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    (Original post by BANS2012)
    Perhaps not in those words.
    However, your post doesn't really illustrate a 'positive experience' as such. You have only portrayed what looks like survival of your relationship. And short-term at that. You past posts don't reflect any progression and development of your actual relationship.
    Its all well and good looking to the future though such as moving in together. But I would advise addressing all those issues in your previous posts firstly.
    Most of those issues have already been addressed. The odd thing comes up here and there- we have arguments, problems and disagreements, who doesn't?

    Considering so many people deem LDRs 'impossible', i considder survival of one a progression. It's a development of a positive attitude to difficult situations. We've progressed from being the 'normal' short distance relationship to a long distance one, yet we are still together and stronger than ever before. We've progressed from never talking about the future to discussing the possibility of one day living together. The relationship has progressed on a sexual and intimate level. We've progressed from dating to saying 'i love you', we've fallen in love despite the distance.

    He's my first love, lost my virginity to him 3 months in to the relationship. When we first started going out i couldn't even talk about sex as i was so shy and nervous. We've both become more confident as people since the relationship began. Long distance has taught us our strengths and weaknesses and how we deal with diffculties. Ultimately, despite all the heartache, we've overcome so much and are now an incredibly strong couple.

    If that isn't progression, I don't know what is.
    • #540
    #540

    (Original post by AB25)
    Most of those issues have already been addressed. The odd thing comes up here and there- we have arguments, problems and disagreements, who doesn't?

    Considering so many people deem LDRs 'impossible', i considder survival of one a progression. It's a development of a positive attitude to difficult situations. We've progressed from being the 'normal' short distance relationship to a long distance one, yet we are still together and stronger than ever before. We've progressed from never talking about the future to discussing the possibility of one day living together. The relationship has progressed on a sexual and intimate level. We've progressed from dating to saying 'i love you', we've fallen in love despite the distance.

    He's my first love, lost my virginity to him 3 months in to the relationship. When we first started going out i couldn't even talk about sex as i was so shy and nervous. We've both become more confident as people since the relationship began. Long distance has taught us our strengths and weaknesses and how we deal with diffculties. Ultimately, despite all the heartache, we've overcome so much and are now an incredibly strong couple.

    If that isn't progression, I don't know what is.
    I wish mine had worked out, I thought my relationship was perfect up until three weeks ago sad times.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years; we had a long distance (over seas) relationship for 2 and a half years. I just found out that whilst he was living away from me he cheated on me 5 times hm
    Im sorry to hear that, but I trust him fully. I know that I could be trusting him and he can still do it, but I trust that he won't. I believe he is committed to me and he loves me and so he would never do that, if I'm an idiot, or naive for that then so be it. But I trust him. Not everyone is the same.
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    Hello. Not that anybody cares or that i want to turn this into an examples of a LDR forum. But me and my girlfriend sapphire, have been together for 4 years now, we met on a penpal website called 'interpals' and it just all kicked off from there. We see eachother at least once a month but sometimes its less as exams etc. But i'd like to share my experience and thoughts about a LDR.
    Firstly In my opinion, somebody who has never been in a LDR whom has negative thoughts or concerns about them need to realize how different a LDR is compared to a normal relationship. Sure a LDR may seem like a bad idea due to not being able to see each other, cuddle, kiss, be there when needed etc. But i find and hopefully everybody else does that it could be seen as better? I mean don't get me wrong i'd love to with sapphire everyday of my life and live together, but. I think there is a certain element of it that just makes the whole thing seem allot special and here's some reasons why. 1) You appreciate eachother and are allot more excited to see each other, especially when its not that often. 2) You value your time together more efficiently, meaning that you embrace every minute of your time with one and other. 3) It makes you more excited to see them after you have just got home from seeing them as you know how much you've enjoyed the time spent with eachother. 4) You never or are less likely to argue as you have less things to actually get annoyed about, and the time you do spend with eachother isn't going to be wasted on arguments, even over the phone etc you wont argue as you know that it's worthless knowing that the time you have had is still amazing <<<< (this one might not make sense?). 5) You get to know about eachother in more depth as all you can do is talk to one and other, whereas if they were with you all the time, u'd take it for granted that they're there. 6) You always have something to look forward too, i get really stressed out with exams and coursework just as anybody does but knowing that i'm going to see her just makes it all go away and gives me something to aim for. 7) That spark that is in a relationship (normally at the start) the giddy, hyper stage is just always there, it never goes, never gets boring. 8) You make more memories with photos and videos to be able to enjoy and relive it which just makes you want it all over again 9) It shows how much you care and love one and other, committing and understanding how hard it can be, but knowing that they are always going to commit and be there. 10) Physically seeing each other via skype, oovoo, playtime etc. makes you smile and happy knowing that whats in front of you makes you happy.

