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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If you love each other so much, how come you're so willing to throw that all away just because you're going to uni? I think you should at least give it a chance and see how it goes! Would you not ever wonder if it could've worked if you didn't even try? You'd just have to get good at planning alternate visits to each other and put time and effort into the relationship to keep it going. I only get to see my boyfriend on average every six weeks due to living in different countries but we just make it work the best we can. It's not guaranteed to be easy at all, but if you do really love him you should at least want to make an effort to keep the relationship going surely? Instead of giving up so easily. Read back on some of the posts here too as it might give you more confidence that LDR uni relationships can work.
    Thanks, I just need someone else to believe in it and tell me this. I don't want it to end and I am fine with visiting and that. I have uni in Scotland and he has uni in Belfast, so our holidays should be pretty much the same.
    And I do believe in, if he doesn't want to try it, he doesn't care so don't waste your time on someone who won't try or who doesn't care

    Thanks for your thoughts and advice
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    Hey,
    I've been skulking around this thread for a little while and thought i should get round to posting something! I'm currently with the most amazing guy; we've been together since October and I've never been so happy Problem is that we both do language degrees and are a year apart at uni, so are facing two years abroad in a row as of this July (first mine, then his). We're going to try and stick together, and I think we might manage - we both trust each other a great deal and have spoken about the future beyond uni - but I'm still scared it might not be possible. We basically live together at uni and the idea of going from that to up to 6 months apart is horrible. Does anyone have any suggestions on how best to stay involved in each others' lives (bearing in mind I'll be in Namibia for the first half of my year, so I can hardly just ring him up!). I really want this to work, but could do with some reassurance that it's possible and advice on ways to cope with such a long time apart. Thanks
    • #529
    #529

    My boyfriend is moving to uni in September. His university is 3 hours away by train. We've been going out 10 months. I'm applying to his university next year when I go ( this has always been my plan I'm not a clingy girlfriend that would follow him).

    What should we do to stay together. I do love him and I'd like to stay with him, well for as long as I can whether that be forever or until the relationship runs its course.
    Do we go on a break? Well until I can move down too? I do trust him, but with work and school and the expense of train/bus tickets I'm not sure how often ill be able to go down or he'll be able to come up.
    • #518
    #518

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend is moving to uni in September. His university is 3 hours away by train. We've been going out 10 months. I'm applying to his university next year when I go ( this has always been my plan I'm not a clingy girlfriend that would follow him).

    What should we do to stay together. I do love him and I'd like to stay with him, well for as long as I can whether that be forever or until the relationship runs its course.
    Do we go on a break? Well until I can move down too? I do trust him, but with work and school and the expense of train/bus tickets I'm not sure how often ill be able to go down or he'll be able to come up.
    My advice? Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Don't think about big decisions like going on a break or breaking up just because the circumstances of your relationship are changing. Just go with the flow and see how being in a LDR goes. From my personal experience you have no idea how it will pan out, including the obstacles that may come along with it, until you try. I don't think going on a break would do either of you any favours. Either decide to not be together if you find it gets too tough, or do everything possible to make it work. You should definitely talk it through and discuss how you'll both try to make it work though. I've realised that communication is so key when you're in a LDR. Good luck!
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    I'm not in an LDR yet but I will be come September. I'm staying in Leeds and my boyfriend, who I've been with for a year and a half, is hoping to get the grades to get into UCLan. He'll be in Preston which isn't too far away but it's still further than I'd want him to be

    I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to prepare for him leaving? I'd love to spend every moment of the summer holidays with him before he goes but I'm a bit worried it will make it more painful when he does go. We're completely dedicated/serious about our relationship and each other and this really is true love. We know it will be difficult but we can get through it. He's the love of my life and my best friend ever and I'm going to miss him more than anything. It's sad how even just thinking about it can evoke such emotions.

