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    • #552
    #552

    Guys, I'm sorry to barge in so randomly but I have a bit of a dilemma... Currently I am in an LDR with someone whom I've had quite a history with (I won't explain the details unless you want me to) but basically in 3 months time I will be going to university, and it just so happens to be the same university that he is studying at also (I did not choose to go there because of him). His laptop completely died the other day and since then we've not really spoken to each other (aside from a few texts and me calling him to say goodnight every night since his laptop broke).

    Now I don't know if this is just me, but I feel really horrible and down about all this, really bothered that all we can do is text each other but even then we barely text (I'm talking about... 3 texts exchanged per day?) I can't tell if it's me overreacting or not, but I don't know if I can stand the next 3 months barely talking to the guy, I guess what I want to know is what should I do? I feel really horrible about it all because I'm trying to make an effort to keep up communication to a degree since that's all we have and it feels like he's not doing jack all but when I brought it up with him he was like "It's not my fault my laptop broke, I can't really do anything about that" and it doesn't seem to bother him that we basically won't be talking very much for the next three months.

    My main concern is that I will grow distant with him and he keeps saying "We'll be together for real in three months, isn't that good enough for you?" Or "You can't even wait three months?" but the point isn't that I can't wait three months, I can, but I can't wait three months with barely any communication because it makes me feel horrible and I know I will grow distant with him... am I just overreacting guys? T_T I don't know what to do or how to deal with it... it feels like he isn't that bothered eitehr argh. I don't know, I'm sorry ;~;...
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    So after nearly three years in a LDR I can now say there is only one month left for us to be together We're still looking for a flat to move in together but hopefully that'll be sorted within the next couple of weeks. Im sooo exciteed!
    • #518
    #518

    (Original post by Colpejafort)
    So after nearly three years in a LDR I can now say there is only one month left for us to be together We're still looking for a flat to move in together but hopefully that'll be sorted within the next couple of weeks. Im sooo exciteed!
    Not going to lie, I am very jealous!
    • #543
    #543

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Guys, I'm sorry to barge in so randomly but I have a bit of a dilemma... Currently I am in an LDR with someone whom I've had quite a history with (I won't explain the details unless you want me to) but basically in 3 months time I will be going to university, and it just so happens to be the same university that he is studying at also (I did not choose to go there because of him). His laptop completely died the other day and since then we've not really spoken to each other (aside from a few texts and me calling him to say goodnight every night since his laptop broke).

    Now I don't know if this is just me, but I feel really horrible and down about all this, really bothered that all we can do is text each other but even then we barely text (I'm talking about... 3 texts exchanged per day?) I can't tell if it's me overreacting or not, but I don't know if I can stand the next 3 months barely talking to the guy, I guess what I want to know is what should I do? I feel really horrible about it all because I'm trying to make an effort to keep up communication to a degree since that's all we have and it feels like he's not doing jack all but when I brought it up with him he was like "It's not my fault my laptop broke, I can't really do anything about that" and it doesn't seem to bother him that we basically won't be talking very much for the next three months.

    My main concern is that I will grow distant with him and he keeps saying "We'll be together for real in three months, isn't that good enough for you?" Or "You can't even wait three months?" but the point isn't that I can't wait three months, I can, but I can't wait three months with barely any communication because it makes me feel horrible and I know I will grow distant with him... am I just overreacting guys? T_T I don't know what to do or how to deal with it... it feels like he isn't that bothered eitehr argh. I don't know, I'm sorry ;~;...
    Communication is important, and to want to just let it slip for a few months makes it seem like he's not all that invested. Tell him you are waiting for him, but his lack of communication makes you doubt how interested he is and that you'd appreciate it if you could speak more as you miss him. You can't just pick up and drop a relationship whenever it's convenient!
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    My boyfriend finally managed to get on Skype and so we had our first video call together this evening . It was pretty awesome seeing his moving face again and hearing his voice, even if it can never really replace being there in person, it's at least the next best thing to fill those weeks when we're not together. We've agreed on a schedule of Skyping twice a week, which should be a good balance :yep:
    • #553
    #553

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    On average every five weeks... Since last September the shortest amount of time in between visits has been three weeks, and the longest seven. It's usually four-five weeks.
    Hey, may I ask how long you were together before you got into an LDR?? If at all? And how long have you been long distance? And I wish you good luck too, I hope it works out for you both


    And as a general question to everyone, what's the longest time you know of that a long distance relationship has worked for?? I'm sure it's difficult, but are there any inspirational success stories?
    • #471
    #471

    How 'normal' is it to not remember the last time you had sex?