    There are just 10 reasons why a LDR is worth doing and worth committing for as it is literally the best feeling ever when you go and see them, know they are happy to see you too! And be honest, does that always happen in a normally face to face relationship?

    And anybody who disagrees obviously doesn't understand a LDR!

    P.S - This is really bugging me! Whilst i was writing that I kept using the phase 'a LDR', but when saying it; it sounds like it should be 'an LDR' but you only use 'an' if the next word starts with a vowel such as; a car, an ant. So if there are any englisg lang. students or anybody who can correct me or tell me I'm write then please say thanks
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    (Original post by BradleyAllison)
    Hello. Not that anybody cares or that i want to turn this into an examples of a LDR forum. But me and my girlfriend sapphire, have been together for 4 years now, we met on a penpal website called 'interpals' and it just all kicked off from there. We see eachother at least once a month but sometimes its less as exams etc. But i'd like to share my experience and thoughts about a LDR........
    I couldn't have said it better myself. I don't think you can judge a relationship unless you're in it. I'm guilty of judging relationships, everyone is, but I keep it to myself and keep my mind open as I could be judging all wrong.

    Also I wanted to keep saying 'an LDR' ...
    I want to thank you for writing that because you put it perfectly.
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    I used to be in a long distance relationship and i mean long! he was in Australia, im in england. It lasted 2 years but to be honest, i was never happy with it. I think that was more just us not being compatible rather than the long distance not working though (although it was certainly a factor). My current partner iv been with for over 2 years and we're barely ever apart from eachother We never argue and still appreciate all our time spent together despite living together, so its certainly not exclusive to long distance relationships - i know we would still make it work if either one of use had to leave for a while though i.e. joining the forces. It depends on the relationship as to whether you make it work or not, long distance or not.
    However, having been in a long distance relationship, i certainly wouldn't ever pursue it again or recommend it (but then thats just me!)
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    (Original post by rachellaa)
    I couldn't have said it better myself. I don't think you can judge a relationship unless you're in it. I'm guilty of judging relationships, everyone is, but I keep it to myself and keep my mind open as I could be judging all wrong.

    Also I wanted to keep saying 'an LDR' ...
    I want to thank you for writing that because you put it perfectly.
    Hahah thank you, glad somebody agrees , and i guess it's 'an LDR', i wonder if its because its an Acronym that it makes it 'an' as because if it were 'long distance relationship it would be 'a' , but anyway.........................
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    I am 18 next month and my boyfriend has just turned 19 a few days ago. I am going to be starting a degree in Bournemouth in Sept whilst he will be starting his degree in Oxford Brookes. We are used to living a 5 minute walk from each other, seeing each other at college, him driving me to and back from college most days and then obviously dates at the weekends and everything. We have been together for 2 and a half years but in February we broke up as it wasn't making us happy any more. However, we have recently ( I mean yesterday!) agreed to try again. We won't be hundred of miles apart when we go to uni but it will still be quite a distance and I am so worried about what is going to happen to us. I am wiling to try hard as I value the relationship greatly but I must be realistic and realise that it is going to be difficult. I will be doing a Nursing degree so it's very full on and I only get about 7 weeks off a year. He is going on a two month road trip in late June so maybe that will help me get used to not seeing him all the time? Does anyone have any advice? I am so worried about what to do. Thank you xxx
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    It is most likely that EVERY SINGLE one of these 'positive' LDRs will end before they can close the distances. How do I know? Because that is what happens with 99.9% of LDRs. I used to think like you do. I had a girlfriend in S.E.Asia, we we did our Alevels together and we lasted 2 and a half years total. We lasted a year at long distance, only able to see each other during the Summer, before things went to ****. After our first year apart she went to uni and immediately lost interest in me. People are fickle. You can't rely on or trust anyone forever, not even those you presume to love you, no matter how strong you think your relationship is. According to several mutual friends who coupled up, while we were together my ex and I were 'inspiration' for them because of how inseparable, committed and loving we were. It will almost inevitably happen to all of you, whether it's 2 months from now or 2 years, you or your other half will almost certainly lose interest.

