyone!
    Boyfriend is going through a pretty rough patch with his family and I feel as if I can't do anything because of all the distance. He feels so hurt and betrayed, my heart is breaking for him every time I see his face on skype or think about what they did. I am giving him all of my love and support but it feels as if it isn't enough at the moment. Thankfully, we will see one another in a month. Until then, I don't know what to do. I feel useless when he needs me the most. Any advice?
    was in the same situation a month back, she's from england but on a year abroad and her grandad died (who lived in ireland) so she was upset and getting stressed over last minute travelling etc.

    I felt absolutely useless sat at uni all i could do was try n cheer her up by whatsapp that was it. You're probably helping him more than you realise though just by being there for him even if it is only via text/skype
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    (Original post by 68beats)
    Hey everyone!
    Boyfriend is going through a pretty rough patch with his family and I feel as if I can't do anything because of all the distance. He feels so hurt and betrayed, my heart is breaking for him every time I see his face on skype or think about what they did. I am giving him all of my love and support but it feels as if it isn't enough at the moment. Thankfully, we will see one another in a month. Until then, I don't know what to do. I feel useless when he needs me the most. Any advice?
    hey, i had the same issue with my boyfriend when he lost his job unfairly and had to go to disciplinary hearings and stuff, just felt so useless sitting up here without be able to help him, i sent him a personalised card off moonpig that cheered him up a bit, you're doing all you can and im sure he appreciates it
 
 
 
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