    I know its obviously not going to be as regular as a standard relationship, but we saw each other generally every fortnight, and we've been back home for nearly two weeks. I genuine can't remember how long its been, neither can he, but its been about 8 weeks. We sleep together a lot, and it's not like we don't do anything at all, but I miss the intimacy that comes from full sex too.

    Sex isn't a huge dealbreaker, I'm in no way saying I'd consider splitting over it (if all of a sudden he wanted to wait til marriage, I really wouldn't care!) but I have no clue what's going on! It can't be a physical problem, and I know I'm still attractive to him in that way as that's pretty obvious from just cuddling generally

    We've talked a little, but I'm not really sure what the reason behind this 'dry spell' is. I don't want to initiate in case he says no (I really don't know if I'd be able to take that - normally I'd have no problem, but its been too long) and I definitely don't want him to feel pressured.
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    I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have our own apartment together but I'm moving to go to university in September and just worried about the impact it will have on the relationship. He is 10 years older than me so already experienced the things I am now and he is just being argumentative about me going even though it's only 50 miles away. Any suggestions on what I can do to sort his attitude out? X

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    • #518
    #518

    (Original post by milly1122)
    I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have our own apartment together but I'm moving to go to university in September and just worried about the impact it will have on the relationship. He is 10 years older than me so already experienced the things I am now and he is just being argumentative about me going even though it's only 50 miles away. Any suggestions on what I can do to sort his attitude out? X

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    How old are the both of you?
    • #518
    #518

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How 'normal' is it to not remember the last time you had sex?

    I know its obviously not going to be as regular as a standard relationship, but we saw each other generally every fortnight, and we've been back home for nearly two weeks. I genuine can't remember how long its been, neither can he, but its been about 8 weeks. We sleep together a lot, and it's not like we don't do anything at all, but I miss the intimacy that comes from full sex too.

    Sex isn't a huge dealbreaker, I'm in no way saying I'd consider splitting over it (if all of a sudden he wanted to wait til marriage, I really wouldn't care!) but I have no clue what's going on! It can't be a physical problem, and I know I'm still attractive to him in that way as that's pretty obvious from just cuddling generally

    We've talked a little, but I'm not really sure what the reason behind this 'dry spell' is. I don't want to initiate in case he says no (I really don't know if I'd be able to take that - normally I'd have no problem, but its been too long) and I definitely don't want him to feel pressured.
    So you mean the last few times you saw each other whilst still LD you didn't have sex and you haven't since both being back in the same place? Have you both been stressed due to exams or anything? Have either of you initiated at all or have neither of you initiated at all in that time? I haven't experienced this in my relationship at all yet (both of our sex drives are pretty high and especially when we're together ) but it could definitely be classed as 'normal' depending on the circumstances.
    • #518
    #518

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, may I ask how long you were together before you got into an LDR?? If at all? And how long have you been long distance? And I wish you good luck too, I hope it works out for you both


    And as a general question to everyone, what's the longest time you know of that a long distance relationship has worked for?? I'm sure it's difficult, but are there any inspirational success stories?
    We'd been together almost a year when we went long distance. And been long distance about 10 or so months. Thanks.

    The longest I've known of is about 3-4 years? And still going.
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    (Original post by milly1122)
    I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have our own apartment together but I'm moving to go to university in September and just worried about the impact it will have on the relationship. He is 10 years older than me so already experienced the things I am now and he is just being argumentative about me going even though it's only 50 miles away. Any suggestions on what I can do to sort his attitude out? X

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    Sometimes you gotta be selfish and do what is best for you, if he really loves you then he will support you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How old are the both of you?
    I'm 20 and he's 29

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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Sometimes you gotta be selfish and do what is best for you, if he really loves you then he will support you.
    Exactly! That's why I accepted my place even though he didn't want me to. Just sick of the arguments.