    In the end it was way more trouble than it was worth. I spent months moping around indoors instead of going out and enjoying myself because of how much she neglected to talk to me, how guilty she made me feel for trying to bring up these issues in our relationship. Not only did it impact negatively on my marks but it completely ruined most of my first year at uni, which is supposed to be the best year of your life, while she was having the time of her life not giving 2 ****s about me, that is time I will NEVER get back. Hopefully you or your other half wont be as selfish as that and will immediately let the other know, when you or they do eventually lose interest.

    My advice? For those about to enter into a LDR? Don't even bother. You are wasting your time and prolonging the inevitable.
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    (Original post by Llewellyn_J)
    It is most likely that EVERY SINGLE one of these 'positive' LDRs will end before they can close the distances. How do I know? Because that is what happens with 99.9% of LDRs. I used to think like you do. I had a girlfriend in S.E.Asia, we we did our Alevels together and we lasted 2 and a half years total. We lasted a year at long distance, only able to see each other during the Summer, before things went to ****. After our first year apart she went to uni and immediately lost interest in me. People are fickle. You can't rely on or trust anyone forever, not even those you presume to love you, no matter how strong you think your relationship is. According to several mutual friends who coupled up, while we were together my ex and I were 'inspiration' for them because of how inseparable, committed and loving we were. It will almost inevitably happen to all of you, whether it's 2 months from now or 2 years, you or your other half will almost certainly lose interest.
    But with all due respect, just because your relationship didn't work out doesn't mean other people's won't. My bestfriend used to be in an LDR, and that didn't work out. But that didn't make me doubt my relationship. It didn't make me think that long distance can't work. I know it can work. You can't tell others that it is a fixed inevitability that every long distance relationship will end, just because yours did.
    It's like me saying all of my relationships with people who live close to me ended really quickly, so don't bother wasting your time because they don't work out. And can I ask where you got the statistic of 99.9%?
    People who have been married for 20+ years, met because they lived on the same street, and then split up because the spark goes and they fall out of love. People fall out of love everyday, distance has nothing to do with it.

    Dont tell me that my relationship will eventually end just based on your relationship. That's wrong to do, everyone's relationship is different and for you to judge everyone else's on yours is ignorant.

    If my boyfriend and I ever broke up, it wouldn't make me exclude the option of an LDR afterwards?
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    (Original post by rachellaa)
    But with all due respect, just because your relationship didn't work out doesn't mean other people's won't. My bestfriend used to be in an LDR, and that didn't work out. But that didn't make me doubt my relationship. It didn't make me think that long distance can't work. I know it can work. You can't tell others that it is a fixed inevitability that every long distance relationship will end, just because yours did.
    It's like me saying all of my relationships with people who live close to me ended really quickly, so don't bother wasting your time because they don't work out. And can I ask where you got the statistic of 99.9%?
    People who have been married for 20+ years, met because they lived on the same street, and then split up because the spark goes and they fall out of love. People fall out of love everyday, distance has nothing to do with it.

    Dont tell me that my relationship will eventually end just based on your relationship. That's wrong to do, everyone's relationship is different and for you to judge everyone else's on yours is ignorant.

    If my boyfriend and I ever broke up, it wouldn't make me exclude the option of an LDR afterwards?
    Read my post. I said almost an inevitability, which implies there are (albeit very very few) exceptions. The statistic is not a real statistic, rather a hyperbole of sorts. It comes from personal experience, though I would be willing to bet quite a lot that the real statistics, should they exist, point to something like that. I know at least a dozen young couples who tried LDR while going to separate unis. Every one of them except my ex and I and 1 other couple broke up before the first semester was through, and they had been together since they were like 14. It remains to be seen whether they can stay together for the next 2/3 years. Take it as you wish. I am not judging all LDRs by my own, because I am aware that it is a simple fact that the vast majority of LDRs, where the couple go to separate unis, end before they get a chance to permanently close the distance. Lastly, it is perfectly fair for me to do this, I am doing all of you a favour by administering a hard dose of reality.