    But anyway, yeah, any tips? Thank you in advance
    • #530
    #530

    Been in a relationship nearly two years. In this time she has moved away from me, in the case of to another country- i live in germany, her in england. Our lives were perfect, i got her into so many hobbies and then she lost them, her lives gotten harder and shes started to say she doesnt want a crap summer being jealous of me doing all my hobbies on the weekend. I don't know what to do and i don't want to lose her.
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    (Original post by Sicaspeak)
    I'm not in an LDR yet but I will be come September. I'm staying in Leeds and my boyfriend, who I've been with for a year and a half, is hoping to get the grades to get into UCLan. He'll be in Preston which isn't too far away but it's still further than I'd want him to be

    I'm just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to prepare for him leaving? I'd love to spend every moment of the summer holidays with him before he goes but I'm a bit worried it will make it more painful when he does go. We're completely dedicated/serious about our relationship and each other and this really is true love. We know it will be difficult but we can get through it. He's the love of my life and my best friend ever and I'm going to miss him more than anything. It's sad how even just thinking about it can evoke such emotions.

    But anyway, yeah, any tips? Thank you in advance
    Ah this was me this time last year (We were both in London and he was headed to Manchester in September). Honestly, for me? The anxiety and uncertainty of what was going to happen was worse than actually being in an LDR. Take it one step at a time, try not to worry too much (easier said than done I know). Maybe talk through how you are going to communicate (skype, phone, the odd written letter is quite nice), if you're going to visit each other in term time etc. Otherwise just try and relax and enjoy your summer together (: No 'preparation' necessary.
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    (Original post by Kysa)
    Ah this was me this time last year (We were both in London and he was headed to Manchester in September). Honestly, for me? The anxiety and uncertainty of what was going to happen was worse than actually being in an LDR. Take it one step at a time, try not to worry too much (easier said than done I know). Maybe talk through how you are going to communicate (skype, phone, the odd written letter is quite nice), if you're going to visit each other in term time etc. Otherwise just try and relax and enjoy your summer together (: No 'preparation' necessary.
    I think that's where my problem lies too - I'm very good at worrying about things. We have talked about what we're going to do in terms of keeping in contact (Skype is a definite and the written letters is an incredibly sweet idea ) and he says he'll come home every holiday. I've also worked out prices for train tickets to see how much it would cost to visit him, which thankfully isn't too much, so I'm sure we'll get quite a few opportunities to see one another in term time

    Thank you so much for your advice, I really do appreciate it. And I will try to just take everything one step at a time - I've still got about 5 months before he leaves, might as well enjoy that time instead of worrying constantly.

    Also, if you don't mind me asking, how is your relationship now? I hope you and your boyfriend are still going strong
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    (Original post by Sicaspeak)
    I think that's where my problem lies too - I'm very good at worrying about things. We have talked about what we're going to do in terms of keeping in contact (Skype is a definite and the written letters is an incredibly sweet idea ) and he says he'll come home every holiday. I've also worked out prices for train tickets to see how much it would cost to visit him, which thankfully isn't too much, so I'm sure we'll get quite a few opportunities to see one another in term time

    Thank you so much for your advice, I really do appreciate it. And I will try to just take everything one step at a time - I've still got about 5 months before he leaves, might as well enjoy that time instead of worrying constantly.

    Also, if you don't mind me asking, how is your relationship now? I hope you and your boyfriend are still going strong
    Yep we are still going strong! I'm up to see him next weekend and then the next time I see him after that, exams will be over and we'll have the whole summer. It's a great feeling that we'll have done a whole year LDR. Next year things are going to change all over again though (I'm one year below him so I'll be off to uni myself in October) so I'm a little worried about that but I hope it'll be okay. Good luck! If you trust each other and can find a balance of how often you communicate/see each other that works for both of you, it might not be as bad as you think x
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    (Original post by Kysa)
    Yep we are still going strong! I'm up to see him next weekend and then the next time I see him after that, exams will be over and we'll have the whole summer. It's a great feeling that we'll have done a whole year LDR. Next year things are going to change all over again though (I'm one year below him so I'll be off to uni myself in October) so I'm a little worried about that but I hope it'll be okay. Good luck! If you trust each other and can find a balance of how often you communicate/see each other that works for both of you, it might not be as bad as you think x
    That's great to hear so lovely to know there are successful LDR's as there are so many people who say it won't work out. Very happy for you both and I'm sure you'll be fine when you start uni. Good luck to you too and thanks again x
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    (Original post by Sicaspeak)
    so lovely to know there are successful LDR's as there are so many people who say it won't work out.
    So many people will tell you that it won't work, but honestly if you think that your relationship is worth living through the distance, it is possible. I wouldn't recommend an LDR to just anybody in a million years - it's got to be an extra special relationship. Cheers to you if you've got that!