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    • #518
    #518

    (Original post by milly1122)
    I'm 20 and he's 29

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    Oh okay. I guess he just has to accept that you need to do this for yourself, and your future. If he went to university himself as well he should surely understand and be able to accept it. Even if he's finding it hard he should realise that complaining about it etc is just making it harder for you as well. The best thing to do is to be as positive about it as possible as negativity just makes everything so much worse/harder.
    • #471
    #471

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So you mean the last few times you saw each other whilst still LD you didn't have sex and you haven't since both being back in the same place? Have you both been stressed due to exams or anything? Have either of you initiated at all or have neither of you initiated at all in that time? I haven't experienced this in my relationship at all yet (both of our sex drives are pretty high and especially when we're together ) but it could definitely be classed as 'normal' depending on the circumstances.
    At least the last 3 visits whilst LD we didn't, and we've been back a week without. In all of those visits/weeks we've done other stuff, and generally that will just naturally lead on to it. So whilst neither of us have initiated actual sex, we've both started other things so it just isn't going any further. If that makes sense?!
    I was very stressed during my exams, but would have welcomed the distraction We both have high sex drives, and it still feels like it did when we first got together - its just like that in fact (we'll do everything but sex). We never were *that* active in terms of full sex - a couple of times a week at most, but I genuinely can't remember the last time!

    There are a few tiny things I've thought of that could be affected it - but I thought we'd talked about them pretty well. The biggest reason I've come up with is that a couple we're friendly with are expecting their baby soon. It was completely unplanned, with contraception failing, and I think thats freaked him out. Not sure how to get round it though!

    Like I said, its not a dealbreaker, I just needed to get it off my chest! I don't want to whine too much at him, cos the last thing he'll need is pressure, and although we have talked about it I needed another viewpoint. It's really not normal for us, but we're so happy in every other way
    • #517
    #517

    (Original post by katehlouise)
    I know it probably feels like the other side of the country, but I moved 2 hours away and it can work! You'll both be busy, but you should be able to find reasonably priced journeys to either place. LDRs can definitely work, as shown on this thread, so just try to think of the positives!

    I find it helps to just remind myself that after these three years at university (now two!) we will have the rest of our lives to spend together. These years seem like a lot now, but at the end of the day, they are just a small time in comparison!
    Thanks for your reply, it really does help. I think it's just made all the more hard because he is going to be so busy in his final year of medicine.

    I think it's also really hard because I do have the offer of a partial scholarship to do a masters in Nottingham but I feel it would be really unwise to take the masters when I've been offered a good graduate job and worry I might just be doing it for the wrong reasons :/

    Man life is cruel sometimes. I've been walking around like a zombie since I found out.
    • #554
    #554

    Hey,
    This may sound trivial but I just need to get it off my chest. My boyfriend went away on a "lads holiday" yesterday and won't be back until next week, at which point I'll be going to his house for a few weeks. We've texted a couple of times but I really do miss him, and can't stop thinking about him every second of the day. I don't really know what to do to distract myself because I've never missed someone this much before, and I don't want to spend my week moping around because I know he'll be back before I know it and we'll have a fantastic summer. Any suggestions? :confused:
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    Skyping my boyfriend is great, but my god it is agony to see him but not be able to touch him. Fuuuuuuuuu.....

    Does being in love tend to make the distance much harder than not being in love? I've only known him for nearly 4 months, and we've been together for about 3 months now, but our relationship has been quite intense and I feel like I might be falling in love with him. I'm not 100% sure yet though (I've never been in love before) and I don't want to say anything till I am sure, so will definitely at least wait until the next time I meet him in person to confirm how I really feel. I'm even considering relocation 400 miles within the next few months just to be nearer to him, and I know I wouldn't bother doing that for someone I wasn't very interested in. Wow, mixed emotions much! :blush:
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    Is it possible to moan too much to your partner about how much you miss them?

    I feel tempted to send a midnight text to my boyfriend about how I can't stand being so far and having to spend another night without him, but he's already heard how much I miss him and I dunno how much more I can keep going on about it before it becomes less sweet/caring and more irritable/worrying to him, lol. It's rather annoying how both happy and sad, up and down this relationship makes me feel, it's so difficult
 
 
 
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