    Looking back through earlier posts, I see that you have had only 6 months experience in this ****. At the 6th month mark (having left the country in June), my ex and I were stronger than ever. However, fast forward another 9 months and she was treating me like I didn't exist.

    I don't mean to sound bitter, and in all honesty I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck, if you are really that strong then my neigh-saying won't have any effect. However,you must concede the fact that statistically speaking, your chances are a fraction of what they would have been had you not been separated by the distance, because believe it or not, distance has everything to do with it, and it takes its toll as time goes by.
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    (Original post by Llewellyn_J)
    Read my post. I said almost an inevitability, which implies there are (albeit very very few) exceptions. The statistic is not a real statistic, rather a hyperbole of sorts. It comes from personal experience, though I would be willing to bet quite a lot that the real statistics, should they exist, point to something like that. I know at least a dozen young couples who tried LDR while going to separate unis. Every one of them except my ex and I and 1 other couple broke up before the first semester was through, and they had been together since they were like 14. It remains to be seen whether they can stay together for the next 2/3 years. Take it as you wish. I am not judging all LDRs by my own, because I am aware that it is a simple fact that the vast majority of LDRs, where the couple go to separate unis, end before they get a chance to permanently close the distance. Lastly, it is perfectly fair for me to do this, I am doing all of you a favour by administering a hard dose of reality.

    Looking back through earlier posts, I see that you have had only 6 months experience in this ****. At the 6th month mark (having left the country in June), my ex and I were stronger than ever. However, fast forward another 9 months and she was treating me like I didn't exist.

    I don't mean to sound bitter, and in all honesty I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck, if you are really that strong then my neigh-saying won't have any effect. However,you must concede the fact that statistically speaking, your chances are a fraction of what they would have been had you not been separated by the distance, because believe it or not, distance has everything to do with it, and it takes its toll as time goes by.
    Wait... Where did you get 6 months from? It will be 2 years in August since my boyfriend and I got together.

    I understand that many don't work out, but many normal relationships don't work out. My boyfriend and I didn't go from living close to living far away from one another. We started out with the distance. So we knew we would have to face distance and all the cons that come along with it.

    Your opinion, and that's what it is, about the inevitability of long distance relationships is narrow minded. Yes there's a big chance that it could all end, but there's just as much chance that normal relationships will end too. Maybe not for the same reasons, but for other ones.

    I had doubt and jokes surrounding the first 6 months of my relationship, but then people then actually realised that we were working out and we do love one another, and actually the distance thing isn't all that bad. One of my best friends is currently in an LDR and will be moving into a uni closer to where the other one lives. I don't know if that was purposeful, that's not my place to say, but they're both coping with the distance fine. I don't know whether its cause she has a positive example as a best friend or not... But they get along so well, they're best friends etc.

    I, too will be moving to a uni that happens to take off an hour of the distance between me and my boyfriend, so in effect we will just be around 1 hour from one another that I don't particularly count as long distance as such.

    I just think that what you said about 'don't waste your time' and such was a little harsh. I think people should let others take the risk, let them experience it, if it doesn't work out then so be it.

    You don't sound bitter by the way, you're just being honest and I respect that and I'm always open to discuss and debate with people about the type of relationship I'm in. It's nothing personal that I have a different view to you and I hope you don't think I'm being a ***** in any manner because I don't want to come across that way. I'm just defending my corner...

    And thank you for wishing my boyfriend and I the best of luck


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    (Original post by Llewellyn_J)
    It is most likely that EVERY SINGLE one of these 'positive' LDRs will end before they can close the distances. How do I know? Because that is what happens with 99.9% of LDRs. I used to think like you do. I had a girlfriend in S.E.Asia, we we did our Alevels together and we lasted 2 and a half years total. We lasted a year at long distance, only able to see each other during the Summer, before things went to ****. After our first year apart she went to uni and immediately lost interest in me. People are fickle. You can't rely on or trust anyone forever, not even those you presume to love you, no matter how strong you think your relationship is. According to several mutual friends who coupled up, while we were together my ex and I were 'inspiration' for them because of how inseparable, committed and loving we were. It will almost inevitably happen to all of you, whether it's 2 months from now or 2 years, you or your other half will almost certainly lose interest.