    Feel free to PM me if there are rough patches, I've been through them!
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    (Original post by canadamoose)
    So many people will tell you that it won't work, but honestly if you think that your relationship is worth living through the distance, it is possible. I wouldn't recommend an LDR to just anybody in a million years - it's got to be an extra special relationship. Cheers to you if you've got that!

    Feel free to PM me if there are rough patches, I've been through them!
    Yeah, an LDR is definitely not the ideal situation but it's simply something we have to face together and I know my boyfriend and I can get through it And thank you very much for the kind offer!
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    Me and my boyfriend (Yes i'm gay) have been together for 2 years this July, he lives in Preston, Lancashire and i live in Hull so it's about 3hours on train. I see him every weekend, and i'm moving to Preston for Uni in September so yeah, whoever said Long distance doesn't work can get ****ed
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    (Original post by KGW)
    Me and my boyfriend (Yes i'm gay) have been together for 2 years this July, he lives in Preston, Lancashire and i live in Hull so it's about 3hours on train. I see him every weekend, and i'm moving to Preston for Uni in September so yeah, whoever said Long distance doesn't work can get ****ed
    So it's been 2 years long distance? That's awesome :3

    I think long distance can work really well! You've just got to try that bit harder... Most people are just too scared/worried to try at first!
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    (Original post by katehlouise)
    So it's been 2 years long distance? That's awesome :3

    I think long distance can work really well! You've just got to try that bit harder... Most people are just too scared/worried to try at first!
    Yeah it'll be 2 years on July 8th You do need to try and make it work at first, then it just...happens. Like we see eachother every weekend then more if we can, so it's just like a normal relationship.

    I think it makes the relationship better too because you build trust much quicker and then you make the most of your time together
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    (Original post by KGW)
    You do need to try and make it work at first, then it just...happens.
    I've had two LDRs in my life, and one of them became a chore to keep up. I made excuses and we drifted apart and ended it after a year and a half.

    The second one was completely different - once, on the train to see him, I suddenly realised that it actually was a LDR. It felt so different, because it wasn't a chore to get on the train, it was just a transient phase to being able to spend time together.

    We've been together five years this August, and our second wedding anniversary is on the 13th August. Just wanted to chip in and show everyone that LDRs are worth it!
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    Get to see my boyfriend tomorrow after 2 long months apart
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    How often you you see you gf/bf? i wanted to get an idea from other people beacuse my bf lives about a 4 hour train journey away £40-£50 return and i see him around once a month am i being a bit stingy????
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    (Original post by n.m0rg)
    How often you you see you gf/bf? i wanted to get an idea from other people beacuse my bf lives about a 4 hour train journey away £40-£50 return and i see him around once a month am i being a bit stingy????
    My boyfriend and I see each other every 2 to 3 weeks which was horrendous at first but now it's normal and I actually look forward to my three weeks of just me, being able to focus on work and seeing my friends I think 1 month is fair enough if you don't have the funds to see each other more often, although 3 weeks is the amount of time I personally recommend as you can take it in turns visiting each other so you only have to pay to visit him once every 6 weeks!
    • #394
    #394

    (Original post by n.m0rg)
    How often you you see you gf/bf? i wanted to get an idea from other people beacuse my bf lives about a 4 hour train journey away £40-£50 return and i see him around once a month am i being a bit stingy????
    It can be between 2 weeks and 5 weeks. Atm it's going to be 4.5 weeks until I see him next - but when I do, it's because I'm leaving uni and moving in with him Ending our LDR! Woo!
 
 
 
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