    In the end it was way more trouble than it was worth. I spent months moping around indoors instead of going out and enjoying myself because of how much she neglected to talk to me, how guilty she made me feel for trying to bring up these issues in our relationship. Not only did it impact negatively on my marks but it completely ruined most of my first year at uni, which is supposed to be the best year of your life, while she was having the time of her life not giving 2 ****s about me, that is time I will NEVER get back. Hopefully you or your other half wont be as selfish as that and will immediately let the other know, when you or they do eventually lose interest.

    My advice? For those about to enter into a LDR? Don't even bother. You are wasting your time and prolonging the inevitable.
    Look, i'm sorry you had such a horrible experience. I pity you, really I do. But just cos it went bad for you, doesn't mean it's going to be the same for everyone else. Yes, it is a huge risk! Yes, it sometimes doens't work! And yes, long distance couples, as with regular couples, can lose interest in each other! Losing interest is not restricted to long distance couples alone.

    Your statement hasn't put me off my relationship at all. Some people are made to deal with long distance relationships, others just can't manage it. And a lot of it comes down to circumstance.
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    (Original post by rachellaa)
    But with all due respect, just because your relationship didn't work out doesn't mean other people's won't. My bestfriend used to be in an LDR, and that didn't work out. But that didn't make me doubt my relationship. It didn't make me think that long distance can't work. I know it can work. You can't tell others that it is a fixed inevitability that every long distance relationship will end, just because yours did.
    It's like me saying all of my relationships with people who live close to me ended really quickly, so don't bother wasting your time because they don't work out. And can I ask where you got the statistic of 99.9%?
    People who have been married for 20+ years, met because they lived on the same street, and then split up because the spark goes and they fall out of love. People fall out of love everyday, distance has nothing to do with it.

    Dont tell me that my relationship will eventually end just based on your relationship. That's wrong to do, everyone's relationship is different and for you to judge everyone else's on yours is ignorant.

    If my boyfriend and I ever broke up, it wouldn't make me exclude the option of an LDR afterwards?
    I agree with this entirely, well said
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    (Original post by Llewellyn_J)
    It is most likely that EVERY SINGLE one of these 'positive' LDRs will end before they can close the distances. How do I know? Because that is what happens with 99.9% of LDRs.
    With all due respect, that is an extreme and specific claim to say the least, and anecdotal evidence/guessing is simply not enough to back it up.

    Can you give a reason why I should take your personal experience/opinion as greater evidence than my own - when I am making a less specific and extreme claim (that some LDRs may work and some may not, as with all relationships)?

    Also, "how do I know? Because *repeats sentiment*" is not reasoning.

    NOTE: You have just directly claimed that it is "most likely" my relationship will end before it can close the distance. And this is because LDRs can't last the standard 3 years of university? Yet I have already been in an LDR for 4 years, so were I doing a standard course, I would have proved you wrong, and I have little doubt that in a year's time I will actually prove you wrong. If we split up now I think to blame the distance would be a little ludicrous.

    Nevertheless, previous experience debating this on TSR(!) leads me to expect that you will simply adjust my relationship (which you imagine to understand better than me ofc) to fit your view, instead of adjusting your view to fit this contradiction. So I don't know why I bother, really.
    • #541
    #541

    I've been with my boyfriend for two months (officially) but It has been nearly 6 months since we have had a 'thing'. He lives 300 odd miles away, and it is hard at times but I love him to bits. However, I lost one of my best friends as a result of getting a boyfriend, who basically tried to ruin my relationship by telling my mum and everyone else, about it. little did she know that by forcing me to come clean she actually helped a lot and my mum loves my boyfriend and lets him stay over at least every three weeks. Problem is, the 'best friend' recently deleted me off fb, blocked me on twitter etc but still tweets about me all the time 'you make me sick' and 'ughhh your so pathetic' etc etc. I know I shouldn't care but it hurts me as well as angers me a lot although I try VERY hard not to retaliate. Its also got to the point where she turned all my friends against me(for no apparent reason) but they are speaking to me now and we are as good as what we were before. It's just her that has the problem? I have to act like its in her hands, giving her all the power and control (which she LOVES) and not tweet/speak badly of her yet she can speak badly about me to anyone and EVERYONE and its okay (my personal life is all over school and for a while she convinced people that I was some massive slut.) I just want to be able to tweet what I like about my relationship, friends etc and not worry about her damn opinion and what she'll go telling people. I'm sick of her making me a constant topic amongst my friends. any advice? Fed up here
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    (Original post by Pigling)
    With all due respect, that is an extreme and specific claim to say the least, and anecdotal evidence/guessing is simply not enough to back it up.

    Can you give a reason why I should take your personal experience/opinion as greater evidence than my own - when I am making a less specific and extreme claim (that some LDRs may work and some may not, as with all relationships)?

    Also, "how do I know? Because *repeats sentiment*" is not reasoning.

    NOTE: You have just directly claimed that it is "most likely" my relationship will end before it can close the distance. And this is because LDRs can't last the standard 3 years of university? Yet I have already been in an LDR for 4 years, so were I doing a standard course, I would have proved you wrong, and I have little doubt that in a year's time I will actually prove you wrong. If we split up now I think to blame the distance would be a little ludicrous.

    Nevertheless, previous experience debating this on TSR(!) leads me to expect that you will simply adjust my relationship (which you imagine to understand better than me ofc) to fit your view, instead of adjusting your view to fit this contradiction. So I don't know why I bother, really.
    Yes. That's all I have to say on that: yes.


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    (Original post by Pigling)
    With all due respect, that is an extreme and specific claim to say the least, and anecdotal evidence/guessing is simply not enough to back it up.

    Can you give a reason why I should take your personal experience/opinion as greater evidence than my own - when I am making a less specific and extreme claim (that some LDRs may work and some may not, as with all relationships)?

    Also, "how do I know? Because *repeats sentiment*" is not reasoning.

    NOTE: You have just directly claimed that it is "most likely" my relationship will end before it can close the distance. And this is because LDRs can't last the standard 3 years of university? Yet I have already been in an LDR for 4 years, so were I doing a standard course, I would have proved you wrong, and I have little doubt that in a year's time I will actually prove you wrong. If we split up now I think to blame the distance would be a little ludicrous.

    Nevertheless, previous experience debating this on TSR(!) leads me to expect that you will simply adjust my relationship (which you imagine to understand better than me ofc) to fit your view, instead of adjusting your view to fit this contradiction. So I don't know why I bother, really.
    You didn't prove me wrong in any way. Why do people always selectively filter out important sections of my arguments? I said it is 'most likely' that every single one here will end. Not that they will all end with absolutely certainty. Sometimes I don't know why I bother, because people consistently use straw-man arguments against me.

    Your relationship has stood the test of time. I concede that your experience trumps mine and that I have no advice to give you of any value. Yours is an exception to what is almost an inevitability (not totally, which I have re-iterated more than once, don't make me do it again or I will not even bother to reply). My guess about all LDR couples here breaking up, which was more of a hyperbolic rhetorical device than a serious assertion that carried the entire weight of my argument, was incorrect. My over-arching argument, however, remains valid. My sincere, heartfelt congrats at your achievement by the way, for you have accomplished something little short of a miracle.
    • #383
    #383

    My boyfriend and I are backpackers who met in Australia in March, and after two months together, he's now planning on leaving in the next few days to go back home to Scotland for good. He's very homesick so I understand why he has to do it, but damn I can't help feeling so miserable about the fact that we'll suddenly be so apart for an indefinite amount of time . I worry I'm just gonna spend the rest of my working holiday and travelling missing him :sad:. But I guess all I can do is keep busy and carry on doing what I had originally planned to do out here, as well as keep in touch with him as much as possible while we're apart. Not looking forward to it much, but the fact that we're both just doing things to make our individual selves happy for now and that we will reunite one day should help me keep going :yep:
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    FFS! That was my post, went anon by accident again! ^^^
 
 
